Knowing (I spoil the whole movie, sorry!!!)

Knowing was not even remotely on my radar three weeks ago. There was no desire until Ebert gave it 4 stars and then my boss saw it and had some interesting things to say. All of a sudden I found myself in front of a movie theater asking for one to Knowing. But what is this movie? Is a Supernatural thriller? Is it a horror film? Is it a family drama? Could it be a disaster flick? Generally speaking I have no idea with a movie operating within a few different genres. This particular movie just refused to be nailed into any genre for too long. However, from the trailer I could tell I would have a problem: It prophesied the end of the world and movies never follow through on that. Therefore, I was going in with the thought that Nic Cage was going to stop the end of the world. No good can come from that!

In 1959 a creepy little girl wrote down a string of numbers that got put into a time capsule. In 2009, John Koestler(Cage)'s son Caleb(Chandler Canterbury) gets that string of numbers out of the time capsule that commemorated the 50th anniversary of that school existing. John and Caleb have an odd relationship, as they are trying to mourn the loss of John's wife, who was Caleb's mother. John is a professor at M.I.T (yes, Cage as a M.I.T professor) who is teaching a class in determinism vs. total randomness. One drunken night, he looks at Caleb's string of numbers and starts seeing patterns in the numerology. The numbers represent dates of major world wide catastrophes and the number of people killed in each event. Not surprisingly, he cannot get anyone to buy the theory, but at the end of the list were events that had not happened yet. Then, one happens right in front of him. An airplane crashes and John believes this list was meant for him, but why, if he cannot change the results? He seeks out the family of the little girl and soon he and his son are joined by Diana(Rose Byrne), the daughter of the little girl in 1959, and Diana's daughter, Abby. It seems these four people are meant to have this list and meant to follow clues. Caleb and Abby are very in tune with these whisper people who show up often to scare the crap out of Caleb and John.

I feel that in order to really review this movie properly I have to spoil the movie. I do not like doing it, but I think one's entire opinion of this movie rests in spoiling it. First off, the first 85 minutes of this movie are worthless. The prologue goes on for far too long and the set up is annoying. I think if it was more focused in the first half, it could have been an excellent movie. However, it tried for scares and tried to be a family drama. It tried to satisfy too much at one time, as if the script was unfinished, but they shot the movie anyway. The acting is disastrous from everyone, but Cage takes the cake trying to deliver lines like "How am I supposed to stop the end of the world?" That being said, something weird happens that kind of turns the movie around.

Once the foursome get together, things pick up. The two adults leave the two sleeping children in the car and go investigate a creepy home in the middle of nowhere. While they are in the house, the whisper people come to visit the kids and it has a very creepy vibe, but not scary, just creepy. The scene cuts back and forth as the adults figure out that the last digits are not 33 but the letter E backwards twice. The cutting gets quicker and quicker and eventually the kids scream, Cage runs out and chases the whisper person. He catches up to the whisper person, the whisper person turns around to face Cage, opens his mouth very wide and a bright light temporarily blinds Cage. From there, you realize anything and everything is possible in this movie. As soon as you realize that, director Alex Proyas proceeds to throw everything possible at you. First off, the religious undertones start getting a bit more overt. Cage calls his preacher father when he realizes the end of the world is eminent. They have this quasi-religious conversation about death and life. Then, the whisper people do some more mojo and get the kids. Then Cage finds the kids, with each child holding a bunny. Then the kids tell Cage they have to go with the whisper people. Cage does not understand at first, but then the movie gets totally bizarre!

The whisper people have a spacecraft (?!?!?) and they shed their human skin and are just figures of muscles and joints. Cage understands what is happening and says good bye to his little boy. As these "Beings" levitate to their ship with the kids, it is possible they sprout wings like angels. It is possible they are Beings from God. After they skyrocket it on out of there, we see dozens of other spacecrafts leaving Earth at the same time. Then the the biggest whopper of all happens: THE EARTH GETS DESTROYED!!!! Knowing actually had the balls to end Earth! And it end with a big sunburst of fire and energy, that moves over the cities like a a literal heat wave. EVERYONE DIES!!! How freaking awesome is that?? Oh the effects of the demolition are stupendous too. For the close of the movie we see the two little kids and the two bunnies dropped off on a new Earth, where they run to a giant Tree of Life.

Your opinion of this movie will rest with your ability to just go with it. I think everyone will like the plane crash and the scene of Cage trying to find survivors, which was done in one pretty breathless take. The subway crash has a really cool shot that will amuse people and the demolition of Earth stuns, but if you cannot buy into aliens or angels suddenly appearing to take children and animals to a new planet, you will hate the movie. You will be disgusted. What I liked about the whole thing is how almost ambiguous it is. You can buy the theory that they are aliens and therefore, God has nothing to do with anything and higher intelligences control our actions and determine our fates. However, you can see them as angels doing God's work. I think Knowing succeeds in having it both ways. There is comfort to the characters in believing in God and heaven. So it is easy to make a case for that. The movie leaves the audience with more questions than answers, but that is not necessarily a bad thing, is it?

I know four people who have seen Knowing and all four of them had vastly different reactions. That is the kind of world in which this movie is operating. I imagine college philosophy and religion professors are going to get their hands on this movie and show it to students and college students will study it. Alex Proyas has made a living of doing dark movies about humanity. Knowing is not as dark as Dark City or The Crow and it is not as tight or coherent as I, Robot, but there is something very interesting about it. I want to see the movie again, but I want to skip the first half. I just do not think that is possible until it comes out on video.

Final Grade: B-

Television recap (Mar. 22-28)

Okay a minor tweaking again. This time my top 10 will be in order of awesomeness.

10. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles- After about a month of seriously bad episodes, the show got itself back on track with a cool episode that mixed a bit of fantasy (happiness with Charley and the dog) with a whole lot of untrusting behavior. Add to that, the mythology forwarding revelation that another A.I exists, a shoot out and Cameron tearing a fence in half and you have the return of Terminator. It is a welcome return, but is it too late?

9. Scrubs- I always like it when the inner voices are people other than the main folks. This week the interns got the inner voices and Jett Jackson gets the win. The main story was kind of cool, I guess, but mostly I liked hearing the thoughts of the interns. I honestly believe this show could survive with the new batch of people, but am kind of glad it will not be. My favorite intern is the tough girl. She cracks me up with her awful bedside manner.

8. Chuck- Chuck is on its game these days! The mythology gets broader and the action gets awesomer! Chuck was messaged by the mysterious Orion who may be able to help Chuck get the thing out of his and allow him to live a normal life again. The big reveal was that the Government does not want the thing out of Chuck's head!! Chuck has become too important and they want him to figure out how to be a real spy! A lot of people liked the B plot but for me, this was all about A plot and A plot freaking ruled. There was even a fist fight and a gun fight and Casey awesomeness. Sarah needs to stand up for Chuck, dammit!

7. How I met your Mother- This show is at its best when it mixes an A plot of semi reality and a B plot of total absurdity. This week's B plot was the ultimate is absurdity. Robin once had sex with a celebrity in a weird position that can be found on Canadiansexacts.org. the names of the sex acts are hilarious and the website, which is up and semi-running is super hilarious. Oh HIMYM, you slay me with your Canada jokes and your dirty sex talk. Plus, anytime Robin is talking about sex is good in my book.

6. Grey's Anatomy- I think we had to have the goofy ghost sex plot to get here. And here is a good place to be. Everyone is getting the chance to act and do some awesome work. The opening was frightening and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder plot is actually turning out to be good for the show. I find that soldier stories often feel heavy handed, but this is totally working for me. Kevin McKidd rules and I hope he sticks around for a very long time. Also, McDreamy's non-proposal was excellent in the realm of the show. I mean proposing in an elevator! Perfect!

5. Reaper- This show gets the award for most interesting mythology forwarding. First, the Devil has another son. Second, the Devil is considering grooming Sam to rule with him instead of the other son. Third, Sam's dad is not actually dead, well sort of. He looked kind of zombieish. This episode really moved things forward, while staying true to the comedy aspect, as Ben tries to figure out sex with his demon girlfriend. I really enjoyed the realization that the three friends do not really have the kind of skills needed to do the things they find ways to do. It provided a very winking moment.

4. Lost- I was a bit underwhelmed this week, minus two things. First, Sayid drugged. Sayid is always such a cool cool customer underplaying every moment and watching him high as a kite was entertaining, especially because he could still say the creepy guy used exactly the right dosage. I liked him going all John Locke and predicting death for everyone. Then, of course, the cliffhanger. I know that it will be undone by the magic of the Island because it cannot happen, but how awesome and tragic was it to see it happen. I was not sure Sayid really had it in him. I kind of like this first season throwback episode of a straight flashback, or flash forward because of the time switching. Eh, whatever!

3. Dollhouse- Joss finally found a way to throw some comedy into this show. I do not think the show needs it to survive, but after last week's craziness, it was nice to see. Also, we got more back story and an idea of how Dollhouse gets new dolls. Topher and the big boss lady on a strange drug trip highlighted the comedy and Eliza Dushku in thigh high socks and a pink pleated skirt highlighted, well Eliza Dushku's hotness. I like that the show is building on the momentum of last week's game changer and it remains pretty interesting. Plus, it gave everyone a chance to do something totally different. I like that every time the show came back from commercial break we started in a flashback to figure out what exactly happened, but mostly I liked that Joss brought the funny.

2. Supernatural- Like Dollhouse, Supernatural brought the funny this week. This is consistently one of the best shows on television because, like Buffy before it, the supernatural aspect lends itself to pretty much anything they want to do. Last week was so dramatic and intense, I liked having a week of funny. The brothers appear to be in an alternate reality where they do not know each other and are corporate dweebs. There were tons of in jokes and old school Supernatural brother things to make this episode fun. Plus, the Ghost Facers (Supernatural's version of ghost hunters) were back bringing some seriously funny moments as they teach the brothers how to kill a ghost. The episode was super bright and a very interesting departure. Plus, the two guys once again show a great deal of range in acting.

1. 24- Jack did something I have not really seen him do much of in 7 seasons. He changed his plan to go back and save someone. Jack is the ultimate believer in sacrificing a little to save a lot, but I think 7 days of watching people die finally go to him. Keifer played the moment with brilliance and it led to a super kick ass gun fight, which is ultimately what matters. This episode really caught me by surprise, especially the final 10 minutes. Jack may have made the ultimate sacrifice to save humanity and it might have just backfired on him. A good guy captured, Jack coughing and the bay guys got the weapons. I cannot wait to see what comes next!

I did not include Friday Night Lights this week because I wanted to single something out of the show and give it a space alone:

Zach Gilford- Zach plays Matt Saracen on this show. He is phenomenal. He is 26 but plays a high school senior very realistically. His character has a dad in Iraq, a mom who until recently was non existent and he lives with his grandmother. His grandmother suffers from Alzheimer's and Matt takes care of her. He just lost the starting QB job as well. Every week he breaks my heart. He is soft spoken, but commands attention on screen. The kid, like so many on the show, has the goods to be something big and I am definitely keeping my eye on him. You really should be watching this show!

Avenue Q

Before I really go in on this, I have to say that this is only my second Broadway Series show ever and my first one, Guys and Dolls, turned out to be so bad, my expectations for this were pretty low. That being said, I was excited to see it. Ever since I first heard the show, I knew I needed to see it.

On Avenue Q everyone is having a rough time. Brian (Cullen R. Titmas) cannot find a job, his wife, Christmas Eve (Sala Iwamatsu) cannot keep clients as a therapist. Kate Monster (Anika Larsen) is adorable, smart and sweet but does not have a boyfriend. Then, Rod (Robert McClure) and Nicky (David Benoit) are roommates and best friends, but they are constantly fighting. Then Princeton (Robert McClure) moves in and joins in the misery as a recent college grad without a job. Oh and Gary Coleman (Danielle K. Thomas), yes that Gary Coleman, is the Super at the apartment complex where all of these crazy people live. Soon, Kate likes Princeton and Princeton likes Kate, but his purpose gets in the way. Rod might be gay, but he is hiding in the closet and it causes problems with Nicky. It would probably be wise to tell you that a few of these characters are puppets and some of those puppets are considered monsters. Also, Trekkie Monster lives upstairs and only cares about porn.

First, I have to talk about the things that bugged me. First off, I am sure this is how it is supposed to go, but having Rod and Princeton voiced by the same person was horribly annoying. It works until they are both on stage and the guy voicing Rod is on the other side of the stage from the Rod puppet. I know the character is the point, not the puppeteer, but I found the whole thing to be far too distracting. McClure does an excellent job at both parts, but the constant switching of puppets and hearing the voice elsewhere was almost too much for me to handle. Secondly, Titmas' Brian was so dull and laid back, he did not belong on the stage. I get that Brian is this slacker, easy going guy, but I still need energy in order to care one bit. Brian does not have to have a super strong voice, which this guy did not have, but he has to have life. Thomas, as Coleman, had breasts that were just too big for this person to even possible be considered a guy. They were not hidden well in the overalls. Thomas did fine, if a bit grating, but the big bouncy breasts certainly made it clear that Coleman was being played by a woman. Finally, the music was over powering in spots, especially when Thomas was singing as Coleman.

Everything else is all gravy. First off, McClure does a phenomenal job portraying two very different personalities. His Princeton is lovable, interesting and a bit pathetic and his vocals match the personality. His Rod is picture perfect. He plays him more buttoned down than I would have imagined and just enough of a lisp to hint at being gay and then when he finally lets loose, wow, it is hilarious. I like that each character gets a very distinct singing voice, with the Rod character coming off a bit more impressive. Larsen's Kate is very funny and touching. "There's a fine line" is a great song and great moment, only ruined by the dumb girl behind me giggling through the whole song. Iwamatsu's Christmas Eve nearly stole the show. I was worried I would not be able to understand anything out of her mouth, but she was clear enough to make it super funny and when she sang "The More you Ruv Someone" I was totally with it. Beonoit, doing triple duty as Nicky, Trekkie and a bad idea bear, is probably the most impressive, in terms of voice work because all 3 of his characters are vastly different and he does very well with all three.

The bad Idea Bears were a big treat for me. I had no idea what they were and they really added a nice element to the Sesame Street vibe. Also, the use of a television like a word of the day added a nice comic touch. I like that almost every first act song ends in a big cheesy pose, especially during numbers like "Every one's a little bit Racist." Every single song worked in this production and the choreography was perfectly simple, which was good because a few of the actors could not dance a lick. The stationary set was impressive looking, and offered a few nice surprises, like the rocket ship beds during Rod's very touching and kind of silly dream song.

The idea of using a kid's show as the framing device for the show, of course, mines greater laughs out of songs like "The Internet is for Porn" or "You can be as loud as the Hell you Want," but what makes the show great to me is the idea of the show being squarely aimed at people in the mid to late 20s. I love that they use puppets, a memory of childhood, to work through their 20s issues. Songs like "I wish I could go back to College" or "What do you do with a B.A. in English" offer a nice insight into the writers and offer a great perspective to so many people going through that at that age. The puppets seem like merely a gimmick and they do offer plenty of gimmickry (The puppet sex is freaking hilarious and amazing beyond belief), but they are more than a gimmick, they will remind anyone watching of a time when life was easy.

This production of Avenue Q sparkles when it is supposed to and made me think at moments too. The voices were all very good, except for 1 and I do not think they let the material get the best of them. I like that they used so many different aspects of the Sesame Street formula, but never did it seem overly childish. The swearing never feels like it was put there just to hear puppets swear, but each swear serves a purpose, usually to cover up embarrassment. Yes, the puppet sex is crazy and over the top, but so is the song that accompanies it and that is what makes it so much fun. I did not speak much about the puppetry because I know nothing about it. I did not have any complaints about the puppet movement, just the the idea of doubling up on voices for puppets, which I know was written that way. I do not back off of my thought that it was super annoying though.

Final Grade: B+

Duplicity

Tony Gilroy has quickly become a favorite screen writer of mine. He is responsible for The Bourne Trilogy and Michael Clayton, which I put in my top 3 movies from two years ago. I love how different those movies are from each other, but how tight and amazing they all are. With Michael Clayton he directed his first movie and he is back doing double duty with this Clive Owen and Julia Roberts movie. This movie looks nothing like Bourne or Clayton. It looked like it had more in Common with Ocean's 11 than anything else. Plus, it brings back the explosive coupling of Roberts and Owen from Closer. Essentially this had everything I could need in a movie: Tony Gilroy, an Ocean's 11 style plot and Clive Owen. Of course, this is often a problem for a movie: My overblown expectations.

Ray(Owen) and Claire(Roberts) meet in Dubai in 2003. They sleep together, she drugs him and steals some files. Ray has been thinking about that ever since. She was C.I.A and he was MI6. Ray is now working for a secret task force trying to steal secrets between two competing skin care product companies. He joined the team late but is the handler for the person this team has inside the offices of the competitor. It turns out the inside man is Claire and Ray finally gets a chance to confront the woman who drugged him after a night of passion. However, everything is not how it seems. Are Ray and Claire playing the two companies off each other to steal industry secrets and sell them for an insane price ($40 million)? Through a series of sexy and fun flashbacks, the story gets pieced together and of course, nothing is as it seems. Ray and Claire spend a lot of time discussing their relationship in exotic places as they lay in bed post sex and everything comes down to trust. Can they trust each other? Will Ray ever get passed Claire drugging in him Dubai? Will Claire ever think Ray is not going to get her back for that? All through it all there is corporate espionage as the two companies are locked in a chess match for superiority.

What Tony Gilroy does here is combine the things he knows with some new tricks. The Bourne trilogy had globe hopping and Duplicity has globe hopping. Michael Clayton had questions of ethics and corporate double dealings and was framed by a flashback. Duplicity is a web of flashbacks and also concerns corporate ethics. However, Bourne and Clayton were deadly serious and Duplicity is big fun. Owen and Roberts are put in great and sexy outfits, with expensive accessories as they saunter through gorgeous locales. The couple has a genuine chemistry and in this film it is played for all kind of sexy fun. I am not sure Roberts is the actress I would have picked for a sexy character, but she makes it work with the help of push up bras and sexy clothes. Gilroy is a very sure handed director, trusting the audience will go with him as he only gives us bits and pieces of the story to keep us interested. Each of the flashbacks offers a new nugget of information as to how we got to where we are when the movie starts and I loved the way the flashbacks came in and out with the cutting and fading of the screen and jumping back into the action.

Duplicity also gets a nice helping hand from Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti as the corporate giants at odds with each other. The title sequence with the two locked in a slow motion fight is pretty hilarious and sets up that this is meant to be a fun movie. Wilkinson is more of a cameo, but Giamatti is used very much in a supporting role and he is always having fun when he gets to play outside the typically Giamatti role of a lovable loser. Wilkinson gets a very nice monologue and he does his classy Tom Wilkinson thing with it, but this movie is won or lost by Owen and Roberts and their chemistry. You have to believe they love each other and you have to believe they could double cross the other at any moment for the movie to work and they succeed on both counts.

The dialog is not as cutesy as the trailer makes it seem, but it is a little cutesy, which I like. I like dialog that is just a bit too clever for it's own good. I like people that say cool things while looking cool and being cool. I enjoy a movie that looks like an awesome vacation with high stakes featuring people who always remain calm under pressure. Gilroy has not used much in the way of wit in his dialog before, except for the part of the devil in The Devil's advocate and sounds good coming from him. I like Gilroy's serious films, for sure, but it is nice to see someone be able to do something completely different.

I do have two complaints though. First off, the main story is about skin care products, which is lame and it makes it difficult to buy into the stakes at times. The main product gets the stakes on track, but until we know what the main product is, the whole thing seems a little too silly at times, for these two people to risk so much on. My second complaint is the ending. I do not hate it, but I do not like it either. I am okay with my expectations being messed with and I am okay with a total fake out, but there was something in the execution of the climax that did not work for me. I understand the movie ends up less about one thing and more about the other thing, but I still was left kind of indifferent.

Those two things aside, the ride was fun. Tony Gilroy is certainly someone I am going to continue to watch for and enjoy and Clive Owen and Julia Roberts make a pretty damn good team. Plus, any movie that has an entire scene dedicated to two characters talking about how awesome Clive Owen is, wins.

Final Grade: B+

I Love you, Man

Entertainment Weekly's website recently took a poll about Paul Rudd. Their thesis everyone loves Mr. Rudd. They were trying to find people who did not love him. By the end of the thing, only 6% of people said they did not love him. Rudd is just that likable actor. he does good movies and he does bad movies, but he is likable no matter what. He is funny, charming and giving as an actor and I just want to hang out with him. I am glad The Apatow Gang has adopted Rudd and given him his rightful place in American Comedy: The Bromance. If ever there was a dude that dudes would want to be best buds with it is Paul Rudd. It would make perfect sense for him to star in a movie about a best friend.

On a side note: I saw this movie on opening day at 11:00am. There were roughly 15 people in the theater and we were all guys sitting by ourselves, probably all wishing to be with our best friend.

Peter Klaven(Paul Rudd) has just popped the question and received the "Yes!" from his now fiance Zooey (Rashida Jones). The problem is, he has no one to tell. He does not have friends. At avery awkward and hilarious dinner, Peter's brother states that Peter was a girlfriend guy. After overhearing his fiance's friends worrying that Peter would be too clingy without any friends, Peter decides to get a best friend. he asks his gay brother(Andy Samburg) how to do it and what follows is a hilarious set of guidelines and an extremely funny dating montage. Peter has no luck on his man-dates, but at an Open House Peter is hosting to sell Lou Ferrigno's(Hulk on television) house, he meets a very cool and honest man named Sydney Fife(Jason Segal). The two become fast friends, bonding over fish tacos and beer. They share a love of the band Rush and spend their days in the Man Cave rocking out and being totally honest. Peter actually feels comfortable around Sydney which weirds him out and he is not sure how to react to it all. Zooey is not sure she likes Sydney because Peter starts ditching her to hang out with Sydney and Peter starts to question things he probably shouldn't.

The comedy in I Love you, Man comes from variety of places. First and foremost, Paul Rudd plays Peter as the most socially awkward person ever. Everything he says is an awkward attempt to be cool, from bad nicknames, to weird phone sign offs, Peter is a bundle of nerves. Rudd is amazing at this and makes Peter just pathetic enough that we feel bad, but not so pathetic it stops being funny. Segal, as Sydney, is out of the usual Segal role. Segal usually plays cry babies and when he shows up in this movie, it ignites with energy. Segal is super funny as the ultimate cool dude. he is chill, honest and very open with what he wants and what he thinks every guy wants. He takes risks and they often pay off. The cast is rounded out nicely with Samburg, J.K Simmons, Jane Curtain, Jaime Pressley, Jon Favreau and the aforementioned Jones. Everyone gets a chance for laughs, but Pressley and Favreau steal every scene as a married couple who seem to hate each other, but use it as a form of foreplay. Their snappy banter is always on point and keeps scene popping.

The second major comedy section comes from the conventional Romantic Comedy moments played for laughs because they are all about straight guys. Peter and Sydney have a MeetCute, Peter has a montage of bad dates and Peter and Sydney have a montage of awesome dates. The friendship causes a rift with the bride to be instead of the bride to be causing a rift in a friendship and there is even a wedding interuption. The whole thing cannot be an accident. It goes to show how much better Romantic Comedies would be if they were rated R and all featured straight guys doing Romantic Comedy style things. It also treats the women with respect. Zooey is a cool, smart and sexy girl and it is easy to see why Peter is in love with her. Jaime Pressley's Denise is a feisty sharp tongued minx who does not let her man walk all over her. These are not always common for Romantic Comedies, where women are often petty and whiny.

Explaining the funniest scenes (The dinner scenes) or reciting the best lines would not do the movie justice. You know what to expect going in and if that is your thing, you will be incredibly entertained. The movie is funny and touching and really makes having a best friend a very important thing in this world. Paul Rudd deserves to be a star and he and Segal have an unbelievably awesome chemistry (check out the Rush concert scene). There is a nice thought brewing in the movie, that to have a complete life, you need a wife, but you need a best friend to talk about things that you cannot say to your wife, because there are things that should not be said. If we could all be so lucky to have best friends like Paul Rudd and Jason Segal.

I also want to mention something that hopefully soon I will not have to mention anymore. Andy Samburg's character is gay, but he lacks the typical qualities given to homosexuals in film. In fact, he a dude's dude. he works out, drinks beer, likes sports and guy things. he just happens to like dudes. I wish the side plot of him searching for a straight guy friend to guy it up with was shown more because it is an interesting concept.

Final Grade: A

T.V. recap (Mar.15-21)

As I said during the first one of these, I will tweak it to find something that works for me, so I am going to try sort of what they do at tvguide.com and do a sort of top 10 moments things, but in no real order.

Also, there are possible spoilers for the shows mentioned which are: Big Bang Theory, How I met your Mother, Terminator, Friday Night Lights, The Office, Supernatural, Dollhouse, 24, Lost and Grey's Anatomy.

1. The comedy duo of The Big Bang Theory(BBT) and How I Met your Mother(HIMYM)- Every week these two shows offer hilarity but in such different ways and this week was no different. BBT brought hilarious nerd humor and Sheldon in the Flash costume was priceless. Then, HIMYM brought the funny with its usual brand of "friend humor." These are people we think we can be friends with and this week the best stuff lived with Marshall's old man night gown. AWESOME!

2. Most Welcome finish- It seems Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles has finally finished telling the story of Riley and Jesse. It is about time! I was quickly losing interest in this show, but the final 15 minutes were great this week and I am so glad to see Riley gone and Jesse banished. Hopefully they can get back on track. I never in a million years thought I would say this, but I want more Brian Austen Green!

3. Best Television parents- Eric and Tammi Taylor on Friday night Lights. I love my parents but if something happened to them, I would want the Taylors to adopt me. the way they handled finding out about their 17 yr old daughter having sex was mature and touching. Kyle Chandler's Eric Taylor is amazing to watch every week and to watch his interaction with Matt Saracen was awesome. These parents have the most obnoxious daughter ever, and they find away to be patient, loving and smart. I really hope NBC works out a way to give me a 4th season.

4. Best disruption of the status quo- Idris Elba showing up on The Office. He probably hates Jim, hates the parties and wants to make the whole outfit professional. He is going to spark a fight between Kelly and Angela and he caused Michael to quit! The Office is always at its best when it is doing something unusual and not like a traditional sitcom and Idris Elba really helped do that and just how good was Steve Carrell at the end of the episode?

5. Best trend of the week- Hand to hand combat!: Jack Bauer goes fist to fist with a bad guy and does ninja like jumps and rolls; Two angels beat the crap out of each other over on Supernatural and Dollhouse uses kitchen utensils to help its kick ass fight. Fists were being thrown with fury this week and I loved every second of it, especially Jack Bauer and his evil counterpart. They were going to town on each other and it is rare to see Jack get beat up, even if it was briefly.

6. Best confrontation- Sawyer and Jack on Lost. This week was not doing anything for me because the time travel is starting to wear on my patience, but then Jack and Sawyer had their intense and awesome conversation. I love the role switching they have done and just how easily Sawyer has turned into a leader. The quiet subtext of these long time foes was outstanding. I do not think Matthew Fox gets enough credit for his Dr. Jack. I am really looking forward to seeing more of these two guys challenging each other.

7. Best breakdown- McDreamy. Grey's Anatomy gets points for finally letting Patrick Dempsey do something other than swoon over the personality deficient Meredith Grey. Dempsey is not going to win any acting awards, but I liked his performance this week. He is so used to just either being arrogant or love sick that he seems to like stretching himself here. The show was losing me, but I am interested to see where this story goes. I love the crazy hair and the sad eyes. sigh!

8. Best Mythology reveal- Supernatural. Dean actually caused the whole thing to be set off while he was in Hell!?!?! The fandom is going to go crazy on that one. Eric Kripke has serious balls. And to have Alastar reveal it with his gross voice and choking on his own blood. Supernatural has never been afraid to put the two guys through crazy hell, but this a whole new level of craziness for the two brothers. This season has been all about the myth arc and this twist is just going to raise the notches a bit.

9. Best Pay off- Dollhouse. Joss Whedon told me to give it 6 episodes and I did. The first five has flashes of awesome and I was willing to give Whedon the benefit of the doubt and damn am I glad I did. Whedon wrote the episode which gave it a touch of humor, but it was all business. We actually got a glimpse at the myth arc, there was a kick ass fight between Agent Ballard and Echo and two nice twists, including one I never saw coming. Totally awesome. The episode really kicked everything up and was cooking on all cylinders. I want to know everything about The Dollhouse now!!

10. Best reality television moment- Making the Band. The group, Day26, signs their brand new contracts while drunk. One is so drunk he can barely stay awake. I hope Diddy totally screws these guys for being that kind of condition while signing incredibly important documents. Awesome.

I know Battlestar Galactica ended this week, but I have not seen the show ever, but everything I have read points me to thinking it was a very bad series finale. It is such a shame when that happens.

Chuck was on hiatus this week, which made me sad. I worry the show is not going to be renewed and am more worried they will not have a chance to tie it up if it is not renewed.

Lastly, I checked out the series premiere of Better Off Ted because it is between Scrubs and Lost. I will probably keep watching it because of that, but the show was okay. I want more Portia De Rossi because she is awesome, but the show has a chance to grow on me.

Dude, Where's my taste?

I think the movie most people would be surprised to find out I love is Dude, Where's my Car?, and I cannot out right defend this love. I would never try and back up my love for this juvenile film with any sort of critical analysis except to say that there is a certain amount of respect I have for a movie willing to throw everything possible at the viewer. I should not at all like a movie that was birthed out of a rejected live action Beavis and Butthead script. I hated Beavis and Butthead as a cartoon and would probably hate it in live action. There is no real appealing part of Ashton Kutcher's on screen persona and the movie has two idiots as leads, which is tough to do. I prefer my slackers to be of the Harold and Kumar type, where they are smart, just unmotivated. Yet, through all of that I find myself cracking up every time I watch it.

To test that theory I recently rewatched the movie to see how it plays to me having not seen it for a few years. I am more than slightly embarrassed that it still gets me. The movie is about two guys who wake up with no memory of what they did the night before and now they are searching for their car to find the gifts they got their girlfriends for their anniversaries. As they walk the streets trying to find the car, they are confronted by a myriad of people who some what help them piece together their missing night. They are being sought after by a band of nerds, hot alien chicks, gay alien dudes, a transsexual stripper, their girlfriends, their boss and a bunch of jerks.

As far as the comedy goes it is very low brow, but not a lot of bathroom humor, or any really. There are a few sex jokes, but it is only a PG-13 movie, so it stays pretty clean, which is a bit surprising these days. Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott make a pretty good team, although I feel like Sean William Scott is slumming it too much here, but he looks like he is having fun doing it, which is a plus. The movie is littered with hot girls like Kristy Swanson and Jennifer Garner and at every turn is another ridiculous scenario that only works because the movie is getting more and more ridiculous and does not operate in a sense of reality. I would never ever recommend the film to anyone, but it makes me laugh.

I know I should never come down on anyone for liking stupid movies if I have this movie in my collection and love it the way I do. However, if your stupid movie features guys getting beat up by ostriches then I will allow you to like it. Stupid comedies are an interesting thing because different things appeal to different people and there are times when people just want to laugh at stupid things, I guess. I am not usually of this mind state but we all have our weaknesses. Perhaps I am need to lay off of the condemning people for liking stupid movies. I do not think it is really that people like stupid movies it is the desire they have to make me watch their stupid comedies. Do not push your weak ass drugs on me, man! Never once have I told someone they should watch Dude, Where's my Car so stop bullying me into watching Grandma's Boy and Borat! yes, I put Borat in the same category as Dude, Where's my Car. The only difference is, Borat, and it's fans, thought they were watching some kind of social experiment, when they were just watching a piece of crap movie. At least when I watch Dude, Where's my Car I know I am watching a piece of crap movie.

I want to leave you with some quotes from the movie that appeal to me:

Chester: How wasted were we last night?
Jesse: Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, we're on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted.

[about the hot chicks]
Chester: Those double-crossing, sexy-sexy sluts!
[starts crying]

Wait a second, let's recap. Last night, we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying.

So is this. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency!

Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
Chester: [opens cupboard] I'd say it's entirely possible.

And my favorite:

Jesse: I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.

Race to Witch Mountain

There are three things that have the ability to fill me with the sense of wonder I had as a child: baseball, dinosaurs and flying saucers. Every time I step into a baseball stadium I feel like a kid and the same goes for dinosaurs and flying saucers. I was obsessed with dinosaurs when I was a kid and what kid did not watch Flight of the Navigator and wish it was them that was flying around in a talking flying saucer? This is the main reason i was excited to watch this movie. The trailer made the movie seem like a throwback movie. It was meant to evoke those childhood fantasies of flying saucers are awesome aliens. it is through nostalgia colored eyes that I went to view this movie and perhaps my opinion was achieved through the fog of memory.

Jack Bruno (Dwayne Johnson) is in some trouble. The kind of trouble is not fully known, but he has been in and out of jail his whole and maybe was a driver for a local mob boss. Bruno is a cab driver and it is alien convention time in las Vegas and he is tired of the costumes and crazy people. Somehow two kids end up in his cab and ask him to drive. The two kids, Sarah and Seth (Annasophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig) have an odd speaking quality and appear to be wise beyond their years. Something is just not quite right. They have wads of cash and Bruno is hesitant, but takes them anyway. he is taking them way out in the middle of nowhere, when they are attacked by a few SUVs. Bruno assumes it is the mob boss, but we know it is actually The Government because the two kids are aliens and they want them. Bruno, being a slick driver disposes of the SUVs with the help of the superpowers of the two alien youth. Bruno follows the two kids as they go underground to find something and the trio is met by a crazy looking alien assassin. After Bruno tussles with the assassin and the trio escape, the kids tell him they are aliens. He does not want to believe them at first, but they show him their awesome powers and he believes. The two kids have to get back to their home planet with some research to replenish their planet before the alien government decides just to take over Earth. From here the trio pick up a scientist, Alex Friedmen (Carla Gugino) and the foursome races to Witch Mountain to find their ship.

With effects that are not entirely up to date, Race to Witch Mountain totally satisfied my desire for nostalgia. The flying saucer is totally cool looking and the alien kids have awesome powers that include mind reading, moving things with their minds and the ability to move through matter, DOPE! The alien assassin's suit is incredible looking and looks like a big guy in a costume. I love that it feels so old school. I was worried the assassin would be all CGI but I was pleasantly surprised. The action sequences which come at such a fast pace give us a nice chase, cool explosions and a ton of gun fire. They also offer an awesome sequence of bullet stopping. It has to be the most action packed PG movie ever. At 100 minutes the action does not have a whole lot of down time, except for brief expositional pauses to catch us up. Tackling his first action movie, director Andy Fickman shows a flair for pacing and young person style of explosions, which add to the child like wonder I felt.

As far as the acting goes, Dwayne Johnson (formally The Rock) shows he is not afraid to be the butt of the jokes, while still being Mr. tough guy. His 5 o'clock shadow and tight T-shirt show him as a manly man, but he is pretty good at playing scared, which is tough to do for a guy whose living was made being The Brahma Bull in the WWE. The two little children are serviceable, with the little girl getting more laughs in her delivery than the little too stubborn boy. For her part, Carla Gugino is far too attractive to plausibly be such a nerdy alien geek, but she plays the part well. She is very peppy and sparks interest in a character that could just be a throw away romantic counterpart for Mr. Johnson. The supporting Government people do their best to be the Government people we all know and love from movies like this and they do not take away from the task, which is to entertain me.

Alien movies typically portray aliens as either kind or evil, and this movie gives us both kinds of aliens. I like that aspect of it. Like any race of people, why wouldn't aliens have good and bad aliens. The movie plays mostly for action, but there are some laughs and Dwayne Johnson proves that he has what it takes to be a charismatic leading man. I do not have any real complaints except Garry Marshall played the crazy conspiracy guy, when it should have been played by someone who does crazy, like Jeffrey Tambor or Christopher Walken. Also, I could have done without the little coda during the credits. It is a Disney movie, so there is a sappy ending with hugs and tears and also being a Disney movie there has to be a dog, which got a lot of laughs from everyone but me, but all things considered, I got what I wanted. I wanted to be reminded of flying saucer movies of my youth and I got that. I got cool alien powers, cool explosions and awesome costumes, so I cannot complain at all.

Final Grade: B

The Last House on the Left (2009)

In 1972 Wes Craven made a movie with the tag line "just keep telling yourself it is just a movie" and that movie was The Last House on the Left. It was a remake of an Ingmar Bergman's Virgin Springs, without the religious undertones. Well, it has been over 30 years so it is time for a remake, never mind the 2005 movie Chaos. Wes Craven is back as a producer and the movie has a lame tag line "If bad people hurt someone you love, how far would you go to hurt them back?" The 1972 version was so brutal with violence that one would think the 2009 version would have to be even crazier, which would be hard to do and still make a point. Now, I never would have seen this movie if the trailer had not been amazing, but since it was, I saw it and so I want you all to see the trailer too.




First off, that song. Oh that cover. Haunting and beautiful and totally working with the images.

After watching this trailer, I had questions and it seems like the director knew all of my questions and answered a few of them in the opening minutes of the movie. The daughter, who in the trailer, is swimming with a bullet wound and seems to be able to hold her breath forever, is trying to be an Olympic swimmer. Case closed. The father, who utters the brilliant line "You are paralyzed from the neck down. I didn't have any rope or duct tape" is a doctor which answers my question of how did he know what to sever. Of course, the end of the trailer is obviously the final scene in the movie, which usually I hate because it makes a movie anti-climatic, but where that moment goes is so awesome, it actually made me excited that I knew a guy was having his head put in a microwave.

The Last House on the Left is an interesting slasher movie for many reasons, but mostly because we are actually rooting for the good guys. Typically we watch slasher flicks to watch Jason, Freddy or Michael kill people in interesting ways. This time we are cheering for a married couple picking off a larger group of bad guys. Also, the first 45 minutes really sets up just how bad these guys are. The rape scene of the daughter is truly brutal, not because it graphically shows things, but because the camera is so tight on the shot and all we see is the girl crying, clawing and we only hear the thrusting. It is nearly impossible to watch, but because they are so bad we find a sense of catharsis in this family exacting their revenge. And, make no mistake about it, these parents do whatever they need to do to get their revenge and the audience cheers when they do. It is weird to care about the good guys and it is weird to watch a slasher flick where we know everyone is actually human.

This is not Saw or Hostel, but there is a pretty large amount of gore. It is not torture porn though. In fact, by the time the parents start going after the bad guys the movie only has about 25 minutes left and it moves very quickly. The shaky camera stuff gets a bit too much, but that is becoming a staple of running through the Forrest scenes. The acting is quite good all the way around, which is rare for a movie like this. Even Monica Potter, typically awful, does a good job, especially in the scene where she is pretending to flirt with the guy who helped rape her daughter. Garrett Dilahunt, as the most crazy evil bad guy is so creepy, but it is not just a one note creepiness. He shows you layer 1 and then delves deeper into crazy and gives you new layers. There is a car crash in slow motion that gives you an idea of what a pinball goes through as the car hits one side against a tree, then another side into another tree before splitting head on with another tree. It is spectacular.

All of that being said, I had hopes for a little more conversation between the parents about the morality of it all. No one would blame the parents for wanting to kill the people who raped, beat and shot their daughter, but the transition is almost too fast for me. I wanted to see more of a gradual build up I guess or just a sentence of hesitation. Maybe the lack of conversation is the point. Maybe the moral black and grey area the movie operates in it is the point. We can never know our capacity for hate, murder and revenge until someone we love is taken from us, or nearly taken from us. if we lived in a creepy house in the woods and the power was out and we were sharing a house with the group of people who raped our daughters, would we not be inclined to murder? Would we not want to hear this evil man bed for his life? Wouldn't we want to put his head in a microwave?

Final Grade: B

This week in television (March 8-14)

Top 5 moments

5. How I Met Your Mother- I love when we get to see college Ted because college Ted is such a douche. This week's episode featured the line "They were douching it up douche style." Really, two of the best uses of the word douche ever.

4. The Big Bang Theory- The 4 nerds are on a train with Summer Glau! Summer is like a nerd Goddess being a terminator and on a Joss Whedon show. The whole thing is quite hilarious. Summer is a good sport.

3. Friday Night Lights- Matt Saracen lost his starting QB job, but gets a job as a 3rd string receiver. In the first play off game he catches a pass that sets up a touchdown, lays down a block that leads to a touchdown and catches the pass that seals the game. "Clear eyes, full heart, Can't lose," indeed!

2. 24- Unfortunately I knew someone was dying this week, but I guessed wrong. Not only did they kill off a significant character, they did it 11 minutes into the episode! The death paired with Bauer's quiet breakdown over the death backed by the silent clock prove that 24 still has the goods.

1. E.R- I stopped watching this show years ago, but the return of Doug Ross, Carol Hathaway and Peter Benton was cause for celebration. It is awesome of George Clooney to come back to the show that set him on his path to stardom and the episode used him perfectly, but the highlight for me was Eriq La Salle and Noah Wyle having 3 scenes. The Carter-Benton relationship was always a favorite of mine and it was nice to get some closure on it.

The Worst show of the week

The L Word- Showtime did this show no favors by giving it a lame 8 episode final season. Season 5 was so strong and it is sad to see the show go out on such a whimper. Season 5 showed the struggle to make a mainstream lesbian movie and season 6 kind of dropped the ball on the aftershock of that failure. The series finale was way too much about showing us all of these minor characters coming back, but it was messy. I admit that this show was always hit and miss, but it deserved to go out in a much stronger fashion. I never really forgave the show for getting rid of Carmen, but to add insult to injury they put Shane with Jenny for the final season. Not cool The L Word.

Kyle's gratuitous hotness award

Chuck- Sarah and Chuck, in their fake relationship, have to sleep in the same room and for some unknown reason, Sarah has to sleep in pink boy shorts. It is meant to give funny reactions from Chuck, but mostly it is just to make me happy and bring in male viewers for serious hotness.


P.S The CW had issues on Thursday night, so I have not had a chance to see Supernatural from this week. Well, I saw the first 20 minutes and they were awesome, but then the channel went black. BOOO!

P.P.S Joss Whedon has promised that episode 6 of Dollhouse(This coming week) will be a game changer so hopefully that show will get to where I think it can go.

Escape from New York (Throwback Thursday)

I always have a hard time watching Escape from New York. I want to take nothing away from Carpenter's film, but every time I watch it I keep thinking how much better it could be now. I do not want a remake, I just wish this movie had not been made yet. The story is so interesting and has been gutted for dozens of movies now, but there is something in the execution that has always left me feeling a little unsure of what I think.

The year is 1997 and crime became such a major issue that prisons were not working, so they turned Manhattan into a giant prison. There are no guards on the inside and Manhattan has a giant wall surrounding it. If you try to escape, you will be killed. Snake Plissken(A very growling Kurt Russell) is a former military specialist who became disillusioned with America and turned to a life of crime. He is caught and is about to be sent to his Manhattan prison when he is given a chance to wipe his record clean. All he has to do is save The President(Donald Pleasense with a British accent(?)), whose plane went down in Manhattan. Snake is given a walkie-talkie, a gun and a tracker and sent in by himself. While in Prison, we find out that everyone knows Snake and everyone assumed Snake was dead. The President is being held by Duke (Issac Hayes) who essentially runs the prison. With the help of Brain(Harry Dean Stanton), Snake attempts to weave his way through the prison to save Mr. President.

There are so many things to love about this movie: The set pieces, the awesome use of colors, the story and the random casting. They recreate a broken down Manhattan, with only the opening shot actually being NY and I love how the greens bleed into the shots as some sort of ominous sign. The Manhattan world is incredibly interesting with crazy costumes and a brilliant moment involving male prisoners dressed as women putting on a musical. Kurt Russell is a total bad ass with his low growl and eye patch and the supporting cast does alright, although Issac Hayes should have been played by someone with real chops. I love that Ernest Borgnine shows up as a cabbie for no other reason than it is Ernest Borgnine playing a cabbie. The pacing is excellent; there is rarely a moment when something exciting isn't happening. However, I am kind of spoiled with action movies and the guns firing and hand-to-hand fighting come off as very 1980s weak.

The gun shots all sound like they belong out of some space movie and the score is super cheesy sounding. I guess it is supposed to sound futuristic and of course, as 1997 is now 11 years ago, we know that 1997 was nothing like the future we imagine when we say "future." The hand-to-hand fighting looks awful , especially the big wrestling match. I wish it had looked more real. I know I am supposed to appreciate the movie for being what it was in 1981, but I think the story is so interesting, and part of it are so good, I just wish the movie could have a more real or gritty feel to it. I don't want to hear bullet shots and then have the guy getting shot turning like he was told to wait 3 seconds after the shot, and then act like he got hit.

I know, as a film geek, I am just supposed to accept these cult classics and praise them. I want to heap praise on this movie, but I am just never as impressed by it as I want to be or feel I am supposed to be. There is certainly a good movie in here and I do not want to sound like I do not enjoy the 1980s version of movies, but I am so fascinated that I want something to look more fresh. There was a movie released last year called Doomsday that was very much an homage to this movie and I really liked it because it was a more modern looking version of this interesting story. Like I said, I do not really want a remake, although I am not opposed to remakes on principal, I only wish John Carpenter had not made this movie so someone now could.

On a total side note, it is kind of difficult to watch in a post 9/11 world because the two towers are important to the movie.

Final Grade: C+

Things to love and hate about my job

As most/all of you know, I am currently on my second tour of duty working at a movie theater. I have spent nearly 4 years total working in the business of a movie theater. Also, as most of you know, I am annoyed by much and feel like ranting often. What follows is a combination of those two things. This will not be a rant aimed at my specific situation, but working at a movie theater in general, as seen through my color changing eyes. It will be in bullet form, but there is no particular order except things I love will be grouped together and things I hate will be grouped together.

Things I hate about my job

-People showing up late for a movie. I understand that people do not like previews, but there is no reason to be late for a movie. The opening sequences of the movie will almost always matter and set up the scope of a film. I also hate "Oh well, I didn't miss anything important, did I?" Yes, you did you moron.

- With a long line people coming up to the register not knowing what they want. You have been line for a while now and we are a movie theater. We have candy, popcorn, nachos and hot dogs! It is not like ordering off a menu at a restaurant. It is not a complicated process.

- Asking for butter to be layered. I have been to more movie theaters than you have and they all layer butter as a policy now. STOP ASKING!!

- "I want a soda." I need to know size and kind otherwise it is just a waste of words. Telling me you want a soda does me no good whatsoever. Be specific, or else I will choose for you and I promise, the concoction I of soda I choose will not taste good.

- You do not need 7,000 napkins. You do not use them all and you are just wasting them. Stop it, now!

- The question "Can I get a medium and a large?" There are still about 4 questions I have to ask, which makes your initial question pointless. Stop wasting my time, idiot.

- After looking at our candy, this question "Is this all the candy you have?" No, I keep the good stuff hidden in the back but you have to know the secret code and pass a retina scan. Why would we hide candy? We want to sell it to you!!

- The question "What movies are you playing?" In order to come into our theater, you walked under a GIANT marquee that named our movies, all of the posters that say "now playing" and most likely our time board which lists our movies. We are not trying to keep it a secret. I promise we want you to know.

- Anyone who brings someone under the age of 14 to an R rated movie. There are no exceptions for me here. There is no reason for an 8 year old to watch Rambo. There is no reason for a 13 year old to watch Watchmen. If you do this, be prepared for me to judge your parenting skills. You are a horrible parent.

- This one is slightly new: Fatties going fat. Fat people, do not get a large popcorn and tell me to drench it butter, then get a large soda, candy and nachos. We fat people have a hard enough time as is, we do not need fat people fatting out in public.

- Any sentence that begins "Gimme" or "Give me." It just sounds so rude and I do not respond well to rude.

- Giant groups of teenagers with mixed sexes. Guys on their own and girls on their own generally listen to me when I ask them to be quiet, but in mixed company, the guys feel the need to look cool and the girls all act like idiots.

- Finally, the usual cell phone hate. If you are so popular that you need to be on your phone in a movie, do not go to the movie.

The Things I love about my job

- I get to watch free movies, eat free popcorn and drink free soda.

- I get to know so much about movies.

- People are constantly asking me for my opinions on movies. It carries such power.

- My room is lined with awesome movie posters.

- I spend 4 or 5 hours a day talking movies with co-workers or customers.

- I get to talk to Larry the film guy. He is much funnier and cooler than Larry the Cable Guy.

- There is a power in threading and starting a movie.

- Finding people who love movies.

- Midnight crowds in the summer are awesome.

- Thursdays. I really like changing posters, times, movies and all of that good stuff.

My favorite question to get asked

- "Do you guys have a bathroom." I like to answer "No, we do not" and just watch them for a few seconds while they figure out what they are going to do. Never mind that both sides have a sign that is pointing downstairs and says restrooms. It is really entertaining to watch people get really confused at a building not having bathrooms.

The stupidest question I have ever heard

This guy walked in and asked "Are you guys a movie theater?" I guess all of the MOVIE posters were not a dead give away. What the hell else are we going to be? The building says State Theater and we are lined with movie posters!! Of course he was excited for Fast and Furious.

808s & Heartbreak by Kanye West

So, I know this album came out in December of last year, but it is an album that has offered up such a diverse set of opinions, so I thought I would offer up the reasons why I love this album, even though everything about it seems like I would hate it. I do not enjoy it when rappers try and sing. I loathe the auto tune that T-Pain has made far too popular and I do not like entire albums where every song is essentially saying the same thing, yet, I find myself totally entranced by this album.

1. Say You Will- Production wise, this is song ls flawless to me. The track is so haunting and weird. I feel like this is song is the soundtrack to a tripped out romantic nightmare. The random "flashing light" sounds add to this weirdly crafted creepy lullaby. Lyrically the track is a bit all over the place, but it works for me. It works as a broken hearted guy working his way through some serious stuff. Plus it has one of the dopest personifications with "Take off your cool." I love the idea that cool is something that can just be removed like a hate or a coat. The song really sets up where the album is going. 5/5

2. Welcome to heartbreak- It is a thin line for famous people to complain about their perfect lives. No one wants to hear a rapper complaining about how lonely he is. However, it works for me here because Kanye offers up an interesting side of this coin when he says "My friend showed me pictures of his kids and all I could do was show pictures of my cribs." I rarely think of rappers as wanted to be domestic. I mean many rappers have many children, but this line is different to me. The beat is again, kind of a walking romantic nightmare, but a little more bouncy. Kanye's voice is a lot more distorted on this track as he loses grip with humanity and what it means to be human. It is good shit, really. 5/5

3. Heartless- By now you have heard this track and seen the awesomely odd animated video a few dozen times, so you are familiar with the train like sound of the beat. The beat is in constant motion, like Kanye's brain as he tries to figure everything out as to why is girl broke up with him. His claim that "he lost his soul to a woman so heartless" is an interesting one because we just do not assume rappers have these kinds of emotions. Rappers are always so hard and so brash and confident, this peak into the inner demons of someone as cocky as Mr. West intrigues me to no end. Lyrically I am not an enamoured with this track as I am with others and I think I would have liked this better without the auto tune voice distortion. 3.5/5

4. Amazing- I am not sure why I think this beat is so funky, but it is. I like the feel of someone beating sticks together to give the beat the bounce. It is a bit more raw than I am used to from Kanye. His stuff usually sounds so clean and crips and this is almost lazy. I dig it. The song does not actually make a whole lot of sense in fitting with the theme of the album nor to the lyrics make sense. I guess this is Kanye's "I'm still cocky song" as he rattles off couplets like "I'm a problem That'll never ever be solved." There is a long break before Young Jeezy begins his guest verse and it makes you really excited for Jeezy and Jeezy's voice sounds perfect over this lazy beat, but I still do not like him. 3.5/5

5. Love Lockdown- Here is Kanye's big number. With African sounding drums and his most awesome voice distortion, this is Kanye at his broken hearted best. The singing is almost void of emotion. That is how cold and distant Kanye sounds as he lays his heart out with this awesome lyric "I'm in love with you, but the vibe is wrong and that haunted me, all the way home." Kanye is really in a groove with this song. there is something almost freeing in how crazy the beat goes, yet Kanye is still trapped by his broken heart. He is cold, but the beat is on fire. I like it. 5/5

6. Paranoid- Future Kanye beat alert! Here is a futuristic and Euro sounding beat and Kanye really makes it his own with robotic sounds and usually I hate lines being repeated constantly but his "You worry about the wrong things" repeated over and over at the top of the song works for me. This is his most rapped track and when the best gets going, Kanye is right on the beat and he attacks it with more energy than the rest of the album. Here is his "I am blaming my girl" song. I do not know step of the break up this tracks is, but I feel like Kanye is finally fed up on the track. he is tired of being sad. Now, the rest of album will disprove that theory, but this song is almost danceable, which is cool on a break up album. 4/5

7. Robocop- I like that on an album void of sounding like a human, Kanye can have a song where he thinks his girl is not human. If the album is Kanye questioning his own humanity, this song might be what caused this question. I love the violins that are all over this track. Hip-Hop has kind of an odd relationship with violin sounds, but here there is a perfect marriage or violins, distorted bass sounds, robotic sounds and wicked flashing light sounds. His girl is crazy, as he likens her to "the girl from misery." He also says he likes that she is crazy, at least for a while. This is the most interesting sounding song, I think. 5/5

8. Street Lights- This is the most depressing song on the album. It is the most break up worthy song on an album of break up songs. There is no real chorus and it feels like just a stream of consciousness track as a guy is just wandering down an empty street as his girl broke up with him. He get crazy distorted as the beat almost goes totally away and he sounds incredibly defeated as he sighs out "Life's just not fair." Again, this is Kanye West doing this. The guy is the ultimate cocky jerk and here is showing just how insecure he can be. I think this intimate look into the soul of Mr. West is what makes him such an engaging figure. 5/5

9. Bad News- This is my least favorite song on the album. The beat is totally derivative of a few of the other tracks and his singing is at its weakest here. I understand that the song is about Kanye finding out his girl cheated on him, but I was hoping he could muster up a bit more power to mask the weaker lyrics. The distortion is pretty effective, but I actually want to hear his humanity on this track. Maybe the weak singing would not bother me if he was not distorted on a track like this. 2.5/5

10. See you in my Nightmares- I wish Lil Wayne was not on this because he almost ruins a seriously dope track. The reoccurring theme of a beat that sounds like a romantic nightmare is back. There is something almost resolute in this track. As if, Kanye is leaving his girl and he knows that he will see her when he sleeps, but when he is awake, he is soldiering on and he has a bit of his confidence back. he is nearly brash as he proclaims "Okay, I got you off my mind." This actually works because this is the final track dealing with his break up. This is the end of the concept of the album. Lil Wayne is not as annoying as usual and his voice actually works for the hook, but when he starts rapping, I just do not get the guy. I like the way his voice bends, though, by using the auto tune. 4/5

11. Coldest Winter- When I saw Kanye he nearly broke down in singing "Hey Mame" right after his mother passed on. This is his song to his mother and it is utterly heart breaking to me. It really shows how much he depended on his mother for things. It may sound stupid to have to say that, but I like the idea of this song. I like the idea that he is still being sheltered by his mother by his memories. I like that he questions whether he can love someone else after going through the agony of losing his mother. I like that there is a rapper who has gone essentially a whole album discussing his inner monologue of insecurities. 5/5

12- Pinocchio Story- This is a live "freestyle" that does not actually make much sense, really. He is rapping over a very sparse piano for the most part. Well, is singing, really. The song is about what it means to be real. I like the concept and have enjoyed watching and listening to other things that tackle this theme. I am just not sure I need this particular song. First off it is far too long and it is pretty meandering. He repeats himself often and the crowd cheers get a bit annoying. I want to like it, because he sounds like he is being so earnest on every word, but it rings a false to me. 2/5

Kanye West is not afraid to take risks and he is at a level where he can do it and stay profitable, which is kind of cool. He is a man who has built his entire persona on being crazy outspoken and saying the most ridiculously cocky things, but here he releases an album that is almost void of it all. Yes, it is a self indulgent, but is that really such a bad thing? Typically interesting or crazy art is spawned from some sort of self-indulgence and I happen to like things that are self indulgent!

Watchmen

I could spend time going on and on about how important the graphic novel was/is. I could hit you over the head about it, but seriously, just read it. Most fans of this novel have been opposed to the idea of a film adaptation forever. I am not one of those people. Since I first read it when I was 13, I have been dying to see it on the screen. I just wanted to see how someone could do it. Being a movie person above everything else, I wanted to know how it would look. I wanted to see what all of my favorite not-so-super superheroes would look like actually walking and talking and fighting. The time is finally here. So with 15 years of me waiting for it, how does it stack up? Also, doing a full summary is nearly impossible, so I will probably miss a lot. Sorry.

Watchmen exists in a different reality where masked crime fighters do not have super powers, they just have an ability to go outside of the law. It is set in the 1980s, in a world where Richard Nixon gets re-elected 5 times because he won the Vietnam war. he won it with the help of these masked heroes, especially Dr. Manhattan(Billy Crudup), the one with actual powers. Do to some crazy circumstances, Manhattan is now a glowing blue and he lives outside of our ideas of time and space. He can manipulate matter and sees the future. The film is set off by the murder of The Comedian(Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and Rorschack's(Jackie Earle Haley)belief that someone is killing off costumed superheroes. See, costumed heroes have been outlawed because the city cops felt threatened. So, everyone has retired except Rorschach. Rorschach wants to warn all of the former heroes so he visits Night Owl(Patrick Wilson), Dr. Manhattan and Miss Jupiter/Silk Spectre 2 (Malin Ackerman). No one seems to share his concern, but Night Owl goes to visit Ozymandias(Matthew Goode) to warn him anyway. Ozy is the world's smartest man and he has made a fortune selling out his super hero past. Soon, these Watchmen are back on the hunt as costumed heroes and searching for what might actually be going on.

At 2 hours and 45 minutes, Watchmen offers a whole lot of dialog to chew on and a whole lot of questions to think on. It also offers up some of the most brutal violence I have ever seen in a movie, especially one this massive. There is something totally shocking about seeing a superhero inflict that much carnage, which is the point. Watchmen, as a graphic novel, attempted to subvert our ideas of what being a superhero was. As a film, Watchmen is subverting our ideas of what a superhero movie should be. It is pointing out how absurd it is that we have these PG-13 superhero movies because superheroes have the kinds of powers that would cause serious violence but we never see it. Watchmen gives us the blood, the breaking bones and the carnage people like Superman would actually inflict. It is also pointing out how stupid the costumes can be. The Comedian wears the tiniest mask, yet remains unknown? Miss Jupiter wears something sexy, only because she is supposed to be sexy. I am not sure Zack Snyder totally hits his subversion claim, but he makes a serious attempt and mostly succeeds.

Watchmen wants us to question what makes someone a hero. That has always been the underlying claim of the novel. The Comedian is a horrible person, but he is not considered a super villain because he fights for America and he is after criminals that may or may not actually be worse than he is. The film does a good job of maintaining that. Rorschach is an absolutely brutal human being but he has a set of moral standards and he is resolute in them. Then you have Night Owl and Miss Jupiter. Night Owl hides his humanity in his technology and he is a nerdy bumbling man, but in costume he is confident and alive. He seems very much a normal guy, but he is hiding that desire to put his costume back on. Miss Jupiter was only a costumed hero to please her mother, but she misses it. There is something exciting about that world and when Night Owl and Miss Jupiter finally start fighting again, their world's ignite, literally for a second. Watchmen gets extra points for not playing impotence as a joke, like most movies do. The impotence makes the sex later a bit more interesting, as it questions masculinity or points that masculinity is wrapped up in being a superhero. I do wish Snyder took the sex a bit more seriously when it happens, but it is hard to fault the man for putting these two hot naked people in slow motion and giving a lot of thrusting.

This is not an easy movie to watch and/or follow. It requires patience and full attention. The action is loud and brutal, but it is slowed down and not as choppy as most, so you get to see how beautifully choreographed it is. The blood and gore factor are out of this world for anything other than a horror movie. The acting is a mix of bloody brilliant(Haley and Crudup) pretty good(Morgan, Wilson) and just downright awful(Ackerman). As Rorschach, Haley is not only a coiled snake ready to pounce, he is a force to be reckoned with. All growly and bad ass, his Rorschach is a bit more intimidating than I anticipating with his mere presence and seeing his shifting mask actually move, was astounding. I wanted to like Wilson more as Night Owl, but I think Ackerman was more the problem with them and it kind of brought Wilson down, but Ackerman does serves her purpose. See, Miss Jupiter has to engage in a sex scene and be naked. Well so many young and hot actresses refuse such things, she she is what we get. I have seen her act decently in other movies, this movie is beyond her scope as an actress. She is not a distraction, though and she does look phenomenal, which is important. I imagine many people will tune out Dr. Manhattan, which is a shame because he offers a lot of interesting gems about life and love from an outsider's perspective. He is an interesting case study as the anti-Superman. Whereas Superman was always coming from a place of trying to be human in every way, Manhattan has no desire for such things. He can see the future, but knows he cannot change it.

Watchmen offers a pretty cynical view of the world and a bleak look at humanity and the movie does not shy away from it at all. The ending has changed from the novel, but it works better this way in the movie. If they were to keep the graphic novel ending, there would have been another 30 minutes of movie and the audience would have tuned out, I imagine a giant squid would have confused people a bit. I was actually quite surprised at how some of the events from the novel stayed in the movie because I thought the studio might make Snyder tone down the whole thing a bit, but am happy they let Snyder really do this the way he wanted.

The last thing I want to mention is the use of popular music in the movie. I think it is brilliant in almost every moment except the sex. Snyder gives us a super cheesy slow motion thrusting over Leonard Cohen covering Hallelujah. That being said, Bob Dylan over the opening credits, Ride of the Valkyries in Vietnam, and Jimi Hendrix during flight, are all superb. Snyder certainly has a Tarantino like mind for popular music in his movies.

After waiting 15 years for this movie, I am happy to say I was not at all disappointed. I was so giddy when it was over and over the the days following, I just thought about more and more things I loved. I hope this review gets through the love I have for the material and how pleased I am that it worked. This was not an easy thing to do and Zack Snyder has proven himself as a master adapter. I hope his next project, totally original, keeps his winning streak alive.

Final grade: A

This week in television (March 2-7)

This section will probably go through some changes as I figure out exactly what I want to do and say with it.

Top 5 television moments

5. How I Met Your Mother(HIMYM)- Barney Stinson(Neil Patrick Harris) hires an actress and a child actor to play his family for the benefit of his mother. The child actor cannot remember his name or his lines prompting Barney, as NPH, to proclaim "Child actors were so much better in the 80s." HIMYM has played on the Doogie Howser thing before and they get a big laugh out of me for this one.

4. Reaper- I am really happy to have this show back because it seems like it is going to be mythology heavy now, which interests me. Sock, a Kevin Smith-esque character, tries to move back home to find he has a super hot stepsister and he is conflicted because he wants to date her. His buddy Ben says she is hot and Sock responds with "Dude, thats my sister. I got dibs." Thank you Reaper.

3. 24- I have no idea where else a show can go, honestly. The white is sieged, The PRresident kidnapped and slapped! Jack Bauer has to helplessly look on. Just a WOW 2 hours, seriously. The key moment being Madame President being slapped by a big African guy.

2. Friday Night Lights- This is the ultimate tug-at-Kyle's-heart-strings show. Jason Street and Tim Riggins have been through everything together and it is time for Street to move out of Texas and be a man. The two young men share a brief moment of sentimental honesty where Riggins shows just how much he cares. Oh guy-love how I love thee. I wish this show did better!

1. Lost- I think you could make an argument for Jack, but for my money, Sawyer has made the biggest character transformation. As Sawyer, he was mean, a loner and almost a villain. As James, he is a romantic and a leader of men. he is confident now and the best moment from this week's episode is James picking a flower for Julliete and bringing it home so they can continue in this groovy 1970s love thing. It was such unadulturated happiness only to be challenged in the final moments. Oh Lost, I wish I could quit you.

Most disappointing show of the week

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles(TTSCC)- I am glad the whole Riley thing is finally over because I was over that chick, but something tells me there is going to be fall out and not the good fall out. This show started off strong in the first two episodes of the season but the last two have been weak. This week was far too much talk and not enough action for my taste. I need more stuff being blowed up!

Best use of Gratuitous hotness (Kyle's shallow award)

My guess this award will only ever go to something from Chuck, TTSCC or Dollhouse.

Dollhouse- Eliza Dushku hikes up her skirt, with thigh high boots and fixes her breasts, why? Because she is hot and that is what hot bad girls do. She also gives a bit of a lap dance while eating a cherry. Then later she takes her shirt off and the camera just sits at her breasts. All of this serves no real purpose, which is why I love it.

Porky's (Throwback Thursday)

I was actually glad Robbie put this movie on the list of movies because I had never seen it from beginning to end. Oh sure, I have seen bits and pieces in my life, but a 1980s sex comedy set in the 50s(?) just did not seem like something I could after watching American Pie. Porky's is known as the predecessor of movies like American Pie. It is the teen sex comedy all other teen sex comedies aspire to be. That is kind of a tall order for a movie that should be out dated now 27 years later.

Pee Wee(Dan Monahan) is desperate to have sex(again, or for the first time?). he is your typical high school kid, except he is a loser who plays basketball. Typically in movies, losers are not athletes (Point for Porky's). His friends are constantly making him the butt of the jokes and his energy is pretty annoying. His friends are a who's who of high school archetypes, which is nice. I like the familiarity. We get a redneck, a tough guy, a smart guy and a big dumb jock. Their names are not nearly as important as their quality. One thing they all love is naked women. One night they think they are going to pay at a strip club to have sex. The club is Porky's and Porky is a big fat mean cigar chewing man. He pranks the kids because he does not want underage kids in his club. Wait, basketball stars not allowed in a strip club for being underage (Point 2 for Porky's)? The redneck keeps going back to Porky's to even the score and he keeps getting the crap beat out of him. Fed up the friends need to find a way to pay Porky's back for the money they lost, the bruises and the embarrassment.

There are two side plots in Porky's that seem very out of place in a movie that is a teen sex comedy. the tough guy is actually abused by his father and the tough guy is an anti-Semite because his dad is. There are a few frank discussions about these topics and I applaud this movie for going there. This is what makes Porky's more than just a teen sex comedy. American Pie is just a teen sex comedy. it is the best one in that genre, but Porky's is more than that. Sure, there are plenty of sex jokes and sex gags and an abundance of female and male nudity, but when the movie was over, I was left thinking about these issues of abuse and racism. Whereas the American Pie gang were only concerned with sex, these guys are real friends helping each other through rough patches. These are friends that stand up to a drunk nasty dad, but know when to stay out of a fight as well. The biggest thing in a teen sex comedy is chemistry and these guys all have tons of it together. I believed all of these guys could very well be friends and I kind of wanted to hang out with them, even if they pull the craziest stunts.

The acting is serviceable for the most part, although I would have liked Pee Wee to be just a little bit less obnoxious, but it made the character work, I guess. There is a side plot with a gym coach and a teacher that is totally pointless except for providing some supposed laughs in one scene. Don't get me wrong the movie is plenty funny, that scene just does not do anything for me. Some of the jokes are a bit dated, but the movie is still plenty funny. I really enjoyed the easy going attitude of some of the friends. They provided some nice laid back laughs. It was as if this crazy nonsense was totally normal in the lives of these teens. There is something interesting about not feeling crazy amidst the craziness.

If you look at Porky's as just a teen sex comedy, I think it lacks things. Yes, it opens with a morning wood joke and continues to a penis measuring joke, but there are huge sections of movie that have nothing to do with sex and that climax has nothing about sex. It becomes a revenge flick. I love that Porky should be punished for not letting the under age kids have sex with his strippers, but I guess that is the fantasy of a movie. We are supposed to root for the sex crazed teenagers and not the business man trying to keep his business from catering to underage guys. What a nice fantasy world to inhabit!

Final Grade: B

The sad reality that 3D is not going anywhere

I wish I had a more clever title for this little essay/rant. I feel like I kind of give my entire argument away in the title, but oh well. It is my blog I can do what I want.

In less than a year, I have watched 3 movies in the 3D format and there are another few left to come out this year. Theaters are slowly being upgraded to include a digital/3D auditorium, with Reel-D (the biggest 3D company) promising to put over 2500 3D ready screens and projectors in Cinemark theaters across the country. This is a trend that is not going away and I guess I have to reserve myself to this fact. I want to be engaged by the 3D. I do. I want to understand this idea of movies seeming to be more interactive, but I just cannot get behind it. I know, I have seen 3 of them so it seems like I am behind it, but trust me, I am not.

Last summer was my first experience in 3D in a real movie theater. I went and watched Journey to the Center of the Earth. I reviewed it and said that it would have been worthless without the 3D. I still stand behind that, but I also do not think the movie is worth anything, even in 3D. There have been better dinosaur movies made and better Brendan Frasier movies made. The fundamental problem with 3D movies is that they have to feature enough 3D effects to satisfy those who paid the extra $2.50 for the glasses. This means yo-yos, kites, and other things that jump. Can it work? Sure it can. "Journey" featured a nice attack fish jumping at me and My Bloody Valentine had a really nice detached jaw and blood flying at me. Very cool. Yet, The new Friday the 13th featured better jumps without 3D. However, I would forgo those "jumps" to not have to deal with the lame stuff that jumps out as well.

What brought this idea to the forefront of my brain was Coraline. It seems as if I am in the minority of not enjoying the movie, but it goes beyond just being a fairly boring movie. Right in the beginning of the movie there is a cool needle 3D effect. Then, for an hour and 40 minutes I get nothing worth a damn. Sure, the colors are pretty, but the colors would be just as pretty without the annoying glasses. On top of that, there were times I took the glasses off and the screen was not blurry, so I paid extra for a movie that was not even fully in 3D. What kind of crap is that? This spring I refuse to watch Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D and in the summer, I will watch Up the old school way. The only way to get rid of 3D is to not support the technology.

I understand resisting this change makes me seem old and crabby, but there was a reason 3D came and went 2 other times! It can work for horror movies and maybe for kid movies, but even then, I just do not need it. Movies are just fine as is. I do not reject technology that can enhance storytelling or character. I have embraced every kind of CGI there is. I have no problem with it when it works. I just have not seen a viable reason for 3D movies. I know the idea of 3D will always be a spectacle and used for spectacle movies, but I like spectacle movies! I cannot wait for Final Destination 4, but I do not really want to watch it in 3D. There is not really any surprise to 3D. I know that things are flying at me and I have a pretty good idea of what those things will be.

In closing, I am not out to convert people to the anti 3D movement. I understand people are too stupid to sit and watch intelligent movies and need this extra stimulation. I know kids will be amused by the things coming at them, but I think 3D has a place. It is called Disneyland. I do not bring my complex plotted movies to Disneyland, so keep your Disneyland out of my movie theaters. it is that simple!

Incredibad - The Lonely Island

It has been a while since I have done an album review, but I like the idea of going track by track. This is kind of an odd album because it is a comedy album, first and foremost and it is full of shorter songs and some skits. However, it is music and I am going to tackle it as such. For those who do not know who The Lonely Island(TLI) are, they are a trio of white kids, who started on-line then ended up on SNL. Andy Samburg is the face of the group and TLI are responsible for all of the digital shorts on SNL. That is to say, they are all the idea of these three guys. Okay, here goes:

1. Who said we're wack- The guys jump right into the album with a pulse pounding beat and a hilarious rap track making fun of all rapper who take themselves too seriously. The idea of the song is that someone called their group "wack" and the proceed to use the word "wack" over and over again. The song ends with a very nice joke that still makes me giggle. 4/5

2. Santana DVX- Apparently Carlos Santana made some alcohol and this is an ode to that alcohol. The beat is pretty funky and the three guys drop some pretty good rhymes over it. It is a really funny satire on the alcohol influenced rap songs that are far too prevalent in the culture. E-40 shows up as a Carlos Santana and actually drops a pretty good verse. The beat really fits with him. 4/5

3. Jizz in my pants- This is a Euro club song, that starts like it is going to be a serious song and then quickly unwinds into some pretty serious hilarity. TLI boys have the perfect delivery for this track and the whole song sounds like it could be in a club. I really love just how over the top the song gets towards the end. Seeing the video for it really helps, but the song stands on its own. Be warned though, you will find yourself randomly singing the song at the wrong times. 5/5

4. I'm on a boat- I have a problem with this song because T-Pain is on it. however, he is perfect on it because the entire song plays as a parody of a T-Pain song. Boasting about being on a boat gets funnier as the song goes on and it really points to how ridiculous rappers are with their vehicles. Plus, it really is catchy as hell. I want to deny it, but I can't. 4.5/5

5. Sax man- Jack Black's funniest performance ever is on this little song/skit. I die laughing every time as Jack Black sings as a guy who is trying to get a saxophone guy to play, but I do not want to ruin the joke. It is definitely one of the funniest tracks on the album. I love the sax sounds, so much. I giggle like a school girl. 5/5

6. Lazy Sunday- If you have not heard this by now, you must be a newborn. This is what started the TLI explosion. Chris Parnell is featured and the raps on this song are so good they actually show more talent than most rappers these days "Call us Aaron Burr from the way we're droppin Hamiltons" Game Over bitches! The fact that the whole Beastie Boys style song is about a PG movie makes it only that much funnier. 5/5

7. Normal Guy(interlude)- The first lull in the album. I am not amused by a not normal guy trying to pass as normal. The premise is unfunny and the delivery does not help matters. At this point I worry the charm is gone. 0/5

8. Boombox- I am glad I heard this song because it lets me know of the dangers of the boombox. It features a dumb reference to boiled goose in every verse, which is distracting, but the song is pretty damn funny and again, very catchy. The beat is really dope, but for a song about a boombox, I was hoping it would be more booming oh and the hook totally sounds like it could be sung by One Republic or something. Plus any song that says "It was a rainbow coalition of dancing" deserves high marks 4/5

9. Shrooms(interlude)- Like so many stand up comedians when they try and use skits, these are just not funny. Perhaps you have had to do shrooms to really find the humor here, but it is lost on me. 0/5

10. Like a boss- This song is hilarious the first time, pretty funny the second time and then just kind of annoying. I like how silly it is because of how many rap songs it is playing off of, but I kind of got tired of the whole thing. It wraps up nicely in the end, but there is only so much I can take of "like a boss" before I want to just hit skip. There is some funny stuff here, but it just gets old too quickly. The beat is very hot though. I mean, I can hear a lot of rappers trying to rap over it. 3/5

11. We like Sportz- Here is a perfect example of what makes these guys work. They are totally awkward, but they know exactly how to use it to mine laughs. Here is a song about loving sports, but it really plays like 2 guys who are trying to prove they are manly because they are scared someone will think they are gay. It is the perfect frat boy song and it works as a rap song because of how manly rappers claim to be all of the time. 4.5/5

12. Dreamgirl- Here we have one of the weakest songs of the album. I understand what it is meant to do, but it just seems too generic. Rappers like to make songs that talk about the perfect girl and these guys want to do it too, but to make it funny they talk about a super ugly girl! SOOO FUNNY! They do get half a point higher for having Norah Jones singing the lovely hook with the seriousness you would expect from Norah Jones. 2.5/5

13. Ras Trent- I did not at all get this song the first few times. It is hard to pay attention to the words with the ridiculous accent and the too loud horns on the beat, but when you actually pay attention, it is funny funny stuff. Now, I do not know any white guys who think they are rastas, but I know they exist and this is a nice satire of those guys. Granted, the whole thing is just a play on an old Jimmy Fallon sketch, but it works here. Sandburg's voice on the track just kills me. 4/5

14. Dick in a box- What else can be said about this brilliant song. Here is a nice detour from rap satires to satire boy bands from the 90s. It is about time those guys get made fun of. Again, the comic satire is effective because Sandburg and Justin Timberlake are taking the whole very seriously. Comedy only comes from people who truly believe in what they are doing. 5/5

15. Old Saloon- I really think this is only for actual rap fans because the song is the perfect take on DJs and gun shots all over the track making it too difficult to actually hear the track. it is only a minute long so it does not over stay it's welcome, which is nice. I cannot really hear the actual song, but I am sure it is pure silliness. 4/5

16. Punch you in the Jeans- The track sounds like a Jurassic 5 song, with some nonsensical lyrics about punching jeans. The lyrics are actually pretty funny and really show these guys listen to a lot of rap because they spit nonsense that sounds dope, but if you pay attention you realize it makes no sense. For example "I'm gonna turn your 501s into 499s. It sounds dope in the song, but really it means absolutely nothing. It is one of the stronger tracks all the way around 5/5

17. Space Olympics- I skip this track every time. It sucks and should have been left on the cutting room floor, or whatever the music version of the cutting room floor is. It is futuristic sounding, yes but I just do not care about any of this autotune nonsense, even in a comedy track.

18. Natalie's rap- Natalie Portman reimagined as a gangster rapper who cheated her way through college is pure genius, seriously. I cannot get over how amazing it is to hear Natalie Portman talk about weed and sex with the foulest mouth. To be honest, it works so much better with the video, but the song mostly works. It is a very Easy-E style song, which is a really nice touch as well. 5/5

19- Incredibad- If you were wondering how TLI came to be, here is your song. It is very Beastie Boys sounding, but they are rapping about having sex with an alien to save that alien's race. It is so goofy, but it totally works because of how committed the guys are, plus the beat is so freaking off the hook it is almost a shame it is being used on such a funny song. It really ties up the album perfectly. 5/5

It is rare that I can listen to something comedic over and over as I listen to regular music, but the production and the comedy are both so strong, I can actually listen to this mixed in with other music with no issues. If you have not seen their videos go over to Hulu and check them out, but these guys are pretty much the real deal as far as rap fans and rap satirists. I know they got some real producers and of course, artists, but I hope for good things from these guys in the future. I am really glad I picked this album up. I am hesitant to give credit to Robbie, but he was pumping them up so much, I did buy it because of it. So thanks Robbie. This does not, however, let you off the hook for LXG.