Pre Summer movie bash!

Summer is here in less than a week for movie season!! Here are a few lists and thoughts about the upcoming summer season!

10 movies I am dying to see:

10. Speed Racer- I am not sure if this movie will be visually appealing or visually repulsive, but I know my eyes will be stimulated. The movie is essentially an animated movie shot totally in deep focus which is nuts and it promises to be a thrilling ride. The run time worries as it is over 2hrs long, but that can be forgiven if it is paced and edited well. I am not sure if I really see a franchise for it, but I know it will be the most visual movie I see all summer.

9. Get Smart- I remember the first teaser trailer I saw for this: I freaking loved it. The full trailer, out now, is very funny and action packed. Carrell looks in his element and I am always down for The Rock being funny. It looks sort of like Hot Fuzz from last summer where it will be hilarious and satirical but still pack some serious punches. I like the cast, including some of the bit players and I think this will be nice escapist entertainment.

8. Wanted- I think this is a sleeper pick for summer. I am sure it is nothing like the Graphic Novel on which it is based, but I am totally hooked. Every trailer or TV spot I see emphasizes the action and the sex appeal of Angelina Jolie which are both pluses. While Jolie's action resume is not excellent, she does have fun doing them and typically they are entertaining. It looks Matrix like, which could be a very good thing. Summer is a perfect place for a movie like this. I am not expecting anything super inventive, but I just want to see some kick ass action.

7. Hellboy: The Golden Army- My anticipation for this movie has risen in recent weeks with the new full length trailer available now. Also, I read a great article about it and how deep the mythology will be and just how much Pan's Labyrinth like fantasy will be involved. I really enjoyed the first one and the director promised he will not sell it out because it is a big summer movie. I believe him because he has not let me down yet. This is a fun franchise that is hopefully not on its last legs.

6. Wall*E- In recent years I have kind of wavered in my love for Pixar, but I am not wavering one bit on this adorable robot! From the first little teaser I was in love with this cute, clumsy, lonely curious little robot and I am dying to go on this adventure with him. I know almost nothing about it except Pixar churns out hits every time. Visually the computer images get more and more life like and this story just seems interesting to me. I have not been this excited for a pixar movie since Toy Story two.

5. Hancock- Until a week ago this movie was further down on this top 10 list. Then I saw the first look trailer and my mind totally changed. Holy crap I am stoked for this movie. It looks funny, action packed, awkward, biting and dramatic. Will Smith has certainly found a nice change of pace to the likable guys he typically plays. The story about a Superhero who winds up willingly going to Prison to clean up his image is very interesting and while it is not based on a comic book, it certainly has a comic book feel to it.

4. Ironman- I only have to wait a few more days before this one becomes a reality! Robert Downey Jr. looks like the most perfect Tony Stark I could have ever imagined and the action just looks better and better every time I see something about the movie. I have always enjoyed the Ironman character and the stories and I am curious as to if the director can get it right since he is not known for big budget movies. Ironman looks like an enjoyable 2 hours full of things getting blown up and funny one-liners. It looks like the perfect beginning of summer movie.

3. Pineapple Express- A pot movie in my top 3? It doesn't seem right does it? Well, it is right; it is so right. I am dying to watch this movie as it has the best trailer thus far this year. It comes from Camp Apatow and I am curious to see these guys do something with a story and action. I cannot wait to see James Franco as a dumb pot head and this just looks like the most epic weed movie, ever.

2. Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull- I grew up on Indiana Jones. I think Raiders of the Lost Ark is my mom's favorite movie, or at least up there. Spielberg is the greatest movie director ever, in my opinion and I am very interested in how this series rebooting goes. Add Shia to the mix and this is just golden. I love the idea of Kate Blanchett as a villain and I want to know if this is really about aliens, because that would be beyond awesome. The trailer features sick ass whip stunts and Harrison Ford's typical gruff one liners and this looks like it could be a movie for the ages.

1. The Dark Knight- This probably does not come as a surprise to anyone that a comic book movie would be number 1 on this list. While Batman is not even in my top 5 of favorite superheroes, Chris Nolan's vision of Gotham City and the Batman world is so amazing I am completely entranced by this movie. Heath Ledger looks to blow Jack Nicholson's overrated Joker performance out of the water with craziness and Aaron Eckhart is the absolute perfect Harvey Dent. Put them with the returning Christian Bale and, wow. Geez, I can barely even put into words how excited I am for this movie. The new poster might be the best movie poster I have seen in ages and it only heightens my anticipation.


5 Movies I don't really want to see but probably will anyway:

5. Sex and the City- At first, they decided to make this PG-13, but I think they changed it back to R, which is good for the fans. This doesn't really do anything for me, but having seen enough episodes to know the characters, I am interested somewhat.

4. Tropic Thunder- Ben Stiller and Jack Black on screen together spells trouble for me, but there might be enough in it to warrant me actually seeing. It is too bad the Tom Cruise cameo got spoiled

3. Don't mess with the Zohan- I keep meaning to give up on Sandler, but he is a summer staple and every so often he still entertains, plus Apatow has a writing credit on it, so it can't be too bad, right?

2. Kung Fu Panda- To be honest, I will probably only see this because my dad will want someone to go with him. I hate Jack Black and this doesn't seem funny, but who knows.

1. What happens in Vegas- The only real reason I will see this is because we are getting it and I can see it for free. Mike tells me it is funny, but it doesn't look like it, really.

The 1 Movie I can guarantee I will not be seeing this summer:

Step Brothers: Will Ferrell and John C. Riley as adults sharing a room as they become step brothers. Enough freaking said. SHOOT ME!

Random Thoughts:

The Happening might be rated R. Wow, that piques my interest, a lot.

Will anyone care about Mulder and Skully this time around?

The Mummy 3. Really? Why?

Will Mama Mia mark the end of fun summer movie musicals? It looks awful!

Can the team behind Legally Blonde strike gold again with House Bunny, or is Anna Farris just not Reese Witherspoon?

Isn't the Love Guru just a re-hash of Austin Powers jokes?

Finally, some under the radar-Indie movies I am excited about:

Redbelt, Son of Ranbow, Midnight Meat train, The Strangers, Hell Ride, Towelhead and Hamlet 2.

Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay

There is a fine line between a dumb comedy that is entertaining and a dumb comedy that is just dumb; the first Harold and Kumar movie straddled that very fine line all the way through which led to a pretty funny, partially frustrating movie. Yet, I wasn't sure the movie really needed a sequel, but it found a nice audience on DVD and so they gave it one, 4 years later. Of course, my main reason to go watch was the return of Neil Patrick Harris playing a drugged out and over sexed version of himself.

4 years ago we watched Harold and Kumar make an epic journey to reach a White Castle burger joint and then come home so Harold could finally make his play for a girl. She is leaving for Amsterdam and Kumar suggests they should follow her. This movie picks up minutes after the first ended. Harold(John Cho) and Kumar(Kal Penn) are getting cleaned up and packing for the trip. In the airport, Kumar is subject to a "random" search, thus beginning a movie of stereotype debunking, kind of. Also at the airport, the two boys run into Vanessa(Daneel Harris) who dated Kumar a few years ago and her fiance, a Republican tool named Colton(Eric Winter). Throughout the movie we see flashbacks to when Kumar and Vanessa met and how she turned him into a pot head. Once on the plane, Kumar follows Harold into the bathroom and starts to spark some weed into a "smokeless bong." Someone on the plane thinks they hear and see a bomb and the two heroes are cuffed and questioned briefly before being put in Guantanamo Bay. There, they meet real terrorists who help Harold and Kumar escape. Government agent Ron Fox(The most obnoxious man alive Rob Cordry)thinks the two guys are serious terrorists and he questions their friends and parents in scenes that require the absence of a brain in order to laugh. Harold and Kumar make it back to the U.S.A and think if they can get to Texas and to Colton he can help them out. They trek from Miami to Texas in the deep south and run into a married couple who happens to be brother and sister who have a cyclops inbred freak for a son; they run into the KKK; scary black guys and of course Neil Patrick Harris! Oh and by the end of the movie they have smoked weed with the President (the actor is not a very good impressionist).

I do not have a problem with pot head movies being ambitious; in fact, I have high hopes for Pineapple Express being the first big budget action stoner movie. This movie, though, might have been just a bit too ambitious. First of all, they try and tackle issues about why weed is not legal, which is fine and even some of the issues of racial profiling are fine, but between scenes where Rob Cordry is pouring out grape soda to try and enrage a black man and Cordry pouring out change to enrage a few Jews, this movie is just stretching those lofty goals of stereotypes. The first Harold and Kumar movies was funny because it was never mean spirited. It was just a fun movie about two stoners looking for burgers. No one was really hurt or offended in the process and there was really limited scat humor. The sequel has fart jokes, poop jokes, semen stain jokes and all kinds of toilet humor. A lot of just felt rushed and for a sequel four years in the making, nothing should feel rushed. Add to that the movie is about 15 minutes too long and has a plot so full of holes about 40 minutes in I just threw my hands up and said "Well, whatever."

That is not to say there is not a lot of comedy in the movie because I laughed, a lot. Most of that is thanks to the two lead actors. John Cho and Kal Penn have such an easy chemistry and are so good natured you almost wish they were in a movie that was written better. the jokes are so mean spirited and uncreative but the two actors really do their best and still play these very likable pot heads. Plus, Neil Patrick Harris is an extended cameo brings all kinds of laughs. As a guy high on dozens of mushrooms seeing unicorns and wanting to brand his initials onto the asses of whores, Harris completely obliterates the wholesome image of his youth. I thought the movie would completely change his character since Harris has come out of the closet as being gay, but they kept the same horn dog, sniffing cocaine off a stripper's ass Harris from the first movie. Some of the side gags work like the cyclops freaky baby even if it is a very mean joke. The constant references to Sloth from The Goonies provides a lot of laughs for that scene and the KKK scene is actually kind of funny, made even funnier by Kumar's nonchalant way of dealing with everything.

It helps to have either seen the first movie dozens of times, or to have just watched it because there are many jokes that callback to the first movie. Luckily I had just watched the movie the night before so I got most of those jokes. Where the first one straddled the line between low brow and good taste, this movie weaves back and forth over that line like a drunk driver. The genuinely funny moments actually make the bad jokes more frustrating because it makes you feel this movie could have been made without Rob Cordry wiping his ass with the bill of rights and pulling it out to show the camera the shit stains that were formally on his ass. Actually, it makes you think this movie could have been made without Rob Cordry who is moving in on David Cross' turf as the most obnoxious bit player in comedies. I know I am not the target audience for these types of movies, but I wanted to like it and I almost did.

Final Grade: C

Glow in the Dark concert review

I have seen more concerts in my lifetime than I could ever begin to recall, and I have seen many huge rap concerts inside of Arco Arena, but I was extra excited to see this show that consisted of Lupe Fiasco, N.E.R.D, Rhianna and Kanye West. Until Friday night I had not seen a big arena sized concert in quite a few years and I was missing the big spectacle concert. And, I knew Kanye West was going to give me that spectacle. I mean, he has the biggest ego in the world, how could his show not be massive? All of this excitement came to a full explosion Friday night for one of the most entertaining concerts I have ever been to. On top of all of that, the concert only started 5 minutes late, which is unheard of in a rap concert!

Lupe Fiasco- At 7:05, The lights went dark and I hurried Liz and myself to our seats because I knew Lupe was first (Thanks for the Myspace Bulletin heads up Lupe!). No new rapper has completely won me over this much since Eminem did it in 1998. Lupe came out and performed "Hello Goodbye" which is probably his most surreal song. It sounds like the end of the world is coming and he is on acid. That is the best way I can describe the song. It is just Lupe and his D.J. and none of the monitors. He has a crazy energy and runs all over the stage managing to keep his breathing under control, which is imperative for a rapper who raps at the quick speeds like Lupe. He does 4 songs from the new album and then goes right into "Kick Push" and while the house was not full yet, the second he hit the opening lines of that song. the crowd was in full eruption. He went through 3 songs from album number 1 and then went into a very funny, Vegas style version of "Tokyo, Paris" while his back up singers got in place. My only problem with this song was the girl singing over sang her run at the end, but the crowd totally bought into it, so that was cool. Lupe did some banter with the audience but mostly he was there to set the tone for the night and when he wrapped up with the combination of "Superstar" and a dizzingly fast and hype version of Daydream, he sent the now full crowd into quite a huge frenzy. I would say Lupe did his job, but now I need to see him again as the a headliner in a smaller venue. I think his songs, dealing a lot in social ills, are kind of lost in the massive setting and with only a 30 minute set he didn't get as many songs in as I would have liked.

After Lupe, when the lights came on, I started to look around and I noticed a trend- Girls really like to dress slutty at concerts; It is like Halloween, but without the themes to the sluttiness. Of course, this is not a complaint for the most part. I mean half the girls looked amazing all slutified, but it is the other half that concerned me. This other half looked like rejects from Flavor of Love, Rock of Love or a Shot at love with Tila Tequila. The trick is to only look at the hot sluts. Luckily I have a lot of experiences determining between the two. After 30 minutes of slut watching and listening to that god awful Snoop Dogg, Sensual seduction song, N.E.R.D was ready.

N.E.R.D- These guys blasted onto the stage with a new song that was so drum heavy, I thought my ears were going to pop and start bleeding. The first time Pharrell was shown on the big screen the girls at the arena united for a giant orgasmic like scream and he seemed to revel in it, who wouldn't! The group did not waste a whole lot of time talking to the audience, but they were kind enough to let us know when they were going to play songs off the album coming out in June. The 3 new songs all sounded amazing and I cannot wait to pick up their new album. My favorite new song is called "Everybody nose" and I think it comes in at 120 beats per minute, which is insane live and I was totally rocking out to it. They played "Brain", "Rock Star" and a very kick ass version of "Lap Dance" but off the second album they only played "She Likes to Move". Towards the end of that song. it sounded like Pharrell's voice was giving out and the set ended rather abruptly, without anyone saying good night and it made me wonder if Pharrell did real damage to his vocal chords. Even with that abrupt ending, N.E.R.D put on a very rocking, rollicking show and I was impressed with how Pharrell is not afraid to blend into a group, even though he is actually a huge star in the world of hip-hop.

When the lights came back on, I went back to people watching and reflecting. The usual big rap show has a lot of weed; this show did not. Usually the rapper on stage are encouraging the lighting up int he theater, but none of the guys here were doing that. I was also noticing that I didn't see anyone who appeared to be over the age of 30 there. It was a diverse group, racially, but age wise everyone seemed to be within the 16-28 age group. I was also noticing that, for girls, shorts have become an acceptable form of dressing up. As long as you wear heels with them, it seems like they are perfectly acceptable as something other than just casual wear.

Rhianna- To be honest, this was the part of the night I was not entirely thrilled to watch, but I knew it was coming. Her set up was pretty basic except the glowing "R" in the middle of the stage, but the crowd response to her was awesome. She appeared on stage in a very sexy, black body suit outlined with hot pink and she had on hot pink gloves and looked incredibly sexy. But, I knew she would; it was the singing I was unsure of. However, as she tore through single after single, she held her own pretty well. She did kind of derail the energy of the show with 3 ballads, but the crowd did not seem to mind much. Half way through she changed outfits into this yellow and black number with a sexy hat, but the outfit blended too well with the back up dancers and back up singers for my taste. Rhianna was the most chatty of the bunch, telling us who wrote the songs she sang and what they meant to her. She is very playful on stage and while she is not the best dancer out there, she moves in a way that is pleasant to my eyes. Because she has an album chalk full of singles, she didn't need to worry about singing a song no one knew, and by the time she reached the climax with "Umbrella" the girls in the audience were screaming at decibels I thought would shatter windows.

I knew we were in for a long wait after Rhianna because I read a review of opening night and they said it was about 45 minutes between Rhianna and Kanye West. Liz and I chatted it up most of the time, but I did put in a call to work to find out the fate of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was my pick and I needed a win badly. That is my justification. That obnoxious Snoop song played again leading me to explain to Liz why new Snoop makes me sad because he used to be so good. Now he just sucks. If you like "Sensual Seduction (Which is really called sexual eruption)" don't bother defending it. Actually don't bother talking to me again. I was having trouble waiting because I was excited at the prospect of Kanye, Lupe and Pharrell holding down the stage together. The 3 have formed a group and in my head this was the perfect coming out party.

Kanye West- When the curtain finally raised on Kanye West, it was almost exactly how I envisioned it. Kanye was in the middle of a raised stage, laying down taking in the screams from his adoring public. His show was sci-fi themed and very cinematic. The plot? Kanye is on a space ship that has crash landed on another planet and he is trying to find a way to get back to Earth. He opens with "Good Morning" which I find to be an odd choice because it is not the hype machine artists usually open with. Of course, Kanye West doesn't do anything usual. It takes a couple songs to get the audience fully behind him, but when he goes into "Through the Wire" he has all of us totally with him. Everyone was standing up and remained standing for the entire 85 minute set. And for the entire 85 minutes it was just us and Kanye. His drum heavy band stood in a pit below him and he did not share the stage with anyone. It is Kanye's night; it is Kanye's show and we are all just worshippers at the temple of West. The show hits monumental highs no less than 4 times- "Gold Digger", "Stronger", "Jesus Walks" and "The Good Life". The latter featured a very extended ending, where Kanye worked everyone into such a frenzy I feel like he extended it longer than he had planned because of how crazy the crowd was going for it. However, there was also something deeper going on and it came to a head when Kanye went into the incredibly touching new version of "Hey Mama" that he wrote after his mother passed last year. With a beautiful yet haunting Capella start singing this amazing line "Last night I saw you in my dreams, Now I can't wait to go to sleep" and ending similarly with "This life, is all a dream, an my real life starts when I go to sleep" Kanye delivered the entire song on one knee looking down and making me completely believing he was truly lost in himself at that moment. Next he let Journey's "Don't stop believing" while he sat off to the side thinking about his mother. However, he was not done. His spaceship just needed the brightest light, or the biggest shining star and of course that is Kanye Himself. After about a minute of cool visual effects and a lifted up stage, Kanye was back on Earth and ended the show with a rousing rendition of "Tocuh the Sky."

When the show was over I was immensely satisfied, but felt kind of cheated because I was dying to see Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell together, but I was not totally surprised it didn't happen. Kanye was not about to share the stage with anyone. For 85 minutes it was just him and his microphone. He danced, yelled, got hype and pumped the crowd up without ever really looking at us or talking to us. The show was tightly paced and Kanye was the ring master. A lot of people hate Kanye West because of his ego or how he whines at award shows, but his point is that the world need him. The world needs people who actually say what they feel. I may not buy that premise entirely, but in terms of rap music, we do need Kanye West. he, like Jay-Z, Bridges the gap of critical and chimerical success. People do not want to admit it, but rap music would be completely in the toilet without him. I truly believe that and he proved that tonight. Every single person in that arena loved the entire show. Everyone was out of breath, with sore legs the next day. I 100& spazzed out. It is not something anyone really sees from me these days, as I am a pretty reserved person, but if you ever want to see me just completely lose control, take me to a great rap show. it is euphoric for me and for nearly 5 hours on Friday night, I was in a state of absolute euphoria!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

For those of you who not obsessive over the career of Jason Segal, allow me to explain why this movie is perfect for him. Well, besides the fact that he wrote it. Segal is a long time veteran of the Judd Apatow troupe of actors dating back to Freaks and Geeks on the television. However, where he really found his stride was on the second Apatow television show, Undeclared. There Segal perfected the guy who is not afraid to cry. He plays weak guys better than anyone, so it makes sense he would write a movie about a guy who cannot get over a break up. Also, know that I love Apatow movies and if you don't, just don't even bother reading this or watching this movie.

Peter Bretter is a man in love. He is in love with Sarah Marhsall( Kristen Bell), his girlfriend and star of a hit t.v show, for which Peter writes the score. He is a lazy man who has aspirations of writing a Dracula Rock Opera-with puppets- but he can't bring himself to actually finish it. He is mostly unhappy, and the one thing that makes him happy is Sarah. So when she breaks up with him, it sends him in a downward spiral of crying, drinking, bad one night stands and leaves his house a mess. His step brother Brian(The perfect Bill Hader) tells him to go on vacation and Peter mentions Sarah always told him Hawaii was great so off to Hawaii goes Peter. When he gets there he sees Sarah and spends his first few nights in Hawaii crying some more. Eventually he starts to get out and meet some pretty funny people in Hawaii and meets a very gorgeous, free living girl, Rachel Jansen(Mila Kunis), and they hit it off. Sarah, on the other hand, is now dating British rocker, Aldous Snow(Russell Brand) and is having a hard time seeing Peter start to be happy with someone else.

For my money, this movie is as funny as the other Apatow movies. In fact, I prefer this one to the 40-yr old virgin. And it is all thanks to Jason Segal. Segal wrote the script, which is funny, but it is his dedication to his craft that makes this movie such a winner. Much has been made of Segal going the Full Monty at the beginning, but that just indicitive of his whole performance. Segal is like Jim Carrey, Peter Sellars or Chris Farley as guys who go all in to their comedy. He leaves all of his inhibitions at the door and gives 100% to this movie. Every one gets to shine, of course, because it is an Apatow production, but Segal really makes the movie go. Paul Rudd gets some laughs as the perpetually stoned surf instructor, Jonah Hill is actually quite reserved, but hilarious as a waiter obsessed with Aldous Snow, Jack McBrayer(30 Rock) is very funny as a newly married man having trouble having sex with his wife because of how religious they are and the few Hotel employees we meet all have funny things to say, especially Davon McDonald who wants to go snorkeling to watch sea turtles have sex for 3 hours. As Aldous Snow, Russell Brand is a serious comic find. His hedonistic, cock sure performance is brilliantly comical, but more than that, he is a jerk of a character, but he is so self assured and knows exactly who he is that the more we get to know him, the more we actually like him. He is the coolest character because nothing gets to him. He is level headed, hilarious and dirty and we totally grow to like him. As Sarah Marshall, Kristen Bell does the best job she can trying to turn Sarah into a human and in the scene where She and Segal finally have a real conversation about the break up she actually makes us understand what happened in the relationship.

The jokes work, the physical comedy works, the budding love between Segal and Kunis works and the break up between Bell and Segal works. In fact, Mila Kunis might have got herself a nice little movie career from this movie, if the right people see it. She has transformed into a gorgeous woman, but more than that she is pretty damn talented as well. She handles the awkward comedy of the Apatow brand with ease, but also handles the charming love stuff easily as well. Of course, the awkward comedy is what makes this movie tick. Whether it is Segal being completely naked getting his heart broken, or the two new couples drinking and eating together, the awkward comedy is perfectly uncomfortable. Also, unlike Knocked Up and Superbad, there is some pretty hilarious graphic sex, that is not only funny, but it actually helps move the story along, especially the last one. The direction is a bit weak and the movie could use a little more focus towards the middle, but that is all forgotten as the funny lines come at you at hilarious speeds. On top of all of that there is a freaking genius parody of the t.v. show CSI, featuring a nice cameo from William Baldwin and a parody of bad television shows with a cameo by Jason Bateman. Also, a great conversation making fun of bad horror movies happens that is funnier when you remember Kristen Bell was in a bad horror movie with a similar premise.

The last thing I want to say is that there is a scene towards the end that is among the funniest scenes I have seen in a movie. It is up there with Jim Carrey writing with a blue pen in Liar, Liar. It is up there with Chris Farley in Tommy Boy trying to explain to a potential buyer why he should buy his brake pads. It ties up the whole movie in a perfect blend of awkwardness, comedy and love. Judd Apatow started the trend of romantic comedies that guys can enjoy, but Segal takes the idea of romance in these movies to a whole new level and maybe that will turn some people off who want more sitting around and talking and less actual romance, but it totally worked for me in every way. With the exception of maybe Pineapple Express, I doubt any other movie I see this year will make me laugh as often and as hard as Forgetting Sarah Marhsall.

Final Grade: A

88 minutes

Even when he is in bad movies, I get a kick out of watching Al Pacino. There is something about his over the top yelling and in your face over acting that gets me every time. So, as long as the movie has a few moments where Pacino gets to go all Pacino on every one in the movie, I am set. I also kind of enjoy time gimmicky entertainment. 24 is a favorite show of mine and things like Nick of Time are guilty pleasures of mine because I like how the real time gimmick manipulates my sense of urgency. 88 minutes features a time gimmick and Al Pacino, so I was all set for some film enjoyment, right?

Dr. Jack Gramm(Pacino) gives testimony that puts Jon Forster(Neil McDonough) behind bars for rape and murder. He claims Forster is a serial rapist/murderer, but Forster is only tried and convicted of one case, so Forster claims his innocence and gains legions of fans. The day Forster is to be capitally punished, Gramm gets a phone call that says he has 88 minutes to live. He ignores it at first to go about his day, which includes teaching at a Seattle college, but soon he can no longer ignore the threats because he is being set up for a few new murders that are set up just like the one he convicted Forster of. From here the movie spirals into introducing new characters, giving them ominous backgrounds/possible motives, and having Gramm doubt everything.

If you can not tell from the brief plot description, this movie is not good. I am not sure if they decided to have the whole thing be 88 minutes because that is how long it took the writer to come up with the story, write it and revise it, or if the 88 minutes is just entirely random like everything else in this movie. Fire trucks nearly crash into a crowd of people, we meet characters who will be important except we never see them again, and when the villain is revealed, it sheds light on the fact that most of the movie was unnecessary. 88 minutes spends so much time trying to cast a shadow of doubt on each and every damn character that almost nothing of merit actually happens because the writer and director spend so much time trying to fake us out. The problem is, by the time the end comes we no longer care and just want the movie to come to an end. There is gratuitous nudity, and a preposterous lesbian kiss, which leads me to believe the guy who wrote this script is about 16 years old, which would make sense considering the dialog. There are a lot of attractive people sitting on the sidelines of this movie who probably were dying to work with the great AL Pacino, but instead they were treated to Pacino picking up an easy pay check and sleep walking his way through the film. He doesn't even get to really let loose with some scenery chewing. I am sorry, but if you have Pacino in your movie you go back and write him a powerfully over the top monologue. It is the least you could do for the sake of your audience.

The editing is lax, the directing is weak and not at all self assured and the acting from everyone, most notably Alicia Witt playing a girl with a crush on Pacino, is unbelievably awful and they didn't even use the time gimmick to the best of its ability. Also, while the trivia on imdb says that once he is told he has 88 minutes to live that the movie runs in real time from then, I am not entirely sure I buy that. Granted, I was not checking my watch every time they mentioned the time, but with a running time of 108 minutes, I am not sure I buy it. My favorite thing about the movie though is during the first scene when the year is 1997. Not only do we see a headline of Princess Diana's death, we see a t.v. story, the two girls talk about it, the camera then zooms in on the date in case we didn't realize this was in the late nineties. But to cap it off, the girl just has to turn on N*Sync. Talk about not trusting your audience to figure out the date!

Overall Grade: D

Smart People

When a movie spells it's name with scrabble letters, you know I am going to be interested in it. I was a bit hesitant because the people who produced this also produced the bore fest that was Sideways. I became even more hesitant when I found out this was not only a first time screen writer but a first time director, usually a bad combination. Yet, the reviews I read were generally positive and the preview was pretty funny. Plus, Thomas Hayden Church has always done good work to me, yes even in Wings.

Lawrence Weatherhold(A Pot bellied, limp having Dannis Quaid) is a widowed college professor who seems to hate life. He is disgusted by students, hates his co-workers and cannot remember the name of anyone because he doesn't feel they deserve his memory. He is a dishevelled curmudgeon, but he is very bright and that gives him an air of superiority. When his car is towed he hops over the fence to get his briefcase out and when he is climbing the fence he falls and ends up in the hospital. His doctor, Janet Hartigan(Sarah Jessica Parker), is a former student of his, who had a school girl crush, except he is the reason she started to hate literature. His daughter, Vanessa(Ellen Page), is a creepy Republican robot girl who is trying to score a perfect SAT score and cannot be bothered by him. When Lawrence fell he had a seizure and now cannot drive for six months. His slacker pot head adopted brother, Chuck(Church) moves in to be his driver, but Chuck is very unreliable to do anything but make trouble. Janet's crush is rekindled and Lawrence and her go out on a date. More things happen but Smart People is not a movie driven by plot.

For a first time writer, Mark Poirier has written a pretty good script. It is a Little too clever for its own good at times and sometimes it can really disconnect the audience but overall it is pretty solid. The plotting is a little screwy as the Ellen Page character kind of goes all over the map in terms of plot, character an dialog, but Page handles it all very well furthering proving that she is the go to girl for whip smart young characters. Her character can be compared to her star making turn as Juno, but there are some pretty major differences and Page eases into the role of a creepy Stepford type young lady charmingly. Quaid on the other hand does an okay job, but he is woefully miscast here. I guess Paul Giamatti was busy doing other things because this part is tailor made for him. This is the first movie in which Sarah Jessica Parker did not annoy me. She actually did a good job even though I think her character was the most under written and was written to be prone to pointless relationship panic attacks. The real star though is Thomas Hayden Church. He has the funniest character but also the most interesting character. Some of that is the writing and some of it is just that Church is a very talented character actor. He has this understated delivery that really helps sell some of the funnier one-liners.

Smart People is about how much of a hard time academics have relating to the normal world. It features the line "Self Absorption is underrated" and that kind of underlies the whole film. People obsessed with themselves have to find a way to let someone else in and find a way to exist with others. The story does fall into the trappings of cliche with the pregnancy factor. Why do people who have sex always end up pregnant in movies? Even those who use condoms end up pregnant. It is such a tired plot contrivance to break people up and get them back together. It is just lazy writing in my opinion. I only laughed out loud two times because the comedy in the movie is not laugh out loud funny. It is "Oh that was very clever" funny and that isn't really a bad thing, it is just lacking that something that makes a smart comedy more than just smart comedy. the best smart comedies find a way to meld the snappy dialog with the broad stuff and this movie just is not there. Maybe some day the writer will get there but for now he is content to use clever to the best of his abilities.

Street Kings

Bad cops are a staple in cinema. They always have been and most likely always will be. I have always enjoyed watching the anti-hero cop walk the line of morality in movies. I am fascinated by the idea of someone in power abusing it to personal gains, but still finding time to kill the bad guys. See, in real life I believe in the system of trials and whatnot, but in the movies, I kind of dig that rogue cop doctoring a crime scene to make a murder look justifiable. A part of me thinks anyone who has raped a young girl deserves death before a trial. I know it isn't very liberal thinking of me, but deal with it. I say all of this because, well Street Kings is a bad cop movie.

Anytime a guy wakes up and the first two things he does are put a magazine in his gun and vomit into the toilet, you know the guy might have issues. Such is the case for detective Tom Ludlow(Keanu Reeves). He also buys individual bottles of Vodka and downs them while driving on the job. However, he is the last of the gun-slingers in Southern California. He is the last of the men who would do anything to get the job done. He is not above putting guns in dead perps' hands to make it look like he was fired on. He does what he has to do. Luckily for him he has a whole team of people backing him up including his captain, Jack Wander(Forrest Whitaker). His antics have put him on the radar of the rat squad(a bad cop movie staple). Captain James Biggs(Dr. House) runs the rat squad and he always seems to appear just in time to remind Ludlow what he is doing. Ludlow gets the impression his former partner was ratting him out, so Ludlow follows him to give him a beat down, but instead the two cops end up in a store that is about to be robbed. The two cops try and shoot their way out, but Ludlow's former partner gets bullets unloaded into his body by the dozen and the surveillance camera captures it and it looks as if Ludlow just let it happen. The detective who picks up the case of the dead detective is Paul Diskant(Chris Evans) and soon he and Ludlow are the track of two brutal killers. All the while, there is some serious cop corruption going on that Ludlow appears to be in the middle of.

James Ellroy, who is a whiz at bad cop stories, wrote a very great script and put it in the hands of a director who is also a whiz at writing bad cop stories. With their combined bad cop story skills Street Kings has a lot of flavor, action and menacing cop stuff. It also has what is probably the best type of role for Keanu Reeves- Stoic and laconic. Chris Evans is playing a version of a character he so often plays, but since he does it so well, I was not annoyed and it was nice to see Dr. House doing something other than being a sarcastic grinch. Whitaker though takes the cake, as usual. His method of falling completely into a role no matter what is consistently mesmerizing, but he has a tendency to make other actors look bad when forced into scenes with them, see the climax of this movie with Reeves as an example. Even though it comes in at around two hours, the story never lags and while the twist may seem like a "well DUH!" moment it doesn't take away from the enjoyment of the movie. But not only is the whole thing intense it has some pretty funny moments as well. At the beginning there some nice banter about race and some very politically incorrect jokes that have been missing from the cop films of late. Street Kings plays very much like a throw back bad cop movie.

Ellroy has also proven himself the master of possible non-sequitors and this exchange might be the best one I have heard in a long ass time:
Ludlow: We are the only two who can know about this.
Diskan: That's why we are in the men's room.
Now it may not seem entirely non-sequitor because it somewhat makes sense that two cops who are trying to do something off the books would be alone somewhere, but when you watch the movie it feels very much like "Where the hell is the connection" moment and is what makes this movie much better than it could have or should have been. There are other great exchanges, but I can't find the script on-line to pull them from and I cannot very well take a pen and paper and write them all down, so you'll have to trust me. James Ellroy and David Ayer collaborated on a screenplay before and the result was only sub par but here they really get it right. I know the movie looks like a rip off of something like Training Day, but if you watch the movie you will See it isn't. The twist kind of helps to prove that.

Street Kings takes a character and lets us watch him as he walks the line of doing the right thing the wrong way and just doing the wrong thing. We see a very flawed character with a sense of honor and duty, but going about it in some seriously twisted ways and I think movies like that are interesting. Reeves' Ludlow is not the animal from Training Day because he ultimately wants to do the right thing. Street Kings is flawed like it's hero, but like the hero it finds a way to be good regardless. The climax might seem a little from out of left field and the stolen money might be hidden in the worst possible place, but when the movie ends you are still left like "Damn, I wonder what decision I would have made" and that is awesome.

Final Grade: B+

Prom Night (Spoilers)

One of my resolutions for 2008 was that I was going to avoid bad looking pg-13 horror movies. I did pretty well for the few months of the year, but seeing as how my theater is playing this garbage and the entire staff decided to watch it, I felt like I needed to watch it as well. So, I still haven't paid to watch a bad pg-13 horror movie. I think that counts for something, right? Right?

A few years ago a teacher, Richard Fenten(Jonathon Schaech), became obsessed with a student, Donna Keppel(Brittany Snow), and he killed her family before he was arrested. A few years later Donna is still having nightmares about the night she watched her mom get stabbed to death. She is still in the same town (I know, DUMB AS HELL) but she is living with her aunt and Uncle and is a senior in high school about to go to prom. Detective Winn(Idris Elba) was the detective who worked the case and all of a sudden he receives a fax that Fenten broke out of the psych ward three days ago. Yes, it takes 3 days to get word to the one place Fenten is assuredly going to! Winn believes Fenten is heading to Donna enough to warn her aunt and uncle, but not enough pull Donna away from her Prom, does that make sense to you, me neither! Prom is not prom. Prom is a red carpet Hollywood Premiere event. Apparently no one even remotely close to average looking goes to the school. Fenten, of course, gets a suite at the Hotel where Prom is happening and he even gets it on the same floor as Donna. The killing begins; the screaming begins; the scares, well they never begin.

Prom Night may be the dumbest movie to ever be made. The characters make dumb decisions, the detective is the dumbest detective to ever have a badge and the screenplay is beyond dumb. After Donna is saved from Fenten at the prom they send her home! They don't send her to a hotel or the police station or some place where Fenten might not find her, noooo, they send her home with like 3 cops patrolling the area. So is it any surprise that Fenten shows up to kill her?? I mean how did these cops survive this long making decisions that will surely lead to more deaths. "Hmmm, a psycho killer is assuredly going after one person, we should just send her home with a tiny police escort. No big deal. I mean the guy did just BREAK OUT OF PRISON! He can't be that smart or dangerous, right?" Look, I understand applying logic to horror movies is an exercise in futility to begin with, but Prom Nightlooked at logic and kicked it in the nuts before shooting it in the back of the head. Watching from a distance at prom, Detective Winn loses track of Donna a dozen or so times which just gets laughable at many moments.

When Fenten moves in to kill people, not only do they bust out the ridiculous shaky cam, he actually moves like the zombies from 28 days later. However, there are 2 silver lining moments to be had. First, Schaech is one creepy ass psychopath. Wow, he plays that well. Secondly, after he is killed, he doesn't rise to be killed a second time. Yes, the biggest praise I have is that the killer actually died the first time. I say it is a good thing because if he had come back the movie would have been longer by at least 5 seconds and at that point I might have been forced to kill myself to end the pain. Prom Night is the kind of movie you can't help but scream at because you want the characters to stop being so dumb until at some point you just stop caring and pray to God he kills them all. I am not the type of person to say that all remakes need to stop, and to be honest the original is not a very good movie either, but bad movies need to stop. I know this is going to make money because stupid people are drawn to stupid movies where characters end up alone and screaming as they bump into a lamp thinking it could be a killer, but that will not stop me from ridiculing those types of people. If you enjoy Prom Night because it is cheesy and you find enjoyment out of that fine, but if you enjoy Prom Night because you actually think it is a good movie, well, you are contributing to America being considered the dumbest country on the planet; Nay, dumbest country in the galaxy!

Final Grade:F

Lions For Lambs

This movie was an impossible sell to movie goers in theaters last year. First of all it was an Iraq war movie which is a bad sell to begin with, but if you add into the equation that people of this country have an irrational hatred of Tom Cruise and he stars in the movie, well no one wanted to see it. The fact that people cannot separate Tom Cruise's public persona from his acting is a whole other rant for another day, but it led to Lions for Lambs being in theaters for about a week and meant, even though I wanted to see it, I would have to wait for DVD. The DVD came out this week and I watched it over the weekend.

The movie unfolds in Crash/Magnolia/Babel likeness where three stories somewhat overlap but rarely have direct contact with each other. The first story involves a news reporter, Janine Roth(Meryl Streep) getting one hour of face time with young, hot shot republican senator, Jasper Irving(Cruise). Irving wants to unveil his new plan for "getting a win" on the war on terror in Afghanistan. Irving and Roth spend most of their screen time going back and forth about the mistakes made in the war and blah blah blah. Roth keeps asking about the past while Irving is trying to focus on the present and future. His new plan for war directly effects the second story, that of Earnest Rodriguez and Arian Finch, two army soldiers. Their unit has been told they have to take the top of this mountain because it is easier to win from on high. Things do not go well as their helicopter is shot down and the two young men end up on the snowy mountain top by themselves, both injured and having limited ammunition. As they lay there awaiting certain death, we see flashbacks to when they were young bright college students in a political science class. Their Professor, Stephan Malley(Robert Redford), is the third story. Malley sometimes will take interest in certain students and this semester he has taken an interest in Todd Hayes(Andrew Garfield). Hayes is a bright student but recently has become apathetic to Government and politics and malley has an hour to change his mind.

Lions for Lambs takes a lot of hits for merely being liberal propaganda, which it may very well be, but it is pretty damn well made liberal propaganda. There is also some irony in that the College Professor storyline is all about finding a way to act not just talk, but the movie itself is essentially 90 minutes of pure talk. It is high minded, challenging and interesting talk, but talk nonetheless. Cruise infuses an interesting character into his Republican senator who is the villain, quite frankly, but he makes his plight somewhat understandable. We don't identify with him totally but his comments on how the media shovels as much shit as politicians is a well timed point. Streep does a great job filling out the role of a long time news reporter sick of hearing twisted stories from B.S. leaders, but the lack of resolution to that story, especially from the side of the reporter, is very frustrating. Garfield, to his credit, stands up well with Redford in creating a realistic, if a little too smart, college Sophomore. Redford does his best wise man routine and really lets the words take control, acting more of a conduit than an actor or director(he directed the movie). But again, the lack of resolution was a bit off putting. The story with the soldiers is the most boring and predictable, but at least they get an ending, as unsatisfying as it is.

The screenplay, written by Matthew Michael Carnahan, is really the star of Lions for Lambs. The dialog is what really drives this movie from beginning to end. It is obvious Carnahan had a lot on his mind regarding war, media, politics, apathetic youth and the army. He makes great points about how the young people dying in battle are usually the young people were not even treated well while they were in America. He might not be making terribly new points but he is effective in all of his arguments. He gets to create a dream world where politicians admit their mistakes as well, as the Cruise character apologizes 3 or 4 times for past mistakes. The dialog is easy to follow and understand and it easy for all of the actors to say, but that doesn't mean it isn't effective. Sometimes the easiest way to say something is the best way to say something, Lions for Lambs proves that theory.

With the brisk running time of only 90 minutes, it never wears out its welcome and it never gets boring. Every time we spend too much time on just talking the movie wisely cuts to the two soldiers that, while they are talking, are also doing their far share of shooting and screaming. It probably won't change minds as none of the characters are forced to live with their decisions because when the movie ends there aren't decisions made. A lot of philosophising is done, but no actions are taken, no changes are made, and everyone is left exactly where they started. Maybe that was the plan all along but it left me with a sour taste in my mouth.

Final Grade: B

5 for love; 5 for hate

Every so often I surprise someone by stating that I love or hate a movie about which they think I would have the opposite opinion. I have gone ahead and picked 5 of each that seem to be the biggest surprises. Know ahead of time that some of the ones I love I readily admit aren't very good movies, but there is something about them that I love. Also, they won't be in any specific order. So here we go

5 Movies I Love that surprise people

5. 2 fast 2 furious- You can certainly chalk this movie to the group I know is bad, but still love. I was not a huge fan of the original, but there was something exciting about the sequel. I know the story, acting and script are all terrible, but if I am looking for something to watch, I often find myself pulling this off my DVD shelf. Having Eva mendes in it doesn't hurt, but more than that is the climatic car chase that is so out of hand ludicrous, I can't help but be incredibly entertained by it.

4. Dude, Where's my car- I can often be considered at the forefront of hating stupid comedies, but there are exceptions to every rule and this is my biggest exception. A pot smoking comedy featuring a giant alien chick, a dude stripper, cupboards of pudding, German time travelers and a pre-famous Jennifer Garner can't be all bad, right? right? Actually this line from the movie totally sums it up "Wait a second, let's recap. Last night, we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying." Perfect

3. Mean Girls- I am not sure why I have to put this on the list, but it really surprises people to find out I genuinely love this movie and not only for Lindsay Lohan's rack. It is awfully funny, biting and honest and of course has Lindsay Lohan's rack at it's peak. Tina Fey wrote a very funny script and I can put it on anytime and just laugh my troubles away. I am not sure why people would think I would hate it because it seems to have everything I want in my life- hot chicks and fast dialog.

2. The Notebook- OK I admit it, I had absolutely no desire to see this movie at all. If it had not been for a hot girl asking me to, I never in a million years would have sat through it. However, when I did sit through I found myself enjoying it. Then I saw it a second time and enjoyed it even more. Yes, it is a bit hokey and it manipulates the emotions of the audience like no one's business, but it is very effective. At some point I started to believe the characters did in fact have the deepest longest sustaining love in the history of the world. The acting is better than these types of movies usually get and the end is both heart breaking and heartwarming and oh hell with it, it made me tear up! There, I said it. Judge away, bitches!

1. Hostel- Seeing as how I loathe the Saw movies and generally despise the torture porn genre, this might be the biggest surprise and it is the movie I find myself most defending on this list. Now, I know that when I watch this movie I am most likely reading much further into it than was intended by the director, but I think there is something more to Hostel than just torture porn. When I watch it I see a very interesting remark about society and human nature. I see a movie that believes if you have the good in life you have to prepare for the bad. It says to me Utopia comes at a price, plain and simple. I would never recommend it to any living soul, but if you want a more full account of why I love it, just ask me.

5 movies I hate that surprise people

5. Gladiator- It is almost against the laws of being a guy to hate such a brutal movie, but I do. it is slow, over acted, or directed and just fully over done. Russell Crowe was not at all impressive in any way and I just wanted the movie to reach it's climax a whole lot sooner than it did. It pains me to recall sitting through it and I would love it if I never had to sit through all 155 minutes of this bloated garbage ever again.

4. Braveheart- I guess this thing kind of falls into the same category as Gladiator, but people are always shocked to hear I hate it. What guy hates a movie that is so bloody and battle heavy? Well easy, when it is not in battle it is so over the top boring that I barely stayed awake. Mel Gibson can be good, but this is not good Gibson, this is preening, mugging and showy Gibson at his very worst. Just thinking about this movie makes me go nearly catatonic.

3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail- I do not get the whole Monty Python thing and the grail is the movie that comes up the mot. Sure there is some comedy found during the movie, but overall it is just noise that does not entertain me in any way. Add to the fact that it has an insulting ending bordering on the worst ending in any movie ever and you have just some bad movie watching experiences. I know people love it and I know it will continue to be considered a classic, but I will never get it. I just don't find it funny, interesting or redeeming in any way and I would be happy if people would stop trying to explain what makes it so funny.

2. A Beautiful Mind- Apparently it is a crime for hardcore film lovers to hate this movie, but I do. People can never get over my disdain for such a film, but it exists. The movie is oddly paced, overacted, over directed and just lacks a certain quality a movie needs to be interesting. Russell Crowe was not nearly as impressive as people think he was and nothing in it did anything for me. I was so bored I actually considered leaving, but figured it would have to get good at some point, right? Wrong!

1. Christmas Story- This choice actually raises ire more than any of the other ones. I will not sit here and bash the movie because I understand why people love it, but I just don't get it. I find the lead kid to be obnoxious, not likable and I guess the comedy just doesn't work for me. I know it is widely considered a classic and is quoted endlessly, but it really just does not work for me. It isn't very funny and it just doesn't fill me with the warm Christmas fuzzies like a good Christmas movie does.

So there you have it. You will notice left Finding Nemo off the list. That is because at this point no one is surprised by my hatred for that movie since I have made it incredibly clear! Feel free to express your surprise at any of my picks or add your own to either list. I am always curious as what other people think!

Leatherheads

As a director, George Clooney is out to prove he can do it all. His first movie, Confessions of a dangerous mind, was a dark comedic thriller; Good night and Good Luck was a very serious drama shot in black and white; Now he wants to prove he can do something that is a straight up comedy. But, not just a comedy, a screwball comedy that takes it cues from the Hudson Hawk comedies of the later 1930s and early 1940s. You cannot call Clooney lazy and lacking ambition, that's for sure. However, Good night and Good luck was so good, isn't there really only way to go from there? Maybe that is why Clooney opted to make his follow up something more silly.

Dodge Connelly(Clooney) is a man's man. He is rough, tough and loves to drink. He is also a professional football player in the late 1930s where professional football is not such a popular game. Teams are folding left and right and Connelly is soon without a livelihood. Carter Rutherford(John Krasinski) is a college football star and war hero who is coming to the end of his college career. Lexie Littleton(Renee Zellwegger) is a female news reporter trying to derail Rutherford's career by exposing his war hero status as fraudulent. In order to save professional football Dodge sets out to recruit Carter to play for his Duluth Bulldogs. After some haggling with Carter's agent, CC Frazier(Jonathon Pryce) Carter leaves college to play professional football. Soon, professional football is on the rise but with a gain in popularity comes rules and regulations, which do not sit well with the aging Dodge. Dodge has also set his eyes on the lusciously lip sticked Lexie, but she seems to have her sights set on the younger, prettier and more athletic Carter. When Carter's secret is exposed Carter leave the team and joins a much more impressive team and, of course, the movie culminates in a football game between Dodge's team and Carter's new team.

Having seen plenty of those old screwball comedies I knew what I was in for, but the difference between those movies and this one is the running time. Screwball romantic comedies typically run at around 90 minutes, not 110 minutes. That is the first fault with Leatherheads: it is just too long. It is too boring in parts and that kind of overshadows the good stuff hidden inside. Clooney is a man with balls to cast himself as the underdog, seeing as how he is about the most winning man alive, but he plays the role very well. He has a very easy sexual chemistry with Zellwegger and their scenes pop off the screen with quick and witty dialogue. Unfortunately, Zellwegger and Krasinski do not fair as well together. On his own, Krasinski's all american boy winning attitude is used to great effect in the movie but he and Zellwgerr not only have the most boring stuff in the movie, they don't seem to have that all important chemistry. As we all know I am a fan of very fast moving dialogue and Leatherheads has it in spades but not all of the actors are well equipped enough to fully handle it, so it feels forced and almost lost inside the plot. The football sequences do not occupy enough of the scenes to make it a sports movie, but the climatic football scene is fun enough to make up for most of it.

Director Clooney's biggest asset as a director might also be his biggest flaw- he is an actor's director. Jonathon Pryce, who was god awful in all 3 Pirates movies, is the best I have seen him in years and Clooney loves to give lesser actors meaty roles and nice screen time, but that becomes a problem because some of those scenes are just extended to greatly and lose their value. It is called the Law of Diminishing Returns, Clooney, look it up. It is a funny movie, but not a hilarious movie. It is a good movie but not a great movie. It is comforting and entertaining enough, but you are left wanting more overall. That is not to say it does not have great moments because it does. The initial meeting between Clooney and Zellwegger is hilarious and the bar fight towards the end has everything a screwball is supposed to have, including the piano player playing all the way through it and even busting a bottle over a guy's head.

Clonney misstepped a little with Leatherheads, but it isn't a total loss and proves he can do comedy, mostly. I trust as he directs more movies he will learn the value of editing and tightening things up in comedy. Comedy is meant to be fast and short not a bit bloated and muddied within the plot of the movie. He may also be telling us about how the media takes something and runs with it, which is still happening today, but I am not sure this is the movie for that. He has an eye for the physical comedy and the fast dialogue which will go far in the world of comedy. Now he just has to understand when enough is enough. But any time the most popular guy in the world makes himself the aging underdog, it is hard to totally write him off. The funnies thing is, we actually believe he is the underdog!

Final Grade: C+

The Band's Visit

I cannot fully explain the appeal this movie held over me; I just knew I was dying to see it. From the first trailer, I was 100% hooked. I don't know what it is but I have become increasingly more interested in foreign films, especially the ones that don't take themselves overly serious. This is such a film. It sounds pretentious because it is an Israeli film that prominently features Hebrew, English and Arabic, but it really is not, I promise

This plot is fairly simple: An Egyptian police band is set to play an opening ceremony of an Arts center find themselves in the wrong town. There are no buses to the right town that night, so they must find a place to stay in the wrong town. They stumble into a restaurant and the people who work at the restaurant decide to split the band up and take them in. Tewfiq (Sasson Gabal), the conductor of the Alexandria Ceremonial Police Orchestra, is formal and rigid in his demeanor but is able to strike up a friendship with Dina (Ronit Elkabetz). Dina is a very sexual being, but she also has a soft side and while the friendship is awkward, uncomfortable and funny, it also hints at something deeper, which is maybe why Tewfiq does not give in to the possibility of a one night stand. Another band member, Khaled (Saleh Bakri) decides to accompany local Papi (Shlomi Avraham) and his date to a roller skating rink. In a memorable scene, Khaled offers the socially backward Papi some instructions on courting his shy girl friend. It is probably the funniest scene in the movie, playing the awkward humor perfectly. And finally, Simon (Kalifa Natour) plays a lovely but unfinished composition for the clarinet for Itzik (Rubi Moscovich) who tells him that he should end the piece, not with a traditional showy display but with what is there for him at the moment, "not sad, not happy, a small room, a lamp, a bed, a child sleeping, and tons of loneliness."

The Band's Visit is a poignant, touching, hilarious and awkward movie. It does everything right from beginning to end. It is paced gorgeously, acted perfectly from all sides and tells a very simple story in a moving and beautiful way. The moments of awkward hilarity so often done wrong (See Napoleon Dynamite) work in every scene and create a world that we can recognize even though the entire movie takes place in Israel. I was incredibly impressed with Sasson Gabal because while he played the most reserved character he was also the most honest and open. He seems to be a very talented actor and he really made me feel his sadness, his loneliness. I also liked that no matter what language people were speaking they were subtitles. I enjoyed that because it gave equal weight to all languages. It was saying, English is not favored above Arabic or Hebrew. It was a mixing of cultures, languages and personalities, but it all worked together in perfect harmony. There are also moments that are truly side splittingly funny- the business with the pay phone for one.

I am sure this is not a movie for everyone, and that is a shame, but I think a lot of people would appreciate the all out humor mixed with a melancholy sadness, a sad complacency for life being what it is. It is a reminder that besides some obvious cultural differences, we are all people who experience joy and sadness. It is also a movie that fully believes in music changing lives. It is a movie that believes music does transcend language and that music can be the most beautiful thing in the world. And when we finally hear the band play, the music and the words are so incredibly beautiful it made me want to purchase Arabic music!

Final Grade: A

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

Dustin Hoffman is an interesting actor to me. He shows up in the most random movies, doing the most random things, but the last few years he has taken to playing wild eccentrics. I am not sure if Wag the Dog started it but it seems as he gets older he only wants to play goofy, aloof and wacky characters. Plus, any time Natalie Portman is in a movie it is reason to watch it, right? Well, this weekend my family rented it and we watched it.

Mr. Magorium(Hoffman) is a 243 year old man who is nearing his demise. He knows this because a long time ago he bought enough of this specific pair of shoes to last his whole life time and he is on his last pair. In order to get his affairs in order he hires an accountant, Henry Westen(Jason Bateman)-side note, Magorium thinks accountant is a mash up of count and mutant, so he calls Westen mutant through the entire movie- and that event seems to coincide with Magorium's magic toy store acting up. Molly Mahoney(Portman) is a 23 year old piano prodigy who manages the magical toy store and will inherit the store upon Magorium's departure. The majority of the movie is spent with Magorium trying to soothe the pains of the people will leave behind and the toy store becomes a character of its own as it throw a tantrum and acts up when it is sad. The Mutant, Westen, also learns a lot from the store and re finds the child in himself as he befriends a young boy, Eric(Zach Mills), who is lovable but too dorky to have any friends. The unlikely friendship formed provides Eric a person to call a friend and provides Westen with a chance to loosen up a bit.

The death of Magorium does not come as a shocker in the movie, but it does provide a powerful message to the film. Family films rarely take on death in such a frank way and Magorium has a monologue that sums up the theme inside the movie perfectly:

"When King Lear dies in Act Five do you know what William Shakespeare has written? He Dies. That's all, nothing more, no fan fare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the world's most inspirational work of dramatic literature is, He Died. It took Shakespeare a genius to come up with he dies. And every time I read those two words I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria, I know its only natural to be sad, but not because of the words he dies, but because of the life we saw prior to the words."

It is up to Mahoney to continue the story and to find her purpose to make the chapters of her life as brilliant, lively and meaningful as the chapters in Magorium's life story. Of course, Magorium's death does bring fanfare and does have a metaphor attached to it, but that is because of the way he lived his life; that is because of the joy he brought to everyone, the imagination and love he gave to all of the kids and parents within his store. It is a fairly powerful final 20 minutes and it represents a very distinct tonal change in the film. The first hour is fairly silly with all kinds of puns and jokes and all kinds of toys, but it is merely setting us up for the emotional ending.

I was not expecting this movie to move me in any way, but I was moved. I was enriched and challenged to think about my own life and if I was adding to the chapters of my own life story. It is pretty sentimental I admit, but I don't think movies that manipulate my emotions are necessarily a bad thing. To see death dealt with in such a frank way, amongst all of the gorgeously rich colors and effects in the store was jarring sure, but it was touching at the same time. I liked that in order to try and stop Magorium from leaving, Mahoney showed him the little things in life that make life fun- jumping on beds and dancing on bubble wrap to name a few. Maybe i was caught in a moment of weakness, but I really enjoyed this movie, a lot. It made me laugh and it made me appreciate the things I have. The performances are all winning and Hoffman is picture perfect in a role that could have been far too Robin Williams for my taste. But I think the script is what makes this movie really tick and to show that I will end my review with a few of my favorites. Save your jokes about them being cheesy and tell them to someone without a heart.

Your life is an occasion, rise to it.

All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin.

Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools.

Final Grade: B+

Revolver

I don't have a paragraph worth of back story on this movie, the director or any of the actors, so I will just jump in with this one

Jake Green(Jason Statham) has spent seven years in jail, for some unknown crime, between a con man in the cell on one side and a chess master on the other. Back on the street, he walks into a casino run by his old enemy Macha(Ray Liotta) and wins a fortune at the table. Did he cheat, or what? I dunno. I don't even know what game they were playing. Macha soon sics some hit men on Green . Then two mysterious strangers Zach )Vincent Pastor and Avi(Andre Benjamin) materialize in Statham's life at just such moments when they are in a position to save it. Who, oh who, could these two men, one of whom plays chess, possibly be? They tell Green he is dying but they can help him if he gives them all of the money he has. They lend it out to needy people, well they are loan sharks and they make Jake a member of their crew. Macha has a bunch of drugs stolen that belonged to the main mob boss and he suspects Green and the Asian gang (yes, the Asian gang)so he sics even more men on Green. Green is often in his own head with an inner monologue trying to figure out what is going on, remembering the rules of cons he learned in Prison and for some reason he must repeat them over and over again.

At the beginning of the film a bunch of pseudo-Proverbs flash on the screen; most are about chess and cons. I am not sure why, but I guess they are meant to set up that we are watching a puzzle film and it will require all of our intelligence to figure it out. It doesn't require that much intelligence if you have a lot and it probably requires a lot if you don't have a lot. Trapped inside a bad script, a truly horrid and needless animation scene is a movie about ego. The inner voice Jake hears is his own ego prodding him to believe he can figure anything out. His ego has trapped him and the two mysterious men are there to help "free" him from that trap. They act as the Id, if you will. Yes, Freud does come up every so often in the movie. One could go as far as to say that the two men were only in Green's head, but since they did kill people, I can not fully buy that theory. But, beyond the pretentious philosophising is a fairly good movie.

Jason Statham is not a great actor, but he does this kind of stoic crazy thing well. Guy Ritchie (the director) doesn't trust any of the actors though. He is needlessly trying trick shots, weird colors, that animation sequence and some truly bizarre editing, although the editing of the scene where the hit man is in the apartment complex is excellent. Ray Liotta plays his character too true to what a real mob boss would be, which is cool, but I think he needed to be more over the top to match what Ritchie was doing in terms of sticking Liotta in a giant tanning room with speedo underwear and only speedo underwear. I didn't know what to expect going in and what I got was this movie that was trying to be bigger, badder and better than it actually is. The theme of controlling one's ego gets lost in all of the unnecessary flashbacks and flash forwards. The crazy editing, noisy soundtrack, random subtitles and constant voice overs repeating the rules of a con keep Revolver from being a totally fun movie.

Final Grade: C

Southland Tales

Richard Kelly thinks highly of himself and of his movies. He fought the studio who wanted to release an edited version of Southland Tales and in the end they gave him the movie and let him do with it what he wanted. Kelly seems intent on creating movies that show how creative or clever he can be without a high regard for continuity or story telling. This movie was booed at film festivals, panned mercilessly by every critic, played in Sacramento for only one week and the Blockbuster employee tried to talk me out of renting it for about 15 minutes. Yet, I had a pull to watch it. I had just come off of Donnie Darko and was ready to be entertained if more than a little confused. Did I make the right decision?

In the near future Justin Timberlake will be stationed on a giant sniper rifle off the pacific ocean and he will be reading from Revelations (The Bible) as The Rock, writes a screen play about the end of the world while banging Sarah Michelle Gellar who will be a porn star, turned pop star, turned marketing whore. In the near future Sean William Scott will be a cop and his twin and Cheri Oteri and Amy Poeller will be liberal crazies trying to destroy the conservative government with Marxist ideology. In this future nothing at all will make sense. Jon Lovitz will appear for no reason at all and in the end, the end of the world may be set off by a guy and his future self finally meeting and touching. Sound like fun? Yeah not so much!

Even if this is a literal adaptation of Revelations (the theory that makes the most sense) Southland Tales may be the single worst movie I have ever seen. The acting is porn star bad, the script is self congratulatory without making any damn sense and even the visuals pale in comparison to Kelly's last movie. The story is so over the top it borderlines on stupid and while it may be trying to grasp at social commentary it all gets lost in the ridiculous stunt casting of former Saturday Night Live performers. However, all of that could be forgiven if I was entertained but on top of all the other faults, this movie is just BORING! I was checking my watch about 5 minutes in and continued to do it throughout this absolute atrocity of a film. It is a slap in the face to real guilty pleasures. If strip clubs are guilty pleasures and hookers just make you feel guilty, Southland Tales is the hooker who follows you home after getting paid and tells your wife about it. I am sure Richard Kelly had a grand master plan when he set out to make it and maybe there are people out there who appreciate this brand of disgusting movie, but I feel like not only was I raped over 2.5 hours of my life, I am dumber, slower, uglier, meaner and more uninteresting because of Southland Tales.

Final Grade: FF--

Donnie Darko (Cult Classic Review)

I have never met anyone who has seen Donnie Darko who had a negative review of it. I have heard it was confusing, but excellent. Everyone who sees it seems to have an affinity for it and that always intrigued me. Until now though, I hadn't really had a desire to see it. A few years ago I caught about 15 minutes of the middle of the movie and wasn't impressed, so I never thought about checking it out. However, after mid-terms last week I had some down time and decided to finally give Donnie Darko a shot.

Donnie Darko (Jake Gyllenhall) is not your typical teenager- he sleep walks, sees a shrink, oh and he is seeing a 6ft tall bunny rabbit. His sleep walking and following the giant bunny lead Donnie out one night and it turns out to be lucky because that night the engine dropped out of an airplane and the engine dropped through his roof and on to his bed. It would have killed him. Because he was spared, he thought he should start listening to the giant bunny who tells Donnie that the world is going to end soon unless he does the things the bunny tell him to do. The things he is supposed to do involve, arson, wielding axes and things like that. Darko is often picked on, but he finds respite from it all in the form of Gretchen Ross(Jena Malone). Gretchen is a girl with a bad family history and the two make an odd pair but they work because of their oddities. Donnie becomes sure that the giant bunny is from the future and he becomes interested in time travel and his science teacher Kenneth Monnitoff(Noah Wyle) gives him a book called The Philosophy of TIme Travel and soon the screen is lit up with passages from the book trying to explain the significance of each character and what needs to happen to keep the world from exploding. In a side plot, Jim Cunningham(Patrick Swayse) is a motivational speaker who believes all human emotion boils down to only two things- love and fear. His story comes to a fairly obvious, but bad ending.

When this movie was over I was very confused, but I was drawn to it. A day later I was still confused, but I was thinking about it. It is now five days later and I am still interested in the movie. I want to discuss it endlessly with anyone who has seen it and has a better working knowledge of it. I want to delve into it and figure it all out, but I don't have the time. Instead I have my own conjectures about what was really going on. Then, I go on-line and realize everyone has conjectures and maybe that is the point. Director Richard Kelly created a very surreal, disturbing, dark, scary, sometimes funny, pseudo intellectual world with possible time travel and possible fourth dimensions. There are little things that may or may not be important later in the movie and everything appears connected, but you have to really have time to figure it all out. If you don't have the time you get to just sit and wonder in the back of your mind if the world really ended in the world of Donnie Darko.

I am not going to bore anyone with my theory on what is going on in Donnie Darko, but I will say that it is a very interesting and entertaining movie. There are some remarkable visuals (Donnie trying to hit the bunny through the mirror for starters) and there is a lot of philosophizing about good and evil and the role of fate in life. There is also a lot of nonsense and thing sin there that seem to be there just so the director can smirk about how clever he is. The acting is fairly strong all the way around but this movie lives or dies by Gyllenhall and he keeps the movie alive with a dark, brooding, tortured, layered, some times funny performance of the ultimate emo kid.

I cannot recommend this movie to anyone, but I can recommend it to anyone who enjoys mind bending movies or just dark deep movies. I am sure subsequent viewings will enhance my pleasure as I start to pick up the littler things, or maybe more viewings will turn me off to it. I do not know, but I know it is still with me and I like that. I like that with as many movies as I watch, there are still movies that keep me wondering; movies that keep me guessing. Richard Kelly is definitely one to watch.

Final Grade- A-

Stop-Loss

Iraq war movies did not enjoy a very good 2007. The audience was telling Hollywood they did not want war in their entertainment as war movie after war movie bombed, even the big budget ones like The Kingdom were failures. However, Hollywood was not about to listen and here in early 2008 we get the first official Iraq war movie. Only opening in roughly 1,000 theaters in the country, the expectations were pretty small for this testosterone filled, MTV films movie, directed by a woman, Kimberly Pierce who had not directed a movie since 1999's Boys don't cry. It did not open to big numbers, but Saturday night in Davis it played to a nearly packed house of college liberals looking for their next fix of Anti-Bushisms. They were not disappointed.

Brandon King(Ryan Phillippe) and Steve Shriver(Channing Tatum) are best friends who led their Texas high school football to championships, and then joined the Army with misplaced anger from 9/11. They served their 5 year term and they are on their way out. Shriver has a fiance he plans to marry, Michele(The cute as hell Abbey Cornish) and Brandon is not sure what he is going to do, except drink a lot of beer. The entire unit, consisting of Tommy Burgess(the incredible Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and a few other soldiers have been welcomed to King's hometown for some parties. Monday comes quickly and when King goes to turn in his Army stuff he is informed he must go back to Iraq because he has been Stop-Lossed. Stop Loss is an army term whereas on the bottom of your contract it states if the country is at war they can change your contract to keep you in. King calls it a "backdoor draft." King wisely points out the President said the war was over and he would not return. He brakes protocol by punching out some Army guys and taking off, leaving Shriver and Burgess behind to deal with the ramifications of his action as well as their own traumatic stress disorders. King enlists Michelle's help to get to Washington to talk to a senator but when that backfires, King is faced with possibly fleeing the country and starting life as someone else.

Stop-Loss is the uneven kind of movie that hits more than it misses, but is disappointing in a way because you feel it could have been better. Being an MTV film, the editing is,at times, too frenetic and the flashbacks especially feel forced and faster than they need to be. Phillippe does a great job as he shoulders the load representing the 81,000 soldiers who have actually been stop-lossed in this country. He cries well, yells well, but he is most impressive when he is going through the reality of trying to adjust to life outside of the army. There is a scene where he encounters some thieves that is as intense a scene I have seen this year, thus far. Tatum is second fiddle, but he shows a range of acting I had not seen from him in any of his other movies. Yes, he is still shirtless, in fact shirtless and without pants at one point, and he fills out an army uniform well, but he is on his way to making a nice career for himself. The real winner though, is Levitt. Having spent the last few years in amazing indie performances, it is nice to see Levitt get some shine in a bigger picture and while he is very supporting, he haunting on screen. His Burgess uses alcohol to dull the pain of real life and Levitt's portrayal of a man spiraling to self destruction actually gives the film some more heart.

I cannot speak on realities of stop-loss or anything like that, but I can speak on how this movie deals with it and how it deals with the military in general. The opening war scene is shown with a brutal realism and the language of the young soldiers makes them quickly identifiable. Making the kids from Texas was a nice touch, because we see that they come from a pro-war area and are in fact proud to have been over there killing people, but the movie is taking a very anti-war statement showing how difficult these kids' lives are when they return. Shriver is prone to digging bunkers in his front yard in the middle of the night. Burgess is not good at anything but being a soldier and King is worried another tour would kill him and kill his family. In all of this is Kimberly Pierce, finding a way to manipulate the audience emotions almost as well as she did with Boys don't Cry. It all played well in the theater jam packed with hacky sack playing, protest rally attending college kids as there were even cheers during anti-Bush sentiments, but I wasn't completely won over.

I am not against war movies, in fact, when done well I quite like them, and in the grand scheme of it all, this was a pretty good movie. The disappointing ending was probably the most real way it could have gone, but I feel like I wanted more from some of the supporting cast. I wanted to know more about Shriver and why he was so intent on sniper school and I would have loved more screen time for Levitt and his masterpiece of acting as Burgess. Also, I know some late editing was done to cut out the sex, but in doing so they made a lot of unnecessary sexual undertones between Michelle and Brandon. I understand why they decided to leave out the pair having sex, but then it leaves a bunch of scenes leading up to it that don't end up going anywhere. A weird complaint maybe, but if you see it I think you'd understand. Phillippe continues to try and get away from being just a pretty boy and he is proving to be a pretty good actor, but in the end this is still just an MTV movie filled with guys who like to drink beer and shoot guns.

Overall Grade: B-