The State Theater

I imagine anyone reading this blog came to it because they know me. I doubt too many people who check this blog out are randoms, and if they are, it should be evident I love movies. Movies have always been a huge part of my life. My family sees a movie every Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that is merely the tip of the iceberg. My dad and mom still go rent movies almost every weekend and when I lived at home and was not in a show, I would sit on the couch with my parents and watch a dvd with them. I can barely remember a time when movies were not a huge part of who I am. I was 13, though, when I fell in love with movies. I am not going to delve into that here, maybe another time, but my love of movies extends beyond just movies. I love movie theaters.

Everyone has some way of coping with a bad day: retail therapy, drinking, whatever it is...I go to a movie theater and watch a movie. I love the entire experience and I like being to just sit in a dark theater, turn off the world and get sucked in. If movie theaters act an escape to me, The State Theater was like my fortress. Before I was old enough to work there, I would spend entire days of my summer watching all 3 movies the theater had to offer. It is a glorious old movie house, rich in history and full of secrets. Opening in 1937, The State theater was built specifically as a movie house. It was a single auditorium seating over 800 people and in the 1980s it expanded to include 2 much smaller auditoriums.

By the time I started to frequent the place in the early 1990s, some of the luster or polish had been knocked off, but it was still special to me. When I was old enough to work, I just wanted to work there and luckily for me, I got the chance. It was the dream high school job. There was enough downtime to do whatever school work/line learning I had and there were all the free movies, soda and popcorn. But it was more than that. For the most part, I was with like minded people. My managers and I would spend hours discussing movies, coming up with promotions and just reveling in the fact that this was our job. I spent my summers loving my job and I could often be found working on projects like a giant paper mache spaceship to promote Men In Black.

Towards the end of my senior year, the business was sold and when the new regime came in, we all quit, but after two years, I could not help but go back to watching movies there. Quickly, I started to chat up the new manager every time I went in and for years I looked forward to learning insider movie stuff from him. When I decided to go back to college and get my degree, I had to quit my full time job and find something part time. Fate struck again as I went in to watch Grindhouse. The manager, Mike, asked me if I happened to be looking for work. I jumped at the chance to work there again! So, for the last 3 plus years I worked there again.

The State Theater was always more than a job to me. I liked the paycheck sure, but on a bad day, I could go in on my day off and just hang out. I loved the people, I loved the regular customers, and I loved the atmosphere. That building is so rich in personal history and movie history. It is the place I suffered my first concussion, I watched a man get caught cheating by his wife on New Year's Eve there. I celebrated 4 or 5 birthdays there. There are countless other memories tied to that place. When I worked there the second time, the other employees became a second family to me. I still talk to hang out with most of them. School and work meant my participation in Community Theater had to be put on pause, and I did not mind it because for so long working at the theater was so much fun.

I do not want to over-romanticize my time there in any way because most of my close friends know my last few months there were extremely rough on me, but even after I quit, I kept going back, both to watch movies and to hang out. As recently as 3 weeks ago, when I was having a soul crushingly bad night, I got in my car, and drove right to the theater, just to hang out and to see my second family.

In a year where I got my heart broken, lost two extremely valuable friendships, saw my family move and saw the house I called my home for 21 years get put on the market, The closing of The State Theater came as a true blow to me. I saw the warning signs starting last November, and even when Mike told me it was probably going to happen back in July, I did not want to believe it. How could this place close down? How could this big gorgeous building that housed movies not succeed any longer? I know the answers but they are not important. On Tuesday of this week when I went into the theater to pick up my last check, it killed me. From the time I was 13, this place was my escape and now it is gone and even if it comes back, which I pray to God it does, will it really be the same? It does seem fitting that the ties I have to Woodland get less and less as I try to go away from it, but The State Theater and Mike running it felt timeless.

A part of me will always be sad to have lost this place. I kind of thought it would be the kind of place I would take my family to and show them around, and take them on a tour to see all of the random doors and rooms. I was thinking I could take my kids behind the screen in State 1 and show them the projectors and how the movies work. I know the building looks old now and I know it was starting to get too rundown, and I know that is what people saw, but it is never what I saw. I always saw the movie magic of a place like that. I always wondered the stories the walls had from the 1940s and 1950s.

I always said if I had the money, I would buy that place, fix it up and help it become what it once was. I think The State Theater could still be the catalyst to help revitalize the Downtown Woodland area and I know many other people in the town feel the same way. While Woodland is looking more and more like a big box town, there is a rich history in the town that needs to not be forgotten and I truly believe The State Theater symbolizes that. Even as I sit here typing this, I am reminded of all of the memories I made there and how I hope other people get the opportunity to make such memories for themselves.

Donkey Punch and Hostel (Spoilers)

I am going to break away from my usual Wednesday format, which I guess is not surprising because Wednesdays have been kind of up in the air in general. However, I wrote a little essay last week and I am going to kind of do an essay/dvd review this week in place of music video reviews.

Last night as I was perusing the Watch Insantly feature on Netflix I stumbled onto a movie called Donkey Punch. I remember hearing about it and I had 90 minutes to kill so I watched it. Yes, I watched it to be able to say I watched a movie called Donkey Punch. For those of you unversed in what a Donkey Punch is, go google it or something. I will say it is a sexual act and as the title of this movie, it features prominently into the plot of the film. In fact, the sexual act is not teased at, or hinted at, it is shown in its entirety.

The movie is about 3 girls who end up on a boat with 4 guys they have just met. They drink with them, do drugs with them and then 2 of the girls take 3 of the guys in the big bedroom on the boat and they have an orgy, which ends with a donkey punch, which kills the girl on the receiving end of the donkey punch. From there the movie spirals into a cabin feverish movie where all of the characters get a chance to be crazy as they decide what to do. People cry, people die and friends are turned against each other.

The movie is nothing special, except for the rawness of the sex. The people are pretty, the movie never gets gory enough to be offensive, the acting is bad, the script is bad, yet I found myself kind of intrigued by the movie.

In Horror films the slutty girls always die and the virginal girl always lives. Donkey Punch is basically the same way, except it has more in common with Hostel, than a slasher flick. In Hostel, a group of young men get to live in a fantasy for the first 35 minutes of the movie. They get drugs, alcohol and sex with hot girls and then they spend the final hour of the movie paying for it. The guys are lured, by the sexy girls into a den of torture as punishment for their fantasy. The fantasy turns into a living nightmare. In Donkey Punch, the "virginal" girl wants to forget her stupid ex-boyfriend and to do so, the girls join these guys on their boat. They get the free alcohol, the free drugs and the sex and then they all pay for it, most with the lives.

It has never paid to be promiscuous in the horror film genre, but it was different in Hostel. In most horror films the couples having sex know each other, or are couples, but in Hostel and Donkey Punch, they are strangers. The movies begin as fantasies. Donkey Punch examines how friendships are tested in an untimely death, but it also is warning about the dangers of going home with someone you just met. The guys all seem very nice at first, but when the shit hits the fan, the guys turn out to not be so nice. Guys and girls, both put on their best faces when you first meet them and maybe going out to sea with them right after that is not such a smart idea. When tragedy strikes these people, they do not band together because they do not know each other. They are weary of each other.

In Hostel, one of those weird movies I love that most people hate, the guys fall victim to the hot foreign girls and spend the movie getting limbs sliced off, and enduring ungodly other tortures. This is what happens when you allow yourself to be led around by super hot girls you do not know. If the guys were not so interested in sex with these random girls, they probably would have made it out just fine. Now, the biggest difference in Hostel and most horror movies is that a guy is the main character. We are looking at the horror genre through the eyes of a male, and when a guy fights back it is a little different. The guy is not fighting to survive, he is fighting for revenge.

In Donkey Punch the girl only fights when she feels she has to to, but in Hostel, the guy finds a way to go kill everyone he can, even after he is free. In Donkey Punch and Hostel there is 1 survivor, but the way they got there is different. However, the message is the same: Be careful who you sleep with and be careful who you trust because when you do not know someone, you cannot know their motives and you might get punched in the back of the head right before an orgasm and die, or you might end up being hacked up by crazy people.

I know most people just see these movies as stupid or silly or pointless, but there is a point here and I like it. I am not suggesting we start showing these kinds of movies in high schools or anything, but they can have merit if you look at them the right way. Donkey Punch is a movie based on a silly premise about silly sex acts, but in a way it is warning us, not only of possibly painful sex acts, but warning us about going somewhere with strangers. Eli Roth's Hostel is torture porn, sure, but it works because of how the fantasy is set up. Everything goes the way the guys want until they are tortured.

The movies in my life

I can vaguely recall E.T being my first movie going experience, which should be impossible because I was 2 years old at the time. My mom does not believe that I really remember it, but I remember E.T scaring me and crying and being taken out of the theater and then bugging my mother to take me back over and over. I swear I remember, unless my mother has just told me the story so much that I think I remember. I guess that is possible, but whether the memory is real or not, the fact remains that even though it scared me and even though I had to be taken out, I wanted to go back! I wanted to see it over and over again.

I played sports growing up, which account for most of my pre-Woodland memories and my childhood was full of seeing every band in concert I could ever dream of seeing. I was blessed with a father and mother who wanted me to have everything I could want. Yet, the thing that has seemed to stick the most is movies. Our family has a pretty typical tradition for Thanksgiving and Christmas of going to see a movie, but our tradition always begins a month in advance as we all decide which movie to see. This is an important decision. Our Christmas movie has become such a big deal that two toher families come with us and a family friend always comes with us whenever he is in town; it is ingrained in all of us to go on Christmas day. At various points in my life, my entire family has spent one night a week watching a movie from Blockbuster, my parents frequently go on dates to movies and my father and I will often to go catch movies together.

Growing up Mormon, Sundays were family days. Therefore Sundays became the one day a week my brothers and I got along. Our Sunday activities varied over the years, but from the time we were 11 until we were about 14, Travis and I would create entire worlds of movies. We did not have cameras, so they were not shot, but we mapped our characters, plots and then went loose and acted them out. Of course, they were mostly action movies, but we had some straight up comedies and some adventure flicks. It got to the point where we created fictional actors that would show up in our movies and every so often we create our own Movie Awards. We were not joking around. My favorite actor was Kenny Anderson. I played him, and he was like what Will Smith is now, yes I even played him as a black man. During the summer when we were getting along Travis and I would get dropped off at the movie theater and take in a double feature.

The movies of my childhood were more than just ways for my parents to keep me busy. I wanted to go home and re-create these stories with a Kyle twist. Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure became a way for me to pull The Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters and Dick Tracy into the same story in my room with the action figures. We spent hours setting up all our action figures to create the story and then we would spend hours playing out our movies. I did not really know it at the time, but those Sundays would be the foundation of my criticism of film. Anyone can tell a story; hell we all love telling stories, so it became about how we told the story. It was about how we made our Dick Tracy different from the Warren Beaty film. Or how our Goonies like story included not pirates, but gangsters, or whatever. My entire experience growing up was readying me for a lifetime of loving movies.

Sports, especially baseball, have always been my first love, but the love I have for movies has become what defines me. It does not take people long after meeting me to see that movies figure prominently into my every day life. Get me going on the camera work in Children of Men or the story telling of The Lord of the Rings, or even the comedy in Tommy Boy and it becomes clear that movies are ingrained in me. I am not technical about movies and I am still learning terms and still learning the process of movie making, but that is what is exciting to me. I feel like I can never learn everything there is to learn. I can watch a movie 50 times and then on the 51 time find something completely new that I did not see before.

I recently finished Robert Rodriguez's amazing book Rebel without a Crew and it filled me with the desire to go back and watch all of the movies that made me fall in love in the first place and then go watch the movies that keep me falling in love with movies. I am not sure if it will turn into anything for the blog, but starting next week I am going to start watching all these movies I have loved my whole life and then the movies I have fallen in love with recently. The wonderful thing about this is that every year I see 2 or 3 movies that remind me why I love movies and I have already seen like 4 or 5 this year and the year still has 5 and a half months left!

Wild Wednesday

I am still struggling with what I want to do on this blog on Wednesdays, so I think I have it figured out. I am going to have 5 things for Wednesdays and just scroll through them on a weekly basis.

Week 1: Essay
Week 2: Music video reviews
week 3: movie trailer reviews
Week 4: album reviews
Week 5: DVD reviews

This week I want to talk a little bit adaptations.

I like to think of myself as not being a book snob. I am not one of those people who always says "Well, the book was better" every time a movie is made from a book. I like to believe that each format has great things about them. Yes, movies begin in the hole because nothing can compare your own imagination, in terms of how characters look or how the action unfolds. This is just the nature of a book. That is what makes books so wonderful. However, seeing the things in your mind in some way on the big screen can be a wonderful experience as well.

I have been thinking about this a lot the last few days because of My Sister's Keeper. Now, I have not read the book, and I have not yet seen the movie, but the adaptation has really struck a chord all over the Internet with fans because the movie has changed the ending of the book. I cannot say how the book ends or how the movie ends, although I have a pretty good idea at how both end from reading about the controversy. In adapting a book into a movie things have to be changed or cut or moved in order to take the length of the novel and turn it into a 2hr or so movie. However, most adaptations keep the original idea, or moral of the story. It does not seem like this one has done that. In Watchmen, events of the ending changed but the end message stayed the same. I know fanboys were up in arms over the changing of the major event in Watchmen, but they were missing that while the event changed, the intention stayed the same. That is a successful adaptation, in my opinion. Watchmen turned a huge Graphic Novel into a less than 3hr movie, but got the basic intention of the Graphic Novel just fine. My Sister's Keeper did not do that. Whereas the abrupt ending of the book (again I am sort of guessing) was meant to show that you cannot always fix things and that fate will have its way, was changed for a more Hollywood appropriate ending.

I also want to draw attention to some movies that are, in my opinion, better than the books that came before them. The Lord of the Rings trilogy is always the first one I go to because while the books are amazing, the movies keep all of the amazing elements and lose a lot of the more Tolkienian aspects that have been a hindrance on so many people who try to read them. The Hobbit songs are gone, first and foremost and the story moves a lot more quickly in the films. Because the visuals in the movie are so striking and strong, they make up for losing the ability to create something in your imagination, besides, Gollum looks nearly identical to how I always envisioned him looking. John Grisham's A Time to Kill is another movie that does the book better, but for a totally different reason. The acting in A Time to Kill really help put faces to the ideas and morals to be found within that movie. I did not really get into the book hardcore until I had Sam Jackson's face to place on the jailed man.

Then there are those movies that are adaptations that I did not know were adaptations and if the movies do their jobs, I will pick up the book. This happened just as recently as yesterday, when I finally read The Soloist. Until the movie, I had no idea the story existed. The movie, while good, left me wondering about a few things and the book answered those questions for me. I know people are always strongly adverse to their favorite books being turned into movies, but I have read more than a few books because I saw the movie first and only knew it was a book after the fact.

The snobbery or the elitist joy one gets from saying "The book was better" is nothing more than that person's attempt to show that they can read and since for whatever reason people think that reading equals intelligence, they are trying to prove they are smarter than someone who has not read the book, or who does not care one way or the other. Yes, most often, the book is always better, but if you know that before seeing the movie, why go see it? If your mind is made up that the movie will always be inferior, just stay away. People want to stop Hollywood from turning books into movies, but without them we would not have the movies Gone with the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, The Godfather, Silence of the Lambs, The Lord of the Rings, No Country for Old Men, Forrest Gump and countless other Oscar winning and much beloved movies.

The Tony Awards

The Tony Award show is the weirdest award shows I watch, because I never care about the winners. How can I, when I have never seen any of the shows? Legally Blonde and Spring Awakening remain the only two shows I have seen with the original cast, so every year when I sit down to watch the award show, I don't really know anything about anyone nominated or the shows that are nominated. I read reviews and everything, but I cannot make my own decisions. This goes in direct contrast with The Oscars, The Grammys, The Golden Globes and The Emmys. With those shows, I have seen or heard almost everything nominated in the categories that interest me. I know what the performances looked like because I have watched the movies. So, why watch the Tony Awards? If the actual winners do not matter to me, what is the point?

This year, Neil Patrick opened his hosting duties by saying that as a kid watching the Tony Awards was the only way he could see what Broadway was up to. I know it sounds silly now, with the Internet and everything, but I feel this same way. I am something of a Broadway novice. Even though I have spent 11 years performing in musicals, I am kind of stupid when it comes to musicals. I just started buying Cast Recordings like 6 years ago, and I am kind of particular as to what I buy. I do not spend a lot of time on Broadway websites or blogs and I do not watch a lot of videos from shows. I love musicals and I love plays and have immensely enjoyed the 5 Broadway shows I have seen and I love live theater, but for whatever reason, I do not use my Internet time on Broadway. Some of it is because I think being introduced to a show via a shaky video taped Youtube video will never do a show justice.

For the longest time, I was introduced to shows through friends. I was introduced to Rent and Batboy through a friend from a show, and then living with Erik and Jason introduced me to all kinds of shows, but for the last four years, I have really relied on the Tony Award performances. It is the chance for shows to get my 12-17 dollars on a cast recording based solely on the performance of the cast in 5 minutes on the Radio City Musical Hall stage. This is why I watch the Tony Awards.

Before I go further, I have to explain what I am looking for in an album from a musical. I need something that is fun to sing. I love pop and rock scores. I need something I can sing at the top of my lungs and have fun doing it. I am not against classical Broadway shows, but they are not as much fun to sing. I am not a traditionalist, in fact, when it comes to Broadway, I am more of that "General Public" Broadway snobs hate. I love jukebox musicals and pop operas and pop voices. But, I will not buy something just because it is a jukebox musical. I have to watch the award show to make sure it is something worth purchasing.

This makes the preferences monumentally important for me. I am prone to impulse purchases and I will have my computer open, with my iTunes open and I will buy something as soon as a good performance happens. I am probably more easily impressed than a majority of people watching the Tony Awards because I just really like to watch people sing and dance and harbor the misguided belief that anyone who actually made it to Broadway deserved it. Call me naive, I guess. However, I am rarely truly impressed by the performances on the Tonys. I need something extra from the cast. I know they perform 8 shows a week and they are probably tired, but I need a show. I need to be able to imagine what a whole show looks like. I think the people who decide on what to perform understand this, because often people go for medleys, but that does not always work (Hello, Spring Awakening).

My method is not full proof. Jersey Boys had an awesome performance at the Tonys in 2006 and I was so excited to buy the album and I have not listened to it in years because I hate it. So many of the great songs from The Four Seasons are part of medleys on the album. I am sure I could sing to it, but the good songs are too short and their is entirely too much music on their, which means they had to use some bad Four Seasons' songs. Call the Mamma Mia syndrome. Also, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels ended up performing the one song I actually ended up liking when I bought that album.

However, because of the Tony Awards I have the cast recordings for The Wedding Singer, Spamalot, Rock of Ages (Which is going to be an amazing addition for Road Trip music) and one of the best albums I have heard in the last few years: In The Heights. I had never even heard of In the Heights until the performance last year. Now, I am obsessed. Proving the power of a Tony Performance, the cast of In the Heights won me over so much, I have watched basically every video on Youtube. Now, the album makes the whole thing totally incredible, but if the Tony Award performance had been weak, I may never have bought it.

One last by-product of watching the Tony Award performances is I can skip buying shows, I thought I would like if the performances suck. I figured Cry Baby would be a show I would like, but the number they performed was awful in every way and I opted not to buy the album. The same went for Passing Strange and my curiosity to see Shrek was definitely put to rest by their number. Then there are a few performances that did not make me want to buy the album but got me interested in wanting to see the shows: Billy Elliot, Curtains and The Color Purple.

The Tonys offer an audience a unique look at something they will most likely never see, at least not on Broadway. Now, I do not know anyone who watches the show that is not a big Broadway nut, but I imagine there are people out there, people who dream of being able to spend the money to go to New York and see a Broadway show. For those people, the Tonys are important for different reasons than just who wins and loses. Most people can shell out 10 bucks to go see a movie that has been nominated for an Oscar, but the performances of the Tonys have the opportunity to shape an opinion on what one show people will see if they get to Broadway that year. That is what makes the show important. That is why I love the Tonys so much.

However, having Neil Patrick Harris hosting, doesn't hurt!

The art of Trailers

Most people complain about the amount of trailers that appear before a movie; they suck. There is an art to the trailer. There are ways to do it right and wrong and often times the genre of the film can be the device on hwo to judge a trailer, but there are rules to how they should go. What follows will be many trailers and some breaking down of what works and what does not work. I do this mostly because it is something I have thought a lot about and it is my blog and I can do whatever I want. Also, I mention trailers often in my reviews and this will provide the framework for those types of discussions.

Rule #1: Show just enough

The Matrix: We kind of know what the movie is about, but not so much that we do not need to see the movie to understand. There is a ton of action and a few philosophgical questions posed. This is what we need to want to see the movie. For 2 minutes and 30 seconds I desperately need to see this movie.



Snake Eyes: Everything is going okay until the 1:57 mark when they show way too much by giving away what would have been a twist. Why do I need to see this thrillers when the big thrill has been spoiled for me?



Rule #2: (For action movies) Never give us your best stunt/sequence/explosion in the trailer! Of course, we cannot know this happened until after the movie. So, the disgust is retroactive.

Superman Returns: This is the biggest offender of this. At the 2:20 mark pretty much the coolest thing happens and it made me need to see the movie because how much cooler woudl the rest of it be. WRONG! It was the single best moment in the movie and they blew it. It was the peak and I got it before entering the movie



Rule #3: Misleading the audience. This is another one that is essentially retroactive, because we cannot really know we have been misled until the movie is over.

Gran Torino: The trailer makes the movie look like a revenge movie. It looks like a movie full of violence and leads me to believe CLint is going to somehow kill all of the gang members. The movie is not about that at all!



Rule #4: Music choice. This can actually make or break a trailer, really. There are many examples of good and bad music choice in a trailer.

The Last House on the Left(2009): When I reviewed it I already made mention of the song, but it is a perfect song choice. The song is moody and somber, so it only hints at the violence and the vocals are slow and drawn out, like torture. It is also a song about love, which works as a juxtoposition for the carnage, but also works becuase the parents do this out of love.



Miami Vice: There will be people who disagree with me on this one because there is a way to look at it that the song fits. However, Michael Mann has no business having Linkin Park as music in his films. To me, the hybrid of Jay-Z/Linkin Park suggests something different than Miami Vice. Maybe my perception of a Miami Vice movie is different from what it should be to begin with.



Rule #5: Do not give away your funniest material, while still being funny. (applies to comedies or action comedies) This is very similar to the action sequence rule.

Superbad: The trailer offers tons of laughs, but it barely scratches the surface of the comedy held within the nearly two hours of the movie. Plus, it gave us McLovin which is hilarious and needed to be in the trailer.



Anger Management: All of the funny to be had in this movie can be found right here in this trailer. The other stuff not in this trailer is not at all funny.



Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox story: It is possible this movie is funny, but you cannot tell that from this trailer.



So I thought I would show 1 perfect trailer and 1 possible perfect trailer to recap and show how these things all can work together. I am not going to pick obvious ones liek The Dark Knight or something epic like that because it would be too easy. Also, it is purely a coincidence that Seth Rogen stars in both.

Pineapple Express: First off, it shows some funny stuff without showing the funniest stuff. Next, it gives good action, but does not show the most epic stuff. It gives us an idea of what the movie is about but still leaves me wondering things, which is always good. Lastly, it has the perfect song.

Offensive language WARNING



Observe and Report: This movie looks so dark and funny at the same time, which makes me really want to see it. it has a perfect song to match the voice over stuff. Now, it could all be misleading, but for now, it is perfect. It makes me laugh and cringe, and I need to see where it is all going. The song I mean starts at the thirty second mark.




One last trailer I want to show and mention because this si the trailer that really spawned this entire conversation that began in my head. The music is perfect and visually it looks amazing, but it has no story clues at all. yes, I am dying to see it

Where the Wind Things Are


I know this is not an all inclusive list and I know that not everyone will appreciate the artistry of the trailer, but I like them because they can lead me to things like this.

Dude, Where's my taste?

I think the movie most people would be surprised to find out I love is Dude, Where's my Car?, and I cannot out right defend this love. I would never try and back up my love for this juvenile film with any sort of critical analysis except to say that there is a certain amount of respect I have for a movie willing to throw everything possible at the viewer. I should not at all like a movie that was birthed out of a rejected live action Beavis and Butthead script. I hated Beavis and Butthead as a cartoon and would probably hate it in live action. There is no real appealing part of Ashton Kutcher's on screen persona and the movie has two idiots as leads, which is tough to do. I prefer my slackers to be of the Harold and Kumar type, where they are smart, just unmotivated. Yet, through all of that I find myself cracking up every time I watch it.

To test that theory I recently rewatched the movie to see how it plays to me having not seen it for a few years. I am more than slightly embarrassed that it still gets me. The movie is about two guys who wake up with no memory of what they did the night before and now they are searching for their car to find the gifts they got their girlfriends for their anniversaries. As they walk the streets trying to find the car, they are confronted by a myriad of people who some what help them piece together their missing night. They are being sought after by a band of nerds, hot alien chicks, gay alien dudes, a transsexual stripper, their girlfriends, their boss and a bunch of jerks.

As far as the comedy goes it is very low brow, but not a lot of bathroom humor, or any really. There are a few sex jokes, but it is only a PG-13 movie, so it stays pretty clean, which is a bit surprising these days. Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott make a pretty good team, although I feel like Sean William Scott is slumming it too much here, but he looks like he is having fun doing it, which is a plus. The movie is littered with hot girls like Kristy Swanson and Jennifer Garner and at every turn is another ridiculous scenario that only works because the movie is getting more and more ridiculous and does not operate in a sense of reality. I would never ever recommend the film to anyone, but it makes me laugh.

I know I should never come down on anyone for liking stupid movies if I have this movie in my collection and love it the way I do. However, if your stupid movie features guys getting beat up by ostriches then I will allow you to like it. Stupid comedies are an interesting thing because different things appeal to different people and there are times when people just want to laugh at stupid things, I guess. I am not usually of this mind state but we all have our weaknesses. Perhaps I am need to lay off of the condemning people for liking stupid movies. I do not think it is really that people like stupid movies it is the desire they have to make me watch their stupid comedies. Do not push your weak ass drugs on me, man! Never once have I told someone they should watch Dude, Where's my Car so stop bullying me into watching Grandma's Boy and Borat! yes, I put Borat in the same category as Dude, Where's my Car. The only difference is, Borat, and it's fans, thought they were watching some kind of social experiment, when they were just watching a piece of crap movie. At least when I watch Dude, Where's my Car I know I am watching a piece of crap movie.

I want to leave you with some quotes from the movie that appeal to me:

Chester: How wasted were we last night?
Jesse: Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, we're on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted.

[about the hot chicks]
Chester: Those double-crossing, sexy-sexy sluts!
[starts crying]

Wait a second, let's recap. Last night, we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying.

So is this. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency!

Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
Chester: [opens cupboard] I'd say it's entirely possible.

And my favorite:

Jesse: I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.

Things to love and hate about my job

As most/all of you know, I am currently on my second tour of duty working at a movie theater. I have spent nearly 4 years total working in the business of a movie theater. Also, as most of you know, I am annoyed by much and feel like ranting often. What follows is a combination of those two things. This will not be a rant aimed at my specific situation, but working at a movie theater in general, as seen through my color changing eyes. It will be in bullet form, but there is no particular order except things I love will be grouped together and things I hate will be grouped together.

Things I hate about my job

-People showing up late for a movie. I understand that people do not like previews, but there is no reason to be late for a movie. The opening sequences of the movie will almost always matter and set up the scope of a film. I also hate "Oh well, I didn't miss anything important, did I?" Yes, you did you moron.

- With a long line people coming up to the register not knowing what they want. You have been line for a while now and we are a movie theater. We have candy, popcorn, nachos and hot dogs! It is not like ordering off a menu at a restaurant. It is not a complicated process.

- Asking for butter to be layered. I have been to more movie theaters than you have and they all layer butter as a policy now. STOP ASKING!!

- "I want a soda." I need to know size and kind otherwise it is just a waste of words. Telling me you want a soda does me no good whatsoever. Be specific, or else I will choose for you and I promise, the concoction I of soda I choose will not taste good.

- You do not need 7,000 napkins. You do not use them all and you are just wasting them. Stop it, now!

- The question "Can I get a medium and a large?" There are still about 4 questions I have to ask, which makes your initial question pointless. Stop wasting my time, idiot.

- After looking at our candy, this question "Is this all the candy you have?" No, I keep the good stuff hidden in the back but you have to know the secret code and pass a retina scan. Why would we hide candy? We want to sell it to you!!

- The question "What movies are you playing?" In order to come into our theater, you walked under a GIANT marquee that named our movies, all of the posters that say "now playing" and most likely our time board which lists our movies. We are not trying to keep it a secret. I promise we want you to know.

- Anyone who brings someone under the age of 14 to an R rated movie. There are no exceptions for me here. There is no reason for an 8 year old to watch Rambo. There is no reason for a 13 year old to watch Watchmen. If you do this, be prepared for me to judge your parenting skills. You are a horrible parent.

- This one is slightly new: Fatties going fat. Fat people, do not get a large popcorn and tell me to drench it butter, then get a large soda, candy and nachos. We fat people have a hard enough time as is, we do not need fat people fatting out in public.

- Any sentence that begins "Gimme" or "Give me." It just sounds so rude and I do not respond well to rude.

- Giant groups of teenagers with mixed sexes. Guys on their own and girls on their own generally listen to me when I ask them to be quiet, but in mixed company, the guys feel the need to look cool and the girls all act like idiots.

- Finally, the usual cell phone hate. If you are so popular that you need to be on your phone in a movie, do not go to the movie.

The Things I love about my job

- I get to watch free movies, eat free popcorn and drink free soda.

- I get to know so much about movies.

- People are constantly asking me for my opinions on movies. It carries such power.

- My room is lined with awesome movie posters.

- I spend 4 or 5 hours a day talking movies with co-workers or customers.

- I get to talk to Larry the film guy. He is much funnier and cooler than Larry the Cable Guy.

- There is a power in threading and starting a movie.

- Finding people who love movies.

- Midnight crowds in the summer are awesome.

- Thursdays. I really like changing posters, times, movies and all of that good stuff.

My favorite question to get asked

- "Do you guys have a bathroom." I like to answer "No, we do not" and just watch them for a few seconds while they figure out what they are going to do. Never mind that both sides have a sign that is pointing downstairs and says restrooms. It is really entertaining to watch people get really confused at a building not having bathrooms.

The stupidest question I have ever heard

This guy walked in and asked "Are you guys a movie theater?" I guess all of the MOVIE posters were not a dead give away. What the hell else are we going to be? The building says State Theater and we are lined with movie posters!! Of course he was excited for Fast and Furious.

The sad reality that 3D is not going anywhere

I wish I had a more clever title for this little essay/rant. I feel like I kind of give my entire argument away in the title, but oh well. It is my blog I can do what I want.

In less than a year, I have watched 3 movies in the 3D format and there are another few left to come out this year. Theaters are slowly being upgraded to include a digital/3D auditorium, with Reel-D (the biggest 3D company) promising to put over 2500 3D ready screens and projectors in Cinemark theaters across the country. This is a trend that is not going away and I guess I have to reserve myself to this fact. I want to be engaged by the 3D. I do. I want to understand this idea of movies seeming to be more interactive, but I just cannot get behind it. I know, I have seen 3 of them so it seems like I am behind it, but trust me, I am not.

Last summer was my first experience in 3D in a real movie theater. I went and watched Journey to the Center of the Earth. I reviewed it and said that it would have been worthless without the 3D. I still stand behind that, but I also do not think the movie is worth anything, even in 3D. There have been better dinosaur movies made and better Brendan Frasier movies made. The fundamental problem with 3D movies is that they have to feature enough 3D effects to satisfy those who paid the extra $2.50 for the glasses. This means yo-yos, kites, and other things that jump. Can it work? Sure it can. "Journey" featured a nice attack fish jumping at me and My Bloody Valentine had a really nice detached jaw and blood flying at me. Very cool. Yet, The new Friday the 13th featured better jumps without 3D. However, I would forgo those "jumps" to not have to deal with the lame stuff that jumps out as well.

What brought this idea to the forefront of my brain was Coraline. It seems as if I am in the minority of not enjoying the movie, but it goes beyond just being a fairly boring movie. Right in the beginning of the movie there is a cool needle 3D effect. Then, for an hour and 40 minutes I get nothing worth a damn. Sure, the colors are pretty, but the colors would be just as pretty without the annoying glasses. On top of that, there were times I took the glasses off and the screen was not blurry, so I paid extra for a movie that was not even fully in 3D. What kind of crap is that? This spring I refuse to watch Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D and in the summer, I will watch Up the old school way. The only way to get rid of 3D is to not support the technology.

I understand resisting this change makes me seem old and crabby, but there was a reason 3D came and went 2 other times! It can work for horror movies and maybe for kid movies, but even then, I just do not need it. Movies are just fine as is. I do not reject technology that can enhance storytelling or character. I have embraced every kind of CGI there is. I have no problem with it when it works. I just have not seen a viable reason for 3D movies. I know the idea of 3D will always be a spectacle and used for spectacle movies, but I like spectacle movies! I cannot wait for Final Destination 4, but I do not really want to watch it in 3D. There is not really any surprise to 3D. I know that things are flying at me and I have a pretty good idea of what those things will be.

In closing, I am not out to convert people to the anti 3D movement. I understand people are too stupid to sit and watch intelligent movies and need this extra stimulation. I know kids will be amused by the things coming at them, but I think 3D has a place. It is called Disneyland. I do not bring my complex plotted movies to Disneyland, so keep your Disneyland out of my movie theaters. it is that simple!

The X-Files: A retrospective

As most of you know by now, my summer project was to watch the entire X-Files series before the movie came out. The time has now officially passed, and I did it! In 60 days I watched 201 episodes. Well, I actually watched 195 episodes. I missed 4 episodes due to disc mix-ups from Netflix and I skipped two episodes. I skipped one because I refuse to watch anything with Kathy Griffin in it and I skipped another one because creepy dolls terrify me and I just couldn't get passed the opening scene. But, I did it. Maybe it is not something to be crazy happy about because there are people who are looking for a cure for cancer and stuff, yet I am thrilled. I watched the show a little bit when it was on the air because my best friend in high school was obsessed, but I never really paid attention.

It starts with a very simple premise: two FBI agents look into unexplained phenomena. Fox Mulder was a brilliant FBI profiler whose need to find out the truth behind his sister's possible alien abduction outweighs everything else. Dana Scully was a doctor who left medicine behind to become an FBI agents. She was put on the X-Files to debunk Mulder, but instead, she just grounded him, she helped him with her science and her medicine. Together they worked for 7 years together to find the truth.

There were two kinds of X-Files episodes- the mythology episodes and the monster of the week(MOTW) episodes. The Mythology episodes involved the possible conspiracy between higher government officials and aliens. Mulder and Scully were usually on the short end of the stick in these episodes and they were even both abducted in different seasons. Mulder's undying quest for the truth, led to a lot of death and even more frustration. They usually had somewhere between 6-8 mythology episodes per season, usually each story taking two or three episodes to complete. These mythology episodes featured reoccurring characters like The Smoking Man, Alex Krycek. Mr. X and Deep Throat. At times they were the best episodes and at times they were the worst episodes. In seasons 1-4 I was always anxiously awaiting them, but then in seasons 5 and 6 they started to feel a bit stale and hard to keep track of. In season 7, they took an odd turn as many of the conspirators were killed in season 6. These episodes always offered an interesting perspective on alien life and offered a lot of really cool visuals, although the shape shifting alien bounty hunter and Alex Krycek started to feel more like they were a crutch than a help to the series.

In between these episodes were the MOTW episodes. They could be hilarious (Mulder and Scully posing as a rich married couple) trippy (plants that trapped you and made you believe you were living another life) creepy (inbreeders) or just down right scary (anything to do with the occult). During that time we saw vampires, shape shifters, A.I, witches, demons, a devil and all sorts of other things. Sometimes the stories were specifically about vampires, but sometimes the stories were more like allegories, or were there to pose a question. The X-Files touched on the dangers of plastic surgery, the problems of computer technology and even illegal aliens. Often times it felt ahead of its time. All of the while keeping a pretty good sense of humor about it. It was a landmark show that showcased great acting, writing, directing and featured that classic theme song. David Duchovney wrote and directed a few episodes, Gillian Anderson wrote and directed a gorgeous episode and even The Smoking man got to write an episode where we learn that the Smoking man killed JFK and Martin Luther King Jr.

The show took a turn in seasons 8 and 9 because Anderson wanted a lighter load and Duchovney wanted out, but Fox was not ready to end the show. Robert Patrick was brought in as Agent Doggett and the sexy Annabeth Gish was brought in as Agent Reyes. In season 8, Doggett was partnered with Scully in the search for the now abducted Mulder and the entire series shifted. After two seasons of trying the new thing, the show was cancelled. Season 9 ended in an absolutely horrid series finale. It was a two hour episode that did little to help the series as the first 45 minutes was essentially clip show and the final half was just kind of off the wall with all of the dead characters coming back in Mulder's mind.

I want to talk a little bit about seasons 8 and 9. Overall, I actually really enjoyed them, because of Patrick's amazing Doggett. He got a bum rap because he was replacing Fox Mulder, but Doggett was a great character and the team of the skeptic Doggett and the in-touch-with-the-spiritual Reyes led to some great episodes. The two actors had a great chemistry, if a very different one from Mulder and Scully. I was never sure I wanted to see Mulder and Scully get together, but Doggett and Reyes had such heat between them, I was dying to watch them get together. If anything, the continued inclusion of Scully lessened season 9. It was obvious Anderson had checked out, and every time they brought her on, it brought down the episodes. I am not saying I wish the show had continued in that way, but if Carter had written another show for Doggett and Reyes I surely would be watching it this very second.

Even though the show ended on sour note, I am glad to have watched it and I feel better for having done it. It seems weird, but I think I am more open to paranormal phenomena because of The X-Files. I now better understand where shows like Buffy and Lost come from. The X-Files was monumental for so many years and it is nice to be able to relive those on DVD. Will I eventually get a collectors set of the show so I can rewatch my favorite episodes, hell yes I will!

What follows is a list of my 10 favorite non-mythology episodes:

10. Ice- It was in season 1 and featured Felicity Huffman. It was a very intense episode and was the first episode that really grabbed me.

9. Darkness Falls- Also in season 1. It was another of the more creepy episodes and had really strong visuals.

8. Irresistible- It was a case that wasn't an X-File which made the whole thing really disgusting. It is in season 2

7. Jon Doe- Agent Doggett has no memory and it is Mexico. It is incredible. season 9.

6. D.P.O- Jack Black and Giovanni Ribisi star here and the episode in deliciously fun episode. It is in season 3.

5. Leonard Betts- A guy dies, but keeps reappearing. The shot of him coming out of the tub while his skin is still reattaching itself is worth it. Gross! Season 4.

4. The Rain King- This episode is more funny than anything else. It also features a cute romance, not with Mulder and Scully. Season 6.

3. Patience- Doggett's first official X-File case is tracking a bat person. This episode really endeared Doggett to me. Season 8.

2. Arcadia- The funniest episode by far sees Scully and Mulder going undercover as a wealthy married couple. Also, the monster is just ugly looking. Season 6.

1. Monday- A woman is reliving a day where Mulder is killed every day. It is a brilliant piece of television. Season 6.

Dane Cook is rough around the edges.

Dane Cook can no longer be considered a stand up comedian. He has shed that label over the last few years and no it isn't because he is an actor because 1 good movie in 3 does not an actor make, but, Dane Cook has become a Rock Star. He is worshipped by millions and hated by millions. He seems oblivious to the charges that he is only out for himself and that people think he has disrespected the profession of stand up comedy. People think he used his looks and charm to make people forget he has no talent. Before I go any further I do not believe he is talentless. But that is something his critics hit him with. True, he is not social commentator and a good portion of jokes lack the traditional punchline, but what he has been is the funniest guy at the party. He weaves interesting stories replacing punchlines with catchphrases and when they end you feel like he was sitting on your couch in front of a few friends telling stories. That is his true appeal.

Yesterday brought the release of his new album/DVD, Rough around the edges and while it is a comedy concert it plays very much like a rock show, in my opinion. Hence, Dane Cook the Rock Star. Right off the bat, as soon as his name is mentioned the crowd erupts in a chorus of screams from people who seemed to have been waiting for years to see this man live. Madison Square Garden hasn't probably been that loud for quite some time. To lead off Dane says that this night feels like a party and that he came from the back and someone "has shit on all the coats." Just like a rock star, you want to start with something people know. This joke comes from his most popular album and he doesn't do the whole joke, but it sends the audience into fits of screams like they are all experiencing orgasms at the same time. The rest of the album plays very much this way. With the new jokes we get a lot of what we already know, some familiar themed jokes that let his fans know celebrity hasn't changed him.

His energy is still high like a rock band who is playing their first stadium tour, but he also tries his hand at some one-liners and different joke telling tactics. Like a rock star tired of being typecast with his music, Cook wants to be something more than the funniest guy at the party. The results are mixed as his "civil war" joke starts as a total tank but then half way through he finds his rhythm and ends it on a high point, but the high point is apparently what you see not what you hear, so like any live album, we miss something just hearing it. This is often times not a common thing in a comedy album. If you were to listen to Mitch Hedberg, you can laugh at every joke fully just listening to it because we all know he just stood there and dead panned his genius one-liners. Cook is not that cerebral, but his physical presence on stage is part of his joke telling. Much like Tom Morello is a good guitarist but is loved for the tricks he can do with a guitar (better when seen live, Trust me!) Cook is best served with a helping of DVD, or in person, I imagine. The CD is also ripe with references to his old jokes. He isn't relying on things like "banana sandwich" to get cheers but he knows they will get a reaction, much like at a rock concert when the artist puts the name of the current city to get that eruption of cheers.

Also, Dane Cook understands his 15 minutes didn't start at the same time his career started and he was not content to let some of his older jokes go by the wayside just because he told them before. See, not all of his fans went back and watched everything he had done. So he throws in some stuff for those of us who have been behind him for quite some time. We get "You know you are drunk when you think the cab fare is the time" much like a musician might hit you off with a song from their album that was released before their major deal. Consider these "B-side" jokes. Also, about a year ago he performed a few jokes at some special and it was obvious these were feeler jokes, new jokes that hadn't matured fully. Well they show up on the CD as more fully realized jokes. The "Oprah" bit added a whole new dimension to it. To me these jokes are Dane's version of the first single. Often times when we hear this lead single on the radio we think it sounds rushed but when you hear it live, they have more fully figured out where they want the track to go.

Dane is not oblivious to his biggest fan base though- screaming girls. Like Usher removing his clothes, Dane understands there are things his audience demands. They demand jokes about sex, but not sly or slick commentary about sex, but jokes that require him to mimic sex. Like a rock show he is not afraid of the pelvic thrusts and like a rock show he is not afraid to throw them all over the place (this is just a guess by the outbreak of female screams at random moments). He does however fight back when he calls all the screaming girls sluts, in what might be one of the few moments that truly are "Rough around the edges." He seems to have sex on the brain as a good portion of the jokes have a focus on sex. This is not a bad thing as his sex jokes have brought lines like "Smell my eye" and a nice joke about singing the super mario brothers theme during certain alone time. Now we get "the condom fairy" and in describing a broken condom "you look down and it is just a ring and one bit of the condom waving around like a flag from Pirates of Penzance."

This may not be his best material but everyone goes through down spots. There are still flashes of the comic hilarity Cook has provided his legions of fans especially during his bit about needy children, but there are also some moments that sound like they need some fine tuning, like perhaps he should not have rushed to capitalized on the wave of success he is having. Comedy Cds are unique in that they are best when listened to without skipping around, but this one might require some skipping for people. Also, Cook has a unique circumstance even within his profession of stand up comic and that is he is probably the most famous stand up comic ever, in the realm of stand up comedy. People like Dave Chappelle or Jerry Seinfeld are surely more famous than Dane Cook but their fame came from T.V shows, but Cook got famous based on stand up comedy. That presents a problem when touring because everyone has heard everything already and like writing a new song, writing a new joke takes time, so sometimes you have to just understand that you will have heard all of his jokes when you see him. Of course, he is such a Rock Star he could do the exact same set he did two years ago and his fans won't care. When I see him in December I might actually feel a little cheated if he doesn't do "I Want that!"

They are just movies after all

I remember a few years ago when I used to give Erik a real hard time about his stance on movies. I used to tell him there was nothing wrong with turning off your brain and just enjoying some movie fun. I complained about his love of documentaries and black and white movies and was constantly trying to change him. His nickname was "The Film Nazi." It was a good time for all and I do believe it got him to loosen up a bit and start seeing movies he would not have ordinarily seen, not that that was always a good thing- Garfield, The Pacifier and Barbershop 2, come to mind. Recently though, I have been on the receiving end of such teasing. I am not sure when it happened but somewhere in the last two years I stopped finding merit in movies that had no real redeeming qualities. People have told me they feel sorry for me because I take movies too seriously, They are just movies, after all, right? Sure, they are just movies. But, why shouldn't they just be movies with something deep or entertaining about them?


"When people ask me if I went to film school I tell them, 'no, I went to films.'" - Quentin Tarantino

This all seems to have started with Evan Almighty. For those of you not in the know, I took a tremendous amount of glee in the ultimate failure of that movie. While it may creep into $100 million dollar status by the end of this year, it was considered a bomb at the Box Office and it made me a lot more happy than I should have been. I did not see this movie, so I cannot tell you that it sucked. I can tell you that it looked awful, unimaginative and so blandly unfunny, Napoleon dynamite had reason to think it would not be the worst comedy ever anymore. But why should any of that matter to me? Why should I care if a movie made money or not? Why should I care if people want to go watch a movie where every joke is borrowed from hundreds of other movies? Am I just a movie snob who only wants to see deep movies worthy of Oscars? Well, my love for Transformers would negate that point, or maybe I just don't like dumb comedies? Well, I count Tommy Boy as one of the funniest movies ever and that is not exactly a smart comedy, so it isn't that either. I can't really put my finger on why, I just know that there were better movies out and it disgusted me that a studio shelled out $150 million dollars to make something that looked so crappy. IS that so wrong?


If I have to see 3 Nobits get made in order for one Children of Men to get made, I can live with that.

Is it so wrong to want to persuade people away from Balls of Fury? Is it so wrong to get passionate when speaking about how awful that movie looks? For me an average trip to the movie costs about $18.00. $7.00 for a ticket and $11.00 in popcorn and soda and maybe a candy. $18.00 is roughly the cost of a community theater ticket or a new book or a c.d. If you bought a c.d for 18 bucks and only liked 5 songs on it would you consider it a good purchase, or would you be upset? Would you waste your money on that c.d if you had heard 2 songs on the radio from the c.d and hated them both? I highly doubt it, so why should pay money to see a movie that has a trailer that looks awful, especially a comedy? Comedies should look and sound like Superbad, Knocked up, Hot Fuzz or Thank you for smoking. Watching Will Ferrell play the same obnoxious clueless character in 10 different movies does nothing for me and if asked I will say that. Is that so wrong? People say I shove my opinions down people's throats and if you think that, that is fine, but I believe in honesty and if asked I will give my unfiltered my opinion, it is not my fault it offends you because you enjoy such god-awful movies!

The older I get, the more I look at movies as a moving miracle.- Steven Speilberg

I do not go into each and every movie expecting them to all be like Children of men, I don't, but when I go into a comedy I expect to laugh and when I go into an action movie I expect great action, nothing more nothing less. I believe movies can be more than just ways to pass time. When people think a movie is cute, I don't understand that concept, really. To me, finding a movie cute means it didn't do anything for you, but you can't bring yourself to say you hated it. People are so afraid of forming real concrete opinions and when they start talking to me and I am not afraid of such opinions that they think I am putting them down personally for thinking something different from me. I am not opposed to someone thinking something different than me, but I do ask why they feel this way. If they liked a movie I like to know why and if they can't come up with anything other than "well, it was cute" then I say, that is not an opinion, that is an absence of opinion. There is nothing wrong with loving whatever movie you love or hating any movie you hate, but is it too much to ask to have a reason for it. Look, if you find Will Ferrell funny, that is fine, really it is. But, I disagree with you and I have no problem telling you so and if you really love his movies, you should have no problem going back and forth with me as to why you do love him.

"Basically, you make another movie, and another, and hopefully you feel good about every picture you make. And you say: 'My name is on that. I did that. It's OK.' But don't get me wrong, I still get excited by it all. That, I hope, will never disappear." - Martin Scorsese

Should we have to turn off our brains to enjoy a movie? Should I feel bad for not liking everything I am force fed? I don't think so. I don't think every popular movie is bad but I don't' think I should like something just because everyone else does. If it were up to me, Children of Men would have been the highest seen movie of last year, but that is because I think it is such a brilliant and not much seen movie and I think that is a crime. If you read a book you love, do you not want other people to enjoy it as well? I used to call this whole idea of brainless entertainment, the Dan Brown disease. Everyone was enamored with the hype and the semi interesting story of The DaVinci Code that most people didn't even realize how poorly written it was. With movies it is similar. We are so busy being told that Will Ferrell is funny and that Johnny Depp is an awesome actor that so many people don't even think to wonder if it is true. I am not one of those anti-Hollywood people because I think big summer blockbusters are fabulous, I just wish that all of those people sitting and enjoying Transformers will find a way to enjoy something like No Country for Old Men later on this year.

"I like the movie to be about the movie and to allow people to think about the movie the way I always thought about movies I watched and admired"- Curtis Hanson

I know I care about movies more than the average person. I am perfectly ok with that and I understand I have a habit of being loud, argumentative and passionate about such things and I am ok with that as well, but to be told I take movies too seriously is not something I am ok with. That is like telling anyone their hobby, or their passion is silly. When I say I hate country music around people who love country music, I get an earful and I can respect that. When I say that soccer is not a sport and that rare soccer fan is around, I have to hear about it and I can respect that too (even if I do not respect soccer) so when movies are brought up I have a duty to depend my passion like everyone else. Usually people just keep quiet because no one wants to ruffle any feathers but I am not afraid to do so, so why should that be a bad thing? If everyone stood up for the things they loved it would be a much more fun place to be. You may think this whole essay is silly and that is perfectly fine with me, because it is my blog so I can say whatever the hell I want.

When people see some depth you never intended that's really cool, you just put on a face and say "Oh, yeah, that was deep". What are you going to say? I'm just a moron with luck?- Alfonso Cuaron (director of Children of Men)

In closing I just want to say with four months left in this year, we have plenty of awesome movies about to come out so do yourself a favor and keep an eye out for- Shoot em up, American Gangster, No Country for Old Men, 3:10 to Yuma, Eastern Promises, In the valley of Elah, Across the universe, Into the Wild, Lust Caution, The Darjelling Limited, We own the night, Michael Clayton, Sleuth, Lars and the Real Girl, 30 days of night, Gone baby gone, Lions for Lambs, Leatherheads, Sweeney Todd, The Savages and Charlie Wilson's War.

Hairspray: Fun Musical or blight on mankind

A few weeks ago a fun little movie called Hairspray came out to wonderful reviews from both critics and movie goers. With fun music, great dancing, a feel good story, a good looking cast and a perky lead character the movie is a fun summer romp, or is it? Having seen the movie fully through three times and seen bits and pieces of it throughout the last three weeks I have started to notice that this movie is not exactly the fun movie we all thought it was; if you pay close attention and are not distracted by all the singing and dancing it is actually quite startling. The themes lying underneath the surface need to be talked about and brought to the public attention so we can begin a national boycott. Don’t believe me, well read on.


Theme 1: It is ok to be yourself as long as you realize black people are cooler.


At first it seems that this movie is for equality but if you pay attention it is actually hoping to turn the inequality on its head by showing that black people are cool while white people need black people to seem cool. Look at Tracy and Amber. We love Tracy because she dances the cool black dance moves, listens to the hip black music and befriends black people, but is Amber really that bad of a person? Does she break any laws (unlike Tracy) to get where she is wanting to go? No, so she has a few typical teenage girl jealousy issues, but what girl wouldn’t when you realize your hot boyfriend wants the “cool” girl. It is her mother who breaks the laws, not Amber but do we forgive her, well sort of because at the end she is seen trying to learn the cool black moves from one of the black dancers. Once again proving that this movie is trying to show that those of us who are ok with our whiteness are not cool unless we hang out with a bunch of black people. Where is the equality in that?


Theme 2: When naïve white girls kiss a black guy they turn into skanks.

Penny is a sweet innocent flower of a girl. She doesn’t dance but kind of awkwardly spins her body while her innocent pigtails flail about. Her mom is a devoted Christian and Penny is never quite as cool as Tracy. Her innocence is appealing and we are rooting for her the entire movie, well almost. Towards the end her little crush turns into something much more when Seaweed climbs up to her room and kisses her. In that moment everything changes, Penny goes from a cute girl to an all out whore. When she starts to sing, she growls through her words, unable to keep her hands off of her lover. She spends most of the movie in long loose dresses, but as soon as she locks lips with the forbidden fruit, her final dress is body forming, cleavage showing and very sexual. She even gets on the dance floor and it is only a matter of time before she is screaming for seaweed to give it to her. Not only does this look unfavorably on innocent white girls, but it does not bode well for black people. What kind of message does this send about black teenage boys? Why must movies always somehow show that black people bring out some sort of animal desires? We get it black Americans came from Africa, but this is just blatant racism! Speaking of racism-


Theme 3: Black guys always carry knives


After Seaweed plants that whore turning kiss, Penny has been tied up and punished by her mother, but have no fear because for some unknown reason, Seaweed just happens to be carrying a knife. We do know that he is from the ghetto thanks to his song but nowhere else in this movie does he have a knife? Or does he? Perhaps he has been carrying it all along and we just accept that black people carry knives at all times. Also, if you notice it kind of turns Penny on, taking us back to theme 2. Seaweed dances on a TV show during Negro day, he does not run with the bloods or of the crips. His lethal weapons appear to be his kickin’ dance steps but there is something much darker looming and luckily for him, the director believes all black are always carrying knives just in case something happens that would require them to shank someone.


Theme 4: School is dumb but detention rules!


Tracy is a bad student. She sleeps through classes is genuinely bored until school is out and she can rush home to watch her show. Actually if the show starts right after school than in reality all of the students who appear on the show must leave school early proving that being on a local TV show is far more important than an education. Hopefully for all of these teens, they get fabulous careers because it does not appear that a high school diploma is in any of their futures. On TV they even say “If you want to be one of the nicest kids in town, cut school tomorrow and audition.” What kind of TV show is this? Why not hold auditions after the show that way these kids can still get a good education while they hope to become famous. Oh right, being famous is all that matters to these kids. Obviously this sort of thinking starting in the 60’s and is to blame for the current Lindsay Lohan issue. So can we blame her or just blame movies like this? When Tracy does actually go to school she gets detention. Detention the thing that should be the kiss of death for any high school student turns out to be dance party U.S.A. Well who wouldn’t want to go to detention if it is a club up in there? Detention is supposed to be a quiet and reflective time. It is supposed to happen after school when it will feel like punishment, but apparently the people behind this tragedy of a movie decided to make school seem like prison and detention feel like So you think you can dance.

There it is folks. This movie is clearly a scourge in the side of the American public, but where is the outrage? I will tell you where it is, it is inside me. And now it needs to be inside all of you. It starts with a fun musical but where does it go next? When it end? It won’t until we all stand up and say “No more!” So I will be the one to begin this cry, this boycott because I will put my foot down and say NO MORE!