The 300

Have you ever wondered what a head flying through the air looked like? Ever wondered what elephants look like as the plunge to their death off of a cliff? Have you wondered what a tree or wall made up of dead human bodies would look like? Do you want to hear what the loudest slap in human history sounds like? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions than The 300 is just the movie for you. Yes, that's right, a wall made up of dead human bodies. By the way, a wall made up of dead humans is actually very cool looking. In fact, everything in this movie is cool looking. The capes, the shields, the masks, the guys, the girls, the creatures and the blood. Oh the blood. The only thing cooler than the look of the blood is the sound swords make as they pierce human flesh with such force that it feels like you are watching a rape scene, only a gorgeous looking rape scene. Never before has a movie been so much in love with loud sounds and dead bodies piling up. Also, its a freaking awesome movie.


I have to claim ignorance at the source material here. I have read a ton of Frank Miller, but this is not one of his graphic novels of which I am familiar. I very much want to read it but if I were to buy it now I would look like a comic book poser and I can not have that, so until the hype of the movie dies down, I will have to trust that director Zack Snyder stayed true to the text. yes, text, screw you non comic book people. The movie is pretty basic in the plot. A war tyrant who thinks he is a God is on the warpath and Gerad Butler, the King of Sparta will not go down with a fight...errr..fights. Many Many fights. Some of the most amazingly choreographed big battles I have ever seen. I have to wonder how many hours went into synchronizing the Sparta soldiers' turns and twists. The Butler makes a fascinating king, never letting his guard down and showing no weakness, yet in his eyes there is always something going on. I enjoyed that we didn't always know what that thing was, though. The movie isn't really about the plot, though. The movie is about the visuals, about the effects.


Right in the opening credits we get an idea of just over the top this movie is going to be. We get these big brassy sweeping orchestral music over the loud thumps of the production companies pounding the screen and from there, we get two hours of loud. Two hours of earth shattering, ear popping noise. A sword being removed from the sheath sounds like two cymbals being crashed in front of your face and decapitations sound like you would expect a decapitation to sound like if you had to experience one. By the time the movie has ended, you will be very well versed in the art of the be-heading, trust me. If it sounds like I am complaining, rest assured, I am not. This movie is glorious, large, takes no prisoners and never once apologizes for it. It is what pure testosterone driven adrenaline would look like if you could visualize it. The colors and shots are breath taking, even black looks like a magical color when it is part of a wolf's fur coat. There are sections of scenery that look as if they are right out of the graphic novel and a lot of the voice over narration sounds like direct graphic novel portions as well. As far as the script goes it is weak, there is no denying that, but there are some seriously gangsta one liners as well that will leave you laughing and cheering at the same time.


If you are easily grossed out, hate loud noises, are offended by nudity, don't like war movies or are just a big ole pansy, stay away. This movie is only for those who can handle it. This movie is for people who love to watch people get hit, or watch race car races in hopes of seeing some crazy tire flying accident. Also, this movie is for people who want to see the single most amazing battle sequence, this side of Lord of the Rings. You have been warned. However, if you do enjoy all of those things, go see this movie in theaters. It needs to be seen on the big screens with the surround sounds. Also, get there early because you are going to want to see the new Spiderman 3 trailer on the big screen. It is by far the best trailer I have ever seen, period!