I have a lot to say so I am just going to jump in, but the movie will be referred to as TF2 for the review.
For the last two years, Optimus Prime and the Autobots have joined forces with the military to combat any sort of Decepticon movement, while Sam Witwicky has been finishing high school and getting ready to go to college. His girlfriend, Mikaela, is working on cars in hot pants and worrying about Sam leaving for college. Then some shit goes down. The Decepticons are making their move to attempt to revive "The Fallen." There is a map somewhere that leads to some place where there is something that can revive the Decepticons because they are no longer able to produce more Transformers. I am not sure how they used to do it, but some energy is missing and if they can locate this thing, they can suck the energy from the sun of the Earth and The Fallen can come back to Earth and the Decepticons can complete their Global takeover. Unfortunately for Sam, the map, with the symbols is in his head and he is once again on the run from giant transforming robots, only this time he has more buddies. He has Mikaela, a roommate, Bumblebee, an adorable little remote control 4x4 transformer and twin transformers(More on these guys later). Oh and they pick up John Turturro's weird ass character along the way. Only this time he is not a Government agent, just a weird dude with a lot of knowledge.
One of the major complaints I have heard about the movie concerns the story. People don't like it, or don't think there is any, or something. Watching TF2 and complaining about story is like going on a date with Megan Fox and complaining about the lack of intelligent conversation. You do not go on a date with Megan Fox for intelligent conversation and you do not watch TF2 for story. That being said, I liked the story. I was interested in the ancient mythology that Transformers had battled on Earth for a long time and that Prime is a family name that roughly translates to BAD ASS. I like that we got 15 minutes worth of exposition from a retired Transformer who had been in the Smithsonian. Jetfire is his name and he is a beautifully rendered Transformer and he tells interesting stories, very much like the Obi Won of the story. He moves the movie along while filling us in on the things we need to know.
The next major complaint concerns the twins, Skids and Mudflap. The complaint is that these two characters are negative stereotypes on black people. Here I whole heartedly agree. These characters are meant to inspire comic relief, with one having a gold tooth and both talking in some broken Ebonics and wanting to bust caps and admitting they cannot read, they are disgusting and incredibly racially offensive. It got to the point where they were very distracting from the overall experience of the movie. I am not sure how these characters got into the movie or why someone felt they were necessary because the movie is steeped in comic relief as is(more on that later), but there they are in all their gold toothed glory, spouting off one ignorant, stereotypical phrase after another and in the moment when they admit they cannot read their own language because it is old stuff, I just threw up my hands in disgust.
Through all of that, is the movie any good? Well, yes and no. It is not as good as the first one, that much I do know. My biggest problem with TF2 was how much comic relief there was. You have John Turturro, the little 4x4, the twins, Sam's roommate, Sam's parents and to a certain extent, Sam himself. There are entire scenes that are used just as comic relief that did not inspire laughs (Sam's mom high on a pot brownie). I know these are the types of things one can expect in a Michael Bay movie as he loves to mix the bombastic explosions with goofy nonsensical comedy, but the movie is just too full of comedy that does not work. The roommate, too good looking to be such a nerd, is played as the guy who thinks he is cool, but whines, screams and hides like a little girl at the first sight of real danger. Ha ha, very funny. Well, when the guy tazes himself it is pretty funny and when John Turturro tazes him it is pretty funny. So, when annoying roommate gets tazed it is funny, when annoying roommate does anything else, not funny. In TF3, I hope he gets tazed a lot more. After all of that comic relief, it is still not done because the giant Transformer, Devastator has two giant wrecking balls for testicles. WHY!?!?!
However, when it comes to TF2, what I really want, what I really need is action. And TF2 has it is spades. The opening action sequence is astounding and anytime you have Optimus Prime jumping out of an airplane, you have a bad ass scene. Then, you have the best scene in the whole movie where Optimus battles 3 or 4 Decepticons, including Megatron. The scene, which takes place in a forest of some sort features amazing fight choreography, great CGI, and even a nice emotional pull. It is the kind of scene you want duplicated throughout the entire movie. The characters are sharper looking, more fluid moving and the fight looks like it is just a human fight replicated by giant transforming robots. SO Awesome. Then you have the kick ass climatic battle that weaves human forces and robot forces battling it out near giant pyramids. Devestator looks so kick ass and while he does not actually do much, he looks super impressive. There are awesome explosions, incredible looking robots, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson looking very good in their military outfits while shooting, dodging bullets and screaming official sounding things and you have Megan Fox running, a lot. What can be better.
That leads to the next problem, the climax within the climax. The climax takes up the final 30 minutes of the movie, but the climax within the climax is a one minute fight between Prime and The Fallen. BOO! It is a kick ass minute, but still only a minute and after 2 and a half hours of foreplay, you want the damn thing to last longer than a minute, right ladies? I am not sure why is it such a short fight, but the movie is called "Revenge of the Fallen" and the Fallen does not really so much but sound like Candyman(Awesome Tony Todd) and sit and wait. Then when he done waiting, he fights for a minute. What up, yo? Did something go wrong in The Fallen's contract? Was his trailer not up to SAG standards and so he walked? I do not know, but I was majorly bummed.
Of course, the biggest problem with the movie has nothing to do with robots at all. You want me to believe that giant transforming robots exist, fine. You want me to believe in a Transformer with giant testicles, cool. I can even buy into John Turturro's character in a man thong, really I can. You cannot convince me there would ever, in a million years, be a time and place where a guy like Sam Witwicky would travel across the country to go to college when he is dating Megan Fox. No sir, you are a liar. No guy walks away from that. No way, no chance, no how. This is the biggest lie in the movie. Megan Fox is walking sex, her character is dirty, loves to fix cars and wears tiny little shorts while doing it. No guy is leaving that for anything. Sorry, but not happening.
TF2 is a mixed bag of bad jokes, hot chicks (hello, Isabel Lucas!!), amazing action and Shia running and while screaming. For the most part I got what I wanted, but there was too much of the stuff I did not want for me to fully recommend this movie to people who are not already fans of giant robots who transform into tanks, cars, trucks, and hot chicks (Hello, Isabel Lucas!!). No people get peed on in this movie, but the little 4x4 does hump Megan Fox's leg, but can you blame him? I think if I got close to Megan Fox, I would hump her leg too. When Michael Bay directs a movie there are certain things that you just have to allow, because you know that through it all you will get kick ass, loud as hell, explosions and if I have to suffer through some pretty bad comedy to watch Optimus Prime lay the smackdown on a few Decepticons, well I can deal with that.
Final Grade: C+
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