Get Smart

If you go back to my pre-summer movie blast, you will see that this movie made my top 10 list of movies I was really anticipating. The teaser was super hilarious and as more trailers rolled out, I was hooked. It looks super funny and super action packed. I thought Steve Carrell was perfect casting for Maxwell Smart and I love Dwayne Johnson. Get Smart was my dad's favorite show and I have seen enough of them to know how it is funny and seen it enough to want to see this movie.

Maxwell Smart(Carrell) is the best analyst at CONTROL. He passes the field agent exam, but the chief (Alan Arkin) needs him to be the best analyst. CONTROL is a top secret Government agency that keeps tabs on terrorist threats, mostly from a group called CHAOS. CONTROL is hit hard and all of their field agents are found out and killed. Thus, Smart is promoted and he will be teamed up with Agent 99(Anne Hathaway), a veteran agent who recently had undergone plastic surgery. Smart and agent 99 head off to Russia to track down some possible nuclear threats. Back stateside, agent 23 (Dwayne Johnson) is having trouble adjusting to being a desk agent but is trying to be as helpful as possible.

The movie is not heavy on plot, but it is heavy on silly jokes and gags that hit much more often than they miss. Carrell is the absolute perfect bumbling straight man and the scene of him in the airplane bathroom left me in stitches. His line delivery is pitch perfect and he really has the qualities to carry a Get Smart franchise, if that should happen. The jokes work, the action is almost nonstop as we get a fight in mid-air and then an awesome climax involving an airplane, a train, a few cars and a bomb. Hathaway is sexy as hell and while I am not sure I bought the chemistry between Carrell and Hathaway on the romantic side, they work well on screen together. Johnson, (dropping "The Rock" moniker) gets a lot of great laughs as the newly flustered agent and some of the more supporting characters gets their laughs as well. Get Smart is the kind of movie that just look like it was fun to make; it looks like every day on the set was a blast and it carries over to the audience.

It is not flawless though, as in the middle section it does bog down a bit and the dance off scene does not work as well as it thinks it does. That whole section threatens to derail the movie, but luckily it is replaced by a fight scene with the sexy Hathaway, Carrell and a giant ogre of a man. That fight is thrilling and funny, but the end of the fight when Carrell brilliantly delivers the line "He left us up here; what a douche" really brings the movie back from the tailspin. As an added bonus we get Bill Murray and James Caan in cameos, with Caan playing The President of the United States in hilarious fashion.

As an homage- the shoe phone, the cone of silence, the car, "Missed it by that much"- Get Smart works. However, it also works as new spy comedy. It is slick, expensive looking, high tech and funny, but it packs a lot of punch as well. I am sure it will do enough to maybe get a sequel and I for one, am totally for it. It may have its flaws, but the silly comedy works more than it doesn't and I had a really good time watching it.

Final Grade: B-

The Love Guru

Mike Myers has not been seen on screen since the Cat in the Hat debacle. In his time away he has been searching for inner peace and created a character. He wrote a movie featuring that character and this summer that movie got released. Audiences everywhere wished it hadn't.

The Guru Pitka (Myers) is the second best self-help guru but thinks if he can get on Oprah he will be first. Jessica Alba is inexplicably the owner of a hockey team who needs his help. The team's Tiger Woods character has started to suck because his wife has shacked up with the goalie of the other team. It is believed she did so because the goalie has a penis the size of an elephant trunk. The Guru sets off to help the black athlete conquer his fears of the giant white penis. Of course, none of that matters. What matters is the string of poop, urine, fart, booger and penis jokes that come at you for 90 minutes. Apparently Mike Myers spent his time off turning into a 6 year old child with bad taste. I don't know how old I was when farting and nose picking stopped being funny, but I am pretty sure it was before I was nearly 40. Never mind that I am not 40.

The Love Guru is so unbearably unfunny that it makes you question everything you ever thought you knew in life. You start to wonder if Mike Myers was ever really funny. It makes you think maybe Wayne's world is terrible. It is not possible for the person behind Wayne's World to also be this perpetrator of crimes against funny. I refuse to believe it. My hope is that Mike Myers has been abducted and the alien that now uses his body is only 5 years old. If that were the case it would maybe be acceptable for a movie to feature a scene where elephants have sex while Myers is riding on the back of the male elephant. Mike Myers has committed one of the worst crimes I have ever seen on film. I left the theater in a daze. It ruined my week and made me physically ill. At one point, I thought all of the joy I had ever felt in life was going to be sucked out. The Love Guru wants to rob us of joy and it wants to demolish our sense of humor and drown it in urine, because apparently soaking things in urine is funny to Myers.

You are categorically wrong if you believe the Love Guru is funny. If you even try to defend it I will know you are not human, but a clone from the Mike Myers factory from the depths of Hell. Justin Timberlake singing Celine Dion should not be the funniest thing in your movie. Cameo after Cameo The Love Guru gets worse. Jessica Simpson, Val Kilmer, Marikta Harkshay, Kanye West and oh yes, Mike Myers cameoing as himself cannot rescue this dreck from drowning in its own feces.

Jessica Alba, who is no actress, cannot be faulted for this one because all her character does is laugh at the Guru, but the forced laughter is not her fault; no one can be expected to actually laugh here. In one scene, the Myers character is ordering something to eat and it is a pair of nuts inside a doughy wrapping (like testicles) and then those balls are smashed repeatedly before being placed under a pickle (Yes that is supposedly a joke). Well as I watched the nuts being smashed I could not help but wonder if having my own testicles smashed would be as painful as ever having to watch The Love Guru ever again. My guess is that having my testicles smashed would feel like a walk in the park compared to watching it again.

In case I have not been straight forward enough for you: The only movie I hate more than this is Pirates 2-3. This is the second worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Only this movie could make Steven Colbert unfunny.

Final Grade: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

27 Dresses

I can't imagine what it was like for someone to read the character breakdown after Katherine Heigl had already signed on. How does someone react when they see the following- Tess Nichols: The hotter sister of Jane Nichols(Heigl). Seriously how does one cast someone hotter than Katherine Heigl? The answer is, you don't. You tone down Heigl's hotness with browner hair and less flattering clothes and hire Malin Ackerman, the new and improved(younger and less obnoxious) Cameron Diaz. And in doing so you create like the hottest sister pair ever. Now that entire thing is not important in the grand scale of 27 dresses, but it was something that struck me during watching it.

Jane loves weddings. She loves them so much she is a bridesmaid for 2 weddings on the same night. She hires a cab driver for the night and changes in the car, going back and forth between weddings. At the end of the night she meets the ridiculously handsome and charming Kevin Doyle(James Marsden). She leaves her planner in the cab and Doyle finds it seeing a story. See, Doyle is a writer for a fictional New York paper that places a premium on wedding stories. At work, Jane is in love with her boss, George(Ed Burns), but George loves her as an employee and friend. (Yes, you have to believe that Katherine Heigl could not get any man ever.) She has a slutty, always horny best friend (Judy Greer, the queen of slutty and horny best friends) who believes she needs to make her move or get over it. Her sister, Tess (Ackerman) breezes into town and is quickly engaged to George. Jane says it is all okay, but is bubbling with anger underneath. The wedding is 3 weeks away and Jane is now planning the wedding of her sister and the man of her dreams. Re-enter Kevin. After weeks of dismissing Kevin's come-ons Jane finally accepts. Singing on the top of a bar ensues and the story gets complicated as Jane decides to stand up for herself and as she realizes she is the object of a story by Kevin, but this is a romantic comedy, after all.

As far as romantic comedies go, I would put 27 Dresses in the second tier. It is not memorable or original enough to be mentioned with When Harry met Sally or My Best Friend's Wedding, but it is better than 80% of the bad romantic comedies that get released every year. It runs about 15 minutes too long and the typical romantic comedy awkward turning point is probably meaner in this movie than the norm, but that actually works in its favor. All jokes about Heigl's disgustingly gorgeous looks aside, she proves a very capable romantic comedy actress. She handles the bubbling beneath the surface anger well and it is easy to see why a guy would fall in love with her. She is peppy and has a very winning charm in her line delivery. She has good comedic timing to deliver lines like "I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich." However, she can be taken serious enough to deliver this blow "That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress." Heigl has serious star potential, but needs to remember that romantic comedy actresses tend to have relatively short shelf lives.

The story is basic yes, but the dialog is actually pretty strong, in my opinion. There are enough funny lines and good banter to help compensate for the fact that the story could have been solved if the characters had just sat down and talked to each other. Marsden is effortless in his character because well, he oozes likability. Plus, he actually gets the girl here. As Jane's hotter sister, Malin Ackerman reminded me of Cameron Diaz from My Best Friend's Wedding, until the end. Up until she commits an unforgivable sin, she is a very likable other girl. She is not terribly annoying and she is not a shrew. She is also super hot with blonde hair that practically jumps off of the screen. If I seem to be focusing almost exclusively on performances it is because I am. I found that the performances helped raise this movie higher. I found myself actually invested in Jane's plight, even though I knew how it would end. In a romantic comedy, that is all you can ask for.

27 Dresses doesn't break any barriers, but it satisfies and entertains which is what it was hoping to do. It has swoon worthy moments for the girls as Kevin confesses he weeps like a girl at gorgeous weddings and it has Katherine Heigl for the guys. It is kind of a win-win. Once you get passed the absolutely atrocious contrived opening sequences, 27 Dresses settles in and fits like your favorite well worn sweatshirt- you know what you are getting but it still makes you feel warm inside.

Final Grade: B-

Son of Rambow

As a way of dealing with being a very sheltered, fatherless young boy, Will Proudfoot(Bill Minler) draws incredibly elaborate and fascinating pictures. His religion forbids him watching t.v and in school when his class watches a movie he has to sit outside the class. One day as he is sitting outside, he sees Lee Carter, a trouble making classmate, getting kicked out of class. Carter and Proudfoot soon start up a very unlikely friendship. Carter manipulates Proudfoot into helping him do some screen tests for a young directors competition, but as soon as Proudfoot sees First Blood, he wants to make a real movie. Soon, Carter and Proudfoot are making The Son of Rambow; it is an epic tale of a young boy trying to save his father from an evil scarecrow. Proudfoot is the star and Carter the director. When Carter is suspended for a week, Proudfoot enlists the help of most of the students at school and when Carter comes back, everything has changed. It is no longer a little fun movie. Friendships are formed and tested and the social norms combated as young Will Proudfoot tries to reconcile his new found popularity in the secular world with the faith of his family.

With the exception of some short cut away scenes involving a french foreign exchange student, I found The Son of Rambow to be a funny, charming and heart warming tale of growing up. I also revere it as a nice homage to anyone who loves movies. Anytime you have children as the leads in a movie that is not directly aimed at children you run a risk of misfiring in casting, but I thought both the young male leads did an excellent job. I was really taken in by Will Poulter(Lee Carter). He managed to find layers in the character of the misunderstood youth and was charming beyond his years. I have read about the comparison between him and a young River Phoenix in Stand by Me, which I think is warranted.

The things that most struck me in this movie were the scenes of filming the movie and the scenes featuring Will when he was upset or excited. I thought the director really handled the scenes of shooting the movie in a very reverent, but exhilarating way. The whole time we watch Will and Lee shoot The Son of Rambow they have so much giddy energy that it makes me remember what it was like being that young and coming out of a movie. When we would come out of Three Ninjas we were jumping all over practicing kicks and punches and after the Goonies we wanted to search for treasure. This movie brings all of those childlike feelings back. It makes us want to go out and make a movie. It makes us appreciate movies that were made with love and creativity because they didn't have the money for CGI.

What struck me about the scenes of Will's excitement or anger is that they were shot in this hand drawn looking animation. It gives the impression that all of Will's thoughts happen in animation. Everything he thinks, feels and desires happen from the pages and walls of drawings he creates. It is a very cool concept to think that our thoughts appear in pictures. His pictures also act as storyboards for the movie they are making. Watching the flying dog or the creepy scarecrow come to life later in the movie is a fun and thrilling ride, just like the majority of the movie.

Be warned though, it is not all happy and charming. The Son of Rambow is not afraid of tackling tough issues and it is a better movie for it. Mixing joyous film making with a tale of growing up without a father or without parents relying on your best friend for laughter, joy and love combine to make a very heart warming tale that is never heavy handed.

Final Grade: B+

Kung Fu Panda

If you have spent any amount of time talking to me about movies it will inevitably come up that Jack Black annoys the crap out of me. I think Tenacious D sucks and typically Jack Black being in a movie spells trouble. He has this obnoxious hipster mentality that grates on my frontal lobes like a fingernails on a chalkboard. His act in School of Rock was tolerable, though and I actually liked him in Be Kind Rewind. I also have a soft spot for animated movies. Well, animated movies that look as if adults can enjoy them as well, not that Shrek nonsense. I was not impressed by any of the trailers and it looked too silly for me, but I had the chance to see it and as you all know, I rarely pass up a chance to watch a movie.

Po the Panda(Black) dreams of being a Kung-Fu master, but he is fat and lazy with no skill inside of him. He longs to fight beside the furious five- Tigress(Angelina Jolie), Monkey(Jackie Chan), Crane (David Cross), Mantis (Seth Rogen) and Viper(Lucy Lui). The day has come when the dragon fighter is to be chosen because it has been reported that Tai Lung(Ian McShane) will brake out of prison. Po wants to go watch the ceremony, but his father wants him to sell noodles at the event and climbing the stairs is impossible and Po misses the event, almost. Right before the dragon fighter is chosen, Po ends up on the main stage and is picked to be the dragon fighter. Shifu(Dustin Hoffman), the kung fu teacher thinks it is a mistake and the furious five treat Po terribly. Is Po the kung-fu master? Can Shifu teach him to fight in time? How many jokes will be made out of Po climbing the stairs?

When Kung Fu Panda is in the midst of an action sequence it is a pretty dazzling movie, unfortunately it is not a 90 minute action sequence. Jack Black does do a pretty good job of replacing his obnoxious hipster attitude with an obnoxious innocence, but it actually worked for the most part. He shines most in the opening sequence when he gets to say the word "awesome" in a few different ways. The opening sequence is a weird anime sequence that reminded me of Horton Hears a Who from earlier this year. Ian McShane, doing his third voiced villain in 4 years, is an excellent villain. However, he should be glad Jeremy Irons decided not to do such things anymore. The scene with Tai Lung breaking out of prison is exhilarating, but the scene where Tai Lung fights the furious 5 on a bridge is the best scene in the movie. The action moves and the fights are gorgeously choreographed.

Yet, the comedy falls short. The overuse of jokes based on Po being a fat panda get tired after the first 5 minutes, but the continue for at least an hour. We get it, Po is fat and nonathletic, move on. Of course, Po overcoming such things is the point of the movie. The morality tale here is that if you put your mind to it, you can be as great as you hope you can be. You can take on giant animated tigers if you use your weight as a strength. Your fat lazy ass can actually be a weapon in battle, that will show those people who mocked you! The animation is amazing, but all movies seem to have that now; the problem is that there is too much stop or slow motion. This movie suffers from Matrixitis and it just doesn't work in this movie.

Final Grade: C

The Happening (Spoilers!)

M. Night Shyamalan is one incredibly polarizing figure in the world of movies. He burst onto the scene and has been making enemies ever since. It is nearly impossible for a director who hits a home run his first time out to ever recapture that (Yes, I know The Sixth Sense was not technically his first movie). What he created with that ghost tale was mesmerizing. The big reveal at the end was shocking, but not from out of nowhere if you go back and watch it. It is obvious it did not come from left field. I am going to now compare N. Night to Quinten Tarantino, but let me finish before you call me crazy. Both of these men hit a home run in their first movie. They both followed it up with very good second films and both had underrated third movies. Then they both went very very wrong. The Village and Lady in the Water gave M. Nigh two strikes; Kill Bill and Kill Bill part 2 gave Tarantino two strikes. When I see a director's career in a steady decline, I give them three strikes in a row. Once they get three in a row, I am done. Tarantino revived himself big time in my eyes with Death Proof and this was M. Night's shot.

Two Women are sitting on a park bench reading. One woman turns to the other and says she cannot remember where she was in the book. The two women laugh about it, but seconds later, there are screams in the distance; people start walking backwards and that same woman says again that she cannot remember where she was. She takes something out of her hair and punctures her neck with it, bleeding out. People throw themselves off of the roofs of buildings and a cop shoots himself, then others do the same with his gun. Cut to a science classroom in Philadelphia. Elliot Moore (Marky Mark) is curious as to why bees are disappearing but his class seems not to care at all. Moore is called out of his class and the teachers are all told "There is an event happening." Elliot gets his wife, Alma (Zooey "I have the bluest eyes, ever" Deschanal) his best friend, Julian (John Leguizamo) and Julian's daughter, Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez) and they all get on a train. On the train they see news footage claiming a terrorist attack is happening in the North East; the train stops because they have lost contact. There they see footage of a guy in a lion's den in a zoo goading the lions to tear him to shreds. Julian has to go to Princeton to find his wife. Jess is left with Elliot and Alma. They meet a crazy couple who will give them a ride. The crazy man has a half cocked theory that the plants are the cause. Plants have been known to create toxins to kill enemies. More people kill themselves; people are killed by others; paranoia captures everyone. What is the cause? We never actually know nor do we ever really care.

There is a saying that goes "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me three times and I hope you die." M. Night Shymalan has struck out in a big way. The Happening is so preposterous, so stupid and so unintentionally funny, I thought I was back watching Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. The Tone is incredibly wonky as it switches from hokey, to funny, to B-movie, to deadly serious and sometimes within the same scene. M. Night is totally unsure of what kind of movie he is making. Don't let the commercials fool you about this being M. Night's "First R rating" that does not make this a better movie. Inf act, this hinders him because when he actually shows what happens he always fails. Think about it, Signs was a very good, creepy movie until he actually showed the aliens. He works better in shadows, in hinting at things. The only hing hinted at here is a good movie. I think this could have been done well. There are flashes that reminded me why I like M. Night in the first place. I like the silence of the movie and the gorgeously haunting score, but it needed a better movie because there is nothing gorgeous or haunting here.

The minute the crazy guy starts talking about how the plants, grass and trees communicate with each other through wind, the entire audience was laughing. If M. Night wanted us to take it seriously, do not have the character with crazy eyes say that. DO not have the character who earlier said "Hot Dogs are underrated" tell us something that may be important. When Elliot realizes the man might be right, what happens? Yes, that is right, Marky Mark runs away from wind. Luckily the grass is so high we can see exactly where the wind is and just how fast it is blowing. Now, I am all for major movie stars running away from weather, hell Jake Gyllenhall runs away from cold like a freaking pro, but M. Night does not allow Marky Mark to win in this scene (don't worry it doesn't kill them because they are in a small group of people, therefore tricking the wind!) However, I refuse to believe wind is tougher to run away from than cold. Cold is all encompassing and wind needs speed to be fast. There is a lack of logic between The Happening and The Day after Tomorrow. These disaster directors need to get together on this! The green of the world is fighting back in a big way. Go green or end up turning a tractor on and laying under it as it tears you to pieces! I haven't even gotten to the crazy lady who lives alone in a house with nothing from the outside world. She invites the 3 travelers in, but smacks the little girl for trying to steal a cookie and accuses Marky Mark of trying to steal her creepy doll looking thing.

Movies do not get much worse than this. M. Night has created 3 god awful movies in a row and I wonder when the day comes where people argue over which one is worse. I still say The Village is worse mostly because I felt it telegraphed its twist; The Happening has no twist ending and no unexpected turn; it just continues to suck and suck and suck. There is one good scare and a few intentional laughs, like Marky Mark talking to a plant he realizes is plastic, but it does not redeem the sheer stupidity involved here.

Final Grade: F

The Incredible Hulk

Much has been made of Marvel's odd decision to reboot the Hulk franchise after the 2003 film tanked critically and at the box office (It experienced a 75% drop from weekend 1 to weekend 2, which is unheard of). When Marvel started its own studio, "Hulk was something they really wanted to do and when they cast Edward Norton, it seemed like they were heading in the right direction. A supporting cast including William Hurt and Tim Roth also made it seem like they were doing it right this time. In trying to erase the 2003 version out of the minds of viewers, they went with a much more action oriented director, Louis Leterrier (Transporter 1 & 2), but things went badly. Norton wanted to rewrite and reedit the movie like crazy and eventually the studio won with a shorter more action packed version leaving Norton's cut on the cutting room floor. However, an action packed movie is what we wanted, right?

The opening credits of The Incredible Hulk accomplish what it took the 2003 version to do in over an hour. With a frenetic editing pace and crazy music, we see The Hulk's origin in a few minutes and then pick up the story with Bruce Banner(Norton) hiding in Brazil working some hourly job in a soda factory. We get a visual cue on screen that lets us know it has been over 100 days without "incident." Banner is working hard at keeping his heart rate under 200, because, well getting Banner angry has serious ramifications. General Ross (Hurt) of the United States Army is still searching for Banner whom he believes is a weapon and is property of the U.S.A. After a freak accident in the plant and the obligatory Stan Lee cameo, the Army finds Banner and the chase is on. Banner is trying to find a cure and is in communication with a Mr. Blue, but in order for Mr. Blue to help, he needs more data; Banner has to go back to the scene of the crime. Meanwhile, Ross has found a super soldier, essentially in Emil Blonsky(Roth), whom he injects with a super serum. In a dazzling, loud and violent scene, the Army "traps" Banner on a college campus, and Hulk is unleashed. Sonic Cannons are unleashed and fanboys go crazy! When Banner does his Hyde thing, he has no control, but the one person who can help him control, who can bring him back to reality is Betty Ross (Liv Tyler). Betty is trying to help Banner find the cure. All the while, Blonsky needs more power, craves more. He needs to be stronger, faster and meaner. The trailer let us know that an epic battle between Hulk and "The Abomination" was going to take place and with Harlem as a background, they fight. Boy do they ever fight.

The Incredible Hulk is often too loud, but it never fails to entertain. I am sure with some of the missing 70 minutes there would be more character story and maybe even an arc, but this is an action movie and it is not short on the thrills. The first action sequence with The Hulk captured in only the edges of the camera frame, hiding in steam and ducking behind corners reminded me of many monster movies and really sets a nice tone for the movie. Hulk is shorter this time around, but he is a lot meaner. The look of Hulk is rough and jagged. His green is darker and his yell is gnarly. He uses the thunderclap and he is not above tearing a car in half and destroying tanks. Leterrier knows exactly how to pace the action scenes and he doesn't edit them too crazy so we can't see what is going on. The final showdown is amazing and worth the price of admission on its own. The little references to Captain America, The Leader and of course the Tony Stark cameo really help to make Marvel Studios a studio to be reckoned with. They want to achieve in movies what they have done with comics- create an entire world that is interconnected. Norton does a very good job as Banner, but his scenes with Tyler seem to be missing something. I don't know if they lack chemistry really, but something is missing, maybe I just needed more time with them together.

This Hulk did not have the highest of expectations as it only had to be better than the 2003 version and it is better than that. Whereas the 2003 version tried too hard to be a serious film and almost philosophize the character of Hulk, the 2008 version does exactly what I needed it to do; it just wrecks shit. Whenever Hulk is on screen, I knew I was going to be satisfied. Tim Roth makes a seriously excellent Emil Blonsky. He is cocksure and mean and believable as a super soldier. We believe Blonsky really will go as far as possible to win. He simply will not lose. The effects of The Abomination are out of this world good and detailed beyond belief. I was not sure about any of this in the teaser trailer, but my fears were put to rest when actually watching the movie. I enjoyed the chase aspect and the Lou Ferrigno cameo was perfectly placed. It does get a bit boring in places and the script is lacking in terms of punch. It lacks a light touch. Most comic book movies should have a somewhat lighthearted tone in places and Hulk lacks it until Mr. Blue A.K.A Samuel Sterns A.K.A The Leader (Tim Blake Nelson) is on screen. Nelson's manic energy really adds the comic touch to the movie as well as sets up the possible sequel nicely.

What I needed Hulk to do, he did. I cannot complain too much. This is certainly not in the truly upper echelon of comic book movies, but it is highest among the second tier. The Hulk is an awesome force and the movie goes along way to show that. It is a loud, action packed two hours featuring a few dazzling sequences and in the middle of summer when I desire to be entertained first, The Incredible Hulk certainly delivers. By the time the green monster gets around to saying "Hulk Smash" I just sat there and said, "Yes you certainly do." Awesome.

Final Grade: B

The Fall

I don't have a paragraph of backstory or anything for this movie, so I am just going to jump right in here.

Alexandria(Catinka Untaru) is a little girl in the hospital with a broken arm in the 1930s; the beginning of cinema. Roy Walker(Lee Pace)is a Hollywood Stuntman in the hospital with a broken spine. One day fate chances them to meet. Alexandria is a precocious little girl with chubby cheeks, a deep desire to hear stories, a dark past and the wit of a girl above her years and she is drawn to Roy's stories. Roy is a very depressed young man who desperately wants to kill himself, but he has a vivid imagination. Together they team up to pass the time with a wild story. Roy tells Alexandria the story of 5 men out to kill an evil ruler. They all have their own reasons for wanting the ruler dead, but the main hero, a masked hero, finds love along the way. Back in real life, Roy is manipulating Alexandria to get her to get him drugs. Alexandria wants to hear the end of the story, so she does his bidding, wondering all the while if it is a good thing she is doing.

Directed by Tarsem (yes he goes by one name) The Fall is a luscious bore. To be fair, calling it luscious may be giving it too much credit. The fantasy world Roy weaves features a few stunning visuals that look jacked from M.C Esher artwork, but little else pops. The colors are rich to be sure, the richness of colors does not a movie make. The story in the fantasy takes forever to really get going and the real world is far more interesting, but it keeps getting interupted by the fantasy story. Pace is excellent in the role, but when he starts to double as the masked hero, I lost interest. Pace is not a super suave guy, and that role demands it. In the real world, Pace does an excellent job with Roy. In her first and to this date only movie role, the little romanian Untaru is perfect. We believe her when she is scared and revel in her small joys and brief happiness. The friendship they form is the heart of the movie, but it keeps getting bogged down in fantasy land.

Also, The Fall is relentlessly depressing right up until the very end. I am all for movies that challenge the ideals of the happy ending, but this was almost joyful in its depression. I understood the point of making the fantasy story get so depressing, because it makes the swift change in tone that much more emphatic in the end, but there was no let up throughout. Watching Alexandria get manipulated by Roy is tough to stomach at first, but it just goes downhill from there. Tarsem also directed The Cell which in itself was pretty relentlessly depressing, but at least the visuals in that one made the whole thing look pretty. Here, the depressing story doesn't get to hide behind those stunning visuals. Tarsem is trying to be incredibly visual here, but he fails. he fails badly and he fails often. It would have ben a better movie if he had pointed the camera at the oddly paired friends and let them talk through the movie.

Final Grade: D

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

Every summer brings with it a few surprises, but for the most part we know what we are getting in every summer movie season- Superheroes, Sequels and Sandler. The 3 S's of summer are like clockwork. This summer, we have Ironman and Hulk; The Mummy 3, Indiana Jones 4 and "Zohan." There was a time when I was the key demographic for Adam Sandler flicks but that day has long since passed. Yet, I still find myself sitting through his movies, almost out of duty than enjoyment. This movie had that all important seal of approval from Judd Apatow, but further digging seemed to show that his involvement ended a few years ago when the script was first written, so who knows. Well, I saw Ironman and I saw Indy 4, so now it was time to get my fill of the third summer S.

The Zohan(Sandler) is an Isreali counter terrorist on vacation. he loves to hackey sack it up and cook in the nude. He is dancing with some very sexy bikini clad girls until his services are needed. Palestinian terrorist "The Phantom"(A depressingly unfunny John Turturro) is on the loose and The Zohan has to capture him again. The problem is The Zohan is sick and tired of war. He is dying to cut and style hair. He even has a 1980s Paul Mitchell hair design book. He wants to leave the army and go to America to cut the hair. He fakes his own death and reemerges in New York with an 80s hair cut, cut off jeans and bad shirts, ready to cut hair. He finds it difficult to get a job, but he is extra confident and sticks with it until he finds work at a Palestinian hair salon. The owner, though, Dalia(Emmanuelle Chriqui) will not let him cut hair until one of her stylists quits and he is the only one left. The next 35 to 40 minutes is one bad montage after another. Zohan takes an older woman, cuts her hair in a very sexual way and then takes her in back and nails her. Oh and The Zohan has a giant cod piece. You won't miss it because it is the punchline to no less than 50 jokes in the near 2 hours of this movie. What follows is a story about Israeli's and Palestinians trying to get along, a big business man trying to put the little hair salon out of business and a lot of shirtless Adam Sandler gyrating in front of, on top of, and behind old women.

Somewhere in You Don't Mess with The Zohan is a funny movie. Somewhere inside the nearly 2 hours are sprinkled laughs. Somewhere between the old person sex stuff and the overuse of hummus are funny scenes involving hackey sacking a cat or some zany over the top action. In the first 25 minutes there are actually a lot of laughs. The laughs are due to the audacity of the action, the balls to the wall nonsense of Adam Sandler as a superhuman soldier. When the story moves to New York and we get bombarded with old person sex, the movie loses that. Instead we get Nick Swardson and Rob Schneider doing the same thing they always do- sucking. There are cameos galore- Chris Rock, Henry Winkler, Kevin James, John McEnroe and Mariah Carey- but the movie loses the funny. Sure there is still this over the top zaniness, but it isn't fun zaniness, it is repulsive. The Zohan is a parody movie of a movie that doesn't exist. Instead of a movie it is a string of sight gags strung together loosely by hair cuts. With the amount of time Sandler spends shirtless and with all his talk of being good at sex, this comes off as a vanity project. This is Sandler's version of Kevin Costner's The Postman. I can't say I hated it, but I can't say I loved it either.

However, I could spend an entire paragraph on Emmanuelle Chriqui. I won't but I will say that this girl may be flawlessly beautiful. The face, the body, the clothes, all of it is perfect. The accent, well, she is hot, what more do you want? Of course there is an inherent problem with the romance in the movie. Why would Dalia, a gorgeous and intelligent woman, ever give The Zohan a shot after the hundreds of 60-90 year old women he nailed in her back room? Is it because eventually he stops being able to get a hard on for anyone else? No, the script demands it so it happens. It is as simple as that. John Turturro on the other hand, could get a whole paragraph of negativity. John John John, what happened? What is it with really talented actors slumming in these crappy comedies? But not only is he slumming, he isn't even doing a good job of it here. He can be manic, crazy and hilarious (see Transformers) but here he is just sad.

Last summer Sandler tried his hand at tacking on a big social message on the end of the horrendous I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry, and it failed miserably, but when he does it here, he nearly succeeds. Denis Dugan, the director of both movies, gets away with it here, because this movie isn't mean spirited. There are stereotypes to be sure, but it isn't one constant stream of terrorist jokes. The moral being we are all the same. We all want the same things- the freedom to do what we love. Whether it is to cut hair, sell shoes, sell electronics, we deserve the ability to do it. The moral is wrapped up in a pretty nice climax involving some pretty funny jokes from Israelis and Palestinians, both and one more silly over the top action sequence to book end the movie nicely. Sandler is a talented actor and he proves that in the very few serious scenes, but he is without a challenge. he could do these kinds of movies forever it seems, but he needs another Punch Drunk Love. "Zohan" has laughs to be sure and actually it made me laugh more than I thought I would, but somewhere there is a better movie and not just extended SNL sketches.

Final Grade: C-

The Strangers

The first time I saw the trailer for this movie, I was sitting in a movie theater and girls all over the auditorium were screaming in fear. I knew I had to see this movie. Then rumors were swirling that it was going to be a tame pg-13 movie and then I heard it has been sitting on a shelf for over a year and I was worried I didn't want to see it. It came out rated R and it opened to a very impressive 20 million dollar opening, when studios were predicting 7 million. There must have been something in this small movie people wanted to see. Were they right?

Before we see anything, a dark voice opens the movie talking about how most of the violent acts committed to people are done by people they know, but some aren't. We are also told this is based on a true story, but it is more like a story based on many instances that may or may not be true. The movie opens on two little boys walking by a house that has been thrashed and we hear a 911 call. They see blood and a knife and then the movie goes back to the beginning of the story. James Hoyt (Scott Speedman) and Kristen McKay(Live Tyler) are driving silently in a car going to a summer home. They are clearly a couple in a fight. It is eerily quiet in the first 5 to 10 minutes of the movie as the couple get to the house, walk in, sit down and continue their lives. It is almost voyeuristic how mundane it all seems. James sits down looks at the engagement ring in his pocket and it is easy to see why the couple is at odds. James leaves a message to a friend that he will need a ride in the morning. The house is littered with roses, as James expected He and Kristen to be engaged by the time they reached the house. There is a knock at the door just after 2am. It is a loud, jarring knock and at the door is a teenage girl looking for her friend. We never see the face of the girl but there is something not right here. James leaves the house to go get Kristen cigarettes and then the proverbial shit hits the fan. There is another knock at the door; the girl is back, but then it is more than knocking. There is tapping at the window, Kristen's phone goes missing. Someone is in the house. James comes back, doesn't believe her, but soon the couple is in a living nightmare.

This is about the most simple story of a movie, ever. Stretching it to 90 minutes seemed like an impossible task and minus 2 hiccups, The Strangers offers some pretty serious scared and builds enough tension to make me forget I had a box of popcorn at my side. The quiet feel of the beginning really enhances just how loud the movie gets. There are 3 crazy people attacking the couple and they have everything planned out. This is not a chase movie as much as it is a movie where we watch and wait for the inevitable. Knowing the outcome at the start does not diminish the scares and does not make the agonizing situation any less intense. The masked vandals are extremely creepy, not only because they are masked, but because they revel in their brand of torture. They are not concerned with a quick kill, no they are going to enjoy it for 4 hours. 4 hours of breaking windows, writing on windows, banging on doors and walls. 4 hours of controlling the situation. The suspense left me with white knuckles and tension built up in my shoulders. The quiet moments were spent on edge wondering when the potato bag masked man would creep back into the picture and strike. Every inch of the screen is used and the camera angles and tight shots lend themselves to this overall creepy feeling.

The scares come from those nights you are alone and hear something off in the distance. Usually it is nothing but the wind, but what if it was a group of psychopaths who have no motive other than "you were home." The Strangers is a small, cabin fever inducing movie. When it is over you just want to run into a wide open space because being confined is no good. That being said, it is not without a few faults. First off, the minor flashback Kristen experiences is not at all needed for us to know anything about this couple. The mood set by the beginning, then the mood when the couple starts to get intimate (it is hot) tell us everything we need to know. Also, everything that happens after the climax seemed off to the mood of the rest of the movie. The last shot went for a cheap scare, when the rest of the movie avoided them. It does put a sour taste in your mouth for the end, but it doesn't diminish what the rest of the movie accomplished- scaring the crap out of me.

Diary of the Dead

There was a time in my life when I included George A. Romero on my list of heroes. I was 12 years old and had just been introduced to zombie movies. In that world, Romero is God. In 1968 he directed Night of the Living Dead, which is the zombie movie all other zombie movies wish to be. Since then he has directed a bevy of zombie movies included in what could be called a "dead" franchise- Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead and now Diary of the Dead. His movies have been known to be analogies like Dawn of the Dead is set in a mall because humans believe that everything we need to survive exists in a mall and of course, Romero deconstructs that ideal. Does the analogy in Diary of the Dead work? Is it an entertaining movie?

The first thing we see is a sly news report with a woman reporter talking about a man who killed his family and himself. In the background the bodies are brought out on stretchers, but suddenly without warning, the bodies reanimate and bite everyone around. We get a voice over of a young woman who says the news didn't show that: the cameraman uploaded it to youtube himself. It is the only way to get the truth out there. This is after all, a movie about the truth. This faceless woman tells us more information than is needed about how the movie she made and is showing us is brutal and unflinching in its search for the truth. Any edits made and all the music she added were only there to enhance what really happened. So what did really happen? A group of young college students are out in the woods making a horror movie. A mummy movie to be exact. I am not going to list names or actors here because it doesn't matter one bit. The director normally does documentaries but he wanted to make a horror movie. It turns out all of the kids are directors and this is for college credit. 95% of the footage for the rest of the movie will have been shot through his camera. Taking a break from shooting they catch news footage of an outbreak of something. They panic and drive back to college to pick up a girl. Once they are all strapped in, it is just them against the zombies. Along the way they run into a deaf Amish man with wicked scythe skills; a black ops Military group that is all black people and one random white guy; and many many zombies.

Like The Blair Witch Project or Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead is all shot first person, handheld style. However, unlike those two movies, the handheld movement of the camera is not very shaky at all. The people holding the cameras are film students after all; they know how to work a camera. The work is actually pretty engrossing as our view switches from the handheld, to a cell phone video, to surveillance and of course news footage. The main POV camera operator becomes obsessed with documenting the truth. Romero is adamant about this guy documenting life, not living life. He is detached, cool under pressure, unfeeling and obnoxious prying. The script fails him and his friends as he has to ask benign questions because Romero doesn't trust us to follow him. Everything has to be spelled out at every juncture. There are interesting things said and interesting things filmed, but at times, the entire project can be grating. With Dawn of the Dead, Romero was being more subtle about his disdain for malls; for that faux security the malls provide. We were zombies to the mall. With Diary of the Dead, subtly has gone away and replaced with a stark bluntness. Romero hates where the world is going. He is deconstructing our reliance on technology, but at the same time showing its uses. He is operating on a slippery slope.

As the friends start to get picked off by the zombies, the POV character gets colder, choosing documentation over life. He rationalizes it by saying the world has to see the truth. His movie is needed by the world. He even takes time to edit it and upload it onto Myspace and gets some 40,000 hits in 10 minutes. It sets itself up to jokes, but this stuff does happen. Videos are taken of tragedies every day and nothing is done about it. People do not help, they document. Romero is commenting on the absurdity of it, but defends it when a character says that when people see the zombies can be killed by shooting them in the head that can travel the world in seconds. It can save lives. What is more important- saving the lives of your friends, or documenting their downfall to maybe save thousands?

However, this is a zombie movie. It philosophizes, uses camera trickery and everything else, but at its core it is a movie about dead people who come back to life to bite human flesh. As a zombie movie it offers little int he way of gore, well little in comparison to most zombie movies. What gore there is is nice. It is gooey, oozes out and is satisfying, but Romero is economic with it. He doesn't want the gore to interfere with the story he is telling. The acting ranges from pretty good to flat out awful and you could spend hours pointing out flaws, but I respect an old dog learning and trying new tricks. Romero made his name in zombie movies and he remembers that, yet, he wants more and Diary of the Dead is a nice combination of the two. It isn't perfect to be sure, but it is a nice experiment.

Final Grade: C+

Trainspotting (cult Classic)

This is the third movie in the series of cult classic movies. Click the label to find the other two reviews.)


This is the first cult classic review of a movie I had scene before I watched it to do the review of it. Also, I watched it over the course of 3 days in class, so my perspective may be a little different. I have always believed Danny Boyle to be an overrated director. He has an interesting visual style and creates a few great shots, but as a story teller he is weak and lacks focus. He and Guy Ritchie have that in common. This was the movie that broke Boyle into the big time. It also launched the career of Ewan McGregor.

Is Trainspotting a movie glamorizing drugs or is it a cautionary tale in the same vein as Requiem for a Dream? Does it really matter? Are movies supposed to take sides on an issue? Sure they can, but is that the point of a movie- to take a side? Trainspotting follows the lives of a bunch of British Junkies. That is the basic idea of the story. McGregor plays Renton, a man who "chooses" heroin because it is easy. Addiction to heroin means you only have one worry- finding heroin. You are not worried about all the other little things in life. You just need to find money to get high. You rob stores if you have to, but you get the drugs. Renton tries to quit a few times, but he keeps the same friends and that spells disaster.

However, like any Danny Boyle movie it is not about plot, it is about the visuals. And in that department this movie definitely succeeds. It succeeds in grossing us out, tripping us out, scaring us and making us laugh. The use of quick cuts give us the impression of what it is like to be high while making us laugh at a scene where a heroin user is trying to get a real job. When Renton is going through withdrawals we get a very visually disorienting scene with a fake baby crawling on the ceiling and quick images of other characters. Boyle does an incredible job of creating a drugged out environment and all of the actors, especially McGregor play their roles within these visuals. They seem to know that Boyle is unsure of what to do with them but they trust he will make it up to them with editing and camera angles, especially the POV shot of Renton after he overdoses.

Trainspotting touches briefly on the HIV epidemic that flooded the drug scene in the Nineties as Tommy catches it. The interesting thing about Tommy is that he was the friend who did not do drugs or drink. He was a clean living guy until his girlfriend broke up with him. he heard Renton talk about how the high from heroin was like multiplying your best orgasm by 1,000 and you still weren't there. He believed him and got hooked. His "friends" kind of ditch him because as everyone knows, a druggie is not a reliable friend. This is a movie 100% about addiction. Everyone in the movie is addicted to something- drugs, alcohol, fighting, working out, sex. It seems to think we are all addicted to something. Life is nothing but an addiction and the time between addictions. In the words of Renton:

Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead to the day you die.

Final Grade: B+

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Like everyone else who loves movies, I have been waiting for a fourth Indiana Jones movie since The Last Crusade came out. They were fun romps and made every young boy want to seek out treasure. Time went on and on and everyone involved moved to other projects and I moved on. I moved on to smaller and darker movies. We tried to get our treasure hunting fix with the Mummy movies or those tedious National Treasure movies, but deep down we knew they weren't the same. We needed Indiana Jones. A few years ago The Powers that Be, started to look to revive the talk. And now the time is here. in 2008, 19 years later, Indiana Jones is back! We waited so long, but did all that waiting make it impossible for this movie not to disappoint?

Set in the post war 1950s, during the red scare, Indiana (Harrison Ford) has been kidnapped by Russians and brought to Area 51, a holding cell for Government and military secrets and he told to find a box. He knows what box and he finds it, but escapes in a thrilling opening scene. The FBI picks him up for helping KGB members and he is given a leave of absence from work due to it. He is going to go to Europe when a young man, Mutt Williams (Shia LaBeouf) finds Indiana and tells him his old friend Oxley (John Hurt) is in trouble. Here we get all the exposition we could ever need about how a Crystal skull was stolen from an ancient Mayan temple and he who returns it will get all of the powers of the skulls. Indy and Mutt head off to Peru to search for the skull and along the way have an awesome motorcycle chase, fend off some luchador looking things shooting poison darts, and of course, some dead people. When Indy and Mutt find the skull they are captured by the Russians who reunite Indy with Marion Ravenwood, Indy's long lost love and Mutt's mother. Hmmmm. Indy, Marion, Mutt and Oxley escape in a very fun, if a bit over the top chase sequence and it is a race to the kingdom of the crystal skull!

This is not a perfect movie, but if you really go back and watch the original trilogy, you will find they are not perfect either. Movie fans have romanced those movies, but they are all flawed, over the top fun movies. This movie falls directly in line with the previous movies. The 50s brought a lot of alien movies and this movie homages to those, much like the originals were homaging 1930s serials. Speilberg knows what he is doing and while the influence of George Lucas is certainly there, with a little too much CGI, the movie works. It is fun to see Indy crack the whip while wearing the hat as we hear John Williams' Indy theme underneath it. Say what you will, but that is what we have been waiting for. Sure, the dialog is pretty weak and maybe the jokes do not cackle the way they once did, but this is about a hat, a whip, some music and Harrison Ford's ruggedly handsome face getting in and out of trouble. That is what we want from Indiana Jones. Shia adds a fun sense of youth to the movie and actually helps keep Ford on his toes. Indy needed a sidekick and why not make him a young man to show the generation gap and Indy is worlds tougher than Mutt, even though Mutt pretends to be tough. It adds a nice sense of fun to the whole movie. The opening sequence is classic Indy and the car chase is the perfect mix of thrilling, over the top fun and silliness.

Was it worth the wait? Sure it was. It made me think about selling all of my possessions and heading down to South America myself. It brought back all those feelings of treasure hunting and what more could I ask for? A lot of people will be thrown by the final act, but go back and watch Raiders or The last Crusade and tell me those were not bizarre endings. Cate Blanchett adds an element of sexiness to her villainous Russian leader. Her accent is perfect and her thirst for knowledge and power is right in line with Indy villains from the past. I have often said that when a big fun summer movie is entertaining enough to forgive plot holes, then it is a success because let's face it, all summer movies are ridiculous. When they can make you forget that, they have accomplished their goal. I strongly believe Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull accomplishes that.

Final Grade: B+

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

While I read the books growing up, I was not a huge fan of them. I preferred things like The Lord of the Rings trilogy or my personal favorite book growing up- A Wrinkle in time. However, I do not believe you have to know/enjoy a book to enjoy the movies on which they are based. The first Narnia movie was boring, oddly paced and tried to make up for it with one single awesome battle at the end. Narnia 2 looked much much better, but looks are often deceiving.

Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy(William Moseley, Anna Popplewell, Skandar Keynes,Georgie Henley) are called back to Narnia a year after they leave, but when they arrive they find desolation, ruins and Narnia almost non-existent. A year in Human time translates to a thousand years in Narnia and the Telmarines destroyed Narnia completely because they fear what they didn't know. Aslan is nowhere to be found and saying his name is almost a bad word these days. On the Telmarine front, the evil king finally has a son so he ordered his people to kill the young, handsome Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes), the rightful heir to the throne. Caspian runs into the forest and comes across a talking Badger and a dwarf(Warwick Davis). The four kids are met by another Dwarf, Trumpkin(Peter Dinklage) and he fills them in on what is happening. The evil King and his telmarines are building a massive army to conquer the rest of Narnia and the 4 young kids are tested to the max in their ability to lead, to fight and to have faith in Aslan and the cause of the Narnians.

I immediately wished I had re watched the first movie as Narnia 2 started. I was confused for about the first 25 minutes, but I kind of liked that. I kind of liked that the director assumed people would remember and therefore did not waste a bunch of time rehashing what had happened in Narnia 1. That being said, my confusion did not really hinder my ability to follow what was happening in this movie. There are still some pacing problems, especially in the first act, but once the movie gets going it is actually quite a fun ride. The four kids are still annoying but not nearly as much so this time out. Moseley is coming into his own as the the High King Peter and Popplewell, with her sexy pouty lips, does a pretty good job as Susan, but as with Narnia 1, Henley is the main focus and she mostly succeeds. As Caspian, Barnes is pretty with long flowing hair and an odd Spanish-ish accent, but he is wooden in his acting. This may be a star making turn, but he better keep playing these kinds of roles if he wants to not get his acting bashed. To me the acting stars of this movie are the two little people. First of all, the godfather of little person actors, Warwick Davis is such a great actor and brings a sense of gravity to his role. Peter Dinklage is the real true star of Narnia 2. He is an amazing actor and he plays Trumpkin's bravery and skepticism perfectly and when he is on screen your eyes go straight towards him.

There are two long sequences that make this movie ultimately work. Our four young heroes, Caspian and the Narnians believe they can pull a sneak attack and siege the castle of the telmarines and what follows is an exhilarating, thrilling, heart breaking, action packed, funny and intense scene. We get to see all of these mythical creatures in action led by a tiny mouse (voiced by Eddie Izzard) who is as brave as anyone, despite being a mouse. The scene is long, but wonderfully directed and the complexity of the plan is laid out simply enough for anyone to follow. It really gets you on the edge of your seat, even if only for a few minutes. The second scene is the extended climatic battle. It starts as a duel between Peter and the evil King and ends in a total melee. The duel is an awesome sword fight shot in a crystal clear filter of the camera surrounded by ruins, Peter and the King are jumping off rocks and hacking away at each other. Once the duel turns into a full on battle, there is a really cool effect of the ground falling and before long it turns into just a total battle scene. These two scenes make up for some of the slower moments and and take the sting off of the annoying young actors.

Of course, these books/movies are supposed to be about a deep routed spirituality and I think some of that message is lost in Narnia 2. I get that when Peter loses his faith in Aslan, he makes bad decisions and that the child, Lucy, is the one who believes the strongest, but I am not sure the message was as clear this time out. Aslan makes an appearance as we all knew he would as he attempts to save the day, by raising the Earth from the dead, but there was something missing. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but the spirituality of the first movie is hidden behind a little too much CGI. Overall Narnia 2 is a fun ride and a good way to spend a few hours, but I still think these movies are better suited for the December time slot.

Final Grade: B

Redbelt

David Mamet is back! If you do not know who Mamet is, go rent anything in his collection of movies. He has written some of the best scripts and directed some great movies and you should at the very least check out Glengarry Glenross, State and Main, The Heist and The Edge. While Mamet writes in every genre the two things his movies always feature are great scripts and awesome twists. For the last 4 or 5 years Mamet has been studying Jiu-Jitsu and so he wrote a movie about it. He mixed in the Mixed Martial arts world as well because it is coming into its own as a sport these days.

Mike Terry(The constantly amazing Chiwetel Ejiofor)is a man of principal and honor. He teaches Jui-Jitsu but he refuses to fight in Mixed Martial arts because competition weakens a fighter. He teaches his students that there is always an escape and that you use the your competitor's strength against him. He emphasises being clam, breathing and keeping the outside world outside of the ring. His wife, Sondra(Alice Braga), loves him but she knows they are in debt and wants him to get a loan from her brother who runs a Mixed Martial Arts company. Terry refuses but he is low on money. One fateful night, Laura Black(Emily Mortimor) comes into his work building and in a weird turn of events, Laura shoots out a window. That same night Terry saves big actor Chet Frank(Tim Allen) from a big bar brawl and is rewarded with a $20,000.00 watch and a possible job on Frank's new movie as a fight producer. Terry teaches a method of Jui-Jitsu where he puts three marbles, 2 white and 1 black, in a cup and if a competitor picks the black marble he will have a handicap like having one arm tied to his body for the fight. Terry sees that his methods have been stolen by the Mixed Martial arts company for the upcoming fight. Double dealing happens; a loan shark gets involved and ultimately Terry has to fight for survival.

If you don't like David Mamet movies chances are this one will not change your mind. However, it is the most accessible Mamet movie I have ever watched. There is nothing too complex and complicated and even the back stabbing is pretty well made obvious. This disappointed me a bit, only because when I see a Mamet movie I expect to be challenged. Redbelt is still an awesome movie, it just isn't a super awesome movie. Mamet really helped himself out this time around by casting Chiwetel Ejiofor in the lead role. Every time I see him in a movie I know he will bring something important to it and here be brings an amazing sense of levity to a role that doesn't have a whole lot of dialog. He nails every aspect of the character of Mike Terry. He is subtle when needed and intense when needed. He delivers Mamet's distinct dialog with ease, establishing himself as one of the best in the game right now. Everyone else does a great job, but they are all in the background of this movie. Mortimer continues to impress me and she really should be winning awards very soon. Of course, the real brilliance in a Mamet movie is David Mamet himself. As a director he really lets the movie speak for itself. He is confident in his dialog and he is confident in the performances and he is just there to set the pacing. The one major fight scene is paced beautifully and shot beautifully as well.

Redbelt is a movie about honor and survival; it is about staying focused being a good person. Bad things happen to Mike Terry, but it is up to him to overcome them, and it is up to him to defend the honor of Jui-Jitsu. Redbelt accomplishes all of its goals and does so briskly. I cannot find quotes to show how good Mamet is but the thing with Mamet dialog is that it sounds effortless. It sounds real, even though it is complex. Unlike someone like Aaron Sorkin or the new princess of writing Diablo Cody, you can actually hear yourself using Mamet's words. The beauty is in the simplicity of it. Mamet has scored yet again. It is a shame this movie has got an early May release. GO SEE IT!

Final Grade: A-

Speed Racer

Nostalgia is very big in movies right now. Transformers started the trend and right now a G.I Joe movie is in production and Masters of the Universe is not far behind. Speed Racer did seem like an odd choice though. Basing a live action movie on a Japanese cartoon from the 60s/90s didn't seem like a sure thing. But, when the makers of The Matrix chose this as their follow up, there was excitement about it. The Wachowski Brothers have a knack for revolutionizing special effects and when I heard that the movie was going to be shot almost entirely in deep focus, I was more intrigued. The trailers were fun, but as the movie got closer, it started to look less and less like a sure thing.

Speed Racer(Emile Hirsch) only cares about one thing: racing. He is a race car driver and he lives to be on the track. His parents Mom and Pop Racer (Susan Sarandon and John Goodman) raised him in a racing environment and his older brother Rex(Scott Porter) taught everything he knew about racing. Speed is on the track when the movie opens and in a very long opening scene we get all of the exposition we could ever need. Rex died years ago in a bad race car accident, but before he died Rex' name had been totally desecrated. he was called a cheater and a low life. Speed is racing to forget all of that. With his little brother Spritle(Paulie Litt), girlfriend Trixie(Christina Ricci) and the rest of his family watching, Speed wins the race and catches the eye of Mr. Royalton. Royalton wants to make Speed a member of his big corporate racing team, but Speed is not sure he wants to do it. When Speed says no, Royalton goes into a crazy long and excruciatingly boring speech about what will happen to Speed now. He will lose the next race, not qualify for the championship and his name will be desecrated. After all of that comes true, Speed is forced to race outside of the track. He and a mysterious racer named Racer X(Matthew Fox) join forces with another racer to win this elaborate cross state race in hopes of getting the other racer to turn on Royalton. Plans fail, double crosses happen and Speed somehow finds himself in the Grand Prix race.

Will Speed win? What really happened to Rex? Just who is the mysterious Racer X? Oh gives a crap! By the time this movie gets to the damn final race about 2 hours of nonsense prior to it have obliterated any passing interest I once had. Visually Speed Racer plays like a live action cartoon without a sense of subtly, humor or good taste. Even the most fabulous Gay guy is going to wish it wasn't so colorful. This is an unbelievable pile of crap. The Wachowski's have bombed yet again and it appears maybe the first Matrix was merely a fluke in an otherwise awful career. The acting all around is just terrible, which is saying something because they are all talented people. There is way to much time spent with the annoying younger brother and his stupid monkey. This movie is obviously aimed at children, but it is too long and boring for them and while the colors are pretty for a while, at some point you just become immune to them and want a cohesive story. If I may use an analogy, Speed Racer is very much like a really pretty girl who is an idiot. For a while you don't even realize she is an idiot because of how pretty she is. Then when you realize it, you forgive her because she is so pretty, but at some point her stupidity overrides her hotness. Speed Racer starts as a gorgeous piece of moving art, but at some point the fact that it sucks overrides the moving artiness of the picture.

I don't want to be subtle in my review so how I can plainly put this? Here it is: I would rather be locked in a room with Will Ferrell while I am on a StairMaster listening to Garth Brooks and looking at naked pictures of Rosie O'Donnell than ever watch this movie again. How is that for hyperbole?!?! Speaking of hyperbole, Speed Racer uses the transitional aspect of the cartoon, but over uses so much, they start high lighting mundane activities and by using that transitional method they attempt to make them greater than they really are. Even the music in Speed sucks. Michael Giacchino usually creates brilliantly lavish scores of action adventure, heightening the sense of danger or mystery, but here he reuses the old Speed Racer theme song every 5 minutes to create the most obnoxious score I can ever remember hearing in a movie.

The one thing that could have saved this movie was the big final race. If it had been awesomely awesome, all else could have been forgiven. Yet, instead of ramping up the action for the big finale, the movie SLOWS DOWN!! During the race, the movie keeps cutting back to scenes from earlier so we can see what Racer is racing for. Inf act, if you just watched the 15 minutes of the movie you would get everything that happened and you would save yourself from the two hours prior! I cannot in good faith recommend this to anyone, not even my biggest enemy, if I had one. No one in the right minds should watch it and if you were to tell me you loved it I might have to question your sanity. I am not only dumber for watching this, I am angrier at kids, monkeys, The Wachowskis and racing. Speed Racer commits the worst sin in movies: It was supposed to be awesome and it sucked. There is nothing worse than thinking something will be awesome only to have it suck. This belongs in a group with Pirates 2 and Van Helsing.

Final Grade: F

What happens in Vegas (spoilers, I guess)

A movie like this makes one wonder what other commercial slogans will eventually make their ways into the world of movie plots. How long until "I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance" becomes a movie? How long until "Can you hear me now?" makes its way onto the big screen? Of course Las Vegas has provided movies with a locale for years and it often surrounds either gambling or marriage. This movie falls into the marriage category. Of course, hardly any of this movie takes place in Las Vegas.

Joy McNally(Cameron Diaz) has just been dumped by her fiance just as she is about to throw him a surprise party and Jack Fuller(Ashton Kutcher) has just been fired by his dad; so to wash their troubles away these two New Yorkers head off to Las Vegas. McNally is armed with best friend Tipper(Lake Bell) and Fuller arrives with best friend/lawyer Hater(Rob Corddry). Due to a hotel mix up the two twosomes end up in the same room, setting up an unfunny introduction. After they fix the mix up Fuller convinces the two girls to have a drink with the two guys. One drink turns into an entire night of alcohol, gambling, dancing, falling and eventually sex. Oh and marriage. The morning after brings bickering and eventually Fuller puts a quarter in a slot and wins $3,000,000.00 half of which is NcNally's. Upon returning to New York a cranky judge (Dennis Miller) hates young people and orders them to spend 60 days as a married couple and if they do it, they will split the winnings. The two "lovers" hate each other and both figure if they can get the other one to end the marriage early, they will get the full amount. This brings on about 35 minutes of throwing things at Ashton's balls and Cameron falling in the toilet and all sorts of stupidity. As the 60 days draws to a close, do they really fall in love? DO the not? Oh no, who knows what will happen?

Ashton is pretty and charming and Cameron is pretty and charming and when you put them together, you might think it is a no brainer, right? Well it is not. It is not to say there aren't moments of comedy to be found in this movie because there are. In fact, there are some moments that are flat out hilarious, but those moments are overshadowed by stupidity all around and of course, taking the best joke, Ashton stealing the toilet cover, and putting it in the trailer. Ashton and Cameron have obvious chemistry and they handle the physical comedy pretty well, especially Ashton, but the fact of the matter is that it just isn't very good material. Ashton has even made this movie before when it was called Just Married. The two people never seem genuine in their meanness to make the movie work because they are trying too hard to continue to look pretty. In a movie like this you have to be willing to go all in and not be afraid and neither Ashton, Cameron or the director is willing to do that. Then when you add Rob Corddry, the most annoying actor out right now, to the mix, you just have a recipe for a kind of mess.

There are two kinds of romantic comedies- your traditional fall-in-love-but-and-things-happen kind and the kind where the two people hate each other supposedly. The latter kind, the anti-RomCom can work, but the only way to really make it work is to go for the atypical ending. Movies like How to Lose a guy in 10 days, Just Married and this one don't make any real sense because they tack on a happy ending when the characters and the audience do not deserve it. What makes a movie like The Break Up work so well is that they went for the ending you maybe did not see coming. But here, the button down hard working Diaz and the charming slacker Kutcher, of course seem like a perfect match once things get going. The only two who don't realize it are the two lovers. Shocking right? Look I know the audience wants its happy ending and if the couple had not ended up together people would be furious, but this movie also makes it seem like getting drunk in Vegas and marrying a random person is a good idea because it can lead to a perfectly happy life together with $3,000,000.00 to start that life.

Ironman

As a huge movie lover, there are two times of year I live for- summer and winter. I live for May-August and then November-January. I live for them for two different reasons of course, because summer brings big action movies and winter brings thought provoking Oscar bait. Each year summer comes earlier and earlier. In fact, it used to start on memorial day but with more summer releases every year, they had to push it forward. I feel like the first summer movie of the season sets the tone the rest of them. Last year Spiderman 3 set the tone for the rest of the threequels and this year it is up to Ironman to set the tone.

Tony Stark(Robert Downey Jr.) is a genius and he has used his genius to build an empire with weapons. He creates all kinds of new weapon technology for the Military. He is cocky, witty, womanizing and he loves his alcohol. When the film opens he is riding in a Military vehicle with some young military people. He is cracking jokes and taking pictures but soon one of the army vehicles is blown up and Stark is kidnapped. Then it cuts back 36 hours earlier and we find out all about Stark's life. When it cuts back to the present, Stark wakes up to see himself attached to a car battery. The shrapnel from a bomb has punctured his chest and the car battery is keeping the shrapnel from puncturing his heart. His kidnappers want him to somehow create his newest weapon, The Jericho, using makeshift tools. The man kidnapped with Stark, Yinsen(Shaun Taub) somehow convinces Stark to find a way to fight back. Stark creates a suit fights his way out and is rescued. He comes back a changed man, though. He vows to stop making the weapons and secretly he is hard at work to create a better version of that superhero suit to fight global terror. His assistant, Pepper Potts(Gwenyth Paltrow) is by his side no matter what. His best friend, Rhodes(Terrance Howard) knows he is up to something but stays away from Stark because Rhodes is a military man and Stark is not working with the military anymore. Obadiah Stane(Jeff Bridges) is the second in command at Stark Enterprises and he is resistant to the change Stark wants to make.

If this movie is really setting the tone for the rest of the summer, we are in for one hell of a summer. Who knew the guy who directed Swingers, and Elf-Jon Favreau- could create such a perfect superhero movie. If you look at the cast, you see they are all amazing actors and how the studio allowed the director to Cast Robert Downey Jr. is beyond me, but thank god they did. As Stark, RDJ finds every ounce of humor and humanity to the playboy. He is the most perfect casting for a superhero I have ever seen, yes that includes Bale as Batman. Paltrow looks liek she is having more fun than she has in years and really helps find the heart of the story and Howard, in a glorified cameo adds an element of fun to the relationship between Rhodes and Stark. Jeff Bridges is the one who nearly walks off with the movie though. He is brilliantly bad in the way Willem Dafoe was in Spiderman. He totally makes you forget he is "The Dude." The opening sequence is about as intense as a movie can be and I liked that Favreau opened with that and then went back to the back story. Also, the creation of the Ironman suit served about 3 or 4 purposes, if you are paying attention. First it is the creation of the super suit. Second, it shows how much of a genius Stark is, as opposed to just telling us. Third, the whole thing is hilarious. However, another very important purpose is that the entire time he is creating the suit, he is watching T.V and seeing what is going on in the world and with his company. Instead of having to pause the story to cut to some news story or something, we get the dual action and we see the news the same way Stark does. It helps keep the movie in this very tight and amazing rhythm.

Once the suit is up and functional, the movie takes a whole new turn, the way way Spiderman did when Peter embraced the Powers and was soaring through New York. I love that RDJ appears to be having the time of his life as he is soaring through the air in this gorgeous looking suit. The in-helmet camera was a great touch as well. The first time we see Stark use the new suit, we are witness to rockets shooting, flares snipering and Stark maneuvering awesomely between two military jets. Basically the fun does not ever stop. By the time we get to the big climatic battle, we have not only bought the transformation of Stark, we believe he is willing to die to save the world. The final battle between Ironan and Iron Monger is a dazzling mixture of special effects and fight choreography. Using cars as weapons the scene is brutal, fast, furious and action packed.

My lone complaint about the movie is that when the villain steps into the Iron Monger suit, he seems to be able to work everything right away. He is a pro the first time he uses it. It doesn't make sense since Stark struggled at first and he created the technology. However, that complaint is minor compared to how much awesome is to be found inside the movie. Ironman is an example of how Superhero movies should be made. There is an overwhelming energy that permeates throughout the entire picture and it is the kind of movie that looks like it was so much fun to be in, you wish you could have been in it yourself. With the announcement this morning that Ironman 2 has already been set and with Marvel having its own studio and announcing the release of no less than 4 more movies all revolving around the scene after the credits, I suggest staying after, really.

Final Grade: A

Young at Heart

When it comes to documentaries I feel like there are two kinds- those meant to incite anger or disgust and those meant to inspire. When done well, they do not only achieve their goal, but often times stay with me for days after. There was a time when I was bored by documentaries, but a few years ago I was shown the error of my ways by riveting documentaries like Spellbound, Bowling for Columbine, Wordplay and Super Size Me. Young at Heart plants its goal directly in the category that is meant to inspire us, but does it succeed?

Stephan Walker fell in love with the singing group Young at Heart the first time he heard them that he wanted to document them for television. After the success of it, he re cut his footage and turned it into a feature length film. Young at Heart is a choral group of senior citizens singing popular music, often punk rock. They sing songs from The Ramones, The Clash, Sonic Youth, James Brown, Outkast, Coldplay and others. If it sounds a lot gimmicky, give it time. Walker filmed for seven weeks as the group was getting ready for a new tour. Bob Cilman, the director of the chorus, started the group in the 1980s where the group sang old Vaudeville numbers, but the group has obviously changed its tune now. Cilman is a task master who does not treat the senior citizens with kid gloves and he is often expressing his disappointment, especially with the new songs- I feel Good, I can do it and Schizophrenia. For this particular tour, Cilman wants to bring back two former choir members, Fred and Bob, to sing a duet of Coldplay's "Fix You." Fred and Bob both had to leave the group due to health complications. In between the rehearsals we get to know some of the choir members and get invited into their homes. This is where the movie really gets it's heart because the old folks are some serious characters. The ones that really seem to love the camera are Eileen, a 92-year-old flirt; Lenard, a speed demon on the road; Steve, who still loves sex; and Joe, the star of the group. Spliced throughout the movie are music videos by the group to songs like I wanna be Sedated and Staying Alive.

Young at Heart is the kind of movie that will have you laughing one second and have you tearing up in the very next moment. Death is never too far away from the thoughts of the group and we even see death hit the group twice. However, this is not a sad movie; it is a movie that reinforces life. It is a movie that believes the power of music can make anyone feel young again and the members of the group truly believe they can go on as long as they have the music. It is a very touching story and while the director sometimes gets in his own way, the story never feels forced. I never felt like I was being manipulated into a specific emotion because the group members are so genuine it is hard not to want them to be your grandparents. Whether it is Fred's bad Rodney Dangerfield like jokes, Steve flexing in the mirror or the whole group dancing around to "I Feel Good." There is a life and a spirit in these senior citizens that made me embarrassed to feel the way I feel about life. As one guy says "Singing makes you forget the aches of the knees, the hips and the breathing." About death, Eileen said "I told them to go on without me because I will be sitting on my rainbow in the sky watching over them." It sounds cheesy, but as I sit here typing this remembering this adorable 92 year old saying it, I get choked up.

My only complaint about the movie is about the band director, Bob Cilman. This guy comes off often like a total tool. He seems narcissistic, like he is doing this just to get the glory. He performs in stage with them- taking solos, dancing, interrupting- and he is kind of annoying. However, he redeems himself mostly by the time the film ends. Moreover, while the group feels like an exploitation of old people, it is not. Trust me, people may have gone to watch this group as a carnival side show but were soon in love with the group. These group members have a real passion for singing and for life and it is clear that they are not being exploited. This is a sincere group of singers, dancers and life livers. Some of them can really sing well and listening to senior citizens sings lyrics like "If you say that you are mine/ I'll be here 'til the end of time" gives the words a whole new meaning. When the group sings "Nothing compares to you" as a tribute to a fallen friend and they do it at a prison where criminals are tearing up as well, just try and not shed tears. The climatic concert provides the joyous climax but it also provides the most touching, heart breaking moment. The duet of "Fix You" became a solo and while the song on its own is a heart wrenching song, Chris Martin's whiny singing voice gets in the way of the lyrics. Here, with a deep smooth baritone, Fred gets every ounce of sadness out of that gorgeously written song and it provides such an emotional out pouring on so many levels it made me want to call my estranged grandparents and hug them via phone.

Documentaries are not for everyone, but a movie like this should be. Maybe I am more emotional than others, but I really feel this movie is genuinely moving and am not surprised that the film has played to standing ovations. If you get the chance to check it out, I really recommend it.

Final Grade: A

Deception

I am not sure when a movie goes through a name change every few months that it spells good things for the movie. At first this was called The Tourist then it became The List and about two months before the release they finally settled on the name Deception. Perhaps it is not indicative of how the movie will turn out, but it did not appear to be a good sign for me. What was a good sign was that Hugh Jackman liked the script so much he wanted to produce the movie and on the big screen he hadn't made a majorly bad movie since Van Helsing. I have a kind of affinity for bad erotic thrillers that dates back to my days of renting direct to video movies in hopes of finding something so awful and juicy that I could not help but love it.

Jonathon McQuarrey(Ewan McGregor) is a by the numbers accountant with a dull existence and no friends. One night while doing an audit for a big law firm, a big wig lawyer Wyatt Bose(Jackman) introduces himself, they smoke weed, chat and become fast friends. Bose is a funny, cocky and personable person; he is everything McQuarrey is not. An accidental phone switch by the two men right as Bose is heading to London, leaves McQuarrey with Bose's phone and suddenly a whole world opens up to him. He is fielding calls from women asking "Are you free tonight." Quickly he cannot resist taking the calls and finds himself in the middle of a sex club, or "The List." One night he meets a woman he actually like a and they don't have sex; they just talk. They meet again the next night and while McQuarrey leaves the hotel room to get ice, she goes missing and he gets knocked out. It does not take long before Bose is seen again and this time that fun loving person is gone and in his place is a crazy, money hungry nut job. He says he has the girl kidnapped and McQuarrey can get her back if he transfers 20 million dollars from some big bank. Who is who? What is what? Oh snap, who is dead, who is alive?

If you cannot figure out this movie within the first 15 minutes, I would suggest you never open a detective business. Whether you had plans to do so or not, just don't do it. Deception telegraphs every twist and turn to the point where you have it figured out so early. None of that would matter to me if the movie had been able to maintain a level of stimulating interest, but it did not. The script is weak, the performances are just as weak and it leaves me curious as to what Hugh Jackman saw in this to begin with. As erotic thrillers go this one is luke-warm, with only one even remotely hot scene, but it is just a tease and we spend the rest of the movie hoping for something to get hot again, only to be disappointed. It could have been salvaged by an interesting ending, but sadly, it goes exactly where you expect it to go. You hope to see Ewan's character finally nut up and make a bold decision but the decisions he makes start out bold, but never materialize into anything remotely interesting. There are 2 false endings and the actual ending seemed tacked on specifically because the director felt like the happy ending was what was needed in this mostly gloomy movie.

Final Grade: D-