Okay, allow me to begin with a disclaimer: I do not recommend this movie to anyone who did not love the first one. If you did not enjoy Crank, just do not pay any attention to this review.
In the very first trailer for Crank, the voice over from Chev Chelios(Jason Statham) said, "Today is the day I die." Before we even saw the first movie we knew he was going to die. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN WE HAVE A SEQUEL?? Well, easy. Just look at the tag line for Crank: High Voltage "He died...but he got better." Problem solved! Look, this movie is aimed directly at a certain audience and it knows that. From the moment I heard they were making a sequel, I was hooked. Then when I heard what it was about, I was so excited, I could barely contain my excitement. I needed this movie in my life!
Chev Chelios(Statham) falls from a helicopter, bounces off a car, hits the ground and dies, or so everyone thinks. In reality he is literally scooped off of the sidewalk by the Chinese Triad gang, who want to harvest his organs. Chelios' heart appears to be superhuman for him to have survived the poison from the first movie. He wakes up right before they harvest his penis and escapes. His heart has been replaced by a battery and he has a battery pack attached to it. When that battery pack runs out he has an hour to live. Very early on his battery pack is damaged and he takes it off. Now in order to stay alive he has to keep electrically charging his body to keep the battery going. If he finds his heart his buddy, Dr. Miles is "reasonably sure he can put the heart back in." AWESOME! This sends Chelios on a chase from a guy with a red cooler, which Chelios believes holds his heart. Along the way he reunites with his sexy trashy girlfriend Eve(Amy Smart), has some very public sex at a racetrack, gets in many fights, kills a whole bunch of people and electrically charges his body in ways no one could imagine.
I wish I could just reproduce the script here to show the awesome brilliance of Crank 2. First off, everything in Crank gets upped by about 100% here. The two directors just throw everything possible at the audience and more often then not, it works. There is a character with full body turrets, so he is a joy. Bai Ling shows up as a foul mouthed girl who screams everything. There is a truly amazing flashback to a young Chev Chelios whose mom is played by Ginger Spice. Corey Haim shows up as a strip club owner looking for Eve. There is even a detached head somehow kept alive to the point where he can talk to Chelios. Any movie that can have a character utter a phrase like "Who has my heart" gets points, really. I mean what kind of movie has the audacity to have a character running running Los Angeles without a freaking heart??
Crank 2 is a movie that wonders what would happen if it was possible to make a live action cartoon. Things happen that could never ever happen to real humans but by treating Chev Chelios as a pseudo Bugs Bunny, we see flesh and blood people going through things only animated characters can go through. Or, you can look at Crank 2 as a satire (?) of sandbox video games like Grand Theft Auto. Crank 2 is showing ridiculous those types of games are, maybe? Who really cares, when the lead character is running around downtown Los Angeles looking for HIS HEART!! At one point, there is a protest going on and who is protesting, you ask? Well, Porn Stars want better benefits! Yes, Ron Jeremy shows up as himself as well as a few other "name" porn stars. Why is this? Who the hell knows, but it just adds to this everything-but-the-kitchen-sink mentality.
If you go into this movie you know what to expect. You are watching super ridiculous things meant to be super ridiculous. You expect loony tunes style action, mixed with hardcore violence, seriously gratuitous nudity and one-line non-sequitors like "Chicken and Broccoli." You expect to see Dwight Yoakam deliver the line "Is Dr Miles gonna have to choke a bitch?" And to deliver it with such emphasis, you cannot help but get sucked into this crazy nuts world where a guy can be on fire and still be alive. The movie even gives a description of Chev Chelios as "He looks like the guy from The Transporter movies." Then at the very end when Chev Chelios is on fire and laughing he breaks the fourth wall looks directly us and flips us off. He does this as way to tell off all of those people who will complain about the lack of realism to be found in Crank: High Voltage. Flip them off indeed, Chelios. I can hardly wait for what you will do the next time out.
Final Grade: A. Seriously, an A. It is that awesome
No comments:
Post a Comment