Hairspray: Fun Musical or blight on mankind

A few weeks ago a fun little movie called Hairspray came out to wonderful reviews from both critics and movie goers. With fun music, great dancing, a feel good story, a good looking cast and a perky lead character the movie is a fun summer romp, or is it? Having seen the movie fully through three times and seen bits and pieces of it throughout the last three weeks I have started to notice that this movie is not exactly the fun movie we all thought it was; if you pay close attention and are not distracted by all the singing and dancing it is actually quite startling. The themes lying underneath the surface need to be talked about and brought to the public attention so we can begin a national boycott. Don’t believe me, well read on.


Theme 1: It is ok to be yourself as long as you realize black people are cooler.


At first it seems that this movie is for equality but if you pay attention it is actually hoping to turn the inequality on its head by showing that black people are cool while white people need black people to seem cool. Look at Tracy and Amber. We love Tracy because she dances the cool black dance moves, listens to the hip black music and befriends black people, but is Amber really that bad of a person? Does she break any laws (unlike Tracy) to get where she is wanting to go? No, so she has a few typical teenage girl jealousy issues, but what girl wouldn’t when you realize your hot boyfriend wants the “cool” girl. It is her mother who breaks the laws, not Amber but do we forgive her, well sort of because at the end she is seen trying to learn the cool black moves from one of the black dancers. Once again proving that this movie is trying to show that those of us who are ok with our whiteness are not cool unless we hang out with a bunch of black people. Where is the equality in that?


Theme 2: When naïve white girls kiss a black guy they turn into skanks.

Penny is a sweet innocent flower of a girl. She doesn’t dance but kind of awkwardly spins her body while her innocent pigtails flail about. Her mom is a devoted Christian and Penny is never quite as cool as Tracy. Her innocence is appealing and we are rooting for her the entire movie, well almost. Towards the end her little crush turns into something much more when Seaweed climbs up to her room and kisses her. In that moment everything changes, Penny goes from a cute girl to an all out whore. When she starts to sing, she growls through her words, unable to keep her hands off of her lover. She spends most of the movie in long loose dresses, but as soon as she locks lips with the forbidden fruit, her final dress is body forming, cleavage showing and very sexual. She even gets on the dance floor and it is only a matter of time before she is screaming for seaweed to give it to her. Not only does this look unfavorably on innocent white girls, but it does not bode well for black people. What kind of message does this send about black teenage boys? Why must movies always somehow show that black people bring out some sort of animal desires? We get it black Americans came from Africa, but this is just blatant racism! Speaking of racism-


Theme 3: Black guys always carry knives


After Seaweed plants that whore turning kiss, Penny has been tied up and punished by her mother, but have no fear because for some unknown reason, Seaweed just happens to be carrying a knife. We do know that he is from the ghetto thanks to his song but nowhere else in this movie does he have a knife? Or does he? Perhaps he has been carrying it all along and we just accept that black people carry knives at all times. Also, if you notice it kind of turns Penny on, taking us back to theme 2. Seaweed dances on a TV show during Negro day, he does not run with the bloods or of the crips. His lethal weapons appear to be his kickin’ dance steps but there is something much darker looming and luckily for him, the director believes all black are always carrying knives just in case something happens that would require them to shank someone.


Theme 4: School is dumb but detention rules!


Tracy is a bad student. She sleeps through classes is genuinely bored until school is out and she can rush home to watch her show. Actually if the show starts right after school than in reality all of the students who appear on the show must leave school early proving that being on a local TV show is far more important than an education. Hopefully for all of these teens, they get fabulous careers because it does not appear that a high school diploma is in any of their futures. On TV they even say “If you want to be one of the nicest kids in town, cut school tomorrow and audition.” What kind of TV show is this? Why not hold auditions after the show that way these kids can still get a good education while they hope to become famous. Oh right, being famous is all that matters to these kids. Obviously this sort of thinking starting in the 60’s and is to blame for the current Lindsay Lohan issue. So can we blame her or just blame movies like this? When Tracy does actually go to school she gets detention. Detention the thing that should be the kiss of death for any high school student turns out to be dance party U.S.A. Well who wouldn’t want to go to detention if it is a club up in there? Detention is supposed to be a quiet and reflective time. It is supposed to happen after school when it will feel like punishment, but apparently the people behind this tragedy of a movie decided to make school seem like prison and detention feel like So you think you can dance.

There it is folks. This movie is clearly a scourge in the side of the American public, but where is the outrage? I will tell you where it is, it is inside me. And now it needs to be inside all of you. It starts with a fun musical but where does it go next? When it end? It won’t until we all stand up and say “No more!” So I will be the one to begin this cry, this boycott because I will put my foot down and say NO MORE!