Definitely, Maybe

This movie could be filed under the heading "Movies I would never think to see if I didn't get in them free." That is quite a heading I know, but it is true. Romantic comedies don't typically make for must see viewing for me, but when you have two hours to kill before work and the opportunity to see a free movie, you take it. I like Ryan Reynolds a lot; He is a funny actor who has taken to taking a wide variety of movie roles, but romantic lead was not one I thought I'd seem him do. Having seen a romantic comedy in December, I wasn't sure I really needed another one so soon, but I saw it anyway.

Will Hayes (Reynolds) works in advertising and is about to get a divorce. His daughter, Mia (Abagail Breslin) sees how unhappy he is and wants to know what happened so she asks her dad to tell her the true story of how he met her mother. She wants more than "We met, fell in love and had you." Hayes is reluctant but eventually agrees under the condition that he will tell her the story of the 3 women of his life and she will have to guess who is who. The story then shoots back to 1990 where Hayes is about to move to New York to work on the Bill Clinton campaign. Emily (Elizabeth Banks) is his college love and she is worried about what will happen to them. In New York Will meets two women, Summer Hartley (Rachel Weisz and April (Isla Fisher). April and Will become fast friends. There doesn't appear to be any romantic spark between them, but Summer is a different story. When things don't work out with Emily, Summer and Will start dating. The story moves through the Clinton presidency and Will now runs his own business running political campaigns, but Summer writes for a magazine looking for dirt on candidates so the conflict of interest gets in the way. Will realizes he loves April but April has moved on. Back in the present, Mia is starting to realize life and love are very complicated, but she just wants her dad to be happy.

There isn't anything too terribly original in the story , except trying to figure out all of the pieces, but at some point it seem obvious who is who in the story, but that didn't matter to me. I do not know if my love for Ryan Reynolds overshadowed any flaws, or if this movie caught me on a day when I was feeling a sense of romance, or maybe, just maybe, it is actually a good movie, but I was buying everything this movie was selling. Reynolds has an absolute command of the screen and his chemistry with all four females in this movie was outstanding. You could feel how much he cared about his daughter and how in love he was with each of the three women. He was probably the best with Rachel Weisz because Rachel is just so good and effortlessly moved through the movie as a career woman who essentially chewed and spit people out. Fisher and Reynolds probably have the most fun chemistry and their flirtatiousness was very adorable and actually quite funny. In fact, a lot of the things in this movie were very funny. All of the stuff in Will's work life was funny, especially his first few days as a Clinton staffer. Watching the Clinton scandals unfold as Will’s life spun further out of control was an interesting parallel to watch as it became an ongoing theme throughout.

Another thing I want to mention is how perfect the opening credits were as a seeming love letter to New York. Will puts on his iPod and Sly and the Family Stone's "Everyday People" comes blaring through his speakers and we see him walking to pick up his daughter and while he probably passes more New York monuments than are necessary, it is very effective in setting the stage as New York as a reactive character in the narrative. It also makes New York feel normal; it feels like any city U.S.A. It gives the story a very personal feel which makes us feel more invested in the story as a whole. I am not saying this movie is for anyone looking for some new wrinkle in the Rom-Com format, but I was laughing when it was funny and I was touched when I was supposed to be touched. I also longed for romance as Will longed for romance and I can not ask much more than that from a movie, can I?

The Spiderwick Chronicles

In the age of Harry Potter, most young adult books turned into movies involve young kids who have powers; unlike Potter, they don't usually transfer well because they aren't as strong as that little em wizard boy. When I first saw a trailer for Spiderwick, I was more reminded of The Neverending Story than I was of the Potter franchise. It made me a bit excited. I know absolutely nothing about the books and normally nickelodeon movies don't make me want to run out see a movie, but I was there on the opening weekend to watch this one.

Jared Grace (Freddy Highmore) is a young boy unhappy with the impending divorce of his parents. He has moved to a giant creepy house in the middle of nowhere with his twin brother Simon (also Highmore), his sister Mallory (Sarah Bolger) and their mother Helen (The simply gorgeous Mary Louise Parker). When things begin to go missing in this giant house, Jared is the assumed culprit because he tends to lash out when angry and he is angry a lot. During one of his outbursts he starts bashing at the wall with a broom because he thinks he hears something in the walls. He comes across a secret little dumbwaiter and goes up to the top of the house where he discovers a secret book with a warning not to open it. He opens it and all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. A little honey loving creature named Thimbletack (voiced by Martin Short) comes out and explains what is going on. Jared's Great Grand Uncle, Arthur (David Straithairn) discovered a magical world hidden within ours and compiled a book featuring all of the secrets of this world. Unfortunately a nasty Ogre wants his hands on so he can crush the entire world. The book must stay inside the protective circle, around the house, in order to remain out of the hands of the Ogre. Jared cannot seem to grasp this concept and he takes the book out, often and little trolls start to cause drama and pain.

Visually The Spiderwick Chronicles is quite stunning, especially the little flower creatures that we don't see nearly enough. The house, which is sort of a character in its own right, is a big gorgeous set piece. The trolls have a nice distinct look and their captain provides a few nice slapstick moments. I was a bit disappointed in the lack of the Ogre. He can take any form he wants but we only see 4 forms- a raven, a human in the form of Nick Nolte, a snake and his true Ogre self. Oh wait, we get five because he shows up once as Jared's Dad and Jared's dad looks an awful lot like Andrew McCarthy, yes that Andrew McCarthy! As twins, Jared and Simon, Freddy Highmore proves that he can be the real deal in young acting. He seems to be perpetually going through puberty though, unless that is just how his voice is going to sound. He does a good job of creating two very different characters- the wild obnoxious Jared and the borderline boring Simon. As Jared he really drives the action, giving a performance that suits this film perfectly. He acts opposite creatures that are not really there quite well, which is not always easy.

The movie is almost too short, though. The climax felt rushed because they were worried kids would get restless and so things feel unfinished. I am not sure if this is the first book in a series, or if it includes the entire series, but things felt left undone. I also kind of wish we could have spent more time getting to know the various creatures of this world. We are only introduced to maybe 7 or 8, but the book has hundreds of pages. Seth Rogen provides some great laughs as a pig like creature that eats birds and has a deep desire for killing, if he wasn't so afraid of everything. I certainly prefer this movie to The Seeker, The Golden Compass and other Harry Potter light types of movies. Hell, I preferred this to Harry Potter 5. And while it is not perfect, it is a visually interesting, and it is fast moving enough that any short comings can easily be forgiven.


Final Grade: B-

Jumper

Well all know I love Superhero comics and that I love Superhero comic adaptations, well for the most part. And while I knew the day would come when Superhero stories would originate in T.V (Heroes) and movies, I wasn’t sure how I would react to them. Heroes is fine when it is good and absolutely bland when it is having a bad week. Then I saw a trailer for a movie called Jumper. I found out it was based on a novel which I have not read, but it took the idea of Nightcrawler’s teleportation and created its own little mythology. The trailer looks fun and the director, Doug Liman, is always good for some cool action- see The Bourne Identity and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Plus, February is always a nice time for some fun action coming off the heavy Oscar season and the typically terrible January releases.

David Rice (Hayden Christensen) appears to have the perfect life. He is a rich man living in New York who has the ability to be anywhere in a split second due to his special teleporting abilities. Utilizing a voice over and a flashback we see the day he first realized this gift and we see how a 15 year old boy would use these powers; he robs banks. Of course, he doesn’t stop robbing banks at 15 and it seems like he has robbed banks all over the world as he opens a room with currency from all over the globe. Rice looks cool, dresses cool and is smooth enough to get whatever he wants. He also has a nasty group of people on his ass wanting to kill him because of his gifts. These people, led by a white haired Roland (Samuel L. Jackson), have these nifty little weapons that shoot massive volts of electricity that ground the Jumpers so they can kill them. They want nothing more than to rid the world of the jumpers. After all, “Only God should be able to everywhere at one time.” Yes, they are religious fanatics who were behind the Salem witch trials and many other events throughout history, according to fellow Jumper and resident exposition spewing crazy man, Griffin (Jamie Bell). Griffin has been tracking these religious fanatics and kills as many as he can. Together, Rice and Griffin try to save the cute as a button Millie (Rachel Bilson).

Clocking in at a brisk 90 minutes, Jumper does not bother with really creating a deep nice mythology, but it does manage to entertain and excite for a majority of the time. We don’t learn much about the Jumpers except it seems to start when they turn 5 years old and we know even less about the religious fanatic group. In fact, I cannot even remember the name they were given (The Patrons, I think), but I do remember the slick, fast paced action sequences that presumably take place all over the globe in the span of 3 minutes. The fight between Rice and Griffin is an awesome experiment in special effects. There are some odd little logical issues with the movie but about 25 minutes in I totally forgot them because it was such a fun ride. Christensen and Bilson make a very attractive couple and their time together is fairly scorching for a pg-13 movie. Honestly though, this movie belongs to the effects of the quick disappearances and reappearances of the Jumpers. A lot of it is flawlessly done and I actually like the harshness of the first few jumps. I like that it seems like something Rice has to adjust to, like Wolverine’s Adamantium claws, it hurts the first few times. I like how disorienting the camera looks after Bilson gets jumped the first time.

In terms of a Superhero movie, this is fairly small scale because it is a personal story about a guy coping with his gifts and not using them for grand ideals like saving cities or worlds. I enjoyed the personal aspect of it, but was still left curious as to the background of the of the Jumper community. I am sure there will be a sequel if this turns out to be the money maker it is expected to be and it could turn into a nice little franchise and maybe then I will get the answers to the questions that lingered beneath the surface of this ultimately fun, fast and highly entertaining action movie.

Final Grade: B

My top ten Romantic Comedies

I think the hardest thing about a list like this is defining what exactly a romantic comedy is, because most movies, including comedies are driven by a sense of love. Therefore most comedic movies have a sense of romantic comedy in them. Wedding Crashers is driven by the potential love of Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams but is it really a romantic comedy? I wouldn't say it is. Also, so many of the teen comedies starring Freddie Prinze Jr. have elements of romantic comedy, but is She's all that a romantic comedy? Again, I don't think. So I have accumulated a list of movies I truly believe to be romantic comedies at their core.

10. 10 things I hate about you- I think this list needs to include the idea of teenage love and this is my favorite of the teen comedies. The plot is familiar- a guy is paid to date a girl' she finds out gets mad, but they end up happy. Heath Ledger made his American debut here and scored high marks for a pretty earnest portrayal of guy falling in love and Julia Stiles is her usual solid self in this re-envisioning of The Taming of the Shrew. The sappy poem Stiles reads at the end is a bit cringe worthy, but she sells it well enough so we feel that maybe true teenage love is possible. Plus, who doesn't want to watch Heath Ledger butchering "can't take my eyes off of you" while dodging security guards?

9. Say Anything- John Cusak was an emo hero long before emo was cool. He was a charming slacker long before the grunge of the nineties made it cool to be so. And no movie better encapsulates those ideals quite like this movie. This is a movie for any guy who goes for the girl everyone tells him he cannot have. This is a movie for any guy willing to make that insane grand gesture of love (Stand holding a boombox outside of a window). Cameron Crowe's rapid fire dialog seems perfect for Cusak to be speaking and there is never a time when we are not rooting for success from our slacker hero.

8. The 40 yr. Old Virgin- I was hesitant to put this on the list because I am not sure it really can be called a romantic comedy, but in the end, because the Steve Carrell character really wants no one but the Catherine Keener, I decided to include it. It is the crudest movie of the bunch but there is a sense of realism to the complications of love and sex and that deserves merit. The comedy is fast and furious and at times a little more disgusting than I needed, but Carrell makes such an unlikely romantic hero it was fun to watch and root for him to overcome the stupid advice of his friends and his own insecurities.

7. While you were Sleeping- You cannot make a list like this without including at least one Sandra Bullock movie and this is my favorite. The entire movie is based on a lie which sets up all kinds of awkwardly funny moments and Bill Pullman proves to be a pretty good romantic lead. Granted I have not seen this movie since it was in theaters, but I remember being drawn into Bullock's 1990's persona of the kind of cute, a bit dorky and ultimately charming girl next door.

6. the Holiday- I am not sure if this movie is truly a romantic comedy because it is probably a lot more dramatic than anything else on this list, but it is also too funny to be a high romantic drama like the Notebook. Kate Winlsett is my favorite actress and the romance that blossoms between her and Jack Black is fun and feels natural. It actually felt like it would be the way I would fall in love. The side story of Cameron Diaz and Jude Law is more slap-stickish, but it has some real laughs as well. I really enjoyed every aspect of this movie and it proved to me that Jack Black doesn't always have to be annoying.

5. The Wedding Singer- This is probably the most quotable movie of the bunch and like The 40 yr old Virgin, an unlikely romantic comedy. Sandler and Barrymore have a very nice cutesy chemistry and the 80's references are all kinds of funny and random. The soundtrack is a classic and it is a movie that really believes in the ideals of love and marriage, even if it takes a while for the leads to realize it. The song at the end of the movie is perfectly romantic but corny enough to not be taken overly serious, just what we would want from a romantic comedy from Adam Sandler.

4. Hitch- I know a lot of people who hate this movie, but I absolutely love it. I love the lines like "Always remember, life is not how many breaths you take, it's how many moments take your breath away" and the idea of a Date Doctor kind of makes me giggle. Of course, it is not far from possible because of how desperate people are to fall in love in this day and age. Will Smith is perfectly charming and Eva Mendes appears up the challenge and I can relate because of how Hitch gets very clumsy around the girl he likes. There are all kinds of other great hyperbolic statements of love that make a romantic comedy great featured int his movie but none of them beat the climatic declaration of love from Will to Eva. It is romantic comedy gold.

3. Sleepless in Seattle- Really how could I do this list without a Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movie, and they do not get better than this one. It is funny, a bit sad, but it always believes in the power of love. It is amazing to think of how good the chemistry is between the two leads considering they are almost never on screen together. There are a ton of great references to other movies and Hanks is doing what he does best- playing the everyman. We all know him and we all have this person in our life. Ryan- in pre-cosmetic surgery form- is classically adorable and seems a perfect fit to join the family of Hanks and son. This is a classic romantic comedy in every sense of the word. It is safe sure, but when you want to watch people fall in love, safe is okay.

2. My Best Friend's Wedding- This is an unconventional romantic comedy because e aren't always rooting for the female lead. Julia Roberts' character is actually kind of nasty and the Cameron Diaz character is so perfect, we are never quite sure what is going on. This movie also ushered in a new staple of romantic comedies- The Gay best friend- and Rupert Evert is so perfect he practically steals the movie. I liked that this was sort of a mini musicals before making musicals became cool again. I cannot say enough good things about this movie because I really enjoyed it and still do whenever it is on t.v.

1. When Harry Met Sally- I know this is not a shocking number 1 by any stretch of the imagination but this is the ultimate romantic comedy. It is often times hilarious, often times sweet and always interesting. It takes the age old question of whether men and women can be friends and toys with us for nearly 2 hrs. We all think we know for sure what will happen in the end, but everyone involved does a great job of making us think maybe it won't happen and when it does, the confession of love monologue is by far the best written in the genre. It was "you complete me" before "you complete me" ever thought of existing. Billy Crystal gives the best performance of his acting career and Meg Ryan is the perfect foil for his random hilarity. This movie takes its time to allow us to really get to know the two characters and so when the romance finally happens we are overwhelmingly happy!

So there you have it, my list of the top 10 romantic comedies. Feel free to add any of your own as I am not well versed in this genre and could be missing some good ones. Also, I didn't include any older ones because I can't say I have seen too many, if any.

Oh and I want to give a special mention to the movie least deserving of the title of romantic comedy:

The Break up- This is not a romantic comedy in any way shape or form. It is a mean cruel intentioned movie and I love it for that fact, but I have never seen a romantic comedy so ill intentioned. It is not romantic and it is barely a comedy. It is just a mean bitter movie about breaking up. It is mean and bitter the way real break ups are mean and bitter.

A review of The Varsity Theater

A few months ago someone asked me if I had ever considered doing reviews of actual movie theaters, seeing as how I spend so much time inside of them and that I have been to all of the ones in our area. I was not sure how exactly to do it, but I liked the idea. Of course, I would have to eliminate the Woodland theaters because I have a bias, but that still leaves about 10 theaters in the area I could review. This is going to be my first attempt at such a review. I may tweak this type of review in the future but for now I think I will break things down into categories and give each category a separate grade and then do an overall grade at the end. If people reading this find it to be too confusing or lame, please tell me so I can stop and not look lame, thanks!

The Varsity Theater, located in downtown Davis, has only been a movie theater for two years now. Well it was a movie theater when I first moved tot eh area in 1990, but then it became an all purpose theater. Now it is back in its rightful place as a movie theater.

Appearance: The exterior is as ugly and dirty as ever, with a confusing marquee and you purchase tickets outside, which causes issues if there is a line longer than four people because it leaves it up to the person number 5 which way the line will bend so as not to go into the street. Yet, when you go inside the place actually looks nice. The snack bar is small and simple, but again, if it is busy it can be crowded. The restrooms have been renovated and look much nicer than before, but the real beauty of this place happens once you get inside the auditorium. The auditorium is gorgeously spacious with seats big enough for people of any size and plenty of leg room as well. The stadium seating also looks nice and makes it easy to see everything.

Appearance grade: B

Taste: When I refer to taste I want to make clear that this encompasses food taste as well as movie choices. It is a one screen theater, so they do not offer options really. However, as an independent theater in a town dominated by the Regal Machine, The Varsity gets the smaller, independent films. Oscar films, foreign films and documentaries dominate the year, but in the summer when options are limited they sometimes hold onto a film for far too long which limits how often I attend this theater. The popcorn is pretty good, but I recommend asking for light butter because they really soak their popcorn and it can ruin the taste. They don’t offer nachos or hot dogs or any meal type food, but they have a little coffee window which is very nice for most patrons. I honestly don’t usually buy anything here. Also, in a town like Davis one would think they would have fun midnight movies on Thursdays or Fridays but no such luck because the guy running it isn’t really a movie guy.

Taste grade: B

Affordability/convenience: During the week hey only run 1 afternoon show and 1 evening show, and if the movie is long they only play 3 on the weekend, which makes little sense in a college town and it cuts down on the times you can attend. Plus, you are limited to on the street parking in downtown (read busy) Davis or the shared Parking garage with another theater. It can make you late if you do not plan on having to search a bit for parking which makes the whole thing a bit inconvenient. The prices are expensive to keep up with the growing minimum wages but they stay about a dollar cheaper than the other theaters in the area, so it feels like a deal. Also, Tuesdays are $7.00 all day, which turns out to be a nice little discount. The concession prices are too high for what you get, but that is the norm these days and at least it doesn’t taste bad!

Affordability/convenience grade: B-

The Final review: I love this theater, I really do. It has a throw back 1950’s look on the interior and I like that they get good movies. However, the employees are often rude and none of them are terribly knowledgeable about the current or future movies, which always bugs me. I think it could ultimately be run more efficiently, especially given its location, but I will wait a week to see a movie if I know it will be at the Varsity next week.

Overall Grade: B

Hopefully this becomes something I do semi-regularly and if the label thing works you can click the label and be taken to other movie theater reviews, in the future

Persepolis

My experience with animated foreign films is essentially relegated to two films- The Triplets of Bellville and Spirited away. I hated the former and loved the latter. I am not familiar with the graphic novel on which Persepolis is based, so I was not quite sure what I was getting myself into with this movie. Plus, the second trailer in which the lead girl sings "Eye of the Tiger" was awkward and made the movie look cheap, but the reviews were all pretty stellar. I went back and forth on whether or not to even see it. However, I had not seen a movie in the theater in over two weeks and I was itching for that theater going experience, and while I know that isn't the most ringing endorsement for seeing a movie, it did get me to see it, right?

Persepolis spans a little over a decade worth of time in the life of a French speaking Iranian girl from the late seventies to the late eighties. The Movie is often narrated by various members of the cast, a la, The Laramie Project. The girl, Marjane Satrapi, believes she is going to be a prophet because God speaks to her at night before and during sleep. She has communist parents but this is during the Islamic revolution and when the deeply conservative faction wins out, their city and their lives are changed forever. The women become mere servants in most aspects and Marjane's parents ship her off to England because she is unable to keep her forward thinking mouth shut and her parents feel she will be raped and killed. In England things do not go well for Marjane and she starts to lose her way, forgetting her heritage in favor of fitting in. As she blossoms into a young woman, she falls in and out of love and the trauma of one such love leave her homeless and depressed. She comes home to the more peaceful, yet backward thinking homeland of her youth, but before too long, her family believes she is meant for better things.

Animated in very distinct style, like it was just taken from a Graphic Novel, Persepolis is a truly moving picture that transcends a specific culture. The animation is often gorgeous, although fairly straight forward and simple looking. I think that is part of what makes the whole thing so moving. We feel as if we are witnessing this entire story through the eyes of a girl who starts as a precocious 9 year old and transforms, before our eyes, into a young woman trying to find her way in a world that no longer makes sense to her. She is living with the fact that her family members have been killed because they were political prisoners refusing to go back on what they belief. It is a mostly autobiographical story (I believe) and the style of animation helps with the intimacy. Yet, the simple animation does not keep the movie from being incredibly visually appealing. The director sets up shots beautifully and the panning camera action really adds to the intensity of the darker moments throughout the movie. Persepolis also manages to nicely weave between the absurdly silly (Marjane going through puberty) and the very dark war moments. The laughs never come at the expense of the story telling and all of the jokes add something to underlying themes.

The themes within the movie are plentiful, but Marjane's Grandmother seems to be at the heart of the movie with themes of integrity, humility, forgiveness and love. These are not themes exclusive to any part of the world and are things from which we can all benefit. The Grandmother character is the soul or heart of everything that happens. She provides insight to the craziness of war, she brings a soft sense of humor when things are very bad, but mostly she is not afraid to be honest, when she sees something she doesn't like. When Marjane is recounting a time when she told soldiers a man was hitting on her in order for her to not be arrested for wearing make up and the innocent man gets arrested instead, Grandma lets Marjane know that selfishness has no place in the world and that people are being arrested every day for crimes they did not commit and it is up to people like Marjane to fight for those people. It is one of the strongest moments in the film and really helps personalize the film for anyone watching.

What few complaints I have are that Communism was shown in an only positive light, but it can be forgiven because of how bad the alternative felt. Also, at times the editing seems a bit choppy as scenes sometimes end before they feel finished. That being said, I recommend this movie for anyone who is interested in an alternative to the bad horror movies that dominate the beginning of the year. It is a touching, funny, thoughtful and interesting movie that deserves an audience.

Final Grade: A-

The Boondock Saints (Cult Classic review)

A good definition of a "Cult Classic" is nearly impossible to find. Not everyone agrees on what makes a cult classic. A cult classic can be a great film that was lost on the mainstream or it can be a terrible film that has some redeeming or fun qualities. The one thing that makes a cult classic though is that it is loved by a relatively small, yet rabid, group of people. Movies like The Rocky Horror Picture Show or True Romance epitomize the idea of a cult classic. The 1990's brought us two directors who have essentially made a living on cult classics- Kevin Smith and Quentin Tarantino. Where we see Smith's influence in the movies of Judd Apatow, Tarantino influenced an entire generation of filmmakers. Pulp Fiction is arguably the most influential movie to be released since the mid-nineties (You could argue for The Matrix) and every year there are movies that borrow from elements of Pulp Fiction. In 1999 a movie was released by a writer/director named Troy Duffy and that movie was The Boondock Saints. One of the Weinsteins called Duffy "The next Quentin Tarantino" and an ego was born. The ego blackballed Duffy in Hollywood and we are left with only this movie. The Boondock Saints lives on as a cult classic, probably somewhat due to the director sabotaging his own career, but does it really deserve the title? Did he deserve the title?

Set in Boston, The Boondock Saints follows to brothers, Connor (Sean Patrick Flannery) and Murphy (Norman Reedus) who unexpectedly gain fame when they kill two men in self defense. The two dead men were Russian mobsters and drug dealers who had taken over the Boston streets, much to the chagrin of the citizens of that area. After turning themselves in to the police and an F.B.I agent by the name of Paul Smecker(Willem Dafoe), the brothers are released but praised as saints in the community. With the guns and money from the two dead guys, the brothers bank roll it for more guns, ropes, and assorted weapons and decide it is their calling from God to murder bad guys. F.B.I genius Smecker stays in Boston to solve the cases of all these bad guys being murdered. Of course, it never occurs to him that these brothers can do it because after all, the two brothers don't appear to know how to be skilled assassins. Oh snap, except they somehow are very effective at killing and not getting killed!! Never fear though, I mean they are killing bad guys, so when the F.B.I guy finds out it is them, he thinks they are doing good and decides to help them and his best way to accomplish that is to dress up like a female hooker!! Ending with one of the more ridiculous climaxes I have seen in a movie, The Boondock Saints somehow goes down in cinematic history.

If you refer back to the beginning of this review where I called Pulp Fiction the most influential movie to be released since the nineties, allow me to explain why that is. Movies like The Boondock Saints would not exist if Tarantino had no paved the way. Duffy is so blatantly ripping off Tarantino, Tarantino deserved a writing and directing credit for this movie. We see the crimes in a series of broken down flashbacks in a lame attempt to bend time the way Pulp Fiction did so well. The script is a very low grade, rip off of screenplays like Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and The Usual Suspects. However, Duffy does show some promise in regards to his directorial eye and his way with the camera, especially in the scene that takes place in 3 catholic confessional booths. I enjoyed those overhead shots a lot, but for the most part it really does play like a direct-to-video take on those great crime dramas my generation loves so very much. And maybe that is the problem: Duffy was trying so hard to make a cool movie that it looks like a movie that is trying too hard to be cool. People light up cigarettes at the same time, the slow motion gun battles come off looking cheesy, the dialog trite and even the music is nauseatingly corny. Cool movies just exist; they are supposed to happen by accident almost. The minute you set out to make a cool movie, you have already lost the battle.

The two leads speak in broken now-you-hear-them-now-you-don't Irish accents, but nowhere in the movie did I catch that they were actually from Ireland, just the Irish heavy Boston and last I check not all Irish Catholics from Boston speak in Irish accents. That is just one of the many lame things featured inside Saints. Defoe's gay F.B.I agent often takes to the streets to conduct a full on orchestra as he sweeps crime scenes or relives one of the crimes committed by the boys. I am not sure if this was an attempt at humor or an attempt to be hip and edgy, but either way it falls flat as I was starting to reach for the remote to speed through all of that garbage. Maybe this movie falls into the category of so-bad-its-good, but the rabid cult like fans don't seem to think so. These people really believe it is a great original cinematic work, but when Stephen Dorff even passed on starring in your movie, how good can it really be?

My Oscar nomination and winner list- 2007 edition

Last week's news about the Oscar nominations was overshadowed by the untimely death of Heath Ledger, but they were released and as usual the powers that be messed up; not as badly as usual in some cases, but messed nonetheless. So, it is left up to me to fix it, since I do know all. So what follows will be the actual nominees and probable winner to be followed by my nominees and my winners.

Best Picture:

Actual nominees- No Country for Old Men, There Will be Blood, Michael Clayton, Juno, Atonement.

Probable Winner- No Country for Old Men.

My Nominees-No Country for Old Men, There Will be Blood, Michael Clayton, American Gangster, Charlie Wilson's War

My Winner- To be honest, I am kind of torn here. My heart wants to say Michael Clayton because I do love an underdog, but No Country for Old Men is really the best and most deserving picture. So I go with No Country for Old Men

Best Actor:

Actual Nominees- George Clooney(Michael Clayton), Daniel Day Lewis(There Will be Blood), Johnny Depp(Sweeney Todd), Tommy Lee Jones(In the Valley of Elah), Viggo Mortenson(Eastern Promises)

Probable Winner- Daniel Day Lewis.

My Nominees- Clooney, Lewis, Depp, Casey Affleck(Gone Baby Gone), Emile Hirsch(Into the Wild)

My Winner- I still believe George Clooney gave the most complete performance this year. He should win!

Best Actress: I have to claim ignorance to the actual nominees because I only saw 1 out of the 5.

Actual Nominees- Laura Linney(The Savages), Julie Christie(Away From her), Ellen Page(Juno), Cate Blanchett(Elizabeth: The Golden Age) Marion Cotillard( Mome, la)

Probable Winner- Julie Cristie. She is winning everything.

My Nominees- Page, Keri Russell(Waitress), Angelina Jolie(A Mighty Heart), Amy Adams(Enchanted), Keira Knightley(Atonement)

My Winner- Keri Russell. I thought she was perfect.

Best Supporting Actor:

Actual Nominees- Casey Affleck(Jesse James), Hal Holbrook(Into the Wild), Javier Bardem(No Country), Phillip Seymour Hoffman(Charlie Wilson's War), Tom Wilkinson(Michael Clayton)

Probable Winner- Javier Bardem. He is also winning everything.

My Nominees- Holbrook, Bardem, Hoffman, Tommy Lee Jones(No Country), Chiwetel Ejiofor(Talk to me)

My Winner- I am unable to choose between Hal Holbrook's absolutely heart breaking performance and Javier Bardem's truly chilling performance. It is too close for me to call.

Best Supporting Actress:

Actual Nominees- Amy Ryan(Gone Baby Gone), Cate Blanchett(I'm not There), Ruby Dee(American Gangster), Tilda Swinton(Michael Clayton), Saoirse Ronan(Atonement)

Probable Winner- It is going to go to either Cate Blanchett or Amy Ryan, but most likely Blanchett.

My Nominees- Ryan, Dee, Swinton, Jennifer Garner(Juno), Catherine Keener(Into The Wild)

My Winner- I know this is probably my most out there winner, but I believe Jennifer Garner actually deserves it. I would have said Amy Ryan until I saw Garner in Juno. She stole my heart in that movie. That being said, Amy Ryan could win and I would be happy as well.

Best Director:

Actual Nominees- Coen Brothers (No Country), Paul Thomas Anderson(There Will be Blood), Tony Gilroy(Michael Clayton), Jason Reitman(Juno), Julian Schnabel(The Diving Bell and the Butterfly)

Probable Winner- The Coen Brothers. It is their time.

My Nominees- Coen Brothers, Anderson, Gilroy, Ridley Scott(American Gangster), Sean Penn(Into the Wild)

My Winner- I have the same crisis here as I did with best picture. My heart wants Tony Gilroy, but The Coens actually deserve it more. No Country is a masterpiece.

I will not be doing the Screenplay categories, but I will say the fact that Knocked Up is not nominated in the best original screenplay category is just wrong.

Rambo

There was a time when action movies were short, sweet and to the point. It was a much simpler time where Alpha men were Alpha men and bad guys were just evil. These movies were not so much concerned with plot as they were with showing the hero kicking serious ass. There was a time when these movie ran a brisk 90 minutes and had very little CGI. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Van Damme and Seagal were the Gods who walked among common men kicking ass and not bothering to take names. They spoke rarely because they did their talking with fists, feet, knives and guns. No one cared if they could act as long as they could fight. That time has gone away. Action movies are now longer, sometimes too confusing and feature too many high stylized sequences. Sylvester Stallone is 62 years old and he did not want to make a movie that way, he wanted to make a good old fashioned throwback 1980's movie with a lot of violence, and boy did he succeed.

I won't bog this down in plot because the story is simple- John Rambo has been hiding out for two decades gathering fish and snakes and operating a boat near Burma. A group of American missionaries want him to get them to Burma to get medical supplies to the war torn area. Stupidly they do not listen to Rambo and because Rambo feels a sort of spiritual connection to one of the missionaries, he takes them. They get kidnapped and Rambo takes a team of mercenaries to track them down. He goes with the mercenaries, destroys a lot of stuff and kills a lot of people. The end.

A college professor counted the deaths in this movie and said there were roughly 240 people killed in Rambo. The people are maimed by bullets, blown to pieces by mines, they have their skulls pierced by arrows, heads chopped off, guts knifed out and a child is tossed into a fire. This is not an easy movie to watch, especially the scene where the little Burmese village is ransacked by the Army with Genocide on their minds. Children are shown being stabbed to death and we witness body parts fly all over the place. This is a reality in many parts of the world and while I am sure Stallone meant this as a political message, at times it is lost in the pure wicked carnage. Rambo is relentless in its quest for blood lust and its pure unadulterated message which is- Anyone can kill when pushed hard enough. The forgiving human condition is lost about 30 minutes in to the movie and it was probably killed with the same Gatling Gun Rambo uses to dust an entire army of evil doers. Nothing about a 62 year old War veteran storming the jungles is handled with a sense of irony or with a sense of that wink-wink, nudge-nudge sense of humor. No, this shit is deadly serious!

Of course, it is a terrible movie in most aspects of a movie. It is incredibly cheesy when the female missionary is on screen with Rambo and the acting all the way around is unbearable, and Stallone has a vision behind the camera that is not developed at this point, but honestly who cares? We want to see people die! Don't worry my blood thirsty friends, there is plenty to cheer about in the death category. We have to wait a full 60 minutes before we can cheer the violence because that is when the evil people get their just desserts and dessert is a dish best served with a helping of WHOOP ASS! John Rambo has always been an iconic killing machine, but in the final 30 minutes of this movie, he gives "war machine" a whole new meaning. Wielding a knife at first, he makes his killings up close and personal, but don't worry when he gets a hold of that Gatling Gun, no one is safe. Body parts are detached, heads roll and Rambo ends up on top. There are moments when the only thing we can do as an audience is laugh. We are not laughing because it is funny but because how else can one react to that much over the top carnage. It is not a movie for everyone, but it knows its audiences and it will take that specific audience in a time machine and them all believe it is 1986 all over again!

Final Grade: C-

10 actors/actresses I hate

This list was at the request of a reader and while this person wondered about a list of men and a list of women, I could not do that. At some point I started listing people I was merely indifferent to like Keanu Reeves or Sandra Bullock. What I wanted was a list of 10 people I loathe. These are 10 people that make movies worse or if they are starring in them, I tend to actively stay away from those movies. There may be 1 or 2 exceptions from some of the actors on this list and I will mention them. So here is the list of 10 actors/actresses I actively avoid if possible. Also, this is specifically about on-screen because I could not care less about the personal lives of the actors, so don't expect Tom Cruise on this list.

10. Hugh Grant- I was never into his bumbling British persona and I have not seen a movie of his I actually enjoyed. He does the same thing in every movie and it is annoying in every movie. He has two emotions- happy and nervous- that is it. He does not do much these days, thank god, but during his romantic comedy run of the late nineties I was in British movie Hell!

9. Lucy Lui- I do not think she is sexy first off. I am not sure why people find her to be sexy, but more than that she is a horrible actress. She doesn't do comedy or action well and I haven't seen her do drama and I hope to keep it that way. She tends to play the same version of a sexy dominatrix, but she isn't commanding enough on screen to really pull it off.

8. Bill Paxton- He isn't much of a movie actor these days, but when he was, I tried to stay away from his movies. He couldn't act in anything because his line readings were so incredibly stiff. The one exception is Twister, but my enjoyment for that movie was more in spite of him. It was just a cool ass movie. He doesn't make a believable anything and his voice is just kind of grating for me.

7. Gwyneth Paltrow- This is another actress I just don't get. She hasn't really done much good work and when she tries her hand at comedy she fails miserably. I didn't buy the romance of Shakespeare in Love or anything else she has done really. I cannot remember the last time I actually went and watched a movie starring Gweneth and that is perfectly fine with me.

6. Mel Gibson- Other than the first 2 Lethal Weapon movies and Signs I can't recall enjoying a single thing he has ever done. Braveheart is among the most overrated movies I have ever watched and he just ruins movies for me. He isn't a good actor; not in any way is he worth the money I pay to watch a movie. Of course, we have been lucky that he has not really acted sine signs and maybe he will keep it that way.

5. Renee Zellweger- Oh how I hate her scrunched up little face and her tiny little high pitched whine of a voice. I get physically ill watching her try and act in everything and she damn near derailed Chicago with her god awful singing/dancing/acting. I am hoping she won't ruin Leatherheads for me, but to this day I cannot think of a single movie where I liked her work. Okay, maybe she was alright in Jerry Maguire, but that had more to do with that great dialog than her annoying stupid acting.

4. Laura Linney- This is an actress who is always in the running for best actress nominations, but I really do not get the love she receives. With the exception of Truman Show, I have not really enjoyed watching her. She is essentially the same in every movie- an uptight woman in desperate need of sex- and she isn't even very good at it. She nearly ruined a perfectly great movie- Mystic River- with her bad acting and annoying movie posture. I can't explain what I mean by that, it is just something that annoys me.

3. Ben Stiller- When he is not in a Ben Stiller movies- The Royal Tenenbaums and Permanent Midnight- he is actually okay, but sadly he only wants to make bad comedies where he plays a guy who continues to have terrible things happen to him and he greatly overreacts to them all. He is not funny, not even a little bit and though I know he is not going away, I can always hope that the dismal performances of The Heartbreak Kid means he is on the way out. right? Right?

2. Uma Thurman- Oh wow my hatred for her knows almost no bounds. She delivers lines worse than anyone. She sounds like she is actually reading everything from a cue card because she sucks that bad. She can't do comedy (Be Cool), musicals (The Producers), drama (Gattaca) and she certainly can't do action (Kill Bill). In fact, she almost turned Tarentino into a little bitch with those god awful Kill Bill movies. She can be attractive at times, but then she opens her mouth and I lose all respect. I wish she would stop making movies!

1. Will Ferrell- This should come as no shock to anyone who knows me. I loathe Will Ferrell so much you'd think he killed my mother. His lack of talent compared to his success is one of the big mysteries that will send me to my grave early if I try and solve it. He does the exact same thing in every movie and when it wasn't funny in Anchorman, how was it supposed to be funny in umm Kicking and Screaming, Blades of Glory, Ricky Bobby, Elf, Zoolander and the upcoming Semi-Pro. If you have seen Anchorman you have seen everything this damn fool has to offer but sadly there are people who find him funny. I wish I didn't know any of those people. Listening to people quote his endless barrage of moronic quotes from his mind numbingly unfunny movies makes me wish I was deaf sometimes.

There you have it, Feel free to defend any of these names, or maybe point out performances of theirs that might change my mind. Also, who are some actors or actresses that you really just cannot stand?

There will be Blood

The hype machine can be a bitch. Reviews, awards and other accolades can be a double edged sword. A movie released in late November or early December is vying for that Oscar gold and a movie like There will be Blood is the perfect Oscar picture. It is one of the 3 best reviewed movies of the year (No Country for Old Men and Ratatouille are the other 2) it has won over 30 awards already and is now nominated for 8 Oscars. I have read reviews calling it a masterpiece and that Daniel Day Lewis' performance is legendary. The trailer was brilliant- violent images of fire spliced with lines like "I hate most people." Violent images of big things falling spliced with lines like "I don't want anyone else to succeed." Reviews compared Lewis' character to Satan himself. I was prepared for an epic, over the top, glorious, fiery movie. I was ready for the blackest of humor and I was prepared to watch Daniel Day Lewis just make everyone else on this planet look like an amateur. After all that is what I was promised.

The story is very straight forward- Daniel Plainview(Lewis) wants to control all of the oil he can. That is all he cares about. He has a son and it seems like he loves him but the reality of the situation is once his son goes deaf due to an accident, Plainview doesn't have much use for him. The scene where his son's accident happens is one of the most gorgeous looking scenes in the movie. Plainview sets up shot in a tiny town that is kind of run by a preacher, Eli Sunday (Paul Dano). Eli is also after something-power and money. The similarities between Plainview and Sunday are set up nicely as they spend a good portion of the movie trying to humiliate each other. But make no mistake, this movie is about Plainview. Plainview is a man who will lie, cheat and even kill for what he wants. However, he is also willing to humiliate himself if it will get him what he wants- control of the oil.

This is a very very good movie. The acting is top notch; Paul Thomas Anderson directs with the confidence of a director reaching his top form. The story is quite excellent and the screenplay features some great very darkly comic moments and some very rich symbolism and the themes present in the movie are as prevalent today as they were when Upton Sinclair wrote the novel on which this movie is based. That being said, I was underwhelmed when the movie was over. I am not sure if the hype machine was the cause, or if there was something actually wrong, because I can't point out any real flaws, except I think the editing could have been tighter at points. Lewis is excellent, but I was left wanting more. The climax of the movie is what I was expecting from the whole movie. I wanted a grand big, nasty Satanistic character and I got a guy who was a dick. He may have been a soulless dick, but until the end he was not the creature I was expecting. Perhaps my expectations set me up for failure, but when I did that with No Country for Old Men, I was not disappointed, so I don't think the expectations were far out of line.

I brought up No Country for Old Men a few times in this review and I think it is fitting because both movies have similar themes of greed and power over-running lives. Both movies feature a cat and mouse game between someone who is purely evil against someone who just let greed get the best of him. Both stories are very different but they actually kind of achieve the same end result. Of course, There will be Blood also examines the role of religion in the lives of people. A girl claims she gets beat if she doesn't pray; Eli Sunday may or may not be a real prophet; like evangelists today, Sunday puts on "One god damn hell of a show" and like evangelists today, he wants-no needs-money. Like Plainview he is willing to submit himself to humiliation to get the money he wants. He seems like a righteous man until greed gets a hold of him. This is not a new theme, but it is explored in very dark ways here and his preaching scenes are awkwardly comical, but so awkward that you aren't sure whether to laugh or not, like the rest of the comedy in the movie.

One other person I want to mention is Dillon Freasure, who played Plainview's son H.W. Plainview. This kid does not have a ton of dialog or screen time, but he was stellar. I cannot imagine it was easy to act in his first movie ever with a guy like Daniel Day Lewis, but I was really moved by this kid. Granted, knowing a lot about how kids react when they go deaf, I kind of had a slight advantage, but this kid really nailed the whole thing. I only wish Paul Dano was much more up to the task. He was good, but he looked scared, not as a character but as an actor. I am not sure he was a strong enough force to be matched with Lewis' level of acting. I don't want to give the impression that I did not like this movie; I was just underwhelmed. There are brilliant moments sprinkled throughout, but it gets a bit too slow at times and never seems to match the intensity of the epic and amazing score. I expected this movie to come close to bumping No Country for Old Men off the number one spot for 2007, but instead I got a movie that ends up barely in my top 5.

Final Grade: A-

Cloverfield

A brilliant marketing campaign does not always lead to a good movie. For example The Blair Witch Project or Snakes on a Plane. Cloverfield had it all going for it. It had a prime spot for a teaser trailer- in front of Transformers- and it had a great viral campaign that was cheap, effective and maintained a level of secrecy that isn't seen much in movies these days. Having J.J Abrams name attached did not hurt at all either. Eventually they came out and said they had created a monster picture, which means this was going to be a mash up of Godzilla and The Blair Witch Project. The main concern for me then was whether I would get the pay off here that I did not get in The Blair Witch Project. I mostly avoided on-line games, clues, videos and theories because I wanted the sneak attack this movie was promising.

A party is happening for Rob(Michael Stahl David) because he got a job in Japan. I imagine it is a plush job because everyone at the party is a yuppie. The loft where the party is happening is nice and fancy; the people are all hot and dressed perfectly; the music is hip and everything is perfect. Wanting to document the night, Rob's brother, Jason(Mike Vogel) gets Hud(T.J Miller) to videotape the whole thing. Beth(Odette Yustman) shows up at the party and we are brought into a love story. Rob loves Beth; Beth loves Rob. They slept together, but Rob treated her badly after that because he was moving. We see some of the drama on camera, but not all of it. Beth storms out and partying continues. The camera shakes, the loft shakes and we hear something. At first it could just be an Earthquake but when it happens again, the party goers immediately think another terrorist attack. They run outside and then spend the rest of the movie running away from a sky-scraper sized monster who has tiny crab looking creatures falling of him that cause more havoc. Beth calls Rob because she is stuck, he must go get her even though it seems like a bad idea. Rob, Hud, Jason, Marlena and Lilly embark on a journey.

With an entire movie shot in a handheld camera, it operates with a suspension of disbelief because this kind of camera work has limitations. In order to give us a sense of immediacy we see everything the way Hud sees it. So, there are times when someone might not go back and get the camera, but in this movie he has to go get it. Also there are times when the director wants us to see what is behind them, so Hud stops and turns around to film something when he probably wouldn't. Or would he? This movie is very much in the Youtube generation. It is possible that someone would go back and film everything possible because they want to be on Youtube someday. Almost all video footage of 9/11 at first was of the handheld variety and how many crazy videos are shot with camera phones or by someone who just happened to have a video camera at the right time- think Rodney King. The handheld camera work does take some getting used to, but I believe it is effective here. The movie works because things just happen and we see them the way our characters see them. We may not care about the characters and their perfect hair, clothes, lives and jobs, but when we see glimpses of the creature the same way they do, it adds something.

The movie is funnier than you would imagine thanks to the running commentary from our "cameraman" Hud. He is funny but he is also the right amount of freaked out. He feels like someone we all know and love. He balances the being freaked out, with nice touches of humor and he is probably the one character the audiences gets to know, even though he has hardly any actual screen time. No back story on the creature is given; much like War of the Worlds, things just happen here. We don't know where it came from or what it is, just that it is tearing down buildings, killing people and causing complete mayhem. It is not a movie where we concern ourselves with the writing or the acting, because what we want is to be thrilled and it succeeds highly on that level. The scene with our characters walking through a dark, empty subway track is excruciatingly intense and then BAM, it gets action packed and scary as hell. It is a roller coaster of a movie that allows you to breathe for a few minutes before fully immersing you in another sequence with the characters on the run.

It is a relatively short movie, which is probably a good thing, but it eeks out great things in pretty much every minute. Some might complain that it took too long to get to the creature, but I think the set up worked because we all knew what was coming and it added to that build up. It prolonged the excitement. Also, there is a pay off here with one great shot of the creature, but it almost wasn't needed because of the great job they did giving us glimpses of the creature throughout the movie. It never seemed like the director was hiding the creature and the hand held stuff helped accent that because it became believable that the guy documenting everything would not get a perfect shot of the creature. We live in a world where if this happened, we would get footage like this. As one of the characters says "People will want to know what happened" and that rings very true in this movie. We want to know; in fact with as well as this movie accomplishes it's goal, we need to know what happened. And when we find out, we are not disappointed.

Final Grade:A-

The Bucket List

There is something comforting about watching a movie that opens with Morgan Freeman's voice. It is a reassuring voice that says "Don't worry, you are in good hands." It is comforting like your favorite sweatshirt on a cold night, or a best friend's shoulder when you need to cry. He is a warm man with a deep soul; he is a man who wears the lines of life on his face with glory. It is true that he has become something of a "white man mentor" in his movies but he is always so good at it that you enjoy him in that role. Putting him a movie with Jack Nicholson seemed like an amazing idea, but was it?

Carter Chambers(Freeman) is a mechanic with a knack for knowing the most random facts and he happens to be dying from Cancer. Well, dying isn't exactly what he is doing when the movie opens, but soon into the movie he is dying. Edward Cole (Nicholson) is a very wealthy man, who made his millions in hospitals. He also has Cancer and also is dying. The two start the movie as strangers- two very different people in similar situations. They spend their days playing Gin, watching T.V and slowly learning about each other. When they get the news on the same day that they both have between 6 and 12 months to live, Chambers writes out a "bucket list." They are things he wanted to do before he died. Cole gets a hold of the list, adds to it and convinces Chambers they should do the things on the list. The list goes from the silly(skydiving), absurd(tattoos), and then goes to the things everyone should do- see the pyramids, visit Africa and so on. In their final months the two men live, learn, and laugh together. Chambers gets to experience things he figured passed him by and Cole learns the value of friendship for the first time.

In terms of appreciating life, this movie hits all of the marks, often with a light hearted humor that keeps the tears at bay until the big finish. Freeman and Nicholson are both living legends and getting to watch them on screen together for basically an entire movie is worth the price of admission. Nicholson gets most of the laughs with his trademark line delivery and that million dollar smile, but Freeman is never over shadowed as he gets some great moments as well. Their time in the hospital is great and it shows you the different approaches they take to acting, yet their different styles meld perfectly in this movie. Most of the laughs are chuckles or even quiet smiles and nodding approval, but this was not made to be gut bustingly hilarious. The further into the movie we get though, the drama picks up and for brief moments the comedy takes a back seat and it is in that moment where these two men really shine.

The movie goes exactly where you expect it to at every moment, but that isn't a problem. This is a movie that is here to remind us how precious life is and how important family is. Living life for ourselves is fun, but how much of it matters when we don't have anyone to partake in it with us. There is a scene that cuts back and forth between the two men eating dinner and the differences in their lives are right at the heart of this story. Yes, it seems a bit forced at times and sure it aims to squeeze tears out, but does that have to be a bad thing? Does it have to be a bad thing to see a movie perfectly content is giving a nice message about life? It could have been bad sure, but it is very hard to go wrong with Morgan Freeman as our narrator.

Final Grade: B

In the Name of the King

I am going to forgo a real review of this movie because I believe it speaks only to certain people, but I have compiled a list of questions and if you answer yes to any of these questions, this movie is for you.

When you saw Lord of the Rings did you think "This is cool, but it would be so better with ninjas."

Have you always wanted to see a boomerang get its proper respect as a real battle weapon?

Have you ever wondered what a mountain range would look like if one mountain was raining, one was snow capped and the third was completely sunny?

Have you ever thought "Ray Liotta is cool but I bet as a levitating evil wizard he kicks so much ass."

Ever wondered what Burt Reynolds would look like as a king?

Have you ever pictured Matthew Lillard in a sword fight with an angry black guy?

Do you have an itching to see Jason Statham try and do anything other than be stoic?

Do you want to see a horse get an uppercut?

Do you need to watch Ray liotta make out with and stroke the leg of a girl half his age?

Have you ever wondered how in the world books could make good hand cuffs?

Have you wanted to see two magicians have a sword fight with 8 swords, none of which are being hand operated? Yes, an 8 levitating sword, sword fight!

Do you miss the way the puddy''s from Power Rangers moved?

Have you been longing to see Jason Statham hold Burt Reynolds hand as Reynolds talks about seaweed before dying?

So, if you answered yes to any or all of those questions by all means see this movie. For me, it ranks up there as one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It is certainly a possibility for worst movie of 2008, already. Oh and I only watched it because I saw it for free at my theater.

Oh if you are going to watch it, please stay for the credits. The combination of what sounds like bad 80's ballads and bagpipes is not to be missed. Not to be missed at all!

Overall grade: FF

Death Sentence

Kevin Bacon was an American Icon before deciding a few years ago to give his image an overhaul. He weathered the storm of Hollow Man, but not content to leave well enough alone, he wanted to go back to that dark place. What better way to go back to being dark than to do a movie directed by the guy responsible for the first Saw. That probably should have been a big warning sign for me, but after trying to see it theater and failing because the projector broke, I had to see what happened after the first 5 minutes I saw in the theaters.

Nick Hume(Bacon) is a mild mannered man who works in risk Management and he has a perfectly lovely wife and two kids. They all seem very happy together and even spend birthdays together, without friends and the family documents every birthday on a video camera, even as the two young boys get into their teenage years. The oldest son is a hockey star and one night on the way home from a game, father and stop to get gas. Two old muscle cars appear, some wild and crazy gang members jump out and within minutes the son is killed. It turns out this was a gang initiation but it sends Hume over the edge. Soon he takes to vigilante justice by stabbing the kid who killed his son. The crazy gang (we know they are crazy because they all have shaved heads, leather jackets and are all tattooed up) won't let it go and soon the war is on. Yes a war between a gang of street kids and one man. Don't worry though, the street gang who has been shooting guns for years can't seem to hit anything and Hume, well he is an excellent shot, although we are fairly certain he has never shot a gun. He can blow off body parts with excellent precision all while being shot at by 3 or 4 bad guys!

Very little in this movie makes a lick of sense. How can Hume find the gang where ever they are but the cops, led by the god awful Aisha Tyler can never find them. How can Hume as one man continue to pick this gang of rough and tumble gang members? Why is there so much terrible music? Why does the director decide to use slow motion every time someone puts on a jacket? And why is that slow motion always unintentionally hilarious?! Oh and How did John Goodman end up this is movie playing a gun runner, a drug dealer maybe, oh and in a pointless out of nowhere twist, the father of the gang leader? No I could forgive some of those things if the movie was at least entertaining, but it really isn't. In a foot chase that lasts an ungodly 5 minutes, Bacon is shown leaping over a box; he doesn't just jump over it, the director makes a point of showing him leaping over it like it is a 4 foot high hurdle, for no reason! The usually solid Bacon is slumming it and not even looking like he is having any sort of fun whatsoever. I give the movie a point for 1 entirely unpredictable plot twist, but the audience doesn't really get to feel the effect of it. Just to show you how bad of a shot everyone in the gang is, at one point they shoot Bacon at point blank range and they didn't even kill him! Also, I am sure gangs still exist to this day, but there is something very 90s about the plot of this movie. It is based on a novel, but I can;t imagine the novel is much better because there are inherent problems in the story. Vigilante movies call be fun and intense (Falling Down) but this is neither. Lastly, it isn't even particularly bloody, undeserving of the "unrated" label on the DVD I watched today.

Final Grade: F

Sunshine (Major Spoilers)

I am one of the few major film lovers who maintains that director Danny Boyle is overrated. Frankly speaking, Shallow Grave is his only great movie. Trainspotting and 28 days later had some interesting visuals but neither were particularly entertaining movies and The Beach is a colossal disaster, especially for a filmmaker who is loved the way Boyle is. However, Sunshine looked like it could be a fun, odd little Science Fiction movie but I missed it when it was in theaters for a week (not a good sign), and now that it is on DVD, I got the chance to watch it.

50 years in the future, the sun is dying and a team of scientists and presumably astronauts are sent on a mission to reignite it by dropping a "payload" on it and birthing a new star in the dying star. The team is staying in a giant space craft that has enough food and oxygen to last the way the there and the way way. Everything is figured out perfectly, but we find out this is not the first mission to the sun, and that the first mission failed and no one knows what happened. They appear to be nearing the sun when they pick up a distress signal that appears to be from the first ship. Unsure of what happened to the ship and the people in it, the crew is split on whether or not to go to the ship. The decision ultimately lies with Robert Capa (Cillian Murphy) because he is in charge of the "payload." He is the only one who knows how it works and he will make the decision whether they might need the "payload" from the first ship, just in case. He makes the decision to go after the first ship and from here all hell breaks loose. The guy in charge of steering and what not forgets to change the direction of their shield and so the heat from the sun burns some holes in the ship and they lose most of their oxygen. He goes crazy and ends up drugged up to keep him from killing himself. When they finally get to the first ship, there is no one left and the ship is immobile, so it turned out to be for naught. And then, the movie takes a bizarre turn into some awful slasher flick.


I don't like to bring spoilers into my reviews but in order to express why I hated this movie so much, I felt it necessary here. Visually this movie ranges from strikingly gorgeous to painfully corny and everywhere in between. The acting is among some of the worst I have seen in years and Cillian Murphy's decision to whisper speak everything gets more annoying as the movie goes on. Maybe Jodie Foster was his acting coach. Chris Evans is his normal hot head acting self, but he doesn't really have much to do here and a lot of the people don't even seem like actors to me. It feels as if Boyle hired some random people walking down the street to read this garbage dialogue because Boyle believes anything can be good if it is shot correctly. Let me tell you, this is the opposite of good. Even the cool visual effects and interesting camera angles, while all excellent at times, cannot save this disastrous mess of a movie. It incorporates elements of the disaster flick genre- The plot is very much The Core. Murphy even describes the bomb as being the size of Manhattan Island, compared to the Asteroid in Armageddon being "The size of Texas."

However, this movie wanted to be more than a bad disaster flick because it also wanted to be a bad slasher flick. After the crew leaves the first ship, people start to die. The reason being, the captain from the first ship has some how managed to survive and he speaks to God and God says to let the Earth die. Naturally the God hearing captain must start killing everyone. Oh and this captain is crispy from the sun, yet, while the rest of his crew died from the sun, he survived. He is some weird super human, sun burnt, killing machine who is never shot with a steady camera presumably to make us more afraid of this seemingly impossible person. Logic be damned!! If it wasn't bad enough that this guy some how survived 7 years of being alone, burned to a crisp, he also some how makes it on the new ship without anyone knowing and without a space suit. Meaning, he had to deal with a temperature below freezing while burned to a crisp. It is possible he can fly as well. Who knows, anything is possible in the world of a lame ass Danny Boyle film!

Speaking of the space suits, they are certainly something to behold. They look like Elton John's fashion sense from the 80's made love to The Rocketeer, they had a baby and let Liberace raise it. Bright gold, with glitter flying off of them, the space suits don't seem to fit really, except to let Danny Boyle use some god awful slow motion shots of the glitter escaping the suits like they knew it was gaudy looking and wanted to go somewhere less flashy. Before the slasher aspect of the film, I was not entertained as much as kind of intrigued by a lot of the camera shots and special effects, but the goodwill of those burned up quickly. With bad writing, bad acting, a horrible third act and a plot fit for a disaster flick, all the good visuals could not save this from being a movie that could have easily been on the bottom 10 of 2007 list.


Final Grade: D+

End of the year movie blowout! 2007 edition

I must preface this entire thing by saying, I was trying to wait until I saw There will Be Blood, but it appears it won't be in the Sacramento area until January 18th, and I don't want to wait that long to do this. So, my top 10 might be a bit different now than it will be on the 18th. Also, this year was a great year for movies and the final 3 slots in my top ten could have about 8 movies in them so I will do my usual top 10 and then I will list my 11-15 in no specific order. So without further waiting here is Kyle's 2007 big movie blowout!


My 10 favorite movies of 2007
10. 3:10 to Yuma- I am not the biggest fan of Westerns but this movie was intense, big and action packed. The climatic gun fight is worlds of fun to watch but the performances given by Christian Bale and Russell Crowe really helped raise this movie to excellent heights.

9. The Great Debaters- So what, I am sucker for inspirational tales and even more of a sucker for movies where people believe words can make a difference. Featuring a brilliant scene between Denzel and Forrest, this movie is predictable for sure, but it is so much more.

8. Gone Baby Gone- Ben Affleck's Boston is moving, gorgeous and dirty and Casey Affleck gives a haunting performance. This crime drama is challenging in the morality of characters and is questioning whether the smart choice is always the right choice.

7. Charlie Wilson's War- Aaron Sorkin's script pops and Phillip Seymour Hoffman gives an incredible supporting performance, but it is the story that really won me over. It never stops questioning American politics and the end is haunting and is still with me.

6. The Darjeeling Limited- Every time I think about this movie, I like it more. Shot beautifully, acted beautifully, written beautifully, this movie is funny, touching, serious and even outrageous. The final 20 minutes are quite a departure for the director, but they work so well.

5. The Bourne Ultimatum- This might be my favorite action movie in quite some time. It is always intense, unflinching, intimate and gorgeous. Damon is picture perfect as Jason Bourne and the movie features one of the best movie endings ever. The perfect cap on this trilogy.

4. Knocked Up- What else can be said about this amazing comedy. Always fast, funny, smart, dirty and even touching, this movie will be quotable forever, but it also works as a very nice romantic comedy for people my age.

3. Michael Clayton- The more I think about this movie, the more I love it. George Clooney gives the most layered and rich performance of the year and first time director Tony Gilroy weaves an incredible law tale. Even when we aren't sure what is happening we are sucked in.

2. American Gangster- I had high hopes for this movie and it did not disappoint one bit. Great performances to be sure, but this epic crime saga is never slow or boring. Ridley Scott weaves two interesting stories and gives them both equal time and importance to really make the final confrontation that much more intense.

1. No Country for old Men- What can I say? This movie is haunting, awesome, funny, creepy, gross, interesting, intense, intimate and epic all at the same time. A wonderfully told crime story featuring amazing performances, an amazing gun fight and some of the most intense waiting-for-shit-to-happen sequences ever. The ending is nothing like you'd want or expect, but that it what helps make it such a brilliant movie!

The next 5 movies (11-15)- Juno, Superbad, Into the Wild, Waitress, and Spiderman 3.

the 10 worst movies of 2007

10. Zodiac- I was so incredibly disappointed in this slow moving and boring drama. Robert Downey Jr. is wasted and the only truly intense moment comes at the end, after I was already bored and over the movie in every way.

9. Good Luck Chuck- I had some hopes for this movie but it was pretty unfunny and painfully misogynistic. Jessica Alba was slumming it badly here, but at least she spent a lot of time in her underwear. Dane Cook is funnier than the movies allow him to be.

8. Beowulf- I did take a certain amount of joy in this sucking, but I couldn't help it; it sucked. The animation is more creepy than interesting and the voice work was awful. The script was worse than any of it and it was unintentionally laughable

7. Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer- This is just a god-awful sequel. I wish I had nice things to say but everything good in the movie was given away by the trailer. The climax could have saved it, but they blew that, like they blew everything else in the movie.

6. Rush Hour 3- This is a series of movies that has just run its course. The jokes were stale and the action even worse. Chan doesn't appear to have it anymore and the stunts were just ridiculous here. Nothing about this movie was funny.

5. Resident Evil 3- For some reason Alice turned into a super hero but it is never explained. the CGI was not impressive and sadly I don't think this series is over. Bloated plot, bad comedy and out-of-left-field romance really turned this movie into a laugh fest.

4. I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry- A movie cannot use every gay stereotype for comic effect then apologize for them in the end. It just doesn't work. Not offensive enough to be truly funny and I will never buy Sandler as a stud.

3. Underdog- The movie I most did not want to see this year. The CGI dog kind of creeped me out and nothing in this movie is funny. I was entertained in anyway shape or form. Plus Peter Dinklage is so much better than this. ugh!

2. Saw IV- This movie makes no sense. The traps weren't all that cool and the Jigsaw-as-a-tortured-victim bullshit does not work. You cannot have a brutal killer for 3 movies then try and turn him into a misunderstood victim. This movie makes me angry when I think about it.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: At world's end- Everyone saw this coming, but seriously this is the worst movie I have ever seen. Pointless plot twists, a bloated sense of self, bad Johnny Depp, forced romance, bad jokes, horrible action sequences, terrible CGI, a lack of a decent climax, really terribly acting from Orlando Bloom are all just the tip of the iceberg as to what was wrong with this complete waste of time. People like it but can't tell me why because deep down they know this was a rape of the mind, the eyes and of my time.

The two movies I discussed and debated the most- Harry Potter 5 and Spiderman 3.

2007 surprises-Casey Affleck, Ben Affleck's directing, Adrien Brody in Darjeeling, Stardust, Waitress, Keri Russell, Sean Penn, Disturbia, Roger Bart in American Gangster, John Travolta in Hairspray, Amy Adams, The Mist's ending, The transformations in Tranformers, Enchanted, 28 weeks later, Hot Fuzz.

2007 disappointments- Sweeney Todd, Beowulf, Zodiac, Eastern Promises, Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer, Jet Li Vs. Jason Stratham(War), Atonement, The sex in Perfect Strangers, The lack of comedy in Rush Hour 3.

My favorite 2007 movie trend- The fun movie! I can count six movies that were just fun movies. They were movies that just put me in a good or fun mood and those 7 movies were: Hairspray, Stardust, Enchanted,Transformers, Shoot em up, Waitress, and Ocean's 13.

There you have it. Feel free to comment about my lists, or even add some of your own to my lists or create new lists of your own. 2007 was an awesome year for movies; It was much better than 2006 for sure. Hopefully everyone who reads this thing enjoyed my reviews, thoughts and lists and hopefully you guys all continue to read and enjoy!

P.S. I Left Grindhouse off my top 15 intentionally because I loved half of the movie and just kind of liked the other half, but they are one movie so it didn't make the cut.

P.S. I love you

Movies like this one aren't usually on my radar, but I have to admit that for some reason I was oddly drawn to this one. Some of it is because James Marsters had a small part and being a huge fan of his work as Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I feel a sense of duty to support him. However, there was just something relatively interesting about the premise. I am not a huge Hilary Swank fan because every time I watch her on screen I spend more time trying to figure out if I think she is attractive, than watching her performance. Mostly, though, I was curious as to how funny this movie could be given the topic.

Gerry Kennedy(Gerard Butler) and Holly Kennedy(Swank) are a married couple as deeply in love now as they were when they first were married. We are first introduced to them they are having a fight but we can see how much they love each other. After the opening credits though, Gerry has died from a brain tumor. Holly becomes a recluse, hiding in her apartment, wearing his clothes and watching Betty Davis movies. On her 30th birthday her friends and mother show up to try and get her out and Holly gets a delivery. It is a birthday cake from Gerry. She also receives a letter from Gerry telling her to expect more letters and that she must complete the tasks he gives her. If it seems a bit creepy and morbid, it is. Gerry's letters give Holly comfort but also challenge her to live. She must sing Karaoke, get rid of his clothes, vacation and find a job she loves. Along the way she meets Daniel(Harry Connick Jr.), a guy who is charming, funny and rude and is hoping to date her. While vacationing in Ireland, Holly meets William(Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and he becomes the first guy she sleeps with other than her dead husband. As the movie goes on though, Holly starts to question these letters and begins to wonder what exactly Gerry is doing. However, it is ultimately a romantic comedy, so life affirmation exists.

To say that this is a romantic comedy is using the term comedy very loosely. There are some laughs to be had for sure, Lisa Kudrow as one of the friends, gets a lot of deserved laughs and Connick Jr. also gets laughs from his unfiltered speech. Gerard Butler reappears throughout the movie in flashbacks, proving he is a rock star, and a charmer, but I don't believe he is as much of a comedian as this movie tries to say he is. The opening scene plays like a ripped off version of Neil Simon's Barefoot in the Park, but that tone is not kept through the movie. At times there are attempts at physical comedy that fall flat, but it makes you appreciate the stuff Kudrow does more because it is obvious she is a very talented comic actress. Morgan does a very good Irish accent and it is easy to see why Holly lets her guard down for Morgan's William because he is very good at suave. In fact, all three major male characters are charming, nice and interesting and all three do a very good job facilitating their purpose in Holly's Life.

My biggest problem with this movie is that it is never sure what it wants to be. Swank spends more time crying in this movie than any actor has ever cried in a movie, ever. It is as if she was unaware this was supposed to have comic touches. The director, Richard LaGravenese, never lets the audience have our laughs without immediately following our laughs with something sad and at some point my sympathy for the character turns to minor annoyance. P.S I love you gives us a year in the life of a widow and while I can not even begin to imagine what it feels like to lose someone in that capacity, it just seems like the movie allows Holly to grieve for too long without giving her a chance to come up for air. The letters are supposed to help Holly move on and in some regard they do, but the 10 letters also come across as cruel reminders of what she lost and they become a crutch on which she can rely to keep her grief going. The movie has a few nice minor themes that don't get enough time like the question about if being a widow is any easier than being a woman who had her husband run off, or whether or not it is okay for people around the widow to be happy in their lives, even as the widow continues to suffer.

I am not the sought after audience for a movie like this and I think that seems like it succeeds as a chick flick. That is to say, that while it could be a movie that speaks to anyone who has lost someone, it seems perfectly fine with catering to an exclusively female audience. I think Swank was probably the wrong choice, but she does capture the grief well and in the flashback where she and Butler first meet, she captures the kind of gawky innocence of the character, but she just seems to be missing the lighter touch sections of the movie. I did not hate the movie, but I was relatively indifferent towards it, especially as it runs into the 2 hour mark. Guys, if you are going to see this movie it is a good idea to bring tissue for your girl because I am not sure any girl in the theater had dry eyes throughout.

Final Grade: C+

the Great Debaters

While my high school never had a debate team (we did Mock Trials instead), when I got to college, I was surrounded by former debate team members. Being a theater major and not a musical theater major brought me close to a lot of public speaker and the like. I became interested in their stories and watching these people go back and forth. I believed I missed my calling, seeing as how much I love to debate. Instead I started to read all of the nonfiction books my friends had and eventually I read about a guy named Melvin Tolson. Tolson took an all black college team in debate in the 1930's all the way to the top and eventually facing U.S.C in a debate. It was an inspirational tale and now with Denzel directing and starring and Oprah producing and promoting it, the movie telling Tolson's tale has been made. Inspirational tales are a dime a dozen but some times they break through, would this be one of them?

Melvin B. Tolson(Washington) is a professor at Wiley college in Marshall, Texas. It is 1935 and segregation is very much alive. Tolson teaches literature and spouts off the poems of Harlem poets and preaches about how things are in the North. He is also the debate coach and soon he has a team of debaters comprised of Hamilton Burgess (Jermaine Williams) Henry Lowe(Nate Parker) Samantha Booke(Jurnee Smollett) and the 14 year old James Farmer Jr.(Denzel Whitaker). Farmer Jr. has a lot to live up too as his father James Farmer(Forest Whitaker) is one of 5 black people with a PhD and his father speaks 7 languages. Burgess is the only seasoned debater, but Lowe is a literary genius, able to pull quotes from great works of fiction and nonfiction and Booke is a fierce and passionate speaker. The team starts racking up win upon win and Tolson begins sending letters to all kinds of white schools and eventually a white school gives them an opportunity to debate but Burgess feels too much pressure at the possibility of being killed and so Booke takes his spot in the starting line up. On the side, Tolson is trying to form a union amongst the lowly farmhands, white and black and he is causing issues with the sheriff and is eventually arrested and unable to leave the state when the call from Harvard(in real life it was USC but here it is Harvard) comes down.

I will try to keep my soapboxing to a minimum here, but African American struggles have always fascinated me and I may not be able to stay away from my soap box. The plot of the movie is obvious and there is never any real doubt where it is going, but the story of this movie is so important and handled so delicately that I could not help but fall in love. In a time where African Americans are typically portrayed with guns and bling and all that other nonsense, here comes a movie about bright young people challenging the social standards of the day. It makes me sick that this was happening less than 80 year ago. There is a scene involving a lynching that haunts me two day later. Denzel Washington is not a perfect director, as he has a habit of letting a scene go on a bit long, but when it comes to making a point or inspiring he really nails it. We only see the most important debates and hear only the important arguments and the final debate is truly spectacular to watch. We see the three remaining team members grow in front of our eyes, flushing out fully realized characters. Denzel Whitaker gets the most screen time with Forest and Denzel and he does a pretty good job of holding his own with two African American legends, two acting legends. I am not new to the Forest Whitaker band wagon either; I have always championed him. Though they only have one scene together, watching Washington and Whitaker on screen together in that scene is a treasure as both actors are top notch and that scene bristles with excitement. Even later when they just share a look, volumes are spoken in those looks.

The idea of words being able to change the world is an idea I have always thought fondly of and this movie sets out to prove it can happen. These young people started by beating the best all black colleges but were not content to stop there. Their words got them to Harvard. Their words took them to the top and their arguments made them winners to their communities, their families and to each other. The movie may go on a bit long at times and the white characters don't get much to do, but it is all forgiven when Denzel shoots scenes of racial tension with such delicate grace. A scene involving Forest Whitaker hitting a white person's pig is a perfect sign of how things were as essentially the most articulate black minds of the time has to resort to "Yes sir" and all other sorts of embarrassing things but as he mentions to his son. "Sometimes we do what we have to do to be able to do what we want to do." Any movie that has the spirit of Langston Hughes kind of gets a free pass for whatever flaws it may have. Any movie that wants to use words to change things and instills faith and hope and can move me to tears from the power of the message is clearly a winning movie.

I watch a lot of underdog stories and I watch a lot of inspirational movies and while this one has most of the trappings of a cliche inspirational movie- the different bigger ending, endless trials, inner turmoil- it manages to inspire more than a majority of them do. To show how important this movie is, it is the first movie ever to star two African American men who have won The Oscar for Best Actor. Elder African American people believe this is a story that needs to be told and while it isn't the exact depiction of what actually happened, the mark of a good movie is not how closely it follows the truth, but how it works in entertaining or educating or in the case of this movie, inspiring. However, what the movie does leave out is that even though the school was victorious over USC, the win was not recognized by the national debate standards because blacks were not allowed to be recognized for such feats. The Wiley team went on to have ten undefeated seasons which is impressive for sports or anything else for that matter.

Final Grade: A-