Saturday, July 29, 2006

Miami Vice(spoilers)

There has always been three things to expect from a Michael Mann picture-slow openings, great performances and amazing shootouts. Miami vice has the slow opening and has a singular above average shoot out but gets horrid performances from normally talented people.


This movie is supposedly a remake of the 1980's Don Johnson television show, however it looks and sounds nothing like it. Why they didn't just make this movie and change the character names so it wouldn't be a TV show rip off is beyond me. Wait, scratch that, why they made this movie at all is beyond me. The opening sequence makes no sense and don't think it really did anything to introduce us to the characters or to the story we were about to witness. The movie apparently takes place in Miami and Cuba, both of which usually appear to be sexy destinations but this movie has about as much sex appeal as Rosie O' Donnel. Colin Farrell with his trailer park mullet and 70's porn mustache can't seem to spit words out without trying to sexily whisper them and the sexy body having Asian chick he hooks up with was certainly not picked for the role based on level of skill as an actress. But as sexy as she is, she can't heat up the clunky, cheesy exchanges with Farrell and the sex scenes are not at all sexy. They are thrown together and lack any sort of fire.


Academy award winner and platinum selling singer Jaime Foxx doesn't fare much better. While he certainly looks the part of cool and has all kind of talent and charisma, it is all wasted here in a horribly written undeveloped character. All of Jamie's natural humor is wasted as he plays an overly serious cop. He also has no chemistry with his leading lady, Naomie Harris, who was seen earlier this summer in the catastrophe that was Pirates 2. Michael Mann throws both couples in showers together, yet the only steam that arises is from that water. Jaime Foxx gets maybe one joke to crack and it comes during one of those oddly placed sex scenes.


In Heat Michael Mann gave us the single best shoot out ever in cinema. Disagree with me if you want, just know I am right. I had heard that the final shoot out in this film would rival that so while I hated the rest of this movie I anxiously awaited that finale. It so was not worth the wait. As great of a shoot out as it was, it was too short given how long it took to get there. The gun shots sound more amazing than any other, but it doesn't save the movie. In the end, none of it makes any sense. You don't know if someone was double crossed and the only thing worth cheering for is when Jaime Foxx gets his revenge and splatters the bad guy all over the conveniently very white wall.


I was very excited about this movie. I have liked Colin Farrell since Tigerland (go look it up) and I have found Jaime Foxx to be a tremendous actor since Any Given Sunday. Yes, Michael Mann often makes heavy handed, slow movies like Ali and the Insider but when he gets it right (collateral. Parts of Heat) he makes great movies. This had all the fixings to be good summer fun at worst, but everything about this movie was awful, except for the use of the Jay-z. Linkin Park mash-up at the opening.

Monday, July 24, 2006

The Wedding Singer(Broadway cast recording) CD review

After seeing one song performed at the Tony awards I decided I wanted this for my birthday. Well my birthday came yesterday and to my delight I received the CD! Of course the first problem right off the bat is the music is different from the movie. See, if you asked me to name the ten funniest movies according to me, The Wedding Singer would be on that list. It is easily the best Adam Sandler movie and part of the reason was the music. Every song in the film perfectly captured the time period. The Broadway show does not have that luxury, which is unfortunate but not a deal breaker.


When the music is replacing music from the movie: "Casualty of Love" in place of "Love Stinks" and George's Prayer in place of the culture club hit, it fails pretty miserably. "Casualty of Love" on its own isn't terrible, but it lacks the punch 'Love stinks" packed. Also, it feels like the acting is terrible , which means I probably won't ever really want to see the show in person, but this is a soundtrack so it isn't really about the acting. As for the music, I LOVE it. Well most of it. It captures that 1980's party, no care kind of vibe and the songs also suit the characters perfectly. When Linda sings "Let me come home" those raw rock guitars are reminiscent of Pat Benetar or of an 80's hair band. A group Linda would obviously like to have sex with.


They kept the two most important songs from the movie. The songs written for the movie. "Somebody Kill me" lacks the power Adam Sandler used, which is weird because I love Steven Lynch and this seems like his kind of song. He hits the tender "Grow old with you" perfectly and the added female vocals are terrific. In fact vocally this CD is nearly flawless. I love all of the voices and no one seems to be pushing or struggling.


The three standout tracks to me are "Not that kind of thing", "Saturday night in the city" and my personal favorite "its all about the green." That song makes me desire to play Glen, just to get the chance to sing it. It is my new "great big stuff", which was my favorite song from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I have heard the script is terrible which is a shame because the movie features some of my favorite lines ever, however it is hard to deny the pure joy and poppy appeal of "It's your wedding day." It certainly seems to have a big replay value, which is pretty much all I want in a Broadway CD. So I am glad I got this!

Reefer madness: The Musical

Any movie that pretty much opens with Alan Cumming is going to get pretty good marks from me. I have a tremendous respect for him for what he did with Nightcrawler in X2 and also as a stage performer. Add to that Kristen Bell(Veronica Mars) and it is a blast of a movie.


The movie, which is actually a movie within a movie, takes place in a black and white early 1930's. Alan Cumming is a film director who has made a film showing how dangerous "reefer" is. The film he has shot is in color and is about the perfect high school boy and what happens to him when he smokes his first joint. It is a musical and features some truly hilarious songs about Shakespeare and weed. The dancing is also really well done.


The film is ultimately making fun of those people who think of Marijuana as a killer or as a gate way drug. The Script is VERY tongue in cheek and making fun of how films were made in the '30s. To be honest, it does get fairly annoying at times, although I think that is mostly the fault of the script and not of the talent on the screen. I was pleasantly surprised with Anna Gastyer because she was horribly obnoxious on SNL but not at all here. Also, Steven Webber of Wings fame, was borderline Brilliant as the Gangster/drug dealer.


I enjoyed it a lot more than I had expected, but to be honest some of that could be due to the fact that I am quickly falling in love with Kristen Bell. She can act, sing, dance and is about the most adorable thing on the planet. In addition, Neve Campbell gives a nice little cameo as the soda pop shop clerk which I am sure was due to her brother being the lead guy. If you are a fan of musicals, or smoking weed while watching musicals. I say catch the madness!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Hostel(spoilers)

Hostel opens with 3 drug minded college age kids looking for sex in Amsterdam. They pay for it and we get our first montage of female nudity. They meet a guy who tells them of a Hostel(place to stay) somewhere near the Ukraine where the girls are all gorgeous and naked. The boys quickly travel to said Hostel and in the spa we get our second montage of female nudity. The guys do more drugs and go back to the hostel where they have sex and we have our third montage of female nudity. It pretty much sounds like heaven, seeing as how they amassed the most beautiful naked bodies known to the human mind, but of course there is something darker lurking.


This film, directed by Eli Roth who brought us cabin fever, takes a twisted turn towards the bloody and gory. The guys are picked off one by one and taken to some dungeon where they are dismembered in horribly disgusting ways. The dungeon is dank and dark and somehow you feel as if you are right there. Most of the gore is actually implied and is in fact no worse than the Texas Chainsaw remake, but hearing the chainsaws, or even worse, hearing the skin being sliced is enough to make one want to vomit. I wanted to turn the movie off, yet there is something about the film that draws you in. It certainly isn't the acting by Jay Hernandez and it certainly isn't script, which mostly contains words for female genitalia, curse words and lots and lots of screaming and crying. But it is there. The story. The curiosity of what is going to happen next and wondering how it will end.


The movie is not for the prudish or squeamish but if you can endure more than a fair share of nudity, blood and severed body parts I recommend skipping saw and renting this guiltiest of guilty pleasures. Also, the ending, I think speaks to human beings at their core, which is not what I was expecting here.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Firewall(spoilers)

Seeing as how I have no social life, my father and I headed off to Blockbuster tonight. Our options were fairly bleak- The Pink Panther, New World, Firewall and Annapolis. The only film both of us could even fathom watching was Firewall. I was rooting for New World, but he wasn't having it.




This movie stars Harrison Ford in full Air Force One growling mode and Virginia Madsen, fresh off an Oscar nomination to play the typical damsel in distress. Paul Bettany plays your typical British "I'm a very smart criminal" villain and what happens in the movie is pretty typical for movies like this. The Bad Guys choose the wrong guy to mess with. It rains when it is supposed to rain. One of the bad guys gets a heart and tries to help and gets death as his payment, yet something about the movie actually works.




This is not a giant leap as far as thrillers go. In fact, Cellular was a much better movie, despite having the unfortunate title. However, I found myself wondering if there was an inside man and found myself actually caring about the family in turmoil. Also, the plan of the criminals actually sounded like a solid plan and Harrison Ford's plan to outsmart the evil doer's wasn't wildly improbable, like it so often is in these kinds of movies. To be honest, I am not a Harrison Ford fan save a few trilogies he has been involved in, but I was impressed by his performance. He didn't let the character get terribly out of control until just the right second and even though he has to be nearing senior citizen status, he manages the physical stuff pretty well. I cant give this thing a glowing endorsement, just to say that the trailers made this thing look awful and it turns out it was better than awful, just not better than average.

Pirates 2(spoilers)

Avoiding the first weekend pirate crazies, Erik and I ventured to the latest installment of "operation: Mainstream Johnny Depp." After a few worthless trailers the much anticipated movie began with a fizzle. I am not going to lie, I was ready to leave after an hour of this mostly useless sequel. For the first hour, Johnny Depp runs and falls like he was in a bad Charlie Chaplin movie, while pretty boy Orlando whines and sexy accented Keira Knightley pouts. Johnathon Price is back as Keira's father, however he is mostly pointless. The new villain is a squid looking, no nosed creature played boringly by Bill Nighy and his merry band of mostly cgi'ed miscreants, marble mouth their way through trite cliched bad guy dialogue.


After an hour and forty five minutes of utter nonsense, the movie picks up steam. They land on the island where the "dead man's chest" is and thus begins a 3 way swordfight featuring some of the craziest fight choreography this side of those off the wall Chinese action movies. The 3-way sword fight gives way to an amazing sword wielding Keira knightley and the cgi'ed evildoers. Then there is a fairly exciting scene on the Black Pearl ship, involving what is called a "dragon." The scene fortifies Orlando;s character as the brilliant pirate he is thought to be. Of course the movie really belongs to Johnny Depp, so he gets to kiss those pouty, sexy lips of the stick figured Knightley leading to an over- dramatic slow motion Johnny Depp shot. The final scene sets up the next movie wonderfully and also lends hope that Pirates 3 will not be the colossal waste of money this installment was. Well, one can hope anyway.

Dashboard concert review

Last night, in midst of throes and throes of emo teens and teenage Will and Grace's, Myself along with my family went to a Dashboard Confessional concert. This is my account of the evening.



We got there before most of the cutters and criers, getting in line early for Dashboard memorabilia, which my sister gladly forked her money over for. She got a t-shirt of a flower that bloomed a bomb, made think the art was going for "Yes I am pretty, but you never know when I will explode." it seemed fitting for the teenage demographic. After maneuvering around girls with black tights under their shredded minis and boys unable to see out from under their jet black hair we made our way to our seats and began playing an entertaining game of "lets find someone older than dad." We finally spotted a man who had to be about mid-50's with 2 heavily underappreciated emo teens in tow. Promptly at 7:30 the first opening act hit the stage. He was an Australian pop singer by the name of Ben Lee. His attire was jacked from Seth Cohen but up close he looked more like a creation out of Tolkein's Lord of the Rings trilogy. His music was light and very catchy. Mostly unmemorable, but he was an incredibly clever man. His lexicon was full of brilliant words and his quips to the crowd were met with rightful applause. He sang 5 songs about first love and summer flings all the while pointing out how ridiculous rock cliches were. If his CD hadn't been like 12 bucks I may have purchased it.



After his set and after a brief intermission, which I spent hoping to find someone who looked more out of place than myself and my parents. I did not succeed, however I did locate a guy who was having a star trek conversation with himself. He wins award for biggest geek-wad of the evening. Right before the lights shut off for the second group I turned around and spotted a girl in the row behind us clad in a sexy strapless pink dress. Eyes sparkling green and hair a crisp brown flowing down over her tan shoulders. I realized then that I found the girl I was meant to fall in love with for the evening.



Opening act number two looked like a pretty typical garage band. They were youngish looking guys in ripped jeans and many many guitars. The band name, jacked from an 80's movie, was Say Anything. Unfortunately, I wished they had said NOTHING! The lead "singer" really just screamed into the Mic, causing feedback I didn't know existed. His typical lyrics were "old people don't teach us anything except how to die" and "normal people suck." He threw in more than few obsensities and the wristband wearing screamo kids seemed to enjoy this sad excuse for music.After their nauseating set, the lights came back on and I continued to look behind me as often as possible, hoping to get a glimpse of my emo goddess. She had a piercing on her upper lip, that glistened when she smiled and I knew I was hooked.



After about 35 minutes of Jimmy Eat World music, the lights went out and the emo kids united for a chorus of screams that I sure shredded a few vocal chords. Lights hit the stage which was masked by a white scrim. There he was, Chris Carrabba, in a lighted silhouette(sp?). Our camp leader for the evening. The scrim fell to the ground and the stage was flooded with lights. Chris, in a red faded shirt put out his hands in a calming cult like welcome. The crowd was instantly electrified as he went into a mid-tempo song off the CD he just released a few weeks ago. He didn't play during the song. He just walked from side to side on stage raising his hands in hopes of connecting with his followers.Now I had read that his concerts were more like singalongs but until you see it for yourself, you have no idea. 7,000 sreaming, crying, unloved teens singing their emo hearts out to every single song. In fact, there were songs that our camp director didn't sing more than half of the song. Mr. Emo manages to keep the mood light with his quirky sense of humor and almost childlike laughter. He plays songs from every album, often taking long guitar duets between he and his buddy John Rolston.



I have to say this, on the new album there is a song where he goes so high I figured it was all studio tricks, but this guy is for real. His falsetto is beyond flawless and his breath control allows him to hold notes for nearly a minute. He plays the guitar with passion and is learning the piano, not afraid to make fun of himself when he plays the wrong note at the beginning of a song.I am not afraid to admit I sang every single lyric of every song. I was unable to speak this morning but it was worth it. I have seen many concerts for many types of music in every imaginable venue and this ranks up there in the top 5 shows I have ever seen. He was funny and personable. The music rocked the entire venue. Not a single person sat down for longer than 3 minutes and you really feel his music as he sings. Sadly I never did catch the name of my emo goddess, but perhaps it was for the better. It kind of fits the theme of the Dashboard confessional recently released album "Dusk and Summer" An album full of summer love and lingering flings.

Superman Returns(spoilers)

This movie kind of hopes that you have recently seen the second Christopher reeves film or at least have a fairly basic idea of what and who Superman is. It is a blessing to those of us who do not need the reminder but a problem for those like my sister who have no clue. The kid playing Superman/Clark Kent, some pretty boy soap opera guy really had an uphill battle to fight for me. I happen to think Christopher Reeves was amazing and the kid from Smallville is turning into a phenomenal Superman, but this kid was incredibly able. He managed to capture the awkwardness of Clark while getting the kind of Confidence that Superman exudes.




Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor goes down as the single best superhero villain portrayal ever. He knows when to go big and when to pull back. He understands who Lex is and what he is after. His line delivery is impeccable and he just owns this film any time he is on screen. I could gush over how Kevin did this for days. He is that brilliant!




Bryan singer of X-men and Usual Suspects fame is again a masterful story teller. The plot is easy enough for anyone to flow yet is brilliant. You believe this is something Lex Luthor would really do. In his X-men films I felt he lacked an understanding of how to use the superpowers, but here, he NAILS Superman. It becomes apparent very early on that he was a fan growing up.That being said, the movie is far from perfect.




The Christ metaphor almost become unbearable. The scenes between Clark and Lois don't flow too smoothly, perhaps an issue with the script or maybe I just don't like Kate Bosworth much. I kept picturing Rachel McAdams in that role. The pace is a bit slow at times and the emphasis on the child is a bit tedious, as cute as he was. The big twist with the kid is pretty much as predictable as the negative responses Ashlee Simpson gets from crowds who hear her "sing" live. The movie runs long at 2 and a half hours but it is definitely worth it. If you like your action movies a bit heavy handed or you just want to go see Kevin Spacey be his usual amazing beyond belief self, or want to see Superman's new awesome cape color up close..GO SEE IT!!

3 fast 3 furious

I finally got to say it today: "1 for 3 fast 3 furious"..Oh those words rolled off my tongue like sweet sweet music


This movie will blow your mind, It is fraught with deep rooted philosophy. The Kind of philosophy Socrates and Plato couldn't even comprehend. Take this gem from Bow Wow for instance "I don't just think outside the box, I tear it up." It is a brilliant analogy on how we should all live our lives. We should not allow ourselves to bound by what society thinks of us. We should challenge our own minds and our thoughts of what we are capable of!!! What about this brilliant little tale from the movie's central hottie: "It was simpler back then, it didn't matter what kind of car you had it was just about the feeling, no past, no future, no problems". See if we could all learn that illegal street racing solved problems I think we would all be in a happier place!!! This movie is one for the ages people. Everyone should run to this masterpiece. You can have your Citizen Kanes and Casablancas but for me. 3 fast 3 furious is now the standard to which all other movies will be judged. No joke that girl was one hot chick

X-3(spoilers)

So overall this movie is better than the other two in terms of action and mutant power usage. It is easy to tell Brett Ratner is a fan of the X-Men comics. Getting the Collosus/wolverine catapult in there, Pyro's insane mis-usage of fire, Iceman becoming ice, but mostly he nailed Storm. Now I have been a big hater of Halle Berry as storm, but she was actually used correctly and got to use her powers properly throughout the film.


Plus Kelsey Grammer just NAILED Beast and again Ratner used Beast's powers perfectly. This movie had a brief look at a Centinal, we got the Danger room. We got to see a bit of The phoenix and a bit of Angel, which would be my biggest complaint. It is not really possible to tell Pheonix's story in under 2 hrs, but they did well with what they had. Of course, having her disinegrate Professor X was just perfect to show just how truly powerful The phoenix is. I think Angel's story was really neglected and served merely as a reason for the "cure" to be found.


I do hope this is the final chapter of the series. I cannot imagine an X-men movie without Charles or Scott. I can't imagine an X-Men movie without Rogue or Mystique. Overall this movie may lack the overall depth or intelligence of Bryan Singer's first two installments BUT Brett Ratner knew exactly what he was doing with the X-men. I imagine most fan boys will piss and moan about things, but seriously as a fan of the comics and a fan of movies, this is a summer blockbuster that Kicks some serious ass. It has some funny lines,but also makes a statement about whether being different is always a bad thing. It is about how ignorance kills but mostly about what happens when you get power hungry,which is the Allegory of X-men has ALWAYS been about for me. Also the acting in this one is a lot more emotional than the first 2. Hugh Jackman just KILLS as Logan, the controlled anger, followed by balls to the wall anger and then the quiet, just wow. I truly cannot wait to see this a few more times!!!!!