My Oscar nomination and winner list- 2007 edition

Last week's news about the Oscar nominations was overshadowed by the untimely death of Heath Ledger, but they were released and as usual the powers that be messed up; not as badly as usual in some cases, but messed nonetheless. So, it is left up to me to fix it, since I do know all. So what follows will be the actual nominees and probable winner to be followed by my nominees and my winners.

Best Picture:

Actual nominees- No Country for Old Men, There Will be Blood, Michael Clayton, Juno, Atonement.

Probable Winner- No Country for Old Men.

My Nominees-No Country for Old Men, There Will be Blood, Michael Clayton, American Gangster, Charlie Wilson's War

My Winner- To be honest, I am kind of torn here. My heart wants to say Michael Clayton because I do love an underdog, but No Country for Old Men is really the best and most deserving picture. So I go with No Country for Old Men

Best Actor:

Actual Nominees- George Clooney(Michael Clayton), Daniel Day Lewis(There Will be Blood), Johnny Depp(Sweeney Todd), Tommy Lee Jones(In the Valley of Elah), Viggo Mortenson(Eastern Promises)

Probable Winner- Daniel Day Lewis.

My Nominees- Clooney, Lewis, Depp, Casey Affleck(Gone Baby Gone), Emile Hirsch(Into the Wild)

My Winner- I still believe George Clooney gave the most complete performance this year. He should win!

Best Actress: I have to claim ignorance to the actual nominees because I only saw 1 out of the 5.

Actual Nominees- Laura Linney(The Savages), Julie Christie(Away From her), Ellen Page(Juno), Cate Blanchett(Elizabeth: The Golden Age) Marion Cotillard( Mome, la)

Probable Winner- Julie Cristie. She is winning everything.

My Nominees- Page, Keri Russell(Waitress), Angelina Jolie(A Mighty Heart), Amy Adams(Enchanted), Keira Knightley(Atonement)

My Winner- Keri Russell. I thought she was perfect.

Best Supporting Actor:

Actual Nominees- Casey Affleck(Jesse James), Hal Holbrook(Into the Wild), Javier Bardem(No Country), Phillip Seymour Hoffman(Charlie Wilson's War), Tom Wilkinson(Michael Clayton)

Probable Winner- Javier Bardem. He is also winning everything.

My Nominees- Holbrook, Bardem, Hoffman, Tommy Lee Jones(No Country), Chiwetel Ejiofor(Talk to me)

My Winner- I am unable to choose between Hal Holbrook's absolutely heart breaking performance and Javier Bardem's truly chilling performance. It is too close for me to call.

Best Supporting Actress:

Actual Nominees- Amy Ryan(Gone Baby Gone), Cate Blanchett(I'm not There), Ruby Dee(American Gangster), Tilda Swinton(Michael Clayton), Saoirse Ronan(Atonement)

Probable Winner- It is going to go to either Cate Blanchett or Amy Ryan, but most likely Blanchett.

My Nominees- Ryan, Dee, Swinton, Jennifer Garner(Juno), Catherine Keener(Into The Wild)

My Winner- I know this is probably my most out there winner, but I believe Jennifer Garner actually deserves it. I would have said Amy Ryan until I saw Garner in Juno. She stole my heart in that movie. That being said, Amy Ryan could win and I would be happy as well.

Best Director:

Actual Nominees- Coen Brothers (No Country), Paul Thomas Anderson(There Will be Blood), Tony Gilroy(Michael Clayton), Jason Reitman(Juno), Julian Schnabel(The Diving Bell and the Butterfly)

Probable Winner- The Coen Brothers. It is their time.

My Nominees- Coen Brothers, Anderson, Gilroy, Ridley Scott(American Gangster), Sean Penn(Into the Wild)

My Winner- I have the same crisis here as I did with best picture. My heart wants Tony Gilroy, but The Coens actually deserve it more. No Country is a masterpiece.

I will not be doing the Screenplay categories, but I will say the fact that Knocked Up is not nominated in the best original screenplay category is just wrong.

Rambo

There was a time when action movies were short, sweet and to the point. It was a much simpler time where Alpha men were Alpha men and bad guys were just evil. These movies were not so much concerned with plot as they were with showing the hero kicking serious ass. There was a time when these movie ran a brisk 90 minutes and had very little CGI. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Van Damme and Seagal were the Gods who walked among common men kicking ass and not bothering to take names. They spoke rarely because they did their talking with fists, feet, knives and guns. No one cared if they could act as long as they could fight. That time has gone away. Action movies are now longer, sometimes too confusing and feature too many high stylized sequences. Sylvester Stallone is 62 years old and he did not want to make a movie that way, he wanted to make a good old fashioned throwback 1980's movie with a lot of violence, and boy did he succeed.

I won't bog this down in plot because the story is simple- John Rambo has been hiding out for two decades gathering fish and snakes and operating a boat near Burma. A group of American missionaries want him to get them to Burma to get medical supplies to the war torn area. Stupidly they do not listen to Rambo and because Rambo feels a sort of spiritual connection to one of the missionaries, he takes them. They get kidnapped and Rambo takes a team of mercenaries to track them down. He goes with the mercenaries, destroys a lot of stuff and kills a lot of people. The end.

A college professor counted the deaths in this movie and said there were roughly 240 people killed in Rambo. The people are maimed by bullets, blown to pieces by mines, they have their skulls pierced by arrows, heads chopped off, guts knifed out and a child is tossed into a fire. This is not an easy movie to watch, especially the scene where the little Burmese village is ransacked by the Army with Genocide on their minds. Children are shown being stabbed to death and we witness body parts fly all over the place. This is a reality in many parts of the world and while I am sure Stallone meant this as a political message, at times it is lost in the pure wicked carnage. Rambo is relentless in its quest for blood lust and its pure unadulterated message which is- Anyone can kill when pushed hard enough. The forgiving human condition is lost about 30 minutes in to the movie and it was probably killed with the same Gatling Gun Rambo uses to dust an entire army of evil doers. Nothing about a 62 year old War veteran storming the jungles is handled with a sense of irony or with a sense of that wink-wink, nudge-nudge sense of humor. No, this shit is deadly serious!

Of course, it is a terrible movie in most aspects of a movie. It is incredibly cheesy when the female missionary is on screen with Rambo and the acting all the way around is unbearable, and Stallone has a vision behind the camera that is not developed at this point, but honestly who cares? We want to see people die! Don't worry my blood thirsty friends, there is plenty to cheer about in the death category. We have to wait a full 60 minutes before we can cheer the violence because that is when the evil people get their just desserts and dessert is a dish best served with a helping of WHOOP ASS! John Rambo has always been an iconic killing machine, but in the final 30 minutes of this movie, he gives "war machine" a whole new meaning. Wielding a knife at first, he makes his killings up close and personal, but don't worry when he gets a hold of that Gatling Gun, no one is safe. Body parts are detached, heads roll and Rambo ends up on top. There are moments when the only thing we can do as an audience is laugh. We are not laughing because it is funny but because how else can one react to that much over the top carnage. It is not a movie for everyone, but it knows its audiences and it will take that specific audience in a time machine and them all believe it is 1986 all over again!

Final Grade: C-

10 actors/actresses I hate

This list was at the request of a reader and while this person wondered about a list of men and a list of women, I could not do that. At some point I started listing people I was merely indifferent to like Keanu Reeves or Sandra Bullock. What I wanted was a list of 10 people I loathe. These are 10 people that make movies worse or if they are starring in them, I tend to actively stay away from those movies. There may be 1 or 2 exceptions from some of the actors on this list and I will mention them. So here is the list of 10 actors/actresses I actively avoid if possible. Also, this is specifically about on-screen because I could not care less about the personal lives of the actors, so don't expect Tom Cruise on this list.

10. Hugh Grant- I was never into his bumbling British persona and I have not seen a movie of his I actually enjoyed. He does the same thing in every movie and it is annoying in every movie. He has two emotions- happy and nervous- that is it. He does not do much these days, thank god, but during his romantic comedy run of the late nineties I was in British movie Hell!

9. Lucy Lui- I do not think she is sexy first off. I am not sure why people find her to be sexy, but more than that she is a horrible actress. She doesn't do comedy or action well and I haven't seen her do drama and I hope to keep it that way. She tends to play the same version of a sexy dominatrix, but she isn't commanding enough on screen to really pull it off.

8. Bill Paxton- He isn't much of a movie actor these days, but when he was, I tried to stay away from his movies. He couldn't act in anything because his line readings were so incredibly stiff. The one exception is Twister, but my enjoyment for that movie was more in spite of him. It was just a cool ass movie. He doesn't make a believable anything and his voice is just kind of grating for me.

7. Gwyneth Paltrow- This is another actress I just don't get. She hasn't really done much good work and when she tries her hand at comedy she fails miserably. I didn't buy the romance of Shakespeare in Love or anything else she has done really. I cannot remember the last time I actually went and watched a movie starring Gweneth and that is perfectly fine with me.

6. Mel Gibson- Other than the first 2 Lethal Weapon movies and Signs I can't recall enjoying a single thing he has ever done. Braveheart is among the most overrated movies I have ever watched and he just ruins movies for me. He isn't a good actor; not in any way is he worth the money I pay to watch a movie. Of course, we have been lucky that he has not really acted sine signs and maybe he will keep it that way.

5. Renee Zellweger- Oh how I hate her scrunched up little face and her tiny little high pitched whine of a voice. I get physically ill watching her try and act in everything and she damn near derailed Chicago with her god awful singing/dancing/acting. I am hoping she won't ruin Leatherheads for me, but to this day I cannot think of a single movie where I liked her work. Okay, maybe she was alright in Jerry Maguire, but that had more to do with that great dialog than her annoying stupid acting.

4. Laura Linney- This is an actress who is always in the running for best actress nominations, but I really do not get the love she receives. With the exception of Truman Show, I have not really enjoyed watching her. She is essentially the same in every movie- an uptight woman in desperate need of sex- and she isn't even very good at it. She nearly ruined a perfectly great movie- Mystic River- with her bad acting and annoying movie posture. I can't explain what I mean by that, it is just something that annoys me.

3. Ben Stiller- When he is not in a Ben Stiller movies- The Royal Tenenbaums and Permanent Midnight- he is actually okay, but sadly he only wants to make bad comedies where he plays a guy who continues to have terrible things happen to him and he greatly overreacts to them all. He is not funny, not even a little bit and though I know he is not going away, I can always hope that the dismal performances of The Heartbreak Kid means he is on the way out. right? Right?

2. Uma Thurman- Oh wow my hatred for her knows almost no bounds. She delivers lines worse than anyone. She sounds like she is actually reading everything from a cue card because she sucks that bad. She can't do comedy (Be Cool), musicals (The Producers), drama (Gattaca) and she certainly can't do action (Kill Bill). In fact, she almost turned Tarentino into a little bitch with those god awful Kill Bill movies. She can be attractive at times, but then she opens her mouth and I lose all respect. I wish she would stop making movies!

1. Will Ferrell- This should come as no shock to anyone who knows me. I loathe Will Ferrell so much you'd think he killed my mother. His lack of talent compared to his success is one of the big mysteries that will send me to my grave early if I try and solve it. He does the exact same thing in every movie and when it wasn't funny in Anchorman, how was it supposed to be funny in umm Kicking and Screaming, Blades of Glory, Ricky Bobby, Elf, Zoolander and the upcoming Semi-Pro. If you have seen Anchorman you have seen everything this damn fool has to offer but sadly there are people who find him funny. I wish I didn't know any of those people. Listening to people quote his endless barrage of moronic quotes from his mind numbingly unfunny movies makes me wish I was deaf sometimes.

There you have it, Feel free to defend any of these names, or maybe point out performances of theirs that might change my mind. Also, who are some actors or actresses that you really just cannot stand?

There will be Blood

The hype machine can be a bitch. Reviews, awards and other accolades can be a double edged sword. A movie released in late November or early December is vying for that Oscar gold and a movie like There will be Blood is the perfect Oscar picture. It is one of the 3 best reviewed movies of the year (No Country for Old Men and Ratatouille are the other 2) it has won over 30 awards already and is now nominated for 8 Oscars. I have read reviews calling it a masterpiece and that Daniel Day Lewis' performance is legendary. The trailer was brilliant- violent images of fire spliced with lines like "I hate most people." Violent images of big things falling spliced with lines like "I don't want anyone else to succeed." Reviews compared Lewis' character to Satan himself. I was prepared for an epic, over the top, glorious, fiery movie. I was ready for the blackest of humor and I was prepared to watch Daniel Day Lewis just make everyone else on this planet look like an amateur. After all that is what I was promised.

The story is very straight forward- Daniel Plainview(Lewis) wants to control all of the oil he can. That is all he cares about. He has a son and it seems like he loves him but the reality of the situation is once his son goes deaf due to an accident, Plainview doesn't have much use for him. The scene where his son's accident happens is one of the most gorgeous looking scenes in the movie. Plainview sets up shot in a tiny town that is kind of run by a preacher, Eli Sunday (Paul Dano). Eli is also after something-power and money. The similarities between Plainview and Sunday are set up nicely as they spend a good portion of the movie trying to humiliate each other. But make no mistake, this movie is about Plainview. Plainview is a man who will lie, cheat and even kill for what he wants. However, he is also willing to humiliate himself if it will get him what he wants- control of the oil.

This is a very very good movie. The acting is top notch; Paul Thomas Anderson directs with the confidence of a director reaching his top form. The story is quite excellent and the screenplay features some great very darkly comic moments and some very rich symbolism and the themes present in the movie are as prevalent today as they were when Upton Sinclair wrote the novel on which this movie is based. That being said, I was underwhelmed when the movie was over. I am not sure if the hype machine was the cause, or if there was something actually wrong, because I can't point out any real flaws, except I think the editing could have been tighter at points. Lewis is excellent, but I was left wanting more. The climax of the movie is what I was expecting from the whole movie. I wanted a grand big, nasty Satanistic character and I got a guy who was a dick. He may have been a soulless dick, but until the end he was not the creature I was expecting. Perhaps my expectations set me up for failure, but when I did that with No Country for Old Men, I was not disappointed, so I don't think the expectations were far out of line.

I brought up No Country for Old Men a few times in this review and I think it is fitting because both movies have similar themes of greed and power over-running lives. Both movies feature a cat and mouse game between someone who is purely evil against someone who just let greed get the best of him. Both stories are very different but they actually kind of achieve the same end result. Of course, There will be Blood also examines the role of religion in the lives of people. A girl claims she gets beat if she doesn't pray; Eli Sunday may or may not be a real prophet; like evangelists today, Sunday puts on "One god damn hell of a show" and like evangelists today, he wants-no needs-money. Like Plainview he is willing to submit himself to humiliation to get the money he wants. He seems like a righteous man until greed gets a hold of him. This is not a new theme, but it is explored in very dark ways here and his preaching scenes are awkwardly comical, but so awkward that you aren't sure whether to laugh or not, like the rest of the comedy in the movie.

One other person I want to mention is Dillon Freasure, who played Plainview's son H.W. Plainview. This kid does not have a ton of dialog or screen time, but he was stellar. I cannot imagine it was easy to act in his first movie ever with a guy like Daniel Day Lewis, but I was really moved by this kid. Granted, knowing a lot about how kids react when they go deaf, I kind of had a slight advantage, but this kid really nailed the whole thing. I only wish Paul Dano was much more up to the task. He was good, but he looked scared, not as a character but as an actor. I am not sure he was a strong enough force to be matched with Lewis' level of acting. I don't want to give the impression that I did not like this movie; I was just underwhelmed. There are brilliant moments sprinkled throughout, but it gets a bit too slow at times and never seems to match the intensity of the epic and amazing score. I expected this movie to come close to bumping No Country for Old Men off the number one spot for 2007, but instead I got a movie that ends up barely in my top 5.

Final Grade: A-

Cloverfield

A brilliant marketing campaign does not always lead to a good movie. For example The Blair Witch Project or Snakes on a Plane. Cloverfield had it all going for it. It had a prime spot for a teaser trailer- in front of Transformers- and it had a great viral campaign that was cheap, effective and maintained a level of secrecy that isn't seen much in movies these days. Having J.J Abrams name attached did not hurt at all either. Eventually they came out and said they had created a monster picture, which means this was going to be a mash up of Godzilla and The Blair Witch Project. The main concern for me then was whether I would get the pay off here that I did not get in The Blair Witch Project. I mostly avoided on-line games, clues, videos and theories because I wanted the sneak attack this movie was promising.

A party is happening for Rob(Michael Stahl David) because he got a job in Japan. I imagine it is a plush job because everyone at the party is a yuppie. The loft where the party is happening is nice and fancy; the people are all hot and dressed perfectly; the music is hip and everything is perfect. Wanting to document the night, Rob's brother, Jason(Mike Vogel) gets Hud(T.J Miller) to videotape the whole thing. Beth(Odette Yustman) shows up at the party and we are brought into a love story. Rob loves Beth; Beth loves Rob. They slept together, but Rob treated her badly after that because he was moving. We see some of the drama on camera, but not all of it. Beth storms out and partying continues. The camera shakes, the loft shakes and we hear something. At first it could just be an Earthquake but when it happens again, the party goers immediately think another terrorist attack. They run outside and then spend the rest of the movie running away from a sky-scraper sized monster who has tiny crab looking creatures falling of him that cause more havoc. Beth calls Rob because she is stuck, he must go get her even though it seems like a bad idea. Rob, Hud, Jason, Marlena and Lilly embark on a journey.

With an entire movie shot in a handheld camera, it operates with a suspension of disbelief because this kind of camera work has limitations. In order to give us a sense of immediacy we see everything the way Hud sees it. So, there are times when someone might not go back and get the camera, but in this movie he has to go get it. Also there are times when the director wants us to see what is behind them, so Hud stops and turns around to film something when he probably wouldn't. Or would he? This movie is very much in the Youtube generation. It is possible that someone would go back and film everything possible because they want to be on Youtube someday. Almost all video footage of 9/11 at first was of the handheld variety and how many crazy videos are shot with camera phones or by someone who just happened to have a video camera at the right time- think Rodney King. The handheld camera work does take some getting used to, but I believe it is effective here. The movie works because things just happen and we see them the way our characters see them. We may not care about the characters and their perfect hair, clothes, lives and jobs, but when we see glimpses of the creature the same way they do, it adds something.

The movie is funnier than you would imagine thanks to the running commentary from our "cameraman" Hud. He is funny but he is also the right amount of freaked out. He feels like someone we all know and love. He balances the being freaked out, with nice touches of humor and he is probably the one character the audiences gets to know, even though he has hardly any actual screen time. No back story on the creature is given; much like War of the Worlds, things just happen here. We don't know where it came from or what it is, just that it is tearing down buildings, killing people and causing complete mayhem. It is not a movie where we concern ourselves with the writing or the acting, because what we want is to be thrilled and it succeeds highly on that level. The scene with our characters walking through a dark, empty subway track is excruciatingly intense and then BAM, it gets action packed and scary as hell. It is a roller coaster of a movie that allows you to breathe for a few minutes before fully immersing you in another sequence with the characters on the run.

It is a relatively short movie, which is probably a good thing, but it eeks out great things in pretty much every minute. Some might complain that it took too long to get to the creature, but I think the set up worked because we all knew what was coming and it added to that build up. It prolonged the excitement. Also, there is a pay off here with one great shot of the creature, but it almost wasn't needed because of the great job they did giving us glimpses of the creature throughout the movie. It never seemed like the director was hiding the creature and the hand held stuff helped accent that because it became believable that the guy documenting everything would not get a perfect shot of the creature. We live in a world where if this happened, we would get footage like this. As one of the characters says "People will want to know what happened" and that rings very true in this movie. We want to know; in fact with as well as this movie accomplishes it's goal, we need to know what happened. And when we find out, we are not disappointed.

Final Grade:A-

The Bucket List

There is something comforting about watching a movie that opens with Morgan Freeman's voice. It is a reassuring voice that says "Don't worry, you are in good hands." It is comforting like your favorite sweatshirt on a cold night, or a best friend's shoulder when you need to cry. He is a warm man with a deep soul; he is a man who wears the lines of life on his face with glory. It is true that he has become something of a "white man mentor" in his movies but he is always so good at it that you enjoy him in that role. Putting him a movie with Jack Nicholson seemed like an amazing idea, but was it?

Carter Chambers(Freeman) is a mechanic with a knack for knowing the most random facts and he happens to be dying from Cancer. Well, dying isn't exactly what he is doing when the movie opens, but soon into the movie he is dying. Edward Cole (Nicholson) is a very wealthy man, who made his millions in hospitals. He also has Cancer and also is dying. The two start the movie as strangers- two very different people in similar situations. They spend their days playing Gin, watching T.V and slowly learning about each other. When they get the news on the same day that they both have between 6 and 12 months to live, Chambers writes out a "bucket list." They are things he wanted to do before he died. Cole gets a hold of the list, adds to it and convinces Chambers they should do the things on the list. The list goes from the silly(skydiving), absurd(tattoos), and then goes to the things everyone should do- see the pyramids, visit Africa and so on. In their final months the two men live, learn, and laugh together. Chambers gets to experience things he figured passed him by and Cole learns the value of friendship for the first time.

In terms of appreciating life, this movie hits all of the marks, often with a light hearted humor that keeps the tears at bay until the big finish. Freeman and Nicholson are both living legends and getting to watch them on screen together for basically an entire movie is worth the price of admission. Nicholson gets most of the laughs with his trademark line delivery and that million dollar smile, but Freeman is never over shadowed as he gets some great moments as well. Their time in the hospital is great and it shows you the different approaches they take to acting, yet their different styles meld perfectly in this movie. Most of the laughs are chuckles or even quiet smiles and nodding approval, but this was not made to be gut bustingly hilarious. The further into the movie we get though, the drama picks up and for brief moments the comedy takes a back seat and it is in that moment where these two men really shine.

The movie goes exactly where you expect it to at every moment, but that isn't a problem. This is a movie that is here to remind us how precious life is and how important family is. Living life for ourselves is fun, but how much of it matters when we don't have anyone to partake in it with us. There is a scene that cuts back and forth between the two men eating dinner and the differences in their lives are right at the heart of this story. Yes, it seems a bit forced at times and sure it aims to squeeze tears out, but does that have to be a bad thing? Does it have to be a bad thing to see a movie perfectly content is giving a nice message about life? It could have been bad sure, but it is very hard to go wrong with Morgan Freeman as our narrator.

Final Grade: B

In the Name of the King

I am going to forgo a real review of this movie because I believe it speaks only to certain people, but I have compiled a list of questions and if you answer yes to any of these questions, this movie is for you.

When you saw Lord of the Rings did you think "This is cool, but it would be so better with ninjas."

Have you always wanted to see a boomerang get its proper respect as a real battle weapon?

Have you ever wondered what a mountain range would look like if one mountain was raining, one was snow capped and the third was completely sunny?

Have you ever thought "Ray Liotta is cool but I bet as a levitating evil wizard he kicks so much ass."

Ever wondered what Burt Reynolds would look like as a king?

Have you ever pictured Matthew Lillard in a sword fight with an angry black guy?

Do you have an itching to see Jason Statham try and do anything other than be stoic?

Do you want to see a horse get an uppercut?

Do you need to watch Ray liotta make out with and stroke the leg of a girl half his age?

Have you ever wondered how in the world books could make good hand cuffs?

Have you wanted to see two magicians have a sword fight with 8 swords, none of which are being hand operated? Yes, an 8 levitating sword, sword fight!

Do you miss the way the puddy''s from Power Rangers moved?

Have you been longing to see Jason Statham hold Burt Reynolds hand as Reynolds talks about seaweed before dying?

So, if you answered yes to any or all of those questions by all means see this movie. For me, it ranks up there as one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It is certainly a possibility for worst movie of 2008, already. Oh and I only watched it because I saw it for free at my theater.

Oh if you are going to watch it, please stay for the credits. The combination of what sounds like bad 80's ballads and bagpipes is not to be missed. Not to be missed at all!

Overall grade: FF

Death Sentence

Kevin Bacon was an American Icon before deciding a few years ago to give his image an overhaul. He weathered the storm of Hollow Man, but not content to leave well enough alone, he wanted to go back to that dark place. What better way to go back to being dark than to do a movie directed by the guy responsible for the first Saw. That probably should have been a big warning sign for me, but after trying to see it theater and failing because the projector broke, I had to see what happened after the first 5 minutes I saw in the theaters.

Nick Hume(Bacon) is a mild mannered man who works in risk Management and he has a perfectly lovely wife and two kids. They all seem very happy together and even spend birthdays together, without friends and the family documents every birthday on a video camera, even as the two young boys get into their teenage years. The oldest son is a hockey star and one night on the way home from a game, father and stop to get gas. Two old muscle cars appear, some wild and crazy gang members jump out and within minutes the son is killed. It turns out this was a gang initiation but it sends Hume over the edge. Soon he takes to vigilante justice by stabbing the kid who killed his son. The crazy gang (we know they are crazy because they all have shaved heads, leather jackets and are all tattooed up) won't let it go and soon the war is on. Yes a war between a gang of street kids and one man. Don't worry though, the street gang who has been shooting guns for years can't seem to hit anything and Hume, well he is an excellent shot, although we are fairly certain he has never shot a gun. He can blow off body parts with excellent precision all while being shot at by 3 or 4 bad guys!

Very little in this movie makes a lick of sense. How can Hume find the gang where ever they are but the cops, led by the god awful Aisha Tyler can never find them. How can Hume as one man continue to pick this gang of rough and tumble gang members? Why is there so much terrible music? Why does the director decide to use slow motion every time someone puts on a jacket? And why is that slow motion always unintentionally hilarious?! Oh and How did John Goodman end up this is movie playing a gun runner, a drug dealer maybe, oh and in a pointless out of nowhere twist, the father of the gang leader? No I could forgive some of those things if the movie was at least entertaining, but it really isn't. In a foot chase that lasts an ungodly 5 minutes, Bacon is shown leaping over a box; he doesn't just jump over it, the director makes a point of showing him leaping over it like it is a 4 foot high hurdle, for no reason! The usually solid Bacon is slumming it and not even looking like he is having any sort of fun whatsoever. I give the movie a point for 1 entirely unpredictable plot twist, but the audience doesn't really get to feel the effect of it. Just to show you how bad of a shot everyone in the gang is, at one point they shoot Bacon at point blank range and they didn't even kill him! Also, I am sure gangs still exist to this day, but there is something very 90s about the plot of this movie. It is based on a novel, but I can;t imagine the novel is much better because there are inherent problems in the story. Vigilante movies call be fun and intense (Falling Down) but this is neither. Lastly, it isn't even particularly bloody, undeserving of the "unrated" label on the DVD I watched today.

Final Grade: F

Sunshine (Major Spoilers)

I am one of the few major film lovers who maintains that director Danny Boyle is overrated. Frankly speaking, Shallow Grave is his only great movie. Trainspotting and 28 days later had some interesting visuals but neither were particularly entertaining movies and The Beach is a colossal disaster, especially for a filmmaker who is loved the way Boyle is. However, Sunshine looked like it could be a fun, odd little Science Fiction movie but I missed it when it was in theaters for a week (not a good sign), and now that it is on DVD, I got the chance to watch it.

50 years in the future, the sun is dying and a team of scientists and presumably astronauts are sent on a mission to reignite it by dropping a "payload" on it and birthing a new star in the dying star. The team is staying in a giant space craft that has enough food and oxygen to last the way the there and the way way. Everything is figured out perfectly, but we find out this is not the first mission to the sun, and that the first mission failed and no one knows what happened. They appear to be nearing the sun when they pick up a distress signal that appears to be from the first ship. Unsure of what happened to the ship and the people in it, the crew is split on whether or not to go to the ship. The decision ultimately lies with Robert Capa (Cillian Murphy) because he is in charge of the "payload." He is the only one who knows how it works and he will make the decision whether they might need the "payload" from the first ship, just in case. He makes the decision to go after the first ship and from here all hell breaks loose. The guy in charge of steering and what not forgets to change the direction of their shield and so the heat from the sun burns some holes in the ship and they lose most of their oxygen. He goes crazy and ends up drugged up to keep him from killing himself. When they finally get to the first ship, there is no one left and the ship is immobile, so it turned out to be for naught. And then, the movie takes a bizarre turn into some awful slasher flick.


I don't like to bring spoilers into my reviews but in order to express why I hated this movie so much, I felt it necessary here. Visually this movie ranges from strikingly gorgeous to painfully corny and everywhere in between. The acting is among some of the worst I have seen in years and Cillian Murphy's decision to whisper speak everything gets more annoying as the movie goes on. Maybe Jodie Foster was his acting coach. Chris Evans is his normal hot head acting self, but he doesn't really have much to do here and a lot of the people don't even seem like actors to me. It feels as if Boyle hired some random people walking down the street to read this garbage dialogue because Boyle believes anything can be good if it is shot correctly. Let me tell you, this is the opposite of good. Even the cool visual effects and interesting camera angles, while all excellent at times, cannot save this disastrous mess of a movie. It incorporates elements of the disaster flick genre- The plot is very much The Core. Murphy even describes the bomb as being the size of Manhattan Island, compared to the Asteroid in Armageddon being "The size of Texas."

However, this movie wanted to be more than a bad disaster flick because it also wanted to be a bad slasher flick. After the crew leaves the first ship, people start to die. The reason being, the captain from the first ship has some how managed to survive and he speaks to God and God says to let the Earth die. Naturally the God hearing captain must start killing everyone. Oh and this captain is crispy from the sun, yet, while the rest of his crew died from the sun, he survived. He is some weird super human, sun burnt, killing machine who is never shot with a steady camera presumably to make us more afraid of this seemingly impossible person. Logic be damned!! If it wasn't bad enough that this guy some how survived 7 years of being alone, burned to a crisp, he also some how makes it on the new ship without anyone knowing and without a space suit. Meaning, he had to deal with a temperature below freezing while burned to a crisp. It is possible he can fly as well. Who knows, anything is possible in the world of a lame ass Danny Boyle film!

Speaking of the space suits, they are certainly something to behold. They look like Elton John's fashion sense from the 80's made love to The Rocketeer, they had a baby and let Liberace raise it. Bright gold, with glitter flying off of them, the space suits don't seem to fit really, except to let Danny Boyle use some god awful slow motion shots of the glitter escaping the suits like they knew it was gaudy looking and wanted to go somewhere less flashy. Before the slasher aspect of the film, I was not entertained as much as kind of intrigued by a lot of the camera shots and special effects, but the goodwill of those burned up quickly. With bad writing, bad acting, a horrible third act and a plot fit for a disaster flick, all the good visuals could not save this from being a movie that could have easily been on the bottom 10 of 2007 list.


Final Grade: D+

End of the year movie blowout! 2007 edition

I must preface this entire thing by saying, I was trying to wait until I saw There will Be Blood, but it appears it won't be in the Sacramento area until January 18th, and I don't want to wait that long to do this. So, my top 10 might be a bit different now than it will be on the 18th. Also, this year was a great year for movies and the final 3 slots in my top ten could have about 8 movies in them so I will do my usual top 10 and then I will list my 11-15 in no specific order. So without further waiting here is Kyle's 2007 big movie blowout!


My 10 favorite movies of 2007
10. 3:10 to Yuma- I am not the biggest fan of Westerns but this movie was intense, big and action packed. The climatic gun fight is worlds of fun to watch but the performances given by Christian Bale and Russell Crowe really helped raise this movie to excellent heights.

9. The Great Debaters- So what, I am sucker for inspirational tales and even more of a sucker for movies where people believe words can make a difference. Featuring a brilliant scene between Denzel and Forrest, this movie is predictable for sure, but it is so much more.

8. Gone Baby Gone- Ben Affleck's Boston is moving, gorgeous and dirty and Casey Affleck gives a haunting performance. This crime drama is challenging in the morality of characters and is questioning whether the smart choice is always the right choice.

7. Charlie Wilson's War- Aaron Sorkin's script pops and Phillip Seymour Hoffman gives an incredible supporting performance, but it is the story that really won me over. It never stops questioning American politics and the end is haunting and is still with me.

6. The Darjeeling Limited- Every time I think about this movie, I like it more. Shot beautifully, acted beautifully, written beautifully, this movie is funny, touching, serious and even outrageous. The final 20 minutes are quite a departure for the director, but they work so well.

5. The Bourne Ultimatum- This might be my favorite action movie in quite some time. It is always intense, unflinching, intimate and gorgeous. Damon is picture perfect as Jason Bourne and the movie features one of the best movie endings ever. The perfect cap on this trilogy.

4. Knocked Up- What else can be said about this amazing comedy. Always fast, funny, smart, dirty and even touching, this movie will be quotable forever, but it also works as a very nice romantic comedy for people my age.

3. Michael Clayton- The more I think about this movie, the more I love it. George Clooney gives the most layered and rich performance of the year and first time director Tony Gilroy weaves an incredible law tale. Even when we aren't sure what is happening we are sucked in.

2. American Gangster- I had high hopes for this movie and it did not disappoint one bit. Great performances to be sure, but this epic crime saga is never slow or boring. Ridley Scott weaves two interesting stories and gives them both equal time and importance to really make the final confrontation that much more intense.

1. No Country for old Men- What can I say? This movie is haunting, awesome, funny, creepy, gross, interesting, intense, intimate and epic all at the same time. A wonderfully told crime story featuring amazing performances, an amazing gun fight and some of the most intense waiting-for-shit-to-happen sequences ever. The ending is nothing like you'd want or expect, but that it what helps make it such a brilliant movie!

The next 5 movies (11-15)- Juno, Superbad, Into the Wild, Waitress, and Spiderman 3.

the 10 worst movies of 2007

10. Zodiac- I was so incredibly disappointed in this slow moving and boring drama. Robert Downey Jr. is wasted and the only truly intense moment comes at the end, after I was already bored and over the movie in every way.

9. Good Luck Chuck- I had some hopes for this movie but it was pretty unfunny and painfully misogynistic. Jessica Alba was slumming it badly here, but at least she spent a lot of time in her underwear. Dane Cook is funnier than the movies allow him to be.

8. Beowulf- I did take a certain amount of joy in this sucking, but I couldn't help it; it sucked. The animation is more creepy than interesting and the voice work was awful. The script was worse than any of it and it was unintentionally laughable

7. Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer- This is just a god-awful sequel. I wish I had nice things to say but everything good in the movie was given away by the trailer. The climax could have saved it, but they blew that, like they blew everything else in the movie.

6. Rush Hour 3- This is a series of movies that has just run its course. The jokes were stale and the action even worse. Chan doesn't appear to have it anymore and the stunts were just ridiculous here. Nothing about this movie was funny.

5. Resident Evil 3- For some reason Alice turned into a super hero but it is never explained. the CGI was not impressive and sadly I don't think this series is over. Bloated plot, bad comedy and out-of-left-field romance really turned this movie into a laugh fest.

4. I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry- A movie cannot use every gay stereotype for comic effect then apologize for them in the end. It just doesn't work. Not offensive enough to be truly funny and I will never buy Sandler as a stud.

3. Underdog- The movie I most did not want to see this year. The CGI dog kind of creeped me out and nothing in this movie is funny. I was entertained in anyway shape or form. Plus Peter Dinklage is so much better than this. ugh!

2. Saw IV- This movie makes no sense. The traps weren't all that cool and the Jigsaw-as-a-tortured-victim bullshit does not work. You cannot have a brutal killer for 3 movies then try and turn him into a misunderstood victim. This movie makes me angry when I think about it.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: At world's end- Everyone saw this coming, but seriously this is the worst movie I have ever seen. Pointless plot twists, a bloated sense of self, bad Johnny Depp, forced romance, bad jokes, horrible action sequences, terrible CGI, a lack of a decent climax, really terribly acting from Orlando Bloom are all just the tip of the iceberg as to what was wrong with this complete waste of time. People like it but can't tell me why because deep down they know this was a rape of the mind, the eyes and of my time.

The two movies I discussed and debated the most- Harry Potter 5 and Spiderman 3.

2007 surprises-Casey Affleck, Ben Affleck's directing, Adrien Brody in Darjeeling, Stardust, Waitress, Keri Russell, Sean Penn, Disturbia, Roger Bart in American Gangster, John Travolta in Hairspray, Amy Adams, The Mist's ending, The transformations in Tranformers, Enchanted, 28 weeks later, Hot Fuzz.

2007 disappointments- Sweeney Todd, Beowulf, Zodiac, Eastern Promises, Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer, Jet Li Vs. Jason Stratham(War), Atonement, The sex in Perfect Strangers, The lack of comedy in Rush Hour 3.

My favorite 2007 movie trend- The fun movie! I can count six movies that were just fun movies. They were movies that just put me in a good or fun mood and those 7 movies were: Hairspray, Stardust, Enchanted,Transformers, Shoot em up, Waitress, and Ocean's 13.

There you have it. Feel free to comment about my lists, or even add some of your own to my lists or create new lists of your own. 2007 was an awesome year for movies; It was much better than 2006 for sure. Hopefully everyone who reads this thing enjoyed my reviews, thoughts and lists and hopefully you guys all continue to read and enjoy!

P.S. I Left Grindhouse off my top 15 intentionally because I loved half of the movie and just kind of liked the other half, but they are one movie so it didn't make the cut.

P.S. I love you

Movies like this one aren't usually on my radar, but I have to admit that for some reason I was oddly drawn to this one. Some of it is because James Marsters had a small part and being a huge fan of his work as Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I feel a sense of duty to support him. However, there was just something relatively interesting about the premise. I am not a huge Hilary Swank fan because every time I watch her on screen I spend more time trying to figure out if I think she is attractive, than watching her performance. Mostly, though, I was curious as to how funny this movie could be given the topic.

Gerry Kennedy(Gerard Butler) and Holly Kennedy(Swank) are a married couple as deeply in love now as they were when they first were married. We are first introduced to them they are having a fight but we can see how much they love each other. After the opening credits though, Gerry has died from a brain tumor. Holly becomes a recluse, hiding in her apartment, wearing his clothes and watching Betty Davis movies. On her 30th birthday her friends and mother show up to try and get her out and Holly gets a delivery. It is a birthday cake from Gerry. She also receives a letter from Gerry telling her to expect more letters and that she must complete the tasks he gives her. If it seems a bit creepy and morbid, it is. Gerry's letters give Holly comfort but also challenge her to live. She must sing Karaoke, get rid of his clothes, vacation and find a job she loves. Along the way she meets Daniel(Harry Connick Jr.), a guy who is charming, funny and rude and is hoping to date her. While vacationing in Ireland, Holly meets William(Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and he becomes the first guy she sleeps with other than her dead husband. As the movie goes on though, Holly starts to question these letters and begins to wonder what exactly Gerry is doing. However, it is ultimately a romantic comedy, so life affirmation exists.

To say that this is a romantic comedy is using the term comedy very loosely. There are some laughs to be had for sure, Lisa Kudrow as one of the friends, gets a lot of deserved laughs and Connick Jr. also gets laughs from his unfiltered speech. Gerard Butler reappears throughout the movie in flashbacks, proving he is a rock star, and a charmer, but I don't believe he is as much of a comedian as this movie tries to say he is. The opening scene plays like a ripped off version of Neil Simon's Barefoot in the Park, but that tone is not kept through the movie. At times there are attempts at physical comedy that fall flat, but it makes you appreciate the stuff Kudrow does more because it is obvious she is a very talented comic actress. Morgan does a very good Irish accent and it is easy to see why Holly lets her guard down for Morgan's William because he is very good at suave. In fact, all three major male characters are charming, nice and interesting and all three do a very good job facilitating their purpose in Holly's Life.

My biggest problem with this movie is that it is never sure what it wants to be. Swank spends more time crying in this movie than any actor has ever cried in a movie, ever. It is as if she was unaware this was supposed to have comic touches. The director, Richard LaGravenese, never lets the audience have our laughs without immediately following our laughs with something sad and at some point my sympathy for the character turns to minor annoyance. P.S I love you gives us a year in the life of a widow and while I can not even begin to imagine what it feels like to lose someone in that capacity, it just seems like the movie allows Holly to grieve for too long without giving her a chance to come up for air. The letters are supposed to help Holly move on and in some regard they do, but the 10 letters also come across as cruel reminders of what she lost and they become a crutch on which she can rely to keep her grief going. The movie has a few nice minor themes that don't get enough time like the question about if being a widow is any easier than being a woman who had her husband run off, or whether or not it is okay for people around the widow to be happy in their lives, even as the widow continues to suffer.

I am not the sought after audience for a movie like this and I think that seems like it succeeds as a chick flick. That is to say, that while it could be a movie that speaks to anyone who has lost someone, it seems perfectly fine with catering to an exclusively female audience. I think Swank was probably the wrong choice, but she does capture the grief well and in the flashback where she and Butler first meet, she captures the kind of gawky innocence of the character, but she just seems to be missing the lighter touch sections of the movie. I did not hate the movie, but I was relatively indifferent towards it, especially as it runs into the 2 hour mark. Guys, if you are going to see this movie it is a good idea to bring tissue for your girl because I am not sure any girl in the theater had dry eyes throughout.

Final Grade: C+

the Great Debaters

While my high school never had a debate team (we did Mock Trials instead), when I got to college, I was surrounded by former debate team members. Being a theater major and not a musical theater major brought me close to a lot of public speaker and the like. I became interested in their stories and watching these people go back and forth. I believed I missed my calling, seeing as how much I love to debate. Instead I started to read all of the nonfiction books my friends had and eventually I read about a guy named Melvin Tolson. Tolson took an all black college team in debate in the 1930's all the way to the top and eventually facing U.S.C in a debate. It was an inspirational tale and now with Denzel directing and starring and Oprah producing and promoting it, the movie telling Tolson's tale has been made. Inspirational tales are a dime a dozen but some times they break through, would this be one of them?

Melvin B. Tolson(Washington) is a professor at Wiley college in Marshall, Texas. It is 1935 and segregation is very much alive. Tolson teaches literature and spouts off the poems of Harlem poets and preaches about how things are in the North. He is also the debate coach and soon he has a team of debaters comprised of Hamilton Burgess (Jermaine Williams) Henry Lowe(Nate Parker) Samantha Booke(Jurnee Smollett) and the 14 year old James Farmer Jr.(Denzel Whitaker). Farmer Jr. has a lot to live up too as his father James Farmer(Forest Whitaker) is one of 5 black people with a PhD and his father speaks 7 languages. Burgess is the only seasoned debater, but Lowe is a literary genius, able to pull quotes from great works of fiction and nonfiction and Booke is a fierce and passionate speaker. The team starts racking up win upon win and Tolson begins sending letters to all kinds of white schools and eventually a white school gives them an opportunity to debate but Burgess feels too much pressure at the possibility of being killed and so Booke takes his spot in the starting line up. On the side, Tolson is trying to form a union amongst the lowly farmhands, white and black and he is causing issues with the sheriff and is eventually arrested and unable to leave the state when the call from Harvard(in real life it was USC but here it is Harvard) comes down.

I will try to keep my soapboxing to a minimum here, but African American struggles have always fascinated me and I may not be able to stay away from my soap box. The plot of the movie is obvious and there is never any real doubt where it is going, but the story of this movie is so important and handled so delicately that I could not help but fall in love. In a time where African Americans are typically portrayed with guns and bling and all that other nonsense, here comes a movie about bright young people challenging the social standards of the day. It makes me sick that this was happening less than 80 year ago. There is a scene involving a lynching that haunts me two day later. Denzel Washington is not a perfect director, as he has a habit of letting a scene go on a bit long, but when it comes to making a point or inspiring he really nails it. We only see the most important debates and hear only the important arguments and the final debate is truly spectacular to watch. We see the three remaining team members grow in front of our eyes, flushing out fully realized characters. Denzel Whitaker gets the most screen time with Forest and Denzel and he does a pretty good job of holding his own with two African American legends, two acting legends. I am not new to the Forest Whitaker band wagon either; I have always championed him. Though they only have one scene together, watching Washington and Whitaker on screen together in that scene is a treasure as both actors are top notch and that scene bristles with excitement. Even later when they just share a look, volumes are spoken in those looks.

The idea of words being able to change the world is an idea I have always thought fondly of and this movie sets out to prove it can happen. These young people started by beating the best all black colleges but were not content to stop there. Their words got them to Harvard. Their words took them to the top and their arguments made them winners to their communities, their families and to each other. The movie may go on a bit long at times and the white characters don't get much to do, but it is all forgiven when Denzel shoots scenes of racial tension with such delicate grace. A scene involving Forest Whitaker hitting a white person's pig is a perfect sign of how things were as essentially the most articulate black minds of the time has to resort to "Yes sir" and all other sorts of embarrassing things but as he mentions to his son. "Sometimes we do what we have to do to be able to do what we want to do." Any movie that has the spirit of Langston Hughes kind of gets a free pass for whatever flaws it may have. Any movie that wants to use words to change things and instills faith and hope and can move me to tears from the power of the message is clearly a winning movie.

I watch a lot of underdog stories and I watch a lot of inspirational movies and while this one has most of the trappings of a cliche inspirational movie- the different bigger ending, endless trials, inner turmoil- it manages to inspire more than a majority of them do. To show how important this movie is, it is the first movie ever to star two African American men who have won The Oscar for Best Actor. Elder African American people believe this is a story that needs to be told and while it isn't the exact depiction of what actually happened, the mark of a good movie is not how closely it follows the truth, but how it works in entertaining or educating or in the case of this movie, inspiring. However, what the movie does leave out is that even though the school was victorious over USC, the win was not recognized by the national debate standards because blacks were not allowed to be recognized for such feats. The Wiley team went on to have ten undefeated seasons which is impressive for sports or anything else for that matter.

Final Grade: A-

Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem

The only real reason I can give for wanting to see this movie is that while I am against violence in real life, sometimes I like to watch movies where a lot of people die in crazy ways. The first AVP did not give me enough of that but this one was rated R and that could only mean good things for me. The concept of this movie is grounded in the Freddy Vs. Jason success but they screwed it up originally by declawing it making trying to market it so anyone could it. However, it looked as if they rectified that this time around and I knew some people who watched the first five minutes online and was told by them that it looked like the action and death quotient were pumped up big time. This could only mean good things, right?

I am not going to bog this down with a lot of plot because there isn't much of one. Essentially The Aliens end up in a tiny Colorado town and the Predator follows them to kill them. In the mix are thrown stock human characters- a nerdy guy, the hot girl he wants, a local sheriff, the former convict just come back to town, a bully and a few other archetypes. Also, there is a hybrid Predator/Alien thing that is playing for team Alien. However, Aliens and Predators both take no pity on the humans this time around as they are all for killing them. The Predator has a ton of cool gadgets this time out and he seems to be of a high intelligence than the Aliens. Nothing that happens with the humans is remotely interesting enough to mention except the hot girl filling out a bikini nicely and the camera perfectly framing her ass for all of us to enjoy.

As far as action movies go, this is perfectly average. There are some great moments where people get killed and cool shit happens, but often time so much of the action happens in the dark that I could not always tell who was an Alien and who was a Predator. It got even worse when the hybrid came into play totally messing with me. I enjoyed parts an awful lot and then didn't like at all. I liked that the movie strayed from conventions and killed whoever they wanted- children and pregnant women- but I never felt like I was rooting for anyone. I wanted all of the humans to die, but I wasn't rooting for the Aliens or the Predator, I was just rooting for awesome action and every time I thought I would get it, the scene would get too dark or the editing would happen too quickly or the rain would be too thick and I wouldn't be able to fully enjoy myself. Don't get me wrong, this is a step in the right direction, but I am not sure they are quite there yet with this franchise. The ending seems to be a nod at the Alien franchise, like maybe these movies are actually prequels of some sort or maybe the directors are just trying to tie them to the original franchises.

I am not saying this is a complete waste of a movie because there were moments where I felt drawn in and was having a damn good time, but I guess I was still hoping for more of that or at least have it be more visible. There isn't a whole lot of gore although what gore there is, is effective and made me cheer a little bit, but overall this is not what I was hoping for when I saw the new rating or what I saw from the trailer, which made the movie look awesome!

Overall Grade: C-

National Treasure: Book of Secrets(spoilers I guess)

Very few things make me happier than the guilty pleasure of a bad action/comedy, especially ones starring Nicolas Cage. Even better is that this movie is a sequel making the claim that every president writes in a secret book!! How awesome is that? National Treasure was a fun romp that just wore out it's welcome, but due to the success at the box office I knew the day would come for this sequel. I also knew it was going to be the family Christmas movie, but I worried that it too would just be too long of a movie. Was it?

Ben and Patrick Gates (Cage and Jon Voight) are talking about their forefather who they say helped keep the south from finding gold after the Civil war. However, Mitch Wilkinson(Ed Harris using a southern accent, some of the time) claims their forefather actually helped plan the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. He may even have been the mastermind. Out to prove Wilkinson wrong, The Gates family sets off on a treasure hunt to find what they believe to be a city of Gold. First they gather up the usual suspects, Riley Poole(A Pretty funny Justin Bartha) and Abagail(Diane Krueger). Abagail is resistant at first because she and Ben used to be lovers, but she knows deep down she still cares about him. Their quest takes them first to France, then to Buckingham palace and eventually to The Oval Office. The Free Masons left clues on everything they built and every clue leads closer to the treasure, but when they try to find the clue in the Oval Office it is gone and they are stuck. Never fear, every president writes in a Book of Secrets! And Ben Gates knows the perfect way to get a hold of it- Kidnap the President! Say what? Well The President turns out to be an understanding guy and he helps out Gates and soon The Gates family, Wilkinson, Poole and Abagail are all inside Mount Rushmore weaving through secret passages and crazy traps!

Much like the first one this movie has some good points, some ridiculous points and it has an ending that just goes on and on and on. Bartha gets a lot of laughs with his line delivery and honestly watching Nic Cage go nuts for no real reason is always good times! Some of the treasure stuff is fun and exciting, although we know no one is really in danger because this is a Disney Franchise and main Characters in Disney Franchises do not die, Just ask Jack Sparrow. It is never as exciting as it wants to be and it never ventures into new territory and while it features a fairly entertaining car chase, I felt like I had seen that car chase a dozen or so other times. I think that is the biggest problem with the movie- I have seen it all before and done better. Brenden Frazier makes a better comic foil than Nic Cage and Harrison Ford is certainly a better treasure hunter, but this movie will make a ton of money and the ending of this sets up for a third one that should leave the audience wondering "What's on page 47?" but all it did for me was make me wonder "Will Jack Sparrow come into play for the third one?"

John Turtletaub(The Director) has proven himself to me to be someone who can create tension and drama and even deliver action, at least on the small screen with Jericho, but he seems totally lost here. I am not sure if a bad rushed script is solely at fault or if Turtletaub gets bullied by Jerry Bruckheimer into doing things Bruckheimer's way, but all of the creativity of Jericho is missing here. Now I readily admit that my being sick may have hindered a bit of the comedy, but I did feel there were some very funny moments. For example Cage pretending to be drunk and mocking the English Police gave me some laughs. Also, I must mention Diane Krueger's breasts because they are the key focus of a 3 or 4 minute scene and they may be the best, most exciting and interesting things anywhere in the movie. Be warned that not only will you have to sit through 10 to 15 minutes of trailer, you will have to sit through an 8 minute animated short film starring Goofy trying to put together a home theater system.

Final Grade: C-

Charlie Wilson's War

I am admittedly a huge Aaron Sorkin fan. His dialog, stories and politics often make for a great mix of high drama and hilarious comedy. He hasn't written for the big screen for a while, and this was his return, so I was incredibly excited. Add to the mix Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks and this movie became one of my five most anticipated movies for the end of the year., if you remember my list a few months back. However, when I saw the running time was only 95 minutes, I began to worry that the movie was just too swiftly edited and maybe there would be important things missing. Then again, maybe the 95 minute running time would just perfect.

Charlie Wilson(Hanks) is a Texas congressman in the 1980s notorious for loving girls, booze and even a little cocaine. He is a nothing congressman from a nothing district and because of that fact his vote seems to always be for sale, which means a lot of people owe him a lot of things. He hires only really hot girls, and the girls all seem to love showing off their bodies in tight clothes. Wilson doesn't seem to care about much, but he is very interested in Afghanistan and their fight against cold war foe, Russia. One day he gets a call from Texas socialite, Johanne Herring(Roberts), who convinces him to come back to Texas and watch a documentary about the war going on. She also sets up for Wilson and his secretary, Bonnie Bach(The delightful Amy Adams) a trip to visit Afghanistan to see what is really going on. Upon returning from an eye opening experience, Wilson wants the C.I.A in his office, and while he wanted a high level C.I.A guy, he gets Gust Avrakotas(Phillip Seymour Hoffman). Gust and 3 other guys make up the entire team trying to covertly help Afghanistan, but with the backing of Wilson and all the I.O.Us he can collect, soon the team has a lot more members and they start to make a real impact. Based in truth, Wilson helped up the covert budget from 5 million dollars to a whopping half a billion dollars. Afghanistan defeated Russia and everyone lives happily ever after. Or as Gust says to Charlie in a very poignant, depressing, make-you-think scene "We'll see."

Shot, edited and scripted at a break neck pace, this movie is picture perfect for the first 70 minutes. The final 20 kind of lag except the closing scene which, while rewritten to avoid law suits, screams at any astute human who has even a remote passing interest in politics. Hanks is very well adept to handling Sorkin's rapid fire, quick witted dialog and while Roberts doesn't actually do much, she is her charming best and works that southern belle perfectly. Yet, the real star of this show is Phillip Seymour Hoffman. As a moustached, no nonsense lover of America, Hoffman works the hell out of the character with a gruff disposition and quick tongue. He deserves an award nomination, and when he is on screen the entire movie lights up. The dialog is funny and almost all of it works and even the stuff that won't have you falling out of your seat with laughter will have you smiling and chuckling. Director, Mike Nichols is an old pro at these political movies, but he doesn't get overly bogged down in the politics of the movie. He lets Sorkin's script speak for itself and he handles the physically comedic scene so well, I felt I was watching an incredibly funny Tom Stoppard play. Unfortunately the biting ending had to be changed due to legal issues, but Sorkin still manages to get a very dark sense out of it and it wraps up America perfectly, I think.

What makes this movie not perfect is what seems like a 15 minute montage of what happens after the war ends. I am not sure how else to go about it and maybe you just forget a good portion of it, although I am not sure the end would pack as much a punch without it. So maybe you just find a better way to do it, but save for those moments, this is one of the funniest, fasted paced movies I have seen all year. It is not a movie for everyone, but anyone with half a brain will love Sorkin's signature dialog and anyone can appreciate Tom Hanks in top form as a man transitioning from a playboy to a very serious politician without losing his sense of fun and his sense of keeping really hot girls around him. The scenes taking place in Afghanistan are little brushed over and I am not sure we get the full emotional connect we could have got from them, but at the least the scenes of war are fast and are only shown to further the story. It is based in truth which makes the whole thing more interesting and scary, to be honest, but it never feels like merely a re-telling of fact. It is so much more than that, so much more.

Final Grade: A-

Sweeney Todd

Who better to tackle the slasher musical of Sweeney Todd than Tim Burton? No one that is who. It appears to be the perfect marriage of material to director and while Johnny Depp has toiled in being Mickey Mouse's personal hooker for the last few years, he seemed the perfect actor to tackle Tim Burton's Benjamin Barker/Sweeney Todd. The trailers were brilliant for those of us who knew what Sweeney Todd was. The Posters were perfectly creepy and intriguing. I could not have been more excited to see this movie adaptation of The Demon Barber's story. I have been unusually easy on the musicals that have been brought to the screen these last few years, finding things to like about The Producers and Rent, because I just enjoy watching musicals, but this movie would be something different. This movie was a marriage of so many great aspects that I knew it would be good. Was it?

Benjamin Barker(Depp) has a lovely bride and a lovely new born, but that is all ripped away from him when Judge Turpin(The ultra erotic exuding Alan Rickman) lays his eyes on his wife and puts Barker up on false charges and send him away. years later Barker returns a different man. he has a Rogue from X-Men white streak in his Einstein hair, he is pale white with awful bags under his eyes and he sings a dark, dreary tale of London. He is going by Sweeney Todd now and he has revenge on his mind. He meets up with Mrs. Lovett(Helena Bonham Carter) who tells him what happened to his wife and child and from there Sweeney has vowed to kill the judge. Sweeney sets his barber shop after beating Perrelli(Sascha Baron Cohen) in a barber-off and right quick, Judge Turpin is in his chair. They sing "Pretty Women" in the most normal scene int he movie, but before he can kill the judge they are interrupted by Anthony(the Homely looking Jamie Bower) telling Sweeney that he is going to rescue Johanna( The cleavage bearing Jayne Wisener) from the evil Judge. Johanna is Sweeney's missing daughter, adding to Sweeney's desire to murder the Judge. After this missed chance, Sweeney decides he is going to murder people for a living and Mrs. Lovett will bake them into pies and life will be good. But mostly, Sweeney still wants to get the Judge.

Before I begin reviewing this movie allow me say a few things. First off, I prefer acting to singing, so if the actor is perfect in the portraying of the character, I am okay with not super strong singing. Secondly, I am not a Sweeney Enthusiast, and lastly, I believe in separating source material from adaptations, so I will review this solely as a movie, mostly. Tim Burton has directed his most Tim Burtoniest movie ever. The whimsical magic of Big Fish is here. The creepy melancholy feel of Edward Scissorhands is here. The opening credits are Willy Wonka with blood instead of chocolate and the outright gore of Sleepy Hollow is also here. Visually this movie is about as stunning as I have seen this year. The dark, bleak look of Burton's London is gorgeously haunting and his camera work through the city in various places is breathtaking. All of the acting is top notch, except Cohen and Timothy Spall. Cohen's Pirelli's showmanship is too over the top for this movie and Spall is just bland in every way and his looks just don't seem right to me. Depp is better than he has been in like a decade, which isn't saying much, but his less angry, more morose Sweeney really worked for me and Carter is always a joy to watch and the look over her pie shop is another beautiful bleak picture. Rickman is a stand out and the young Ed Sanders is great and Toby, even if the movie robs him of a great moment in favor of something ridiculous.

That is about where the pluses end for me. This is such a great story and it has been botched in movie form. I am not sure why Burton decided to go with this glossy looking red for blood and why he decided blood would spill out of necks like a Tarantino flick, but it had me laughing hysterically throughout and I know that was not the desired effect at all. General creepiness gave way at about the 45 minute mark in favor of all out over the top gore and the final scene featuring the most ridiculous looking blood and splatter I have seen this side of a low rent Zombie movie. The final moments should be a lot of things but they should not be a laugh riot and that is what it amounted to for me and 70 other people in the theater. It took me right out of the picture and into some direct to video piece of garbage and it is beneath everyone involved. The movie should be epic but there were just things missing for me. I didn't mind the less than huge voices on the leads, as I think Depp's voice really added to his character, and "By The Sea" is a great number, vastly exceeding so many of the other songs.

I really did not think Burton could screw this up, but sometimes things that seem like perfect marriages, fail miserably and while this isn't miserable it is nowhere near what it could have been and should have been . A lot of the blame lies with Screen writer John Logan who should be better at this seeing as how he only writes big epics, but maybe he just doesn't understand this story. I am not entirely sure what I was looking for, but the pacing was off and while some of the great sexual tension and deep dark sexual undertones are there, especially when Depp has Rickman in his chair (Wow, really) it just feels incomplete in some way. It is worth seeing for sure, but I wanted to be scared or creeped out, not in tears from laughter!

Final Grade= B-

Juno

It seems that most years find a way to way to let some indie movie darling into the hearts of critics and movie goers everywhere. Sometimes it is justified(Little Miss Sunshine) and sometimes it is not(My Big Fat Greek Wedding) but it happens almost every years and this year Juno is that indie movie. Juno has been called the female Knocked Up and been given all kinds of praise, most notably for the lead actress, Ellen Page. Some of us already knew about her potent on screen presence from Hard Candy, which might be the scariest movie ever and others remember her as Kitty Pride from X3, but this is her breakout movie, in the words of critics everywhere. Well, any movie championed for dialog is a movie that is going to pique my interest, so I was excited for it, very excited for it. Of course, often these kinds of movies end up disappointing, how did this one fare?

Juno(Page is a 16 year old girl with a wit and intelligence beyond her years, but the judgement of your normal teenage girl. After a night where she had sex with her best guy friend, Paulie Bleaker(Michael Cera) because she was bored, she gets pregnant. Her father(J.K. Simmons) and step mother(Allison Janney) are incredibly understandable and actually handle the news with a smart wit of their own. Juno's best female friend, Leah(Olivia Thirlby) helps her pick out possible adoptive parents and they eventually land on a yuppie couple, Mark and Vanessa Loring (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) and it seems to be a perfect fit. Vanessa is a kind and tender woman dying to be a mother, and Mark and Juno click over music and movies. Paulie appears to be infinitely understanding and loving, but the movie focuses on Juno's growing up. Juno realizes she is in love with Paulie, but her smart aleky outer confidence won't allow her to admit she is in over her head. She has a quip for everything but every so often when she lets her guard down we see a scared teenage girl not sure how to go about life.

This is not the perfect movie people are making it out to be but it still a very funny, charming and endearing movie and the perfect vehicle to make Ellen Page a star. Her dry sarcastic delivery is perfectly balanced with the under current of self doubt she brings to Juno. As the parents, Simmons and Janney score some great laughs and even better tender parent moments. Cera is perfectly cast as the goofy, uber cool yet geeky lover and he delivers every line with the perfect amount of honesty and hilarity. But to me the biggest surprise is Jennifer Garner. This is the first time I have seen her really act and she is very good. She plays Vanessa without an ounce holding back, always being completely vulnerable on screen and she plays the kind of woman that everyone would trust with their kids. Bateman gets some laughs and even gave me a bit of the creeps in the right moments. Director Jason Reitman (Thank You for Smoking) mostly stays out of the way of the actors and dialog and just shoots the movie. It is a nice thing, however, there is never any doubt you are watching an indie comedy.

Therein lies the problem with the movie. Juno is so hell bent on being quirky that it gets in its own way. From the hand drawn opening credits, painfully indie soundtrack and Juno having a hamburger phone, it gets to be too much at times and left me wondering how good it could have been if it was just telling a story. I am always a fan of fast, funny and smart dialog, but at times (especially the first 30 minutes) it feels like more of a chore than anything else. It takes so long to get used to lines like "I was just calling to procure a hasty abortion" (said into the hamburger phone, of course) that when the movie takes a turn into more realistic, touching fare, we feel jilted because we are finally used to "That ain't no etch a sketch. This is one diddle that can't be undid" and then that kind of stuff is taken away from us. That being said, most of the jokes and one-liners work, and when they work they are absolutely hilarious. I could have done with a little more Michael Cera as well, but I can always use more Michael Cera, so that is nothing new.

Overall this is a great movie with a real meaning behind it and for a first time writer it is quite the triumph. Ellen Page deserves all of the praise she is getting for carrying the bulk of the movie on her tiny shoulders, but everyone deserves kudos for their contribution to the movie. Also, this is not a movie promoting teen age pregnancy, but it is a movie about a young woman trying to find her way through tough situations. The movie is about being tough , but also about being loving, kind and understanding. It is an incredibly satisfying movie going experience and it's flaws are almost endearing in themselves because they almost make the movie even more quirky and lovable.

Overall Grade= B+

The 10 movies I hate the most (special 200th post!!)

Seeing as how it is my 200th post, I thought I would do a list that would fill me with all kinds of holiday joy, and what better way to do so than to make a list of the 10 movies I just loathe. Now there are some ground rules for this particular list and they are as follows:
1. They had to have theatrical releases. This knocks out all of those awful direct of video movies I used to watch.
2. I had to sit through the entire movie because if I left it early I have no idea of knowing if the movie got better
3. I have to remember hating it. So many movies are forgettable, but these had to be 10 I actively hate.
Without further waiting here we go.

10. Eyes Wide Shut- Kubrick is a god to most film geeks like myself. I have never thought that. I admit he is good, but I find most of his movies to fall into the overrated category. I may get shot for saying that, but that is how I feel. However, none of his movies were bad. Well, until he died and this piece of garbage was released. Billed as a weird sexually charged thriller, this movie has about as much heat as a freezer. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married in real life, but their on screen chemistry was non existent and the story never fully made sense. The censors wouldn't let the orgy scene be shown as desired, but that did not matter because that scene was not very good anyway. It was not a compelling or provocative picture; it was a boring, useless waste of nearly 3 hours of my life. I should have felt dirty because of how erotic the picture was, not because I couldn't believe how bad it was.


9. Failure to launch- Now I am not normally a fan of Romantic Comedies to begin with and the naked bongo playing Matthew McConaughey does not help in any of these movies. This one, though, takes the cake of suckiness. Sarah Jessica Parker and her odd nose co star in a movie that is so bad, the girl who forced me to go to it apologized to me afterwards. Teri Bradshaw is the dad who is naked for no reason and animals seem to talk and make weird noises, serving no real purpose except to aggravate me to no end. As far as Romantic Comedies go, this is bottom of the barrel crap with a story so revolting I was over it 10 minutes in. At some point I just sat and stared at the wart on Sarah Jessica Parker's face and wondered if it got separate billing for the movie.





8. Hollow Man- Kevin Bacon is a great American icon but usually when he plays villains it goes horribly wrong. This may have been the movie to start it all. The idea of a guy becoming invisible is infinitely interesting and while some dark creepy things happen that make me want to like this movie, the ending really just blew every chance for that to happen. For some reason when he goes under and becomes invisible, he also becomes indestructible. They never mention that the science of being invisible made one immune to burning and being shot, but it happened in this god awful movie. The effects were cheesy at best and while it touches on the creepy aspects of being invisible, it never does anything fun at all. I think someone who was invisible would start off doing fun things and then work his or her way into things like undoing the clothes of sexy sleeping people, but this goes right for the rape. What fun is that?!?


7. Saw IV- This is a new entry into this particular list because it was just released in October of this year, yet it was so god awful i can already put it on this list. In a long list of horror movies that defy logic, this one in the most illogical of them all. I am not against the grotesque torture porn in these movies, so that is not my problem. My problem is the absence of anything interesting, scary or funny in this movie. A dead killer still finding ways to kill people and entire flashback sequences serving to hope to fill the gaping plot holes do not help matters at all. I know these movies require no thought, but I truly believe apes wrote this movie, having not seen any of the other ones because who needs things to follow a pattern at all. No, not the screen writers for Saw IV. Who cares if the acting sucks in these things because all we want is awesome traps and scares but this movie is so bogged down in a plot that makes no sense that they forgot what people really want- fun deaths. Enduring this movie was a case of torture porn in itself.


6. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon- The first real critically acclaimed movie on my list was so bad my brother fell asleep, which is the only reason I watched the whole thing. It was supposed to be a breathtaking epic, but instead it was slow, boring and even the fights were all things I had seen in Asian cinema before. Basically it was nothing new or exciting and the story was so dour, it really took away from the fighting. Plus, there was like a 30 minute flashback that I did not need in order to understand what was going on. Talk about not trusting your audience. The dialog does not flow in any way and the characters all seem stock. They aren't characters as much as they are things in the way of Ang Lee's shots. I went in not expecting much and I ended up getting even less than that. I know people believe this to be a magical journey through flying Chinese people and their boring romantic lives, but for me it was just a waste of money and time.



5. The Blair Witch Project- Like Crouching Tiger, I saw this only because of the way critics loved it. This was a new inventive way of shooting a horror movie and they did it for cheap! I have no idea where the money went or where the scares were in this dud of a movie, but they certainly were not in the thing I was watching. It went on to be parodied endlessly and is often talked about as being a monumental movie for those people who want to make good movies on a small budget, but they forget to mention the movie sucks! The publicity stunts to make this seem like a true story was semi interesting but the acting, writing, camera work and over all story lack being good. Instead it is a dizzying, poorly shot, badly executed vomit inducing mess. It does not induce vomiting because of the shaky camera, but because of how much it blows.



4. Napoleon Dynamite- This might just be the least funny comedy to ever be a big hit, ever. I mean, ever. Nothing in this movie made me even smile. I wanted to kill myself and everyone involved with this kid friendly obnoxiousness. The lead character is not at all likable and his goofiness is not charming or affable. No, instead he is one of the most detestable movie character ever. You may think I am exaggerating here, but I hate him more than Will Ferrell's Ron Burgandy and I didn't watch that whole movie! Of course a girl made me watch this, which is the only reason I made it through, but I still have yet to find one redeeming quality to this badly put together "comedy." Jon Heder is now making a career out of playing this same deplorable man child and it is all the fault of the idiots who thought there was true comedy to be found inside this disgusting excuse for a movie.




3. Contact- I saw this at my theater, for free, and felt robbed. Let me begin by saying that this movie is 152 minutes long and it is supposedly about aliens and it supposedly begins with a sound. What they don't tell you is that we go 40 minutes until we even hear the sound, which means we get 40 damn minutes of exposition and bad Jodie Foster acting. After she finally hears the sound it is another 100 minutes until the machine is built and she heads off into space to find aliens. (SPOILERS!!!!) However, she does not meet aliens, no, she meets her dead father!! The whole thing is like in her mind, WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?! I just waited 140 minutes to see some freaking aliens and it turns out to not even be aliens?? Oh HELL NO! My butt hurt from the time raping I took watching the entire terrible thing. God, I get angry just thinking about it now!




2. Alexander- This might just be the single most boring movie I ever sat through. It is 3 hours long and in that 3 hours, nothing happens. War happens, but it is barely seen and Alexander conquers a lot of lands, but it doesn't seem like it actually happens, we are just told about it. Also, the acting is so unbelievably bad by all parties that they should revoke Angelina's Oscar for it. Much was made of the overt Homosexuality in the movie but those people were not watching the same movie I was because there was no overt homosexuality. This movie was too afraid to really delve into Alexander's gay ways because the entire aspect of the movie is done with just longing looks between two guys. it was almost offensive how timid Oliver Stone was to show anything sexual between two guys. The only redeeming quality was the Rosario Dawson nudity but even that is overshadowed by how badly that scene is shot. Erik and I kept almost leaving but we thought at least 1 good battle had to happen. We were wrong, very very wrong.


1. Pirates 2 and 3- This should probably not come as any surprise to anyone who knows me very well. These movies are worlds more offensive to the words "movie" "cinema" or "film" than any movie I can remember. Shamelessly pandering to the stupid fan girls these movies make absolutely no sense whatsoever. They are bogged down by unusually long and needless plots, bad special effects, horrible acting and just a horrid sense of knowing how to make a movie. Obviously slumming it for the hefty paycheck, Johnny Depp is at his absolute worst in the final two installments of what was a great idea, once upon a time. The forced romances come from every where and none of the characters really truly belong together and with a very unsatisfying ending in which Orlando Bloom pretends to be a bad ass (he is really sucky at that), these two movies combine to show all of the ways a movie can go wrong. With hardly any worthwhile action sequences and rocks that turn to crabs and all kind of other just god awful, atrocious and deplorable cinematic acts, these movies make me physically ill when I even think about them. Not even the fans of these movies can give me good reasons for liking them because even they know just how dreadful they are.


So there they are, the 10 movies I hate the most. For the record I have walked out or turned off 5 movies and they are- From Hell, The Grudge 2, The Astronaut's Wife, Meet the Parents and Anchorman. Feel free to add any movies you hate or even more interesting to me: movies you walked out on. Also, feel free to defend any of the movies on my list.