Drag Me to Hell

We were told we were going to witness Sam Raimi's return to horror. That was the hook. For those of us who know what Sam Raimi and horror mean, we knew to expect interesting visuals, slap stick humor, good scares and just more than a little bit of gross-out gags. The problem with that is Sam Raimi is not just that guy anymore. He has directed thrillers, romantic dramas and one of the most profitable summer franchises in movie history. He does not put cameras on bamboo rollers any longer. It is with all of this on my mind that I watched the awesomely titled film.

In 1969 a young boy stole a necklace from some gypsies and the gypsies cursed him. For three days he is haunted by a goat like shadow and then after three days his family takes the young boy to see a psychic woman who is too late to save the boy. Yes, the young boy takes taken to hell. At this point, you realize everything is possible, welcome back Mr. Raimi. Cut to modern times and a young loan officer named Christine Brown (Alison Lohman). She is a sweet soft spoken girl with a college professor boyfriend(Justin Long). She is after the assistant manager position, but her boss tells her he needs someone who is not afraid to make the tough decisions. Unfortunately for Christine, she starts to make those tough decisions to a disgusting old woman who wants an extension on her house payment. Christine says no and pays dearly for it. After work, Christine is walking to her car and she is attacked by the woman and a curse is put on Christine. Soon Christine is hearing things and seeing things. It turns out the demon is called a Lamia and it is a goat like demon that haunts a soul for 3 days before taking it to hell. The only way to get rid of it is to give the cursed item to someone else and let that person die. The old woman cursed a button and Christine wrestles with what to do. All the while being haunted by the lamia and visions of the old woman trying to kill her.

Drag Me to Hell delivers on everything it is supposed to deliver. It is campy, scary, gross, slap-stick heavy and full of interesting visuals. Sam Raimi has taken it back and delivered what his fans want. I have a problem with this. First off, as I said, Raimi is not the same director he was when he created the Evil Dead trilogy. He is a stronger director and this movie shows that. The suspense and the scares are so great and the point of view so strong, the b-movie gags take away from the movie. I understand it is supposed to be a horror movie that does not take itself seriously, but it was so damn scary I wanted it to take itself seriously, so I could take it seriously. In a brilliant scene, Christine is alone in her house and starts getting haunted. It is loud, scary, intense and disorienting, but for every great moment like that I had to endure bodily fluids and really bad CGI.

I have started to tell people this movie has three perfect scenes and then the rest is kind of a mixed bag. The seance scene does get a little Disney's Haunted Mansion, but I still think it is a perfect scene because it is the one scene that perfectly blends the scares and the laughs. Very rarely do I have need for a talking goat, but after some loud scares and weird laughs, the talking goat is exactly what the scene needed. The scene in the house is another of the perfect scenes and the final perfect scene takes place in a cemetery and is the best example of how much stronger Sam Raimi is now than he used to be. The entire scene is scary, but it is also gorgeously shot with awesome camera angles, perfect lighting and gives Alison Lohman her one chance to really act something other than scared and when Raimi frames her with a camera on the ground looking up, with the rain falling on her and Christine delivering the only great bad ass lines, you think "Damnit Raimi, why did I have to endure all of the bodily fluids."

I will never be the guy who says he loves the Evil Dead trilogy. I like the movies and completely understand their status as cult classics, but they are not movies I go back to on a regular basis. That might make me not the target audience for this kind of movie, and maybe I just don't "get it." I am willing to concede that, but Drag Me to Hell had potential to be one of the better horror movies in recent memory. The PG-13 rating did not hinder the scares, which surprised me and the score is bananas switching between perfectly scary and outlandishly over the top, which fits the overall tone of the film, but bothered me in the same way the film did. The CGI is almost all awful, which is probably the intention, but if Raimi was going to go through all the trouble of making a campy horror film, why did he not go back to prosthetics and real tangible props?

Drag Me to Hell is sure to satisfy a majority of the audience who will get everything they expect from a Sam Raimi horror film, right down to his infamous car. There is an incredible horror movie somewhere in this movie, but it loses out in favor of an old woman drooling and taking out her false teeth. I am glad that Raimi wants his fans to know he has not forgotten them, before he goes back to making a new Spiderman movie, but I wish it wasn't so damn suspenseful so I could have enjoyed the slap-stick more. I am perfectly fine with movies mixing genres and being all post-modern, but Raimi is too damn talented to wasting time trying to get his audience to laugh at stupid shit. Also, there are a few problems plot wise where a woman has the power to summon demons to send someone to hell but cannot summon a way to save her house, and the audience has to be okay with the movie damning a girl just because she did her job. I think people should see the movie if just for the three great scenes and of course, the talking goat.

Final Grade: C+

Aaron Sorkin's 10 best monologues

As many people who read this blog know (Okay, the five people who read this blog), I am a sucker for Aaron Sorkin's scripts. I have loved all three shows and his four movies. Beyond the great patter and whip smart dialog, the man has created some amazing monologues. These are not in any particular order except I do mention which one is my absolulte favorite.

This is the opening scene of the too short lived Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. I could not find just the monologue, so you have to go in a few minutes to find it. It is kind of easy to love because it is an anti-reality show rant, but it is still very well written and delivered perfectly.



The end of season 2 of The West Wing. I have no idea what is being said when he goes into Latin, but you know exactly what he means.


This is my absolute favorite one. I love it because it was not written for a main character and because it is amazingly written. Plus, I agree with the sentiment.


An American President is a wonderful movie and this is one of the great cinema monologues.


If you are talking Aaron Sorkin you have to include this classic line and this classic monologue. Nicholson delivers this with the kind of eneergy and emotion that he is known for, but Sorkin's words are what make this. I love the rhythm of the writing.


Spoots Night is a show I wish more people knew and maybe this will convince people. The show used sports to examine life, but mostly it was about these amazing people.


Before Alec Baldwin is a supporting comic actor he was kind of a bad ass and this is him at one of his most bad ass. Plus it gives us the great line "I am God."


I cannot watch this without tearing up. It helps if you understand the character of Toby, but it is the most touching moment I have seen in 7 seasons of The West Wing.


Sorkin loves setting scenes around the poker table and this scene perfectly combines the comic and the dramatic. The monologue is not very long, but it is exactly what it is supposed to be.


This is too easy of a monologue, but I still love. It is for all my gays.

Eminem's Relapse album review

There are a few things one can expect on every Eminem album: drugs, homophobia, misogyny, hilarious skits, and insane verbal dexterity. The man finds ways to rhyme words in such away that it makes you rethink what you know about rhyming. He can find the rhyme in the midst of syllables that make your head spin. No one rhymes like he does. I do not mean that as hyperbole either. Also, no rap artist has ever sparked the kind of conversation he does. On a prominent hip-hop website, 7 of the top 10 most discussed songs on the site are Eminem songs. People just cannot help but talk about him. It is kind of powerful if you think about it. After a 5 year hiatus that included a second divorce, the death of his best friend, the suicide of his uncle, two trips to rehab, a knee surgery, and an overdose, Eminem is back.

1. Dr West (Skit) - Eminem is meeting with his doctor after spending his time in rehab. The doctor is voiced by Dominic West (The Wire's Jimmy McNulty). The doctor tells Eminem it is okay to skip meetings and that it is okay to drink. The doctor turns into a demon type thing and Eminem wakes up from the nightmare. It really sets off the album nicely.

2. 3AM- A haunting beat opens the song and Eminem is using a very high pitched affected voice that sound like a serial killer as the song is about a serial killer. The production is perfect for this kind of song and Eminem runs all over the track like a man unsure of what comes next. It is an anxious and dark track that features whip fast rhymes like "I remember the first time I dismembered a family member/December I think it was” A lot of people are not liking the voice he uses, but I think it works here. The song plays like a horror film and the video is an incredible companion. By having this as his first song, Eminem is definitely setting us up for a dark album and an album full of songs that are probably helping him work out his issues. I love the hook too. It stays with you. 5/5

3. My Mom- A big horn influenced beat combined with the catchiest of drug style hooks really help this song be very infectious, when it should not be infectious. The song is about how Eminem got hooked on drugs because his mother put valium in all of his food growing up. It is probably awful hyperbole but the sing-songy flow, mixed with a ridiculous ability for verbal gymnastics and it is impossible for me to dislike this song. Eminem finishes his final verse with this gem "I'll do it, pop and gobble it and start wobblin/ Stumble, hobble, tumble, slip, trip then I fall in bed with a bottle of meds/and a Heath Ledger bobblehead." However, after the verses is when the song gets almost too funny. He understands people are tired of hearing him rap about his mother as he self deprecates himself by saying "I can't even write a rhyme without you in it." 4/5

4. Insane- Okay, this is the crazy hyperbolic song. I do not know if Eminem was really molested as a kid, but this song posits that he was and it is an overshare if ever there was one. I imagine this is the song that people will have the hardest time listening to, but it is an important song I think. It really shows how crazy Eminem is with his rhymes, his cadences and his voices. He raps as about 4 different people, including himself as a young kid and it is truly insane. He is on his own planet, like he is rapping in a pattern that only he sees. The hook should not work and the beat should not work but they all add to the insanity of the track. This is probably Eminem at his most vile, which is saying something. It is a hard track to love, like he is daring you to hate him, but he is still too much of a wizard with words to fully hate the song. 3/5

5. Bagpipes from Baghdad- This is the first beat that really has its own life. I love the bagpipes and I love everything else in the beat. This is a song that has caused a lot of controversy because Em takes aim at Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. Em is on some of that crazy stuff. The entire first verse rhymes on roughly the same sounds, which is not easy and then he tops it in verse two when he raps "What an ensemble, what an assortment of PHARMA-/Ceuticals this beautiful pill does to my karma/Cuticles get residue just from touchin the bottle. This song is one of the songs that everyone seems to like because Em's rhymes are crazy all over it. His flow is tight and it is one of his trademark songs where he goes after someone who will make the mistake of getting angry and giving Eminem more press. The auto-tune voice effect is hilarious at the end of the track, as well. 5/5

6. Hello- Eminem is reintroducing the slim shady character. Shady is the drug riddled misogynist. The beat is slow and dark, with an interesting rhythm and Eminem has slowed down his flow and is also rapping in an interesting rhythm that does not follow the beats rhythm, but works in tandem with it to create a whole new beat and rhythm. This dude is crazy! The song tells a few stories of a guy looking for drugs and the kinds of things he does when he is on the drugs. It also ends on some stark honesty about being sad the drug days are over. He knows the drugs were killing him, but they were such a part of him, he will miss them. The third verse is beautiful. I love the hook and it is the one I find myself singing most frequently. 5/5

7. Tanya(Skit)- Another not funny skit finds a young girl getting in the car with Eminem only to be taped up and in the song that follows it, killed.

8. Same song and Dance- I could honestly do without this song. It is not terribly awful, but it just feels stale. Eminem kidnaps a girl named Tanya, and then he does the same to Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. What I do like is that the beat and the hook are kind of mellow and light, but the words of the hook are dark and the lyrics are all about killing people. There is a dissonance there and it kind of makes up for the stale feeling of the song. Beats this light should not be used to murder. There is a way to show that this song is about the perils of being an exposed celebrity, but it is a bit too obvious it is just a chance for Eminem to kill a few more people in an album. 2/5

9. We made you- The lead single for Eminem will always pretty much be this kind of song. The hook is crazy catchy and I like the production, even if it is totally over produced and Eminem plays the merry prankster so well I cannot hate it, even though I was hoping he would not do this kind of song again. It worked because the album sold 600,000 copies in week one. He rhymes on beat so well it is ridiculous, but the homophobia does get a bit old at times. Songs like this have such a short shelf life because by pairing John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston together, you date the song because they have already broken up. Lyrically it is better than "Just lose it" but not on par with "The Real Slim Shady." 3.5/5

10. Medicine Ball- This song is sooooo wrong it is right. The hook goes "I guess it's time for you to hate me again/ Let's begin, now hand me the pin/ How should I begin it and where does it all end?/ The world is just my medicine ball, you're all in" and then he proceeds to get the world to hate him again by calling girls awful names, drop kicking pregnant women, wrecking bisexuals and worst of all picking on Christopher Reeves, yet again. The beat is crazy and spacey and Eminem runs all over it with the verbal dexterity of a guy with no verbal filter. However, it is the end of the song that is so awful and brilliant as he raps as Christopher Reeves, complete with pauses for breaths. It is awful, but so hilarious as he raps "You'll never fill my shoes, my Superman costume {*inhales*}/ doesn't even fit you, they don't feel you/ You're taking this shit too far {*inhales*}." I know I should not laugh, but it is just perfect. 5/5

11. Paul- This is the first funny skit and features the reoccurring character of his manager Paul. These skits are always aimed at poking fun at the controversy and in this one Paul says "Christopher Reeves, you know the guy is dead, right? It is exactly what I wanted.

12. Stay Wide Awake- Oh man the beat of this song is CRAZY! The strings, the haunting voices, the keys, wow. And then Eminem starts off killing it with "Soon as my flow starts, I compose art like the ghost of Mozart." Oh MAN!!! The song is about being a serial killer, so it is nothing new, but it is so perfectly constructed I admire it. I love how the beat changes when the hook comes in and Eminem is rapping his ass off. He is rapping as a dark version of himself, like we all have these thoughts hidden deep and dark inside of us. Mostly though, it is an exercise in rhyming. In the second verse he rhymes entire sentences through the whole verse!!! The words all seem to rhyme because of his inflection and where he puts the emphasis. It is pretty damn genius and is one of the reasons why he is so damn dope. 5/5 based solely off the second verse.

13. Old Time's Sake- Eminem and Dre back together again with a funky Dr. Dre beat becoming their vehicle for their mission. It is a bouncy track and it fits Dre better than it fits Em, but Em makes it work. I love how these two work because Dre is all laid back and has a smooth voice and then Em has a crazy high pitched voice and is not at all laid back. Dre has some awesome scratches on the beat and the chorus is dope. It is a throw away track, but I like the vibe. It is a nice break from the first half of the album being all about drugs, killing and rape. This is just a back and forth dope track that only lightly features drugs and killing. It is a weed song as opposed to a pill poppin' stuff. The moral of the story is not exactly a good one, but it is a cool track and that is enough. 3.5/5

14. Must be the Ganja- Here is another dark sounding track. Actually it sounds like a room full of hazy weed smoke, which I think is the proper effect as Eminem rips the track right off the bat. I am going to reproduce the whole first verse:

Ok here we go, Do-re-mi-fa-so-fa-so-la-ti so
Lyrical rascal, kick back the Tabasco
You motherfucker's must just not know the tic-tac-so
Time to show you the most kickass flow in the cosmos
Picasso with a pickaxe, a sick asshole
Tic-tac-toe comes with sixpack, with exact doe
Knives, strangling wives with dick-lasso
3 bags of the grass, Zig Zags, I'm with the Doc so
You know how that go, skull and the crossbones
This is poison to poison girls who do not know
You do not wanna try this at home my lil vato
This is neither the time nor the place to get macho
So crack a six pack, sit back with some nachos
Maybe some popcorn, watch the show and just rock slow
It's not what you expected, not what you thought so
Bout time you wake the fuck up, smell the pot smoke

If you do not appreciate how those words fit, you probably don't like rap music anyway, so it does not matter. 5/5

16. Deja Vu- This is Marshall Mathers coming back. When Marshall raps it is with blunt honesty at what he is going through. This is an honest look at his drug addiction and overdose. It is a bit self deprecating, but it is with brutal honesty that he raps this track. The beat is simple because we are meant to just pay attention to this story. It is a dark tale of how someone gets addicted to drugs and what they go through. Eminem shows how his family fell apart and how he hurt his family and then he uses the death of his best friend as an excuse to numb the pain of life. The hook is dark and seemingly hopeless, the way it is supposed to be. The song personifies why I love Eminem. The rhymes are perfect, but he knows not to over do it because it is the story that matters. Plus it features probably the best series of rhymes on the entire album and maybe the yr to this point: Has taken four years to just put out an album, B/ see me and you we almost had the same outcome, Heath/ Cause that Christmas you know the whole pneumonia, thing/ It was bologna was it the methadone-ya, think." It is hard to show how he makes it work by just putting the word on a page, but trust me it is incredible. 5/5

17. Beautiful- In the vein of "Lose Yourself" this is Eminem being inspirational. However, it sounds nothing like "Lose yourself." Eminem has dropped his voice down an octave and raps as himself. The hook goes "But don't let 'em say you ain't beautifulllll, oh-ohh/ They can all get fucked, just stay true to youuuuuu, so-ohh-oh!/ Don't let 'em say you ain't beautifulllll, oh-ohh. They can all get fucked, just stay true to youuuuuu, so-ohh-oh!." This is a song about dealing with life's problems and staying alive. It is about enduring the struggles and owning them. It is a honest ballad Em has penned for everyone, but I imagine it is mostly for himself, his niece and daughter. He honestly raps " I'm startin to feel distant again so I decided just to pick this pen up and try to make an attempt to vent but I just can't admit/Or come to grips with the fact that I may be done with rap, I need a new outlet." The beat is really slow and basic, with a nice guitar. This is the first song Eminem wrote after he got sober and it shows. It is with stark honesty that Eminem bleeds ink for us. 5/5

18. Crack a Bottle- After two songs of a somber attitude, we get Eminem and his cohorts having some fun again. I know people did not like this song when it first came out, but I loved it. I think the beat is hot and I think Em, Dre and 50 cent work well together. The hook is fun and catchy, but very wordy for a hook, which I like. Eminem leads off with a nice verse, I think. I can see people just grooving to this track. It doesn't fully fit with the mood of the album, but I think you need something like this to break the tension of the album. If all it provides is a relief from the dark tone of the album, I think it works. There is nothing particularly special about the track and no lyrics really stand out, though. It is just a simple track on an otherwise complex album. 3/5

19. Steve Berman- Every album Eminem has to go in and visit the label guy and the label guy hates every album and in the last album Eminem shot good old Steve. This time, Steve has no patience for Eminem and pulls his own gun to make Eminem hurry up. He also says about Eminem's usual albums "Do I really need to hear it?
Let me guess, another album about poor me, I'm so famous that it's ruined my rich little life, and I'm such a tortured artist. Let me make music about it and my tragic love life,” Awesome!

20. Underground- Everything about this song is nuts. The beat is crazy, the flow is bonkers and the lyrics are absolute nuts. It is the complete package. It ties up the album the way his final song always does. Eminem is rapping on another world here as the beat provides a really complex and interesting beat, but Eminem doesn't even need it because he rapping to a beat that no one else can hear. It is an anxious track, a track on the verge of losing its mind and a track just about to slaughter a room full of people. It is probably how Eminem felt trying to get sober. I will not reprint any of the lyrics because I could not do any of this song justice. You have to hear it to understand how crazy his abilities are. It is a hyped track that gets me going. I love how over the top the hook is and how the beat rises to meet the over the top sound of the hook. PURE FIRE!!! 5/5

21. My Darling (Bonus track) - This is another honest track about Eminem's life and how it is now. He raps as himself and his own insecurities, but he raps as the mirror rapping his insecurities. The chainsaw is back and Eminem is slowed down here, but the chainsaw actually provides part of the beat. it is incredibly creative. He raps "my public adores me/ Everybody bores me, they're just so corny
So at night before I sleep, I look in the mirror/ The mirror grows lips and it whispers "Come nearer." In the second verse he really lets loose as he raps back and forth with the mirror. The mirror wants Eminem to bleach his hair again, wants him to do drugs again and he wants to tell Eminem he is nothing without all of that stuff that made the package. It is his addiction. People say he is rapping as the devil, and that he sold his soul to get famous, but I maintain he is rapping as his own insecurities about who he is and what he is about. He is trying to get rid of the slim shady character. It is true dopeness and creativity. 5/5

22. Careful what you wish for (Bonus track) - The track opens with clips from news reports about Eminem's last five years. They tell a sad tale of a life spun out of control. The first verse warns about the caution of fame and how the fame became his first drug and how it acted as a sort of gate way drug. It is not trying to qualify his drug abuse, but it gives us insight into how things like this happen. The first verse also talks about how his albums are always given only okay reviews at first and then later people go back and see how brilliant they were. In the second verse he raps "I got a letter from a fan that said, he's been prayin for me
Every day and for some reason it's been weighin on my mind heavy/Cause I don't read every, letter I get/ But somethin told me to go ahead and open it/ But, why would someone pray for you when they don't know you?/ you didn't pray for me when I was local." Eminem is a man who does not know what to do with the power he has in the world of popular culture. He is uneasy at the power of his words. It is pretty incredible. 5/5

Eminem's comeback is a success on almost every level and he has so much music he is supposed to be releasing a second album later this yr. I, for one, cannot wait.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

Every so often I will see a movie that unexpectedly cracks me up. Some turn out to be well loved (Galaxy Quest), some are universally hated (The live action Grinch) and some are just not well known (The Man who knew too Little). I was not a massive fan of the first NATM, but there was something about the trailer for this movie that unexpectedly cracked me up. It is inexplicable and I do not know why, but The Thinker with a Brooklyn accent, a giant Abe Lincoln statue waving his hands and Hank Azaria making fun of Darth Vader all just seemed to click for me. I was not sure how the rest of the movie would turn out, but I was surprisingly excited for this thing. Then I started to wonder if this would be one of those movies that I found extremely funny for some unknown reason.

Larry Daley has become a very successful person and in doing so has forgotten about his friends back at the museum. He visits every so often, but he goes months without going in there. On one particular visit, he is made aware that most of the exhibits are being shipped to the archives at the Smithsonian because the museum is getting a face lift. Daley is not really as devastated as he should be, even after Teddy Roosevelt(Robin Williams) informs him that the special tablet that makes all of the exhibits come to life will not be going, so his friends are living for the last night. The exhibits get shipped, but the monkey stole the tablet and now everything in The Smithsonian has come to life and Larry has to go to that museum and help his friends who are being hunted by Kahmunrah(Hank Azaria). Kamunrah, a fictional Egyptian ruler, enlists Ivan the Terrible and Al Capone to help him get the tablet because the tablet can help Kahmunrah rule the world. When he gets the tablet, the code is changed and Larry is charged with finding the new code or else Kamunrah will kill Jedidiah(Owen Wilson). Larry and his new pal Amelia Earhart(Amy Adams) run all over the museum looking for help with the code all the while Larry's old friends and a few new ones are trapped inside a crate.

I know I should not think this is funny, but I seriously laughed my ass off. There are a few scenes that are just so outrageously funny I could not believe they were in this movie. Yes, it is a totally one dimensional movie with 100% one dimensional characters and it is nothing more than a big dumb kids movie, but it cracked me up. I could have done without the whole opening, but the scene with Ben Stiller and Jonah Hill is pure comic gold and my guess is that it was not scripted. Hill, I thought, would break out after Superbad, and I do not know if he went away intentionally, but he was on his game in his one scene in this movie. From there the movie launches into pure absurd nonsense and thank goodness for it. Bill Hader's General Custer is perfectly blustery, Hank Azaria's Kamunrah killed me. Using a light lisp that negates any fear he tries to arouse, Azaria delivers every line with over the top gusto and we are all the better for it. Wilson, while not in the film nearly enough, gives his usual line delivery making every line funny. Azaria voicing Abe Lincoln and The Thinker also provide great laughs, even if The Thinker does all his best work in the trailer.

The effects are pretty awesome and the sequence with the paintings is very cool. I loved the black and white and we got a nice Jay Baruchel cameo that pays off during the credits in a nice way, even if it literally makes no sense. The Jonas brothers prove they can be not annoying as they provide the singing voices for some cupid type statues singing and trying to get Amelia and Larry together. I really enjoyed the sequence in the Air and Space museum and wish they had spent more time in there. It is a PG sequel yet the effects looked 100 times better than Wolverine. Everything but the kitchen sink is thrown into this movie, which is usually something I find annoying, but for some reason it was endearing here. Everyone is having so much unabashed fun, that it is impossible not to get caught up in it a little bit. The 300 spoof sequence is another straight up winner. With Jedediah and Octavius wielding mini swords, they go through a slow motion slicing scene, but all they can do is stab through shoes, and when the slow motion ends and the camera pulls up, all we see are bad guys hobbling around grabbing their feet. Another POV shot that I loved, was Octavius running full force through the lawn of The White House and then the camera pulling out and we see nothing, but it pulls back in and we get big music and intense visuals and then pull back and nothing. I believe something like that happened in the first one, but it works to great effect here, as well.

The last thing I want to mention is Amy Adams. Her Amelia Earhart is blessed with the pluck, dialog and attitude of a 1930s screwball romantic comedy and watching her play off of Stiller's fumbling and bumbling character is priceless. Adams is clearly reveling in playing something so silly and fun and it shows. She is about the most charming actress out and she really adds a nice energy and spunk to the whole movie. She is slumming it, sure, but when you get to say things like "Crimey, we've been jimmy-jacked" wouldn't you want to slum it?

NATM:BOTS is a silly movie that does not deserve to be as funny as it is, but it is that funny and it is a movie I will probably enjoy for a long time, but probably in the privacy of my own home, like the guilty pleasure it is. I don't have any real complaints, even though the critic in me wants to have them. The movie is all kinds of fun and sometimes a movie just has to be fun to be a success. Ben Stiller does get kind of lost in the whole thing, but I am okay with that because this movie is all about the spectacle and when you have a giant Abe Lincoln running around spouting infinite wisdom, the regular actors are probably going to get lost. So, I guess we can add this to the list of movies that unexpectedly cracked me up.

Final Grade: B+

Terminator Salvation (I will just call it T4 in the review)

There are certain movies I think people have romanticized to make them better or more important than they really are. People romanticized the Indiana Jones franchise into some serious action adventure franchise and when the fourth one came out all goofy, people were pissed. Die Hard has been romanticised as this amazing action series and when the fourth one came out all over the top and ridiculous, people were outraged that such a serious series would do such ridiculous things. I feel the same exists for Terminator. There is this school of thought that the first two Terminator movies were these super intelligent movies, but is that really the case? They are awesome action movies featuring cutting edge special effects, but intelligent, really? I will concede T3 was awful, except that awesome chase on a crane through the city, but I do not believe the franchise to be of such a high intelligence. That being said, I was worried that T4 would suck because it was directed by McG, the genius director of Charlie's Angels AND Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.

In 2018 Judgement Day has passed and our Earth looks like the desolation we would expect it to look after a massive war. The Machines have taken over, but there is a resistance in effect. John Connor(Christian Bale) is not the leader we would expect him to be, but he is still considered the prophet that will save humanity. For now, he is just a soldier in the human army trying to fight the machines. He is cold and inhumane, but smart and a great fighter. He believes in saving humanity as that is the only thing that separates us from the machines. He is looking for Kyle Reese(Anton Yelchin)and just trying to survive. The resistance believes they have found a way to control the machines and Connor wants to be the one to test it. During this time, Kyle Reese, with a mute child, makes up the entire resistance in Los Angeles when they find Marcus Wright(Sam Worthington). We had first seen Wright in 2003 as a criminal on death row donating his body to science. He was most likely a cold hearted killer, but his crime is never divulged. Since we saw him die in 2003, it is a bit curious to see him alive in 2018. He appears to have no memory, but a unique talent for fixing things and doing action stuff. He is like Jason Bourne. Kyle is kidnapped by the machines and Marcus wants to save him. John and Marcus meet and something weird happens: Marcus is a machine, but really thinks he is a human. I do not believe that to be a spoiler because the trailers for the movie spoil that, but that is the crux of this film. Marcus is a machine with human like properties. He has a heart that beats and he thinks like a human being. He believes he has a singular mission: to save Kyle Reese. Connor also wants to save Reese, so a bond is formed. This could be the beginning of why John Connor reprograms machines to help him. He sees it is possible.

Shot in a palette of the color gun mettle and showing a very bleak vision of a future where machines rule the world, T4 is quite an achievement in action film making. McG shows a steady and strong directing hand as he wields some pretty serious machines, but still finds time to let the humanity shine through, if briefly. However, the machines rule the day. There are so many different machine weapons and a variety of Terminators that really forward the Terminator mythology. T4 acts as a sort of sequel and prequel at the same time, which can be a bit confusing, but it is handled pretty well, which is something considering the director is a 35 year old man who goes by McG. It is difficult to pick favorites, but the motorcycle Terminators are pretty much bad ass. They drive off of a Giant, Iron Giant, looking machine and move at warp speed quickly dodging everything it their collective paths. However, the hydrobots, with their snake like properties are also substantially impressive and play a role in one of my favorite sequences involving John Connor fighting for his life. Then, we get the T-800 which packs a nice surprise and also an early model T-600, I think, which is not only big and brawny, it packs machine guns and shows no need to aim, just firing at will. All of these creations look immaculate and would make Stan Winston proud, I think.

I still find it a bit curious that Christian Bale took the role of John Connor as this is Marcus Wright's story and I know Bale was asked to be Wright first. Bale is his usual intense and impressive self, here, especially in his long monologue that I enjoy repeating every show, but he is really a side character. Sam Worthington, a sure fire action star in the making, does not have much emoting to do, but he looks tough and really pulls off the idea of a machine acting human. He looks like he could take you in a fight, but looks loyal and would make a good friend. Moon Bloodgood(Her real name) is probably the sexiest resistance player in the universe and she helps humanize Marcus and in doing so dehumanizes Connor, which I think is important. Yet, the real star here is Anton Yelchin. His teenage Kyle Reese is courageous and smart, with a hint of the passion we saw in the character in T1.

The action sequences are loud and frenetic, but they all work. There is a very impressive scene in the opening action scene where we see Connor's helicopter crash from the first person point of view that is dizzying in the right ways. There is shaky camera stuff, and it feels a bit over used, but it actually works for the most part. There is a truly stunning action sequence that lasts about 5 minutes long and involves three different kinds of machines, 5 vehicles being blown up, a gas station being blown up, the giant machine catching fire, a bridge exploding and ends with Kyle Reese being kidnapped. If that scene does not do it for you, you do not like action movies. Then you have a climatic fight between Marcus and the T-800 that kicks all kinds of ass. I love watching fights between two entities that do not die easily. There is so much more you can do and this movie really stretches that. There are also some smaller action scenes that are cool, like Marcus' escape through a mine field while he is dodging bullets left and right. plus, the opening action scene features Connor shooting a Terminator in the face at point blank range with a Gatling Gun. Sick, just sick.

This summer is turning out to bypass what it could have been after Wolverine dropped a dud out of the gate. T4 is an impressive action movie and I do not believe it undermines any of the so called intelligence of the prior installments. It is worlds above T3, and it I think it fits nicely with the first two. McG shows he knows how to operate in darkness after the vomit inducing color scape of his other movies. The performances are exactly what you need them to be in a movie like this, and they find a way to work in some serious hotness. There are a few nice callbacks to the first few movies and this movie really lets us see how the characters got to where they were when we first saw them. I like that Connor is cold, but still is trying to save humanity and I like how everyone believes in him, even if it turns out false. People need something greater to believe in. I was hoping for some discussions about religion and God, but maybe that is the next movie.

Final Grade: B+

Angels and Demons

Most people who read are people I know, therefore most of you already know of the pure hatred I have for Dan Brown. Okay, that is taking it too far. I do not hate the man or his books, I do hate that people prop the books up as being amazing. The man cannot write. His stories might be interesting and I understand why people enjoy them to a certain extent, but he writes pop fiction where his pompous ass wants to believe it or not. That being said, I was excited about The Da Vinchi Code movie because I figured they would get rid of all the crappy stuff from the book and just make an entertaining movie; I was wrong. When Angels and Demons came out, I was sure it would suck, but all it had to do was be better than The Da Vinchi Code. The bar was set so low, in order to fail, the movie would have to be on par with the last two Pirates movies and that was not possible, right? Well, we shall see.

Robert Langdon(Tom Hanks, without the silly hair) is being called to The Vatican because the Catholic Church is in dire straights. The Pope has died and the four Cardinals expected to be the leading candidates to take over as Pope have been kidnapped and the kidnappers have threatened to kill one every hour, publicly and then at midnight the Vatican will be blown up. The group behind it is The Illuminati. The Illuminati was an organization of scientists that were enemies to the church because they tried to explain how everything in the world could be solved through science and in the early years of the church, the church killed everyone who taught something different. The Illuminati promised they would have their revenge and it appears that time has come. Langdon happens to be an expert on The Illuminati and he comes to the Vatican in a race against time. Armed with his wits, knowledge and a sexy scientist, Vittoria(Ayelet Zurer), Langdon races through the streets and churches of The Vatican to try and pick up the clues on how The Illuminati used to communicate with each other to find the old Illuminati home base, where the bomb like substance is held.

Angels and Demons follows a very easy pattern: race through the street, stand and talk about Illuminati, stand and talk about Catholic Church, repeat. It is a simple formula, but at least, it is actually entertaining. Ron Howard, who has now direcrted both Langdon films, amped up the action and suspense, giving Angels and Demons a sense of urgency that makes it heads and shoulders above Da Vinchi. Like I said, my expectations were quite low and this movie blew right by them. The deaths of the Cardinals are pretty brutal for a PG-13 movie and there was a brief second in time when I thought the movie might be a little brave. It did not follow through on it, but I liked the idea that it might. The races through The Vatican were nicely paced, even if they did manage to get many places just a second too late, no matter where they started. Howard does a nice job of setting up about 4 different people who could be the villain, although I assume most people knew because they read the book. Mostly, though, the dialog was worlds above the garbage from Da Vinchi. The words did not feel stilted, the dialog moved along at a brisk pace, even if there were times I had no idea what they were talking about and I appreciated the ultimate themes of science vs. religion, or science and religion.

It helps that the story of this movie is far more interesting than The Da Vinchi Code,but the movie could have still failed. It doesn't fail in part to some solid performances. Ewan McGregor shows a quiet intelligence and puts a kind face on faith as a priest who is kind of in charge until a new pope is picked. Stellen Skarsgard is his usual tight assed self and he does a great job of playing a potential villain and he plays well off of Hanks' flippant sense of humor. Armin Mueller-Stahl is wonderful as a Cardinal who gets a great compassionate speech towards the end. While Hollywood is the only place where scientists look so sexy, Zurer has a pretty thankless job of being the person Langdon tells everything to, even thought she already knows them. We need to know and she is saddled with that task. As for Hanks, he is much better as Langdon here than he was in the first movie.

Angels and Demons still suffers from being far too long with an ending that does not want to end. At 2 hours and 20 minutes, it stretches the good will it gets in the first half to the point where you start looking at your watch repeatedly in the final 40 minutes. Also, the whole movie is a big tease, as we do not get the pay off we want. We invest so much time in one thing and for it to turn out a giant red herring was disappointing, but I should have expected it from a Dan Brown story. The story is not as bad on Catholicism as one would have expected considering the Vatican did not let them shoot them movie within the city. That being the case, the CGI city actually looks pretty good as it is cut with actual footage creating a city that becomes a character in the story. The Score is far too over the top and the editing is a bit sloppy in moments during the individual chases.

I went in expecting a pretty mediocre movie and left feeling mostly satisfied. It is a huge step up from The Da Vinchi Code in many ways, but is still too overwrought for me to really love the movie. I am still upset I did not get the climax I deserved or the climax I felt I was promised, but all things considered I was entertained. Deep discussions on how science and religion can work together were not had, but they were touched on, although they did not do enough to spark conversation between myself and Erik. Ron Howard figured out what did not work from the last movie and fixed it here, so maybe by the third movie they will make a truly solid film.

Final Grade: C+

Next Day Air and Battle for Terra

Next Day Air

A crew of criminals accidentally get 10 bricks of cocaine sent to their apartment. This leads one to wonder if drugs are often sent via FedEx style delivery services. The crew of criminals is trying to unload the drugs while the rightful owners are trying to find the drugs. The delivery guy is high all of the time and trying not to get fired for it. Mos Def shows up for 2 scenes to make people laugh. A super sexy Puerto Rican girl wanders around in tube tops and the tightest of jeans. Everyone has a gun. The director fragments the action by going forward and backward in time to show us things when he feels we need to know them. The movie is goofy until the climax which is bloody and violent. The movie was 87 minutes long but I could have sworn it was the longest movie ever. There are a lot of guns and bullets, but most don't hit their target, which is funny because it shows that just because you are good at video games that require gun shooting does not mean you will be able to actually shoot a gun. However, the only thing that really matters is that Eddie Winslow (Yes, I am talking about Family Matters) is in it and he is the tough guy. Eddie Winslow as a tough guy. Yes, that pretty much explains this movie.

Battle for Terra

Terra is a peaceful world somewhere in space. They are amphibian looking creatures that celebrate art, music and life. They have whales that fly and they live in the trees or something like trees. Humans come and ruin everything. In a sort of reverse War of the Worlds scenario, the humans come and attack Terra because Terra has a similar atmosphere (?) to what Earth used to have before human beings ruined Earth and made it unlivable. If it sounds like Wall-E it kind of is, except it is not good. The dialog was so cliche, Robbie suggested a drinking game consisting of drinking every time obvious dialog was spoken. Luke Wilson provides nice voice work, but it just is not very good. We did get alien, teenage, animated side boob, so that was cool. The animation is pretty, but not ground breaking and the ultimate message of Military bad, aliens good is a bit too heavy handed. I did like the ending because they took a big risk for a kids movie in doing what the did. Kudos.

Next Day Air Final Grade: F

Battle for Terra Final Grade: D

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

There was a 15 page paper on my plate last weekend. Friday after work I went home and worked on it for 3 hours and knew that the rest of the weekend was going to be that paper and work. I had to get out of the house, but was not going to drive out to Natomas, which meant Davis was my only destination. I had two options: watch Star Trek for a fourth time or this movie. Does that properly qualify why I would watch this thing? No? Okay, how about Jennifer Garner has the most amazing dimples in the history of the world? Is that good enough?

Following the plot of Charles Dickens' amazing A Christmas Carol, we meet Connor Mead(Matthew McConaughey, MM), a famous photographer who is a prick to women, yet they still sleep with him. His newest prey, the super sexy Christina Millian actually watches him break up with 3 women via conference call and still strips down for him, much to this audience member's delight. That girl is smoking! Connor rushes out when he realizes he is going to be late for his brother's wedding rehearsal. The Brother, Paul(Breckin Meyer) is marrying Sandra(The Shrill but FINE Lacey Charbet). Sandra's sister, Jenny(Jennifer Garner) was Connor's first and only love, but she was hurt badly by him. The first night Connor gets far too drunk because he hates marriage and he is visited by the ghost of his womanizing uncle, Wayne(Michael Douglass)and Wayne tells Connor that is going to be visited by 3 ghosts who will show him the error of his ways. The first ghost(Emma Stone) shows us and him the past that turned Connor into a jerk. His parents died and Wayne raised him and Wayne's screwed up views on women turned Connor into a jerk. The present shows everyone bagging on Connor except for Paul and the future shows Connor that Paul ended up alone and that Paul was the only one at Connor's funeral. Pretty standard stuff.

The writers of this film did a great thing by naming the lead Connor Mead because it might be the biggest douche bag name ever, and MM is the perfect douche bag actor. He is actually funnier as the douche bag than the foil to all of the goings on. It is as if MM has been waiting his whole career to play a certified douche bag. Congrats dude, you did it. The big problem with this movie is that is counts on us hating Connor, but wanting to like him. Unfortunately I never cared about him. Jenny meets a guy who is a doctor, is nice, is a certified masseuse, knows how to dance and loves animals and kids. He is the guy I care about, but early on we know that the jerk will reform and the girl will get him. I supposed to ever care about a guy who has bed hundreds of women for one night stands? Why? What is the point? Is it supposed to show me that everyone can change? Well, that is all fine and good, but does that forgive every girl he had hurt up until that moment? Where is his comeuppance? Where is the justice in all of this? Connor gets to sex up hundreds of hot, young and horny girls and in the end he gets to settle down with Jennifer Garner and those dimples. What exactly is the lesson here?

It is a comedy, so it should be funny and it has moments of hilarity, almost all happen when Emma Stone is on screen. Playing a 15 or 16 year old girl from the 1980s who was Connor's first sex partner, Stone is funny, energetic and appears to understand she is slumming it in this movie. Her facial expressions and body language give most of the comedy because the script is sure not going to give us any. I can only imagine the pain Michael Douglass felt when he was forced to say the following "Tonight, you are going to feel things you have never felt before. Things like feelings." WHAT???? Come again? Then there is the moment when it starts raining over Connor and Douglass has to proclaim "This is not rain, but all of the tears all those girls have cried over you."

The movie treats girls as vacant and vapid, except for Jenny. There is never a moment when we see Connor even sweet talking the girls to make them fall in love with Connor. The movie has decided that treating a girl like crap is not the way to have sex with them only, it is the way to make girls fall madly in love with you after only a few days. I would think it would take more than a few days of Connor treating a girl like crap for her to fall in love, but not in this movie. In this movie every girl is so low on self esteem they have to be in love to be happy and then they all have to cry thousands of tears over a guy they screwed one time. COMPLETE NONSENSE! How did any actress even agree to be in such a misogynistic movie? I do not claim to understand women, but I know a lot of pretty intelligent women and this movie believes those kinds of girls do not exist. Good job movie.

MM and Jennifer Garner have a nice chemistry, but Garner is pretty wasted in the thankless role of knowing the real Connor Mead. See, it isn't Connor's fault he has been an asshole for 20 years. He did not mean to walk out on Jenny the moment he had sex with her. He is just misunderstood. Don't worry, for reasons beyond my understanding, he has been deemed special enough to see how his life will turn out if he doesn't stop sleeping with hundreds of girls. Oh woe is Connor Mead!

I can't even go on, I am so annoyed.

Final Grade- D. It is only saved from an F by Emma Stone...and Jennifer Garner's dimples.

Television recap (May17-23) and Housekeeping

A quick recap of the season finales of The Office, 24 and How I met your Mother. Then, a recap of the series premiere of Glee and finally some blog changes/housekeeping.

How I met your Mother- HIMYM always does a great job of blending the literal with the metaphorical, but this finale took it to a whole new level with "The Leap." Will Robin and Barney leap into something new together? Will Ted leap into a new career direction? The Robin and Barney thing goes mostly unresolved save for a great confession from Barney, Robin "Mosbying" Barney and some hot kissing, but for the most part we are exactly where we were before. Ted gets beat up by the goat that we have heard about since season 1. The goat caps off a horrible year for Ted and he decides to change directions and becomes a college professor, which is where he will eventually meet mother. I thought the episode was perfect. Marshall was funny, Lilly was mothering, Robin and Barney were funny and charming together and Ted was in the center of it all. I can only imagine 2 or 3 more seasons of this show, so I am glad they are progressing and I can see all kinds of hot girls parading around Ted's college professor life.

24- The final two hours somehow managed to be very exciting, even with Jack Bauer not able to do too much. I wanted a stronger final confrontation between Jack and Tony, but with Jack nearly dying, how much more could I have wanted. Of all the season finales 24 was the only one that actually brought tears as Bauer was lying on his death bed with a new friend at his side. I liked that Kim Bauer actually was proactive and helped get herself out of her situation and any chance to watch Elisha Cuthbert run on my television is a win in my book. The episodes had nice shootouts and a nice chase and some very solid acting, especially from the President as she had to make a very hard decision about her evil daughter. I was glad to see Agent Pierce get something heroic to do and I am hoping he will be kept on next season when the show moves to New York. Overall I felt like this was a pretty great season of television's most ridiculous action show.

The Office- I missed it last week, so I had to catch it on-line this week and I am so glad I did. How great was this finale? How sublime was Steve Carrell in this episode? He captured all of the things about Michael Scott that I like. He was awkward, but it was not forced, but most of all he was romantically wounded and Carrell sure knows how to play that! Wow. However, in true The Office style we also get the silly sub-plot of a Volleyball tournament where Corporate becomes the villain and Scranton becomes the hero for all branches. But mostly, we watched Jim get all big faced and happy at some news we did not hear, but we know what it is. I loved how they shot that scene and how wonderful John Krazinski was in that moment. Jim and Pam have become one of the most endearing television couples because the show avoids the usual sitcom drama and this was a really nice pay off.

Glee- I had no idea this show was going to be an hour long, so that concerned me right off the bat, but the energy and the optimistic attitude displayed for the hour really made the show shine. It was a bit uneven and sure, it had some stereotypes, but overall I found myself really enjoying the show. I could do without the wife and her idiosyncrasies, and Jane Lynch who is usually hilarious feels trapped by the network television standards and the principal is not nearly as funny as the show wants him to be, but Lea Michelle makes up for all of it. She is so incredibly gorgeous, energetic and shows a flare for comedic timing. Of course, the real key of this show is the music. Every week it is going to have to make songs interesting and fresh and the premiere did a great job of showing a great variety of songs. We got Amy Winehouse's "Rehab", some show tunes and the big winner was Journey's "Don't stop believin.'" I am on board for now and plan on being on board for the long haul, but I am not a fan of waiting until the fall to catch the next episode.

Housekeeping

With the regular television season gone and with summer here, I am going to slightly tweak the blog and hopefully with no papers to write, I will be able to properly keep it up, but remember there is only one of me. From now on things will look as follows:

Sunday- Lists. This will give me the whole weekend to work on them. I will also take requests here for any lists anyone wants to see.

Monday/Tuesday- The summer movie season offers me enough new movies that I should be posting at least one review each of these two days, but probably more than 1 per day. This week I am going to try and knock out 3 a day, but I might have to put off a few for next week.

Wednesday- This is still a wild card day that will include album reviews, DVD reviews, random reviews, essays or random movie thoughts.

Thursday- I am going back to work on watching Robbie's list of movies released before 1990 for "Throwback Thursdays." I have enough free time now that it should not be a problem.

Friday and Saturday will be off days for now. I am not sure what else I could possibly fill this blog with, but am always open to suggestions. The current grading system and the television recaps were both ideas from readers, so if you have a way to improve it please let me know.

I am going to try and do a better job of linking to the blog, as well. I will link to it every day from Twitter (username: KyleHadley), I will link a few times a week from Myspace bulletins and then I will probably link from Facebook on weekends.

television recap (May 10-16)

With the end of the television season here, I am only going to write about the shows that had season finales this week, so expect MAJOR SPOILERS!!! It also means How I met your Mother and 24 will not appear until next week. So expect MAJOR SPOILERS!!!

The Big Bang Theory- I am not sure I am behind putting Penny and Leonard together, but this episode sold me on it. Keeping people apart who should be together is an age old sitcom trick, but not too many shows send one of the characters to the north pole for the summer. The episode was a little too focused on Penny and Leonard, but it made it worth it when penny quietly whispered "It means I wish you weren't going." Of course, it gets old to have characters not just say what they feel, but I guess Penny did not want to keep Leonard from having the adventure. I really did not expect the show to actually send all 4 guys on the trip, so that was a nice surprise. The episode had some nice jokes, the best involved Sheldon's various pranks since he is not typically a prankster.

Lost- This is the big one of the week. I liked the finale, but did not love it, like I did the last few. First off, I figured it all out pretty early, which is not a problem, exactly. The problems just out-weighed the good. First off, Juliet's flashback served absolutely no real purpose, except as an easy trick to write Juliet in a way she would back up Kate because Sawyer would listen to her. Her flashback was not in sync with all of the other ones and existed solely so she could say something about love isn't always enough, or some nonsense. Lost worked so hard to get me on board with Sawyer and Juliet and to have it go this way was super annoying to the point where it soiled the tragic moment at the end. Many people liked the screen turning white with black LOST letters, which is fine except the cliff hanger was exactly what you would have expected since Faraday mentioned the bomb. The better cliff hanger would have been to show the minute after the bomb went off, whatever it is going to be. Now, the fight between Jack and Sawyer was intense and perfect and the gun battles on this show are always super, but when did Jack Shepard turn into Jack Bauer?

Grey's Anatomy- I would have expected a lot more water works from me with this episode, but the only thing that hit me emotionally was Dr. Bailey's breakdown. Watching Alex try so hard to keep it together for Izzie really shows how far Alex has come, but when Izzie is pronounced dead at the beginning of the next season Alex will go back to be a jerk, so it will have been short lived. I am not annoyed that the show reused an old E.R. episode by making George the John Doe, because I think it works with the show. George has consistently proven he would put himself in danger to save a complete stranger and how good did T.R Knight look with that Army hair cut and Army gear at the end? I like that Shonda Rhimes used the publicity of Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight wanting out to set up simultaneous cliff hangers, even if they were obvious cliff hangers and I thought the acting all around was nice. I hope Kevin McKidd and Jessica Capshaw are made full time players on the show next year. I thought the post-it wedding was cute, but I think fans are going to feel robbed of a real wedding, even if the post-it wedding is more in tune with the characters. Lastly, Katherine Heigl has been killing it in the acting category this season and she continued to do a bang up job this week.

Supernatural- The little show that could keeping on trucking. I assumed the final shot of this episode would be Lucifer risen, but instead we cut before that happened, awesome. Instead we get a shot of the two brothers, finally back together, grabbing onto each other for support knowing what was coming. By keeping the brothers apart for the whole episode, the final moment was that much stronger, plus, Dean finally got to kill Ruby! I know many fans who feel rewarded that Ruby was bad all along, but I think Sam fans are probably going to be furious. Both young men acted their asses off and with the creator writing and directing the episode there was a really nice sense of urgency here. This finale reminded me of the season two finale, where it sets up what the next season will be. Next season is supposed to be the final season for this show, as dictated by the creator, so maybe Dean and Sam will spend next season really saving the world. Awesome!

Star Trek

I want to list my Star Trek credentials before I begin. I have never seen a full episode of any Star Trek series, ever. I have seen only one of the movies and that was in elementary school and I have the most vague recollection of that experience. I am not against the Sci-Fi genre, nor am I against the brand, specifically, but I just never got into the whole thing. However, as the brand has existed in popular culture for roughly 40 years, I know enough about the world and enough catchphrases that I would not be totally lost if the film were to go into full on geek mode. I am, though, a big J.J Abrams geek. You could say I worship at the alter of J.J Abram's slick, fast, time jumping style of creating. I loved Alias, I am loving Lost, I am sure I will love Fringe when the dvd comes out and I loved Mission Impossible 3. For those reasons I was, for some reason, extremely excited to watch this movie.

Oh and before I go on, I am reviewing this movie after a second viewing, which I do not really like to do, but I saw it the first time a few weeks ago and had to sign official looking documents swearing I would not blog or tweet about the movie. So I went and caught a Thursday night screening this week, which may already give away how I feel.

Set sometime in the future, Star Trek exists in a world where galaxies are inhabited by a variety of species and in this future, they mostly get along. Star Fleet is a peace keeping force that patrols the vast universe making sure everyone is safe. It is a kind of optimistic future, not often seen in movies. However, in a thrilling and jarring opening scene, some bad ass looking Aliens, The Romulans, are on a mission to destroy things and in a major way. The Star Fleet captain dies saving hundreds of lives, two of those lives being his wife and new born son. That son, James Kirk grows up into a kind of arrogant, whiny, juvenile delinquent until a nasty bar fight puts him on the radar of Star Fleet and he joins up. On another world, a young Vulcan, Spock, is ridiculed for being half Vulcan and half Human. Spock grows up, turns his back on joining some Vulcan ministry and joins Star Fleet. Kirk and Spock have an auspicious meeting and they do not start out friends. Kirk plays fast and loose with the rules and with authority, while Spock is a being of logic and a follower of rules. After another kick ass action sequence, the rag tag group of Star Fleet members are forced to come to terms with each other and pull together to save the world from the Romluans who have this super bad ass "red matter" that creates a black hole and destroys anything in its path.

As I reread that synopsis, I realize it is a bit vague and makes the movie feel short, I apologize for that, but the story is pretty straight forward. What makes this movie such a thrill ride is what everyone does with the story. As it is an origin story, we are introduced to a bunch of characters that grow into characters that have been much loved for decades. They are all there: "Bones" McCoy(Karl Urban), Sulu(John Cho), Chekov(Anton Yelchin), Scotty(Simon Pegg) and Uhura(Zoe Saldana). And they are all fantastic. Urban's Bones is funny and cynical and Urban is clearly having all kinds of fun putting in every "Damn" he possibly can. Cho and Yelchin have the least to do, but both get laughs and thrills, especially Cho as Sulu gets to go toe to toe with some romulans. Zoe Saldana is sexy and intelligent in her mini skirt and go-go boots, making Uhura instantly desirable sexually and intellectually and Simon Pegg, in an extended cameo just blows this movie up with energy and pure joy of being on a space ship. He is used perfectly and nails every single line he gets.

Of course, the movie hinges on Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto and what they do with truly iconic characters. Pine is one seriously good looking kid and he catches the swagger of Kirk perfectly. The womanizing bit is funny and not overused, but what really impressed me was how effortlessly he controlled every scene no matter how glorious the surroundings. Quinto not only looks like Leonard Nemoy, he captures all of the great stoic logic of a Vulcan, but he also captures the humanity of a young Spock coming to terms with the two sides of who he is. Then, together these two young actors on the rise give the movie a nice grounding center as we root for them to be friends and save the world. They do a really great job of showing that the two men need each other. Kirk has the emotion and Spock has the logic, or Kirk represents the body and Spock represents the brain and it takes the combination of the two to really exist and really be alive. While the movie may lack the philosophy or the political slant of the show, there are deeper themes in the movie and the thematic element of friendship gives the movie a focal center.

I am pretty sure this would still be a glorious summer movie without the center though because J.J Abrams and his two screen writers have crafted a tight script with great references for people who know the world, but it does not bog the movie down in them so new fans can play along as well. Plus, Abrams visual flair is unparalleled in terms of Sci-Fi effects. Every single shot is lit perfectly and every moment of CGi is meticulously gorgeous. The Enterprise is a flawless looking vessel that pops off the screen in a piercing silver that makes you take notice. Then, the Romulan ship, where the nasty snarling Eric Bana breathes wonderfully villainous breath into Nero, is a work of bad guy vehicle art. The monstrous ship has octopus like tentacles coming off of it, but it is the interior that I really loved. The torture chamber, drenched in a pool of water, is a wonderfully creepy green like cave with lights flickering and electricity crackling around every corner. Great pains were gone to to make everything look just phenomenal.

The action sequences are the kind that make you wish you were in the movie experiencing them. There is a sky dive that is even more thrilling because it is void of score and all we hear are the increasingly more ferocious breathing of Kirk and Sulu and then when they land and fight, yeah it stays awesome. Then you have spaceships firing and chasing and blowing things up and things jumping in and out of warp speed and all other forms of Science Fiction geekiness. It is all really enough to make a nerd's giant head explode and get his knowledge all over everyone. I was particularly taken with how often Kirk gets his face caved in. For a guy who throws himself into every scenario without thinking, he sure does not fight real well. I have never seen a leading man spend so much time with blood all over his face. To Pine's credit, he wears a bloody nose very well.

Through this all, Star Trek finds time to posit about friendship, destiny, leadership and heroics. Spock is constantly at odds with the logical side of himself and the human emotional side and Kirk is wearing the shadow of his dead father throughout. Using time travel brilliantly, Leonard Nemoy, as future Spock, gives perspective to the hard headed Kirk about what fate and destiny mean and how we are responsible for our destinies. We create our own history. And J.J Abrams understands that the exposition and the heavy themes need to be balanced, so he is quick to perfectly lighten the mood with some slapstick or a great call back to the series, or an adorable alien friend for Simon Pegg.

If this seems like a very long review it is because I have a lot to say about Star Trek. it is a fantastic thrill ride and should have been the first summer movie. It is everything Wolverine wasn't. It was a funny, fast, sexy, and daring thrill ride that only relented long enough to give us enough story to keep our brains operating. The acting is perfect and I expect a few of these people will break out from here and be bigger stars. I hope this revitalization will continue to be taken in an interesting direction as the time travel aspect provides the franchise the ability to move in its own direction without being hindered by what people know of Star Trek. it is a tight picture with perfectly rendered special effects, but it is much more than that. It is a story that believes things in the future will be good and it believes that heroism is always rewarded and that the good guys may be bruised and they may be down, but as long as they have each other they will come back from any scenario.

I have seen the movie twice already and I would not rule out a third or fourth viewing. Before summer began I just assumed Transformers 2 would be far and away the most "Summer" movie of this summer season, but it has its work cut out for it now. Kudos to you J.J Abrams, way to do it again!

Final Grade- A

Television recap (May 3-9)

I imagine this part of my blog will disappear in a few weeks because I tend not to watch much summer programming. The season is coming to an end with a few of my shows ending their seasons or even ending the series. I am going to also embed a few clips this week because some of them just need to be seen.

10. American Idol- I have to be honest that this week was a bit dull, which is sad because it was Rock Night. I think I would have liked rock night a bit more with more participants. However, the highlight was Fog Hat's "Free bird" in duet form by Adam and Allison. This was a fairly obvious attempt by the show to push these two, by putting it at the end of the show. It did not exactly work but in a week that should have rocked hard, this was the only moment that truly rocked.

9. The Big Bang Theory- I will always enjoy a show that is taking place inside a comic book shop, as this show is doing more and more frequently. This week saw the guys try and help fix a space toilet and saw Penny go on a date with a fellow dork. The highlight was Sheldon taking the time to explain the jokes and then let out this laugh that can only be described as a snicker. Only Sheldon would have to explain a joke before he can laugh at said joke. I know this was not the big reveal of the episode, but since I am not sure I like Penny and Leonard, Sheldon's joke explanations get the big win from me.

8. Grey's Anatomy- Katherine Heigl wanted better stories, and the writers delivered. What could be better than cancer? Heigl is knocking the storyline out of the park, but she is getting solid help from Justin Chambers' performance of Alex. Alex, looking worse for the wear and a little pudgy, swoops in all tuxedoed out to give Izzy the wedding she is supposed to have. Now, the ramifications of this are awful and if Izzy lives the case could be made that they were not ready for marriage, but it was a beautiful moment and so what if Alex kind of jacked a college graduation speech from a patient. It was a beautiful moment on a show that is trying to find its way back to being great. This was a step in the right direction.

7. Lost- yes, this is the lowest this show has been on my weekly list. I do this not because the episode was weak, but because the episode pissed me off with one thing and because of that one thing, it dragged the episode down. Why do the writers/creators/directors/whoever force these nonsense love triangles? By putting Kate in the submarine, all they did was destroy a really nice moment with Sawyer and Julliette. I am not a "shipper" because those people annoy the living crap out of me, but this entire season has been about getting things to normal and Sawyer and Julliette don't even care about normal, they just want to be together and it is touching that they believe they can be just as happy in 1979 as they could in 2009. But, nooooooooo, Kate is on board too. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

6. The Office- A disco dance party erupts in the office of the former Michael Scott Paper Company. It begins with Kelly and the adorkable new receptionist doing some crazy dance moves and before long everyone at Dunder-Mifflin is taking part in dance fever. The last 10 minutes of the episode are some of the best from this show is quite some time and it was a nice reminder of how this show can work. The entire cast is having fun and just letting loose and we get a nice dance off/flirtation between Andy and Kelly, Kevin makes out with a girl, but most of all Pam and Jim realize they want all of this beautiful corniness at their wedding, so they decide not to go elope. AWWWW!

5. How I met your Mother- I am not sure if any show rewards continued viewing the way HIMYM does. Sure, friends would use "We were on a break" every so often, but HIMYM constantly rewards people who watch the show regularly. This week we got a nice little intervention that has been used to great effect a few times this season. It was all the better because it was for Marshall overusing charts and graphs, but how in character is it for Marshall to go nuts on charts and graphs! I love it. Of course, that was not the big moment. The big moment came without words at the very end of the episode. An episode that featured everything I love about HIMYM. It was hilarious, time jump-y, and gave us beautiful future Ted monologue about fate.

4. Saturday Night Live- Justin Timberlake was hosting which meant we got his reoccurring Mascot character and the return of the "Dick in a Box" guys. I am just going to show the clips.





3. Dollhouse- The season (hopefully not series) finale does what, I think, Dollhouse has tried to do all season: it offers up questions about what it means to be human. It looks at the consequences of trying to get away from serious trouble by just disappearing. It does it with brilliant story framing and awesome flashbacks. Alan Tudyk continued to be mesmerizing as Alpha the runaway doll showing symptoms of full on crazy and Amy Acker showed off some acting chops and a seriously sexy side! However, the best moment comes in the form of a full on Buffy style fight! Wash from Firefly and Faith from Buffy get their tussle on! Wielding pipes and wicked dialog, the two go at it for a while in a dark cave looking place that is damp and full of electrical equipment. AWESOME!

2. Supernatural- I am still not totally on board for what is going to happen next week, but I like that the show has just 100% embraced this religious aspect. For 3 season the show dealt solely on the side of the evil and then BAM in the 4th season we get all touched by an angel, but these angels are not all warm and fuzzy and this week they may have purposely set the brothers to be on opposite ends of the fight. It is hard for me to pick just one moment because the episode had some great ones, but I am a sucker for a Sam and Dean confrontation and Jensen Ackles as Dean in the scene in the motel room just about rips your heart out when he realizes he and Sam are going to be apart. The argument flowed real well right into the fight and then when Dean hits Sam with the ultimatum, you can just feel Dean dying a little bit inside. Next week's finale should be one to remember.

1. 24- The season is quickly coming to end and Jack Bauer is getting closer and closer to dying. This week saw Tony kidnap a Muslim man and coerced him into taking the fall for the upcoming terrorist attack. Jack and Janice clash over racial profiling and Jack lets her know that he hates it too, but sometimes bad things have to be done to save the day. The key moment was when Jack and his new F.B.I partner questioned a Muslim man and then cuffed him and forced him into coming with them. When Jack realizes they made a mistake he apologizes to the man and the man, I think saw that Jack is just trying to help. The man tells Jack he forgives him, and that Jack should forgive himself, but Jack responds"I stopped trying to do that years ago." Batman has nothing on Jack Bauer in terms of sacrificing for his country.


Now, the actual best moment from the week came from the (hopefully) series finale of Scrubs. I am going to just embed the final scene from the show, but I want to talk about it a little bit. Scrubs had its ups and downs, especially in the 5th-7th seasons, but when it was good it was wonderful. Mixing zany slapstick with earnest belief in wanting to help people, Scrubs had a nice balance of laughter and tears. Zach Braff/J.D was the perfect point of view actor/character to show us the journey of a doctor with infinite belief in the positive. The cast was perfect and the relationships, while a bit over the top at times, were really well played and for 8 seasons we watched as this group of doctors did their best to live together, work together and love together. In the end, we get J.D thinking about what his life could be and that moment captures everything that was perfect about Scrubs.



This ending is so perfect, I hope it is good-bye.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

The first movie of the summer always has a lot riding on it. I feel like it can set the tone for the summer. Plus, after Iron Man's surprise success last year, there is more pressure on the first movie out. This year's lead off man, Wolverine, has not been without problems. Behind the scenes issues between the director and the producers led to reshoots and the belief that Gavin Hood (The director) was not happy with the final product. Then an unfinished version of the movie leaked on-line and was watched by thousands of people. And to top it off, opening weekend had to contend with the swine flu and less than stellar(Read: pretty bad) reviews. Through it all, Wolverine took $85 million opening weekend and put all of those bad things behind it. I was very excited for the movie at one point and then not so excited at another point and then eventually I just wanted to stop seeing television spots for it. So it is with all of that in my head that I sat down and watched 2009's first summer movie.

Somewhere in the woods of Canada a young boy is sick and another young boy watches over him. Then without much warning, there is a gun shot and the sick young boy sprouts claws of bone from his hands and he kills a man. The man was his father, somehow, and then the two boys run off. Over the years they fight in 3 wars(Civil, WW1, WW2) and in Vietnam. They fight for America, even though they are Canadian. Logan (Hugh Jackman) and Victor(Liev Schreiber) are the two men and they are mutants who heal too quickly to be killed and they grow claws. Enter, William Stryker(Danny Houston) with a team of mutants who believe they are doing good work for America. The team is comprised of mutants with various powers, but Logan realizes they are not actually doing good work and he leaves to become a lumberjack and live a quiet life with a school teacher girlfriend. Years/months/weeks/days/hours/minutes/seconds later(not sure which) the mutant team is being killed and Logan has been warned. However, after his girlfriend is killed he goes back with Stryker to become even more invincible to kill Victor, who killed his girlfriend. Logan gets his body full of Adamantium(a metal from a meteor) and now Logan is Wolverine. It turns out Stryker is trying to create the ultimate mutant killing machine and Logan turns on him.

If it sounds a bit confusing, have no fear, it is a bit confusing. It is confusing because none of the story is flushed out. We meet mutants for brief moments in time and then they are gone before we care. We get Wade Wilson(Ryan Reynolds) for an awesome opening sequence and then he is gone, only to reappear as a version of Deadpool, briefly. We get Gambit(Taylor Kitch) in a somewhaty supporting role, but he is there only because the fans wanted him. he serves no real purpose as Gambit. The Blob, Bolt, Silverfox, Cyclops, Kestrel, and Emma Frost are all mutants who make appearances, but unless you are a fan you won't care and if you are a fan, you will wonder why they are all crammed in. The main story of the show is similar to the television show Heroes, where mutants are being captured and held and the island where they are being kept acts as a pretty cool set piece for the big explosive finale. But as the mutants start dying, it is hard to muster too much sympathy because we have no spent any time with any of them. They are killed merely to move the story to where it needs to go.

That being said, I really enjoyed the performances. Jackman continues to make a great Logan and he is suffiently bad ass here. He is also JACKED out of his mind. The muscles, the definition and the overall tone of Jackman's body is ridiculous and exactly how I pictured Wolverine. He has the right growl and attitude as a younger Logan. Schreiber's Victor is a nasty vampire style mutant and Schreiber is relishing the oppurtunity to really let loose and have some fun. The CGI lets Schreiber down a bit as some of his animal style moves look too corny, but his performance is vicious. Ryan Reynolds is the perfect Wade Wilson, but that should come as no surprise to anyone. No actors capture snark the way Reynolds does. Kitch is a star in the making and while his Cajun accent is a little too Texas, I feel he got the chracter is Gambit as much as he could given the little screen time he had. He is a charasmatic young actor and if Gambit should be blessed with his own movie, I believe Kitch could carry it. Houston's Stryker is exactly what it needed to be. Houston has long been a great character actor, liek Brian Cox, so it is fitting that Stryker will later be Brian Cox.

This is a big summer movie, so the fights and explosions are important and they do not really diappoint. I like watching fights between two guys who do not die because they can have the craziest things happen and that is the case in Wolverine. The fights between Victor and Logan are very cool and the effects are pretty good. The helicopter explosion would have been better if it was not used in the trailer (Also, best stunt in movie used in trailer, NOT COOL!). Gambit's exploding card CGI was very impressive and the fight between Gambit and Logan, while pointless was cool. Also, the big three way fight at the end was cool looking and led to some nice CGIed building collapse effect. There is also a kind of funny fight between Blob and Logan that is cool. However, the first real action sequence is freaking dope! Team X overtakes a building surrounded by guys with guns and it is awesome. Agent Zero's excellent marksmanship gets used to perfection and then Wade's sword skills make for the most exciting thing in the movie. Again, the best part was in the trailer, but the whole sequence offers serious bad-assery! And he sums it up in perfectly droll delivery of "people are dead." Ryan Reynolds, OWNS!

Wolverine is very much a mixed bag. The story is jumpy, incomplete and often times incoherent. The CGI goes from awesome(The Deadpool fight) to offensively bad(Kids running in air on the green screen). Gavin Hood is a director with an intense point of view (see:Tsotsi), but this movie has no focus. Things are missing from the story to make it logcial, scenes seem unfinished and the movie feels slapped together, which it should not be considering they have known this was the release date for over a year. We are told certain things and just have to believe them (Bullets made of Adamantium will cause Logan to lose memory, huh??), so the script seems very messy. It is a shame some great performances are wasted. When the movie was over I thought it was good, but not great. However, the further away from it I get, the less I liked it. I had long said the movie just had to be better than X3:The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine is better than X3, but not by much. The most I can hope for is that the spin-offs will be better. But how good can a spin-off to a spin-off be?

Final Grade: C-

Fighting

Channing Tatum has Heather Graham syndrome, which is to say unless his shirt off, there is just no point. He cannot act. He cannot even emote the most simple of emotions. He cannot really read lines to make them sound natural. He has no chemistry with any other actor and when asked to hold down a scene on his own, he falters. He looks good without a shirt, though. It might be possible that he understands his acting limitations because he finds himself in roles where he is required to take his shirt off a lot. For whatever reason this former model is on the verge of breaking into the big time, but until that day, he stars in movies like Fighting.

Sean MacArthur(Tatum) is just a young man trying to make a living selling crappy books on the streets of New York. His hustle is interrupted by some little thieves and Sean knocks them around a bit. Harvey Boarden(Terrance Howard) is the leader of that band of misfits and likes what he sees in Sean. Harvey is connected to some underground fight club thing and soon Sean is fighting for money. In his first match he gets a beat down, but wins by smashing his opponent into a water faucet. These are no rules fights. Before long, Sean is getting ready to fight for big money. Along the way he meets the super sexy Zulay, rhymes with July, but she has a kid, a nasty grandma and some serious money problems. Well, Sean, the sensitive lover that he is, helps her out with her money problems. Some other things happen that involve fighting and a pointless faux double cross, oh and we get a main villain. The villain, Evan Hailey(Brian White), was Sean's nemesis back home in Arkansas! Now they meet again in New York. For his final fight, Sean will battle Evan as Evan is the top dog in this sort of MMA fighting group. What will happen? Will Sean find the redemption he so desperately needs? Will Sean and Zulay hook up? Will Sean ever end a scene without losing his shirt?

We have a new entry in the pantheon of on-the-nose-movie-titles. Heist was about a heist, Snakes on a Plane was about, well Snakes on a Plane and Fighting is about fighting. Sadly, Fighting was not written by David Mamet like Heist and Fighting is not about Snakes on a Plane, like Snakes on a Plane. Instead, it is a muddled mess of a film that is as predictable as a movie could possibly be and inside that predictability it neglects doing anything even remotely interesting. Sean never really gets turned on, he is never in any real trouble and even his financial troubles are barely breezed over. His friendship with Harvey comes far too easily and their issues are too easily solved. They never really go at it and there is never a sense that Harvey is the real hustler he claims to be. I kept waiting for him to turn on Sean and give Sean a real reason to fight. Instead they are just chummy and Sean fights only because it is offered up to him. If he was offered a job waiting tables he would have taken that as well. It just kind of fell into his lap.

Channing Tatum fills out a tank top nicely and he looks good all sweaty and battered, and he is believable as a street kid looking for a fight, but his Sean is void of personality and he cannot even sex it up with Zulay and make it look hot. He is just so weak on screen. He is not helped by Terrance Howard. Howard is speaking like an effeminate Christopher Walken, refusing to the really commit to the scene or the movie. He is obviously looking for a pay check and he is not going to even try and do anything remotely interesting. As the villain, Brian White has a body chiseled out of granite and he can make a mean stare, but he is in a nothing part in a nothing movie and he knows it. All of the side characters are merely stock characters in every movie about young street hustlers.

Of course the movie is calling Fighting, so it should have awesome fighting, right? Well, it kind of does. There is one awesome fight a few alright fights, but the camera work is just so typical of a fight scene. Unfortunately, this director is not Paul Greengrass. The close ups are nice and there are moments when I really felt the hits or the slams into walls, but I wanted to be pushed further. I wanted to really get inside the fights and believe I was right there. The climatic fight is pretty cool, but it is made cool by the fact that they break through windows and the fight takes place in three different rooms, the fight itself is not terribly impressive.

The score is what works best in Fighting. The song choices are pretty good at capturing a version of New York, even if it was a bit borrowed from other New York movies. Having the Mash Out Posse as the soundtrack to your movie gives a sense of griminess I wish the rest of the movie had. But, more than the song choices, the original score worked for me. Before Sean's first fight, inside of having a loud or trippy score, we just get a quiet, but intense, piano driven score that really is effective in getting a sense of how Sean was going into his first fight. Then for his next big fight we get these awesome booming drums that play into the rhythm of the fight. If only the rest of the movie had been as innovative to make its point!

The worst thing for a movie called Fighting to be is boring, but Fighting is boring. I was over it pretty early on and it never recaptured me. I wanted to like it because fighting movies have a tendency to get my juices going, but this did nothing. If Channing Tatum ends up a big star, it will never be because of his acting skills and my guess is his reign will last about as long as Heather Graham's.

Final Grade: D