Year One

I feel like maybe it is wrong for me to review a movie that I did not stay through until the end, but I am going to do it anyway.

Billed as the first road trip movie, Jack Black and Michael Cera star as two cavemen idiots who are banished from their tribe. Well, Black is banished and Cera goes with him because his hut burned down. Black was banished for eating from the forbidden tree of knowledge. After he eats it, he believes himself to be smart and he sets out to disprove all the theories of his tribe. Leaving their tribe sends them in some sort of time warp where Biblical characters interact with these cavemen and it is possible there are Roman soldiers involved. During the travels they witness Cain killing Abel, stop Abraham from sacrificing Issac and run into their old tribe members who have been sold into slavery and taken to Sodom. Black and Cera go into Sodom to try and free the two women of their tribe that they love.

It is at this point that I left. I left for a few reasons. First off, the movie is incredibly awful. Secondly, I was starting to get texts that Michael Jackson was dead. Third, the movie was incredibly awful. For starters, it is a comedy without a single laugh in the first 50 minutes. Then, you have scenes that appear to end mid scene like the editor fell asleep and the editing process just kept going and when he woke up, he just told everyone it was finished. There is a scene where Michael Cera gets a snake wrapped around his body and then in mid scene, it just cuts to the next scene without any explanation as to what happened.

I love Michael Cera but this was not a good look for him. His line delivery only works if he has funny things to say, but there is not a single moment of laughter to be had within the entirety of this movie. If you think this movie is funny, I would seriously doubt your intelligence as a human being. That is how bad it is!

The worst part of all of this is that I will forever remember this movie because it is where I was when Michael Jackson died. One of my favorite musicians was dying and I was watching this piece of crap wishing I were dead. It is unfortunate that this movie will be etched into my memory for as long as I have memory because of the monumental thing that happened during it. Screw you Harold Ramis, Jack Black, Michael Cera and the two writers who will now set their sights on ruining Ghostbusters.