Mirrors

Before I begin I must admit that I left this movie nearly half way through, so it may be wrong for me to write an actual review of it. I have seen worse movies, yes, but with this being awful and the circumstances involved in me watching it, it was too much and I had to walk out.

In case you did not know you were watching a movie called Mirrors, the movie goes out of its way to remind you. The opening credits all have mirror images; there are tons of ominous looking shots of full standing mirrors and the word "mirror" is used in pretty much every single line of dialog spoken through the first 45 minutes of this suck fest. Keifer Sutherland even has a classic bad horror movie line "Mirrors...they are everywhere." BRILLIANT!! I left before the plot took hold, but allow me to take a stab at it. Keifer Sutherland is a cop who killed someone and has been drinking ever since. He takes a job as a night watchman in an abandoned store. The store burned down years ago and they have no desire to fix it, yet they have to keep homeless people out. When he goes into the store, the mirrors act weird. My guess there is a spirit in the mirrors that want out. Keifer goes searching for the reasons for the crazy mirrors, he finds it, fixes it but most likely pays for it with his life, or maybe he just gets trapped behind the mirrors for eternity. If you saw this movie, please tell me how I did.

Very rarely do scary movies have legitimate scares anymore. See, there are legitimate scares and fake out scares. Most movies only have fake out scares now. "What is a fake out scare?" you ask. That is easy. Anytime the movie gets super quiet only to suddenly make a loud sound. That is not a real scare. Yes, it makes you jump, but not because the movie is scary, but because sudden loudness from total silence makes people jump. That is nonsense. This movie features nothing but fake out scares, my favorite being a bird flapping its wings that are some how so loud they sound like a gun shot. It must have been some sort of super bird! The movie is gruesome for the sake of being gruesome, which I am sure is fine with gore hounds, but it is kind of relentless on its attack on good taste. The acting is horrid all the way around, but Paula Patton wins the award for most god awful acting. I am not sure if humans wrote the script or if they just let some computer do it for them using the keyword "mirrors" but it is so unbelievably bad, Porn scripts look good by comparison.

These movies have an audience and there was a time when I was maybe in that audience, but at this point in my life, I have better things I could be doing at 1am. Oh and since the spirits trapped in the mirrors can get you from any reflective surface, like water, this movie is erroneously called Mirrors, but I guess it is catchier than Reflective surfaces.

Final Grade: F