Stardust

Every so often a movie can surprise you, some for the good and others for the bad. So often I have a basic idea of what I am getting myself in for and I have an idea if I am going to love or hate a movie, but this movie was somewhat of wild card for me. The story seemed interesting and it had some good actors, but the trailers never really gave me an idea of what to expect. Could a movie about a falling star be good, or would it just come off as weird and cheesy? It is billed as a fantasy movie, but what does that really mean? After a summer of being disappointed in "fantasy" like Pirates and Harry Potter, I wasn't sure I was really going to be interested in this movie. But again, every so often a movie can surprise you- good or bad.


Stardust begins with Ian McKellen narrating a story about a teenager who believes there is a magical world just on the other side of the wall that keeps his town separated from everything. The teenager has written a scientist about this theory but no one seems to take any stock into what he is saying. The teenager wants to cross the wall but there is a gatekeeper of sorts there keeping him out. The teen tricks the gatekeeper and ends on the other side eventually coming to a town seemingly full of magic. He meets a girl who claims to be a princess trapped by an evil witch. Naturally they have sex. 9 months later a baby is dropped off at his door. The story fast forwards 18 yrs and we meet Tristan(Charlie Cox), the baby who is now grown up. Tristan is after the heart of a young woman, Victoria (Sienna Miller) and when they see a falling star(Claire Danes) Tristan says he will bring her the star to prove he loves her. 3 witches are also after the fallen star because if they cut out the heart of a fallen star they can gain eternal youth. Michelle Pfeiffer is the leader of these witches and she sets off to find the star. Also there is a storyline involving a dying king and his sons. The king dies but as he is dying he says that whichever brother can find the ruby will be king. He throws the ruby into the sky, it hits the star, which causes it to fall and now the star wears the ruby around her neck. So in all, Tristan, the witches and the 4 princes are all after the star.


This movie is surprisingly good. It is hilarious, whimsical, magical and heart warming. It is everything a fairy tale should be because after all it is a fairy tale. We have witches, princes, magic and even pirates. The humor comes fast and it comes early. If you aren't laughing at the the first scene with the princes then you might not get the rest of the jokes, but the humor is very random, smart and very funny. It is also pretty dark humor, which was the biggest surprise for me. Fairy tales are usually pretty light hearted in nature, but this found humor in murder and even some in torture. The story comes across as a bit basic, but the way it is played works for me. We all know where the movie is headed from beginning to end, but that never takes away from the fun we have watching it. The effects are all fun and while they aren't going to change the way effects are done, they fit well into this kind of story. The score is perfectly epic to match all of the swooping camera shots. Director, Matthew Vaughn certainly loves big swooping cameras and making 360 degree circles letting us take everything in before moving the story forward.


On the performance level, Cox and Danes have a wonderful light hearted chemistry and Cox gives a very earnest and charming portrayal as a man in love. Danes shines playing something as opposed to someone. We are told that stars watch us so Danes was able to pull form that giving a performance that had a wide eyed innocence, but also a hint of street smarts to go along with it. Pfeiffer is having an absolute blast as the witch who starts to age every time she uses her powers. She starts off looking about as good as she ever has and then she wrinkles and hair falls out and her boobs sag. The princes don't all have much personality, but they provide some hilarious moments throughout that I do not want to ruin it because being surprised by it was half the fun. Also, Robert De Niro shows up as a pirate in a cameo that is as hilarious as it is weird.


Of course, this is not an all out comedy though. Don't worry the action is as much fun as the comedy. There is a sword fight between our hero and a zombie that is more thrilling than any of the sword fights in the last two Pirates movies and on top of that moment the entire climatic event is fun and thrilling. The movie moves quickly and while it comes in at a little over two hours it does not at all feel like it. Vaughn has recently been tapped to direct the Marvel Thor movie and if this movie is any indication, it should be a good movie, especially the way lightening looks and is used in this movie. I have not read Neil Gaiman's novel that this movie is based on, but as a stand alone movie it really works in every way. There are a few other cameos by famous English actors like Peter O' Toole, Rupert Everett and Ricky Gervais that are all entertaining and actually I wanted more for Gervais because he is really funny here. But, I guess if my only complaint is that I wish a cameo had been extended, well that means it was a pretty damn good movie. A pretty damn good, and very surprising movie. Who could ask for more from a movie with such a predictable story and one that even ends with "And they lived happily ever after."

Hairspray: Fun Musical or blight on mankind

A few weeks ago a fun little movie called Hairspray came out to wonderful reviews from both critics and movie goers. With fun music, great dancing, a feel good story, a good looking cast and a perky lead character the movie is a fun summer romp, or is it? Having seen the movie fully through three times and seen bits and pieces of it throughout the last three weeks I have started to notice that this movie is not exactly the fun movie we all thought it was; if you pay close attention and are not distracted by all the singing and dancing it is actually quite startling. The themes lying underneath the surface need to be talked about and brought to the public attention so we can begin a national boycott. Don’t believe me, well read on.


Theme 1: It is ok to be yourself as long as you realize black people are cooler.


At first it seems that this movie is for equality but if you pay attention it is actually hoping to turn the inequality on its head by showing that black people are cool while white people need black people to seem cool. Look at Tracy and Amber. We love Tracy because she dances the cool black dance moves, listens to the hip black music and befriends black people, but is Amber really that bad of a person? Does she break any laws (unlike Tracy) to get where she is wanting to go? No, so she has a few typical teenage girl jealousy issues, but what girl wouldn’t when you realize your hot boyfriend wants the “cool” girl. It is her mother who breaks the laws, not Amber but do we forgive her, well sort of because at the end she is seen trying to learn the cool black moves from one of the black dancers. Once again proving that this movie is trying to show that those of us who are ok with our whiteness are not cool unless we hang out with a bunch of black people. Where is the equality in that?


Theme 2: When naïve white girls kiss a black guy they turn into skanks.

Penny is a sweet innocent flower of a girl. She doesn’t dance but kind of awkwardly spins her body while her innocent pigtails flail about. Her mom is a devoted Christian and Penny is never quite as cool as Tracy. Her innocence is appealing and we are rooting for her the entire movie, well almost. Towards the end her little crush turns into something much more when Seaweed climbs up to her room and kisses her. In that moment everything changes, Penny goes from a cute girl to an all out whore. When she starts to sing, she growls through her words, unable to keep her hands off of her lover. She spends most of the movie in long loose dresses, but as soon as she locks lips with the forbidden fruit, her final dress is body forming, cleavage showing and very sexual. She even gets on the dance floor and it is only a matter of time before she is screaming for seaweed to give it to her. Not only does this look unfavorably on innocent white girls, but it does not bode well for black people. What kind of message does this send about black teenage boys? Why must movies always somehow show that black people bring out some sort of animal desires? We get it black Americans came from Africa, but this is just blatant racism! Speaking of racism-


Theme 3: Black guys always carry knives


After Seaweed plants that whore turning kiss, Penny has been tied up and punished by her mother, but have no fear because for some unknown reason, Seaweed just happens to be carrying a knife. We do know that he is from the ghetto thanks to his song but nowhere else in this movie does he have a knife? Or does he? Perhaps he has been carrying it all along and we just accept that black people carry knives at all times. Also, if you notice it kind of turns Penny on, taking us back to theme 2. Seaweed dances on a TV show during Negro day, he does not run with the bloods or of the crips. His lethal weapons appear to be his kickin’ dance steps but there is something much darker looming and luckily for him, the director believes all black are always carrying knives just in case something happens that would require them to shank someone.


Theme 4: School is dumb but detention rules!


Tracy is a bad student. She sleeps through classes is genuinely bored until school is out and she can rush home to watch her show. Actually if the show starts right after school than in reality all of the students who appear on the show must leave school early proving that being on a local TV show is far more important than an education. Hopefully for all of these teens, they get fabulous careers because it does not appear that a high school diploma is in any of their futures. On TV they even say “If you want to be one of the nicest kids in town, cut school tomorrow and audition.” What kind of TV show is this? Why not hold auditions after the show that way these kids can still get a good education while they hope to become famous. Oh right, being famous is all that matters to these kids. Obviously this sort of thinking starting in the 60’s and is to blame for the current Lindsay Lohan issue. So can we blame her or just blame movies like this? When Tracy does actually go to school she gets detention. Detention the thing that should be the kiss of death for any high school student turns out to be dance party U.S.A. Well who wouldn’t want to go to detention if it is a club up in there? Detention is supposed to be a quiet and reflective time. It is supposed to happen after school when it will feel like punishment, but apparently the people behind this tragedy of a movie decided to make school seem like prison and detention feel like So you think you can dance.

There it is folks. This movie is clearly a scourge in the side of the American public, but where is the outrage? I will tell you where it is, it is inside me. And now it needs to be inside all of you. It starts with a fun musical but where does it go next? When it end? It won’t until we all stand up and say “No more!” So I will be the one to begin this cry, this boycott because I will put my foot down and say NO MORE!

Talk to me

In the summer between my Junior and Senior year in high school, I got very much into Martin Luther King Jr. I was fascinated by his words , his messages and his speech. So I was reading a biography about him and how his death affected the country and there was a section about Washington D.C and the riots that erupted in the moments after his death was announced on air. It mentioned the free concert James Brown gave to the city but it mostly talked about a radio DJ by the name of Petey Green and how this one DJ seemed to have the entire ear of the inner city and many believed it was he who single handedly stopped the riots with his voice, his words, his message and his speech. When I found out a movie was being made about this DJ and that he was being played by the phenomenal Don Cheadle, well I could not wait for it.


This is a biopic, but instead of following 1 person it really follows 2 people- Petey Green (Don Cheadle) and Dewey Hughes (Chiwetel Ejiofor)- beginning in the 1960's and ending in the 1980's. Petey is a radio DJ in prison and when Hughes goes to that jail to visit his brother Green confronts him about getting a job. Not thinking much of it Hughes tells Green to look him up when he gets out of jail. Finding a way to get out jail early, Green does just that. At first Hughes refuses to give him a job but Green's protests outside of the radio station has gained quite the following so Hughes gives in and gives him chance. In his first show Green calls Berry Gordy (the guy who ran mo-town)a pimp and the guy running the station E.G Sonderling (A Brilliant Martin Sheen) kicks him off the air. That night Hughes is in a bar and hears all of the people talking about that exact radio show and knows what he has to do. Through some trickery, Green gets on the air the next day and sets the D.C area on fire with his quick tongued truth telling. Sonderling cannot fire him after that and so something big is born. The rest of the movie follows his rise and fall, like every other biopic. He gets his own TV show and a giant stand up act eventually landing Johnny Carson, which is where his decline gets big. He is an alcoholic but it doesn't seem to really be a hindrance on his job.


The way Hughes needed Green to say what he was afraid to say and the way Green needed Hughes to do the things he was afraid to do, Cheadle and Ejiofor need each other in this movie. The first half of this thing is quickly paced, hilarious and genuinely moving as we watch these two men spark a friendship that would span decades. The two actors are tender in the right moments and funny int he right moments. Ejiofor is the prefect reactionary character for Cheadle's live wire act. As for Cheadle, well he has never been more alive on screen. He is a very serious actor, but here he shows that he can be hilarious in the same movie as he is serious. If he is not nominated for an Oscar it will be a crime because he carries this movie above your standard biopic fare. The way Jamie Foxx became Ray Charles and Jim Carrey became Andy Kaufman, Don Cheadle is Petey Green. And Petey was a shock jock before Howard Stern, but he was also a prophet for the people. He was the voice for the streets when the streets did not have a voice and this movie captures all of it.


The defining moment in this movie is the scene I mentioned at the beginning, the death of Martin Luther King Jr. It is a turning point in the movie, in Petey Green and the entire nation as it mourned the loss of one of the true heroes, one of the true good ones. Petey gets on the air and lets the city know what has happened and as he tries to spit out the words, he fights back tears and is just a beaten down black man as he says "I am just so tired ya'll, tired of them doing this to our leaders." Then they go outside and see Washington D.C set ablaze in one of the more stirring riot scenes I have seen on screen. Petey knows this is not the way and says to Hughes that he has to get back on the air. He does and what happens is a brilliant scene that is all Don Cheadle and all Petey Green. I can't quote it and I won't be able to do any of it justice, but as I sit hear typing this I am moved to tears again just thinking about the whole thing. And to see the reaction from Martin Sheen at the end of the scene, just wow, this is acting at its finest, really.


The movie itself starts to lose its way after this moment as it feels like it has to cram everything in there, but the performances are so good, I was never that bored. As it always goes with biopics, the rise is more fun to watch than the fall. However, as we see Green fall we see Hughes Rise, which is a very odd contrast. Hughes ends up a big radio DJ, buys the station and gets giant wealth as Green gets less and less, gets sick and sees his stand up comedy not reach the same amount of people. Petey Green never thought much of himself and that seemed to be why he worked. In a time when black people were being killed for senseless reasons and civil rights still in the future, Green served as a voice, a voice larger than one man, a voice larger than one city, but a voice of a race and a generation and in that Don Cheadle and everyone involved in this film have done Petey Green a great service.


It seems fitting to let Petey Green's sign off end this review :Put your fist in the air and know I'll tell it to the hot, I'll tell it to the cold. I'll tell it to the young, I'll tell it to the old. I don't want no laughin', I don't want no cryin', and most of all, no signifyin'. This is Petey Greene's Washington.

Rescue Dawn (spoilers)

Christian Bale is what is known as "An Actors actor." He is a method actor who goes to great lengths to make everything seem real. he unafraid to lose a grotesque amount of weight or gain it back depending on the role. He spends months training an preparing for whatever role comes his way and without fail, he is brilliant. He is just at ease filling the bat suit as he is doing some small indie film. His American accent is nearly flawless and he brings something interesting to every single role, even if the movie isn't very good. At times it is enough that the movie stars Christian Bale, to make it a good movie. So, I was intrigued to see what he would do with a movie that is a survival film because survival films are often long, boring and repetitive.


This movie is based on the true story of Air Force officer Dieter Dangler (Bale), a German born American bred man who is doing his first tour of duty in the Vietnam conflict. In his first assignment he is shot down and eventually captured by the Viet-kong. He spent a great deal of time in a prison like village, being subjected to all kinds of torture and starvation. He meets a group of people who have been in this prison for about 2 years and decides his fate will not be decided by the enemy. He figures out a plan to escape and he and the other prisoners escape and he and his best friend in prison, Duane Martin (Steve Zahn)spent some more time out int he jungle attempting to survive and find a way to be rescued. That is pretty much the entire movie, but the movie lasts an unnecessary two hours.


Like Castaway or any other survival film, this movie drags because there is only so much one can do in the wild with no one else around. Bale manages to hold our interest but with the typical scene lasting only about 3 minutes before cutting to some other typical jungle survival tactic, it doesn't seem like we get enough time to watch Bale work his acting magic. He does play Dangler differently than I think many would have. Bale gives Dangler an overwhelming amount of optimism and even finds a way to bring a sense of joy even while being tortured. The torture scenes are difficult to watch and really give us a sense that nothing good can come from this. Watching Bale's physical appearance change so rapidly is another testament to what he is willing to do to make a role feel authentic and when we watch him pull leeches off his bare bones body, it is impossible not to feel something for him. Steve Zahn brings a bit of his comic persona to his role, but also does a pretty good job of making us take him seriously as a prisoner who had given up hope until Dangler came along.


The camera work is well done as the camera dips and weaves through tall grass and hanging vines but for all the gorgeous shots, the movie is still about 20 minutes longer than it needed to be. However, often times survival films give us a weak epilogue but the epilogue here is perfectly done and is one of the better moments in the film. Bale does his best to make this a great film but it never gets there. I was checking my watch with about a half hour left and was hoping it would end very soon. The release of this film in the middle of summer will not help its chances come awards season, but I would not be surprised if Bale gets himself some nominations from this movie.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Before the first of these movies came I was hesitant about Matt Damon stepping in to play Jason Bourne because from the books it seemed like Bourne was much older and world wearied. I always envisioned someone like Bruce Willis playing the character but now as the trilogy comes to a close, I cannot imagine anyone else taking on the role. That is just how good Matt Damon has been in the role. He brings a quiet kind of self torture to the role that really brings Jason Bourne to life. However, if you are like me and research movies you would never think this could be a good movie at all- They started without a finished script, it had an unusually long shoot (140 days!) and Matt Damon was always described as looking too exhausted. The movie was being released later than the other two which usually symbolizes a lack of confidence by the studio and in a sea of trilogies- Pirates, Spiderman, Shrek, Ocean's and Rush Hour- would it start to fill like a trilogy overload? When it is all said and done though, this movie rocks about as hard as a movie can.

This movie picks up right where The Bourne Supremacy leaves off. I mean right where it left off, with Bourne limping through the streets being chased by cops after his tremendous car chase. It quickly picks up 6 weeks later and we are led to believe that the thing is over. Bourne has been off the grid for 6 weeks and things seem to be settling down, yet a nosy London reporter finds out some inside information and starts posting stories on Jason Bourne and something called "Blackbriar." Bourne sees this as a chance to finally figure out who he is and gets in touch with the reporter. The rest of the movie is a big chase as Bourne searches for answers it becomes more and more clear that he is a bad man, but that he had to be broken down to be such a bad man. We see glimpses of the C.I.A breaking him down through a series of intense looking flashbacks involving Bourne having his head held under water. Back for this movie are C.I.A official Pamela Landy (Joan Allen) and Nicky Parsons (Julia Stiles)and newcomers here include C.I.A big wig Noah Vosen (David Strathairn". Vosen is the new man trying to get Bourne killed under the guise of him being a threat to the C.I.A. Landy is slowly realizing things aren't as they seem and is lured into the chase herself.


Director Paul Greengrass has a very distinct style that turns some people off because he uses mostly handheld shaky cameras and it can cause some dizziness and can be a bit off putting, but like in the second Bourne movie, he weaves his shaky camera to perfection through each chase and each fight. The up close shaky nature puts us right in the action, so it feel like we not viewing it but we are experiencing it. Each chase scene, slow and fast are vividly captured and with the camera work don't seem overly choreographed; they just seem like they are happening. There is a scene where the reporter and Bourne are caught in a train station and Bourne is telling the reporter via cell phone how to avoid the cameras and the operatives in the station that is just breathtaking. We watch this reporter duck, weave and bob as he just trusts Bourne and we are on the edge of our seat as we wonder what would happen if this reporter even veers off the path for even a second. Each chase is perfectly crafted and the music, the edits and the in your face camera just make each scene drip with intensity. Add to that Matt Damon's incredible portrayal in each scene as Bourne gets increasingly more tired, exhausted, annoyed and worried, and you get one brilliantly tight action movie.


In keeping in line with the other movies this movie features 2 or 3 fights where Bourne gets 3 or 4 opponents and 1 fight with another "asset" just like him. Also famous in these movies are the car chases. Where the first two movies had things that were awesome and long, it felt a bit choreographed. In this movie, the fight between Bourne and the asset is brutally raw. The camera catches each fist thrown and we hear every time the fist connects with skin. Bourne uses a book to try and choke the other guy and both people use anything they can find to throw and hit each other with. It creates a very real looking fight and a very brutal moment, ending in a severe choke out that allows you to see where Jason Bourne has gone. The Bourne Identity has one of the best car chase scenes ever, but it was topped in the second movie by the brilliantly over the top nearly climatic car chase and Greengrass would have been foolish to try and up the ante here. Luckily he does the opposite, he pulls it back. Instead of a big car chase we get a short, loud, hurtful car chase. Bourne has stolen a cop car and instead of a long car chase where he dodges car after car, this one lasts maybe a minute and Bourne is just ramming his cop car into everything until he gets connected with another car one one incredible flip and explosion happens. Like the fights, the raw realness of it gives this movie a decidedly low tech feel and makes you really understand what Jason Bourne is going through.


The ending of this movie is perfect. It is the perfect closing chapter to an amazing trilogy. It is best to view these movies in order and it is necessary to view the first one before this one because they make more sense in a linear fashion. Matt Damon has become Jason Bourne in the way Harrison Ford is Indiana Jones. He has created an iconic screen persona and if the opening box office receipts are any indication, he has placed himself in the upper eschelon of action stars. These movies ushered in a new wave of action recently seen in movies like Casino Royale and Shooter. Where the Matrix went ushered in an era of flying type fighting, this trilogy was hoping to bring the action back to the ground and make you feel something other than "Damn, that was cool." As far as the summer of 3s go, this one is truly top notch and after thinking on it for two days I will even be so bold as to say I enjoyed this more than I enjoyed Spiderman 3. Yes, I said it.

Slow Burn (Spoilers)

When a movie is made in 2005 but is not released until 2007, it usually means some pretty bad things. It usually means the studio was arguing whether to release it to the big screen or just dump it onto DVD. When a movie is billed as an erotic thriller it also usually means something pretty bad and when it is released the same week as another bad erotic thriller, well..you get the point. So why would I ever rent this movie that has the odds so stacked against it? Why would I rent a movie that boasts a mostly unknown woman as the centerpiece for the sex and thrills? Well, I just happen to love erotic thrillers. They are the perfect amount of cheese to get me through 90 minutes of my day. So did this one rise to the occasion?


Ford Cole( Yes, Ford Cole- Ray Liotta) is a District Attorney on the rise, making his way to Mayor. He is being interviewed by Ty Trippin (Chiwetel Ejiofor) on a night nearing the election when he gets a call that his best prosecutor, Nora Timmer (Lolene Blalock) has just shot and killed a man. She claims it was rape and it is an open and shut case, right? She tells the story of how she met a guy named Isaac Duperde (Mekhi Phifer, seen only in flashbacks) and how he raped her and she had to finish him off before he finished off inside her. It all seems to be true until we meet Luther Pinks (L.L Cool J) and he weaves a completely different tale of how this happened. He claims Timmer seduced Duperde and he even had intimate details of Timmer's naked body, that Cole knows because he is also sleeping with her. Turns out Timmer was trying to get Duperde to testify against the biggest criminal int eh city and she was trying to seduce him into doing it, or was she? Cole is on a race against the clock as he tries to figure out who is telling the truth and who is lying. Along the way he discovers some very unsettling information about his girl and himself. See, it turns out his campaign is being back by the big criminal and if any of this gets leaked his entire career comes crashing down.


This movie seems to be borrowing from The Usual Suspects and Pulp Fiction. Relying on their non-linear story telling devices and twists and turns, but the problem here is that none of the twists are shocking because if you are paying attention it is easy to figure just about all of it before the characters do. That is not to say it is an awful movie, just an average one. Liotta is solid as a man realizing he is on the verge of losing everything and in the flashbacks Phifer is his usual solid self. Taye Diggs shows up for some much needed exposition and is wasted, as usual. Blalock is the key to this thing though. Her character is who is at the center of this possible conspiracy. Is she good or bad? Is she black or white? Yes, that is key. See this movie plays off the idea that this woman is bi-racial, that depending on the light, she can walk with white people or walk with black people. A lot of time is spent driving that theory home with us, including some very unnecessary lighting effects, just in case we don't understand the concept of a light skinned black girl.


I wanted to like this movie but it isn't very erotic or very thrilling. The sex is excruciatingly timid considering how sexual they make the main girl to be. The dialogue is awful, especially this gimmick of L.L Cool J's character remembering people and moments by relating them all to smells of food, yes smells of food. One day Timmer smells like mashed potatoes and so on. The whole white and black issue seems to be a pointless diversion from the truth, a red herring to keep us from figuring out just who is who and what exactly is going on, but it isn't an interesting enough question to have thrown me off the scent of what was really going on. Ray Liotta is better than this and Taye Diggs needs to start doing work that shows the promise he showed in his early films because taking these wasted roles is just sad to see.

Underdog

To be perfectly honest I never would have seen this movie if it was not at my theater because I would never pay to see something like this. The first time I saw the trailer I thought it could be kind of a cute movie but as the release date neared and more trailers and promos came out, I got less and less interested. But I watched it anyway so I guess I can review it.


Cartoons turning into live action movies aimed at kids are rarely any good and this is truly no exception. Underdog is a superhero dog who in the cartoon takes some sort of drug pill to get his super strength and in this movie some sort of experiment goes horribly wrong and he is endowed with Superman like powers. Also, he can talk. A retired cop runs him over, takes him home and the dog forms a bond with the son. The son is moody, emo and silent because his mom recently died but he and is father never discussed it. We do not ever find out how his mom died and the only reason it seems to exist to make the kid a lot more needy when it comes to bonding with our hero dog. Underdog falls in love with another dog and she thinks he is not underdog (more Superman stuff). The evil genius Dr. Barsinister (Peter Dinklage) is after Underdog because the dog is taking all of the glory he thinks he deserved for creating the potion that turned an ordinary dog into a pun rhyming crime fighter. His assistant, Cad (Patrick Warburton) follows his every footstep and in the end they end up as bunk mates in prison.


I know this movie is aimed at kids and that nothing I say really matters because I am not of that target age, but this movie is woefully bad. I counted myself chuckling 3 times and all 3 at Warburton doing his usual routine of dumb guy charm. Jason Lee as the voice of Underdog could have been a good choice but the dialogue is so awful it really doesn't matter who voiced him. The theme of the movie is that even the Underdog can win, but it isn't actually true because once the little dog is pumped up on steroids, he is no longer the Underdog. In fact, he cannot defeat the evil Barsinister until he gets his powers back, after he briefly loses them. So in reality, this movie is saying that if you need an extra boost, well that is ok! The CGIed dog is not all that impressive and the action isn't thrilling or funny. I guess I can see where kids would laugh at his trying to land after flying, but even that gets old after the second or third time.


I often wonder why kids movies have to appeal to the lowest form of kid. Pixar movies are for kids and they are brilliant, but so often people think kids will only laugh at poop jokes and bad pratfalls. Until the day someone thinks to challenge a kid with a movie this is what we get and later this year we have an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie to look forward to! There is a way to make kids movies for everyone to enjoy, but this is certainly not it. It is not wonder that the writer went 5 years without getting a script made. Also, the son in this and his love interest look too far apart in age for me to believe it. He is about 16 or 17 and she is obviously 12 or 13 yrs old. It seems like such a little thing, but it really just led to me and my two co-workers to laugh AT it not WITH it. I an only hope this thing leaves quietly and quickly

The Simpsons movie

I cannot be counted among the millions of people of have one time or another been a huge fan of the Simpsons. I never really understood why so many found it to be so funny and after South Park and Family Guy started I couldn't understand why people still watched it. Outside of the special Halloween episodes and the countless amount of big name guest stars, I just never saw the appeal of it, so I wasn't particularly interested in a big screen adaptation that seemed about 10 yrs too late to begin with. However, the trailer had a few funny bits and with the promise of seeing the first teaser for The Dark Knight, I decided I was in. So, am I now a Simpsons fan? Do I now understand why so many people love Homer, Bart and all the others? Well read on to find out.


I shall begin with what little story there is in this thing. The story centers around Homer, the clueless Patriarch of this insane family. He won't listen to his wife and he humiliates his son at every possible turn. Now, he has caused Springfield to be put in a giant bubble due to the insane pollution in the city and he is also going to be responsible when Springfield gets blown up and it is up to him to save it and prove to his family and friends that he is worth their time, love and effort. Not a very interesting story if you ask me, which is where this movie starts to fall. The basic story just doesn't grab my attention so I must rely on all the bits to hold my attention and this movie starts of strongly with the bits but as the movie delves further into pushing the plot forward the bits get less and less funny.


The bits begin during the opening credits as Homer insults us for paying to see the movie of something we can watch on T.V for free. We get a pretty hilarious Itchy and Scratchy "movie" and then we are off to our actual movies. Homer and Bart are on the roof and Homer hits himself with a hammer and it causes Bart to trade dares with his dad. Bart eventually is skateboarding through Springfield naked relying on a bunch of sight gags that were more creative and more effective in Austin Powers, using every day objects to hide a naked body part. The joke eventually becomes that we get an actual shot of Bart's penis. Bart gets arrested and tied to a tree while naked and Homer doesn't do anything to help. This is what leads Bart to thinking Flanders might just be a better father. Add to the mix that Homer has a new pet pig (the best bit in the movie is "spider-pig") and doesn't know where to put the pig crap, so he creates a giant Silo to put the crap in. When it fills up he dumps it in the lake and it erupts into a giant toxic wasteland. Oh and Lisa is up to her usual wanting to save the planet business, but now she has a love interest.


Most of the side characters are not written into the movie much and it is a bit mind boggling because this show is successful because of its quirky characters. Also, only one big name celebrity voice shows up and while it is totally worth it, I just expected more. I really thought the first 30 to 40 minutes of side gags worked. I laughed when FOX promoted a show, even during the movie and I thought some of the other side stuff worked, but after a while I was just over the whole thing. This movie didn't take the risks South Park took when it went to the big screen and so it seems like just an inflated Simpsons episode and wasn't really worthy of a movie version. Maybe the show is funny in 20 minute segments, but this movie does not do anything to convince I should even waste my time trying to watch it. Oh and the Dark Knight trailer wasn't even attached!

Hairspray

The new wave of musicals seem to fit in one of two catergories- Really good or really bad. Chicago and Dreamgirls are considered among the former and Rent and The Producers the latter. I happen to think Chicago and Dreamgirls are very overrated and Rent not nearly as bad as others, so with the rave reviews for Hairspray pouring in, I wasn't sure what to expect. Add to that, I thought John Travolta was painfully miscast and I was very hesitant coming into this thing. I also think the original movie is not at all this brilliant little movie like people claim because John Waters (the director) is not at all talented and the movie is mostly only known for thrusting Rikki Lake into the mainstream and for having a cross dresser play the mother, but actually play her as a mother and not as a guy in drag.


Tracy Turnblad(newcomer Nikki Blonsky) is a chubby and short teenager in the 1960's who loves to dance. She is a dreamer and a believer that people are ultimately good. She is a dedicated fan of a TV show called "The Corny Collins Show." It is some sort of American bandstand and Mickey Mouse Club like show featuring teens who sing and dance. With one of the girls leaving for 9 months a spot opens up and Tracy wants it. At the audition she gets to see Link Larkin (Zac Efron in his big screen debut), a teenage heart throb, in person but due to the mother daughter combination of Velma and Amber Von Tussel (Michelle Pfeiffer and Brittany Snow) she does not get the part. Because of her unbelievable spirit she doesn't get too down on herself and instead spends her extra time in detention learning some new "negro" dance moves thanks to Seaweed (Elijah Kelly, another screen debut). Tracy's mother, Edna(John Travolta) is a big woman who is afraid of the outside world and her father, Wilbur (Christopher Walken) is a joke store owner who wants his daughter to chase her dreams.


Tracy gets her chance to show Corny Collins (James Marsden) how well she moves and gets a spot on the show. She is quickly a favorite on the show and with a pageant coming up, Velma needs to assure that her daughter will win. Undercut in this story is a little history lesson about the black and white divide. Once a month the Corny Collins show has a "negro day." This day is hosted by Motormouth Maybelle (Queen Latifah) and features black singers and dancers. Tracy wants full integration and when Negro day is cancelled, the blacks picket and Tracy joins them. Tracy's talent and undeniable spirit lead Link to rethink what is important and eventually claims "Tracy I'm in love with you no matter what you weigh." It is a musical so things do work out in the end including a mixed couple of Seaweed and Tracy's best friend, Penny (A particularly adorable yet sexy, Amanda Bynes), whose mother believes everything is the devil.


This movie is bursting at the seams with the kind of energy rarely seen on the big screen. The songs flow with the script and transition well out fo them, not lingering for some non existent awkward applause that seems to curse most of these movie musicals. The newcomers are all crazy talented- especially Nikki Blonsky and Elijah Kelly. Blonsky's Tracy is a firecracker of a girl and while her short chubby T-Rex like arms sometimes make the dances look weird, she carries herself very well and moves very well in the movie. She seems unafraid of acting opposite Oscar nominees and probably brought something out in them. Kelly's Seaweed is just spectacular to watch as his voice soars and his dances seem effortless. His obvious charm will most likely make him a star somewhere and as some of you know, I am prone to man-crushes and it seems as if I can add Zac Effron to that list. He is a very funny, cocky but deep Link Larkin. He moves well sings well, but his look is just picture perfect for Link. When I saw it, teenage girls swooned every time he winked. Walken and Pfeiffer both have great moments and it is nice to see them both letting loose and having fun on screen.


However, the biggest surprise for me was John Travolta. I thought he was going to be the downfall of this movie, but once you get passed the hideous face and the awkward accent/voice, Travolta makes Edna a very sympathetic character. He finds the sweet innocence and the overwhelming self doubt within the character and when he gets to dance, oh it is like he has been dying to dance on screen again. I can't imagine dancing in heels is easy, but when it is heels and a fat suit, just wow. He won me over pretty early in the film and just continued to find fun things in Edna. He goes a different direction than intended and I liked it better. Instead of playing it like a man dressed as a woman, he tried very hard to find something matronly within himself and pulled it off. During "You can't stop the beat" when he gets up to sing and dance, the audiences erupted in a mix of cheers and laughter and watching him get his Tina Turner on in a sequence dress is worth the price of admission in itself.


The message of the movie is nice and is made in two single moments towards the end during "You can't stop the beat." First of all Link brings a little black girl out to dance with him on national television and then the best acting moment in the movie and it really is just a moment is when Corny Collins, an incredibly hilarious and perfect Marsden, tells Velma 'This is the future" before grabbing Motormouth and letting her shine on TV. It is such a small moment but it really shows just how good of an actor Marsden is, with just one sentence and one look, I nearly had tears in my eyes. But, the point of this movie is to have fun, no matter who you are and it accomplishes it in spades! Some of the existing musical numbers are gone and two new ones are added in their place and the unfolding events have changed a bit from the musical, but they didn't bother me once. When this movie was over I was very much ready to watch it again because it is just that much fun. The dances don't seem overly complicated but when done in perfect unison that are impressive and while Latifah lacks the raw power of the Motormouth from Broadway, her voice has a sincerity and attitude in it that make "I know Where I've been" a moving number, even if the montage seems a bit overdone.


It is not without knowing its history either as John Waters, Rikki Lake and Jerry Stiller all show up for brief cameos and during the credits "Mama I'm a big girl now" plays and it is being sung by Nikki Blonksy, Rikki Lake and the girl who originated it on Broadway. This has quickly become my favorite of the new wave of translating stage musicals into movies and if you aren't having fun at this movie, something may just be wrong with you!

I now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry

There was a time when I was among that large fraternity of Adam Sandler fans- Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore and the Wedding Singer- are all movies I still find to be hilarious and extremely quotable. However, over the last few years I have been distancing myself from him because, well, his movies have basically started sucking. I am, though, a fan of Kevin James and I thought the premise of this movie was interesting. Plus Jessica Biel is incredibly hot the trailers make the most of the fact, so I figured I would check it out. It couldn't be that bad, right? Right?


Larry Valentine(Kevin James) and Chuck Levine(Adam Sandler) are firefighters and best friends. Valentine is a widower/single parent and Levine is a disgusting womanizer, but they have a male bond that cannot be broken. After Larry saves Chuck's life in a fire, Chuck tells Larry that he will do anything Larry needs at anytime. Larry has been trying to get all of his benefits in his kid's names but do to a flawed system he isn't able to and the only way to do it is to get married or enter into a domestic partnership. He hatches the plan and eventually gets Chuck to sign on after promising no one will ever actually know. The government decides to check up on them to make sure it is all legit and madness ensues. They hire a lawyer, Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel), and quickly Chuck falls head over heels in love with her. Their lies start to spin out of control as they they become kind of poster boys for gay and Chuck starts to doubt keeping up the truth, but because of the love he has for Larry, he continues to do it anyway. They are ostracized by their fellow firefighters, friends and Larry is thrown off of scouting trips and little league. Oh and it is possible that Larry's son is gay (although only 11 years old).


This is supposed to be a comedy of the make-you-laugh-out-loud type, but I think I chuckled a total of 6 times and 4 of those happened at a running gag that for some reason I think is very funny. The gay jokes are old and stale (Boy George records,really?) and the stereotypes painfully unfunny, especially Ving Rhames showing up as a tough crazy big black guy, who is hiding his gayness until Chuck and Larry come out. Then, when Rhames comes out he turns out to be a total queen, with limp wrists, a lisp and singing "I'm every Woman" in the shower. Alex's brother is also gay and possibly every gay stereotype rolled into one person played by new Sandler regular Nick Swardson. If the movie is not offensive to gay people, it is offensive to the genre of comedy. We get the usual Sandler staples- Rob Schneider, David Spade and his other unfunny cronies- all stopping in for excruciatingly awful bits. Schneider as an offensive wannabe Asian and Spade as a gay guy who looks like a hot chick from behind. I cannot think of an original idea in this movie and even the very core of Sandler's character is hard to believe because we have to buy that every woman alive wants to sleep with him and that he is smooth enough to get twin sisters to make out, tongue and all.


That doesn't mean nothing in the movie works because there are some things that work. Steve Buscemi in his obligatory Sandler cameo shines as the government official trying to get to the bottom of the case (he has a fanny pack too!). Dan Ackroyd as the fire captain gave me the two chuckles not related to the running gag. But most of all Kevin James really shines as the heart of the movie. His portrayal of Larry is a touching and kind especially when remembering his deceased wife. The few serious moments int he movie work because of him and the end of the film works because you do believe he and Sandler as best friends. In an attempt to kind of apologize for every gay stereotype in this thing, it hits us very hard over the head about tolerance. And as a message film it almost works. If the rest of the movie hadn't been so damned fraught with bad gay jokes, the kind of over the top preachiness might have sounded a bit sincere. It is like anytime someone starts off a sentence with "No offense but", saying that doesn't not make up for whatever offensive thing you are about to say. I am not a hyper sensitive guy and I find stereotypes to be amusing in doses, but this movie just elevates it to a level that renders every single homophobic gay joke seriously unfunny. Chuck starts the movie as a guy who is not afraid to throw around the word faggot, but by the end he understands what it feels like to be a gay person and has seen the error of his former ways. Also, Jessica Biel is just as hot as advertised, even if most of her scenes are coated in a nice thin layer of misogyny.


I still believe the premise of this movie could lend itself to both a great comedy and a touching drama, but I think it needs to be tackled by people who actually care about the subject or at least by people who understand what is funny. I can't imagine Sandler's usual fans are going to fall in love with the movie because it does have a lot of gay in it, even if it is wrapped in a heavy coating of blatant homophobia, so this could be Sandler's first comedic mainstream dud, which would make me very happy! I hope Kevin James can find better material than this and that this bad movie will not be a deterrent for someone better tackling this subject because it is a hot button issue and could be turned into a great film.

My top 10 favorite animated movies list

Well the title of this entry is pretty self explanatory, but having just watched Ratatouille I thought this list seemed fitting, so here are my ten favorite animated movies of all time, followed by a few that just missed the cut.


10. The Jungle Book- With its fantastically characterized animals to the great story and of course "The Bare Necessities" it is hard not to love this movie. Shere Kahn is the perfect tiger villain, Kaa the snake makes a perfect bumbling wannabe villain (although the fear of snakes most people makes him villainous) and Then you have Baloo and Bageera being the prototypes for the buddy film. Throw in a great sequence of monkeys singing and dancing looking for fire and you have one hell of a movie!


9. The Iron Giant- A boy befriends an alien giant and boys all over the world have their fantasies brought to life on the screen! The alien is computer animated but the rest is hand drawn for a unique blend of animated styles. It is thrilling, dangerous and not exactly a typical family animated movie. The characters seem real, due to the director, Brad Bird, being a genius and great voice work from the entire cast. This came out when I was 19 but when I watched it, I was 11 all over again.


8. The Emperor's new Groove- David Spade annoys a lot of people but it is difficult to deny that he is perfect as the crazy ego centric ruler here. From the opening moments until the tail end his snarky one liners are constant hits and his playing off John Goodman's lovable character give off just the perfect blend that He achieved with Chris Farley earlier. Add in Eartha Kitt and Patrick Warburton stealing the movie, whether from humming his own theme music or speaking squirrel and you have a great Disney comedy. The animation is fun and the story lends itself to some neat tricks and any movie where the main character is turned into a Llama is okay in my book.


7. Happy Feet- A tap dancing penguin movie should not have been this fun, but damn it is just a riot of a movie. Hugh Jackman as a wannabe Elvis could not be better. The animation is entirely too incredible and the song and dance numbers are just so much fun I wanted to tap dance as I left the theater. Yes the politics get crazy heavy handed towards the end, but it doesn't distract from the fun. Robin Williams is back in top voice work form and watching a bunch of a penguins sing "Somebody to love" turns out to be one great show.


6. Monsters, Inc- Some throw this in the batch of only "okay" Pixar movies but I find it to be one of the more magical Pixar Movies. It is almost too clever, which I like and Billy Crystal and John Goodman are a perfect team. The Monster world is truly magnificent and watching all of the different monsters never stops being fun. Throw in Steve Buscemi as the villain and watch the fun commence. The highlight being our two leads pretending to be putting on a musical.


5. The Lion King- What can I say, James Earl Jones and Jeremy Irons voicing character sin the same movie? SIGN ME UP! This movie is equal parts hilarious, thrilling and heart breaking. Loosely following the story of Hamlet, we watch Simba grow from heart broken lion cub into a majestic beast with the help of two of the best animated Disney characters- Timon and Pumba. Nathan Lane was quite the find in his role. The music is epic and beautiful. The animation of "Can't wait to be King" is wonderful and it is hard not to sing Hakuna Matata when it is all said and done.


4. Transformers- What can I say, I grew up on this show and the movie was just more of the same. The animation is perfect and the story is wonderful. They made a daring risk killing off a main character and while many hated it, I remember being impressed by it. The story is fun and the characters even more fun in movie form. This movie always takes away to a time of being a child and having no real big problems and that is the sign of a great movie. Plus it has the Unicron!


3. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut- This was the peak of this show for me. Not to say it has gotten bad or anything, but it is impossible to top this perfect satire of musicals, the media, swearing, Canada and parents. The jokes and funnier, the language is dirtier and the plot even more ridiculous, but it is just so much fun. The music works because it is actually good music, on top of parodying Broadway musicals. All of our favorite characters are there and the climatic battle is just too great to miss.


2. Toy Story- Very few movies possess the sheer delight that this movie has. With a script written by Joss Whedon and Joel Cohen, toys come to life in the most fun imaginative kids movie ever. What boy doesn't wonder if his toys come to life when he is not around. Tom Hanks has never been funnier than he is with Woody and Tim Allen is an absolute riot as Buzz Lightyear. The story is funny, the animation still looks fresh today and it led the charge for a great amount of small character parts for animated movies. The dialogue is about as funny and clever as any live action comedy and it is tough to find anyone who doesn't know that "You are a sad, strange little man" comes from this truly brilliant gem of a movie.


1- Aladdin- At one time I knew every single word to this movie, the dialogue and the song lyrics. I think it is a perfect story, perfect voice work and perfect animation. Every single voice is perfect- Aladdin, the sultan, Jasmine, Jafar, Iago and especially the Genie. Robin Williams has never been funnier, and I mean never. His fast talking mess of a genie is pure comic gold. The songs are tremendous and everyone knows "A whole new world." I can watch this movie over and over and still get joy out of all the fun things going on during "Friend like me" or "Prince Ali." Who doesn't want to ride a magic flying carpet, save a princess or battle a big bad evil guy? This movie has it all!


A few that didn't quite make the cut: Spirited away (you need to see this), Beauty and the Beast, Nightmare before Christmas and The Little Mermaid.


The most overrated animated movie: Finding Nemo.

Ratatouille (spoilers)

Brad Bird just understands how to make animated films- The Iron Giant and The Incredibles- are both excellent animated films. Because I trust him, I checked this movie out. I was not thrilled by watching the trailers, animals don't do it for me, Patton Oswalt seemed like an odd choice as the main voice and the premise just seemed too silly for me. Yet, because Bird made The Iron Giant, I was willing to believe he could turn me into a fan of a rat chef.


Remy (Oswalt) is a rat with a keen sense of smell and a desire to eat only good foods. Since he is a rat, he eats garbage and is supposed to roll with his giant family of rats, but he wants more. After he is separated from his family he realizes he is in Paris, apparently the best city in the world for a chef. At times he is visited by Gusteau (Brad Garrett) the chef who made Remy believe he could cook. Gusteau is dead now, but appears as a figment of Remy's imagination. After making his way into a bistro to find some food, Remy sees this awkward guy ruining a soup. That guy, Linguini, is wannabe chef but just doesn't know what he is doing. Remy fixes the soup, but everyone believes Linguini did it and they expect him to do it again. Linguini knows it was Remy and the most unlikely of friendships is formed. Remy controls Linguini's actions by pulling on his hair and so the story goes.


The motto spouted by the characters in this movie is anyone can cook. That is the premise we are supposed to buy as an audience. We have to believe this rat can be a chef and to be honest, it is accomplished in most ways. Bird has created a world where we can care about a rat and Oswalt does a surprisingly good job with the voice work. Also, Remy doesn't do a lot of talking, which is great. He does most of his voice work in the realm of the voice over. I like that when humans hear him talk it is just in screeches. The problem with the premise is that the movie sets out to show that in fact not everyone can cook. Remy is the only one in this movie that can actually cook. They want us to believe that anyone can cook so we can buy the rat cooking, but apparently we are supposed to forget that premise when it comes to Linguini or his lady friend Collette. That is my main issue with the movie. Also it runs a little long and it gets a bit too silly for my liking and it lacks the usual charm and clever attitude of the Pixar movies.


The animation is beyond dazzling to the point where the rain drops looks like real rain and Paris looks beyond incredible. There are a few action sequences that are among some of the better action sequences from this summer's movie selection, especially the one in the kitchen towards the beginning where Remy is trying to stay unseen. A lot of the shots are wonderful shots and at times it really feels like a live action film. It doesn't have the laughter the early Pixar movies have, but perhaps it has a more complete story. The score is just outstanding, leaving me breathless during some of the more active scenes. It was no surprise that it is Michael Giacchino, the composer of every episode of Lost and Alias. Rarely has a score moved me during a movie this much, especially for an animated movie.


This movie is far from perfect, but it is definitely worth watching. While it doesn't have the innocent charm of The Iron Giant or the crazy good story of The Incredibles, it does have something fun. It doesn't seem as much for kids, but the few jokes aimed at kids actually work for adults as well. I wanted to like this better than I did because of Brad Bird, but the fact that I actually cared about this rat goes to show just how good he is because well lets face it, I do not enjoy animals at all.

Les Miserables

I have never been a fan of this show even though I have never actually seen it. I had a "best of" Cd and it put me to sleep with its insane boring music. However, everyone has always told me that I would like it so much more when I actually saw it, so since it was at Music Circus this season, I figured I would check it out. Allow me to begin with some of the factors I was dealing with while watching it that may have adversely affected my opinion of this show: 1. The woman and child in front of me insisted on whispering constantly and 2. The woman on the end of my row thought humming along to "On my Own" would be a fantastic idea. Also, I may make some Shakespearean comparisons because, well they fit and sometimes I like to pretend I am smart.


This happy little show begins in 1815 where we meet our hero, Jean Valjean (Ivan Rutherford), fresh from serving a 19 year jail sentence for stealing a loaf of bread. Had this not been 1815 France I would have found this to be ridiculous but considering this play will eventually take us to the revolution, it makes sense. He cannot seem to find work because of his past so he decides to leave that past behind, much to the chagrin of Javert (Brad Little), the cop who becomes obsessed with finding Valjean. We jump 8 years and Valjean is explicitly the mayor of a village, apparently it is near his old village (no one said he was smart) and Javert is still haunted by losing him. We are also introduced to a down on her luck Fantine, who has a daughter (Cosette) who is starving and living in bad conditions but Fantine can't seem to get money because she us shunned for having a baby out of wedlock. She sells herself and and before she is arrested she tugs at the heart strings of Valjean and he promises her he will find her and take care of her. Also, for some unknown reason Valjean has superhuman strength and Javert remembers this and when he sees Valjean lift a runaway stage coach, he is reminded of that prisoner. Valjean reveals himself but escapes.


After rescuing Cosette from some truly heinous people, Valjean starts a new life and again we jump time to nine years later. Cosette is a bit older and Valjean is still an idiot because he is still near Javert. Now we meet some young liberal minded men who want to start the revolution and among these people is Marius (Michael Hunsaker). They instantly fall in love, as only those in movies or theater can, but are ripped away when Valjean believes Javert is on his tail yet again. Also the revolution has started and people are being picked off left and right. That is as basic of a plot as I can possibly give, but I know I left some things out.


This musical is still boring, even while watching it staged. The stage constrictions at the Wells Fargo Pavilion make keeping track of everything and everyone nearly impossible. The director apparently told his actors to face every way but where I was sitting because I rarely got faces. The sparse set just doesn't work for me with a show like this. I wanted to see something big and epic to keep up with the giant nature of the score. The orchestra was flawless and the lighting superb but the other technical things were off. Some of the mics were late to be turned on and some turned on too early and a few props seemed to be missing, if you were paying attention (unless they were going Our Town style).


As for the performances well, Valjean is strong but his falsetto wasn't working for me and it actually made me giggle at times. He seemed to be a strong actor in the tender moments but his strong moments didn't really register with me. Javert was a pleasure to watch and listen to, especially in his soliloquy, where like Wosley in Shakespeare's Henry the 5th, he laments how his own ideals have been lost during his life and instead of trying to figure out what to do, he kills himself (a hokey moment given the stage constrictions). One girl I didn't mention during the summary was Eponine (Juliana Ashley Hansen). She is love with Marius, but he sees her as only a friend and at the beginning of act two she sings "On My Own". It is my favorite song in the show and Hansen does not at all disappoint. She was incredibly strong and vulnerable in her conviction to the song and to Marius and played Eponine with more playfulness than I would have imagined and it worked. Of everyone on stage she was the one I felt for and when she was killed, it was the only death that got to me, not unlike Queen Katherine in Henry the 5th as she makes her final grand statement before dying.


As the lovers Cosette and Marius, Laura Griffith and the aforementioned Hunsaker are fine. They don't stand out and make you feel their love and the songs don't help really. The one other guy who incredibly impressed me was Enjolras (Will Ray), Marius' friend. His solo work in "Red and Black" (still a corny ass song) and "Do you hear the people sing" were truly the high points of the show for me. Another high point would be Valjean's "Bring him home." The moment was incredibly tender and while the stage's spinning stage loses it's charm quickly, it works in this moment.


Following in that Shakespearean tragedy format, we are not devoid of a few light moment. Where Macbeth has its witches, we have a husband and wife team that sing the ghastly overrated "Master of the House." It is a funny little number but wears out its welcome very quickly. Also it reappears as a different song later in act 2 (right before the big finale, how very Othello like). While in Othello it was meant to soften us up for the big nasty to follow, this little comic relief right before we see Valjean meet his fate serves as just an obnoxious repeat to what we saw earlier. Maybe it was the two actors, maybe it was the staging, but I could have done without this nonsense.


I have not read the source material or seen the non musical movie version and while this is an incredibly flawed production and musical, the basic story makes me interested int he movie. Watching Javert's obsession take hold of him as Valjean's increasing kindness proves him to be a good guy is an interesting study in right and wrong or good and evil, but in the realm of this musical it takes the form of random choppy encounters. The musical doesn't flow real well, at least this production doesn't. It seems jarring in places where it should move seamlessly like a snake through grass.

Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix (spoilers)

I must begin this by saying I am not a reader of the Harry Potter series. My knowledge of the Potter mythos is based solely in the cinematic portrayals and the things my friends tell me (whether I am interested or not). I have enjoyed the movies but I have no understanding of what gets missed from the source material. I will be reviewing this specifically as a movie, like I would any other movie. So in that aspect is it any good? Does the Potter series still excite or has it worn out its welcome?


After a bad ass fight with Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) has spent his summer alone, apparently spending it all on a swing getting his emo on. It seems that no one believes his Voldemort story, except Dumbledore but Dumbledore isn't speaking to Harry, so Harry is left to be a whiny little teenage boy. Now, I am not entirely sure who the bully is, but I believe it is a cousin(?) and they are about to go toe to toe when the sky gets dark and there are all of a sudden two Dementers(?) appear and harry busts out his magic wand and knocks them back to whatever hell they came from. The Ministry of witchcraft and wizardry wants Potter expelled from school so they use this use of magic in front of a muggle (non magic person) as their excuse to do it. However, Dumbledore saves the day, but continues to give Potter the big brush off. Back at school the friction between Harry and his two friends have carried over as people still don't believe Voldemort is back.


Delores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) has become the new teacher of the black arts (?) but she is a ministry approved teacher so she is taking all of the fun out of magic, electing to spend time focusing on standardized testing. Soon, with the grand minister at her back (perhaps literally and metaphorically) she gains all sorts of power within the school and laws start popping up. All the while, other students finally start to believe that Potter and the big bad did duke it out and the teenage wizards begin to form their own army and practice their wizardry. The big plot though is that Potter and Voldemort are becoming one. They have this deep connection and Potter finds himself getting a little more evil (Hello Spiderman 3). Voldemort is trying to gain this prophesy thing and that is where the climax happens. I believe that is all the main stuff.


This is one completely and totally average movie. It is 2 hours of exposition for the final two chapters and features so many loose ends I wouldn't even know where to begin. First off all, since the Dementers are controlled by the ministry, we are to believe someone in the ministry sent them to Potter, but it is never discussed again. Also, there is a giant and a few canataurs (half people half horse) that have nothing to do with advancing the story in any way. Dumbledore is ignoring Potter because he thought if he did it that Voldemort wouldn't want to invade Potter's mind, which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. How does the head master Wizard underestimate the big bad like that? And how is he immediately forgiven? I know the ministry doesn't wan tot believe the big bad is back, but how convenient is it that they don't even seem to pursue that possibility and just go straight to slandering Dumbledore and Potter? Hagrid ( Robbie Coltrane) talks about going to the land of the giants, but only mentions it in passing, so I assume this will show up in the seventh installment, but here is just doesn't work. Also, it is called the Order of the Phoenix, but the order bookends the movie and doesn't really do anything when they are on screen, certainly not enough to warrant the title being named after them. The kids are all still horrible actors, with Harry taking the cake of suck. Hermoine (Emma Watson) is the best character of the teens but Watson has a very whiny delivery that is obnoxious.


Could someone please makes a movie where Snape (Alan Rickman) is in every scene. His ambiguous character is mesmerizing but in every movie I keep wanting more Snape and less of everyone else. Gary Oldman is back with a fantastic Serius Black, however unceremonious his death is. Ralph Fiennes is turning Lord Voldemort into a truly iconic villain, joining these ranks- Nicholson's Joker, Darth Vader, Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor, Ian McKellan's Magneto and Alan Rickman's Die Hard villain. The closing Voldemort line "You will lose everything" gave me chills and again, I need more of him! While some do not like the new Dumbledore (I can't tell the difference) the character is bad ass. He can disappear as fire and then in truly stunning climatic battle he and Voldemort exchange bad assery wizard mojo. Also, the scenes where the students are in the secret room practicing their magic for the big battle (two movies away!!) are fun and thrilling the way these movies are supposed to be. The effects have taken a step backwards and the life felt sucked out of these movies. I enjoyed the real life applications of the school being run by the school district but Delores Umbridge was such an obnoxious character that I wasn't annoyed at what she was doing, I was annoyed by the fact that the author made me deal with such a character.


I am sure not being a reader of the books has affected my viewing of this movie and perhaps the loose ends are discussed to more depth in this book or the next one or perhaps in the closing book due out next week. The things I love about the third and fourth installments of this overly long series were gone here. Even series need a specific story arc and this movie had no real discernible middle or end really. The Lord of the Rings movies all had a beginning middle and end for each movie where even when the ending was indeterminate, they had a specific ending and this movie just kind of wonders from scene to annoying scene, not focusing on the cool characters or the cool magic. Some of this fault lies with the source material and some of it lies with the director which worries me because he is coming back for movie number 6. This is not a bad movie, it just a movie with a lot of holes. It has enough of a cool battle to make me give out 1 cheer, but it was boring enough that I left to go refill my soda, which I rarely do in the middle of a movie.

Pharoahe Monch "Desire" album review

Usually I believe you need 4 listens of a rap album before you can really decide on whether you like it or not. 3 listens for a very basic album and maybe 5 for something deeper and more complex, but for this album I needed 6 listens before I could fully comprehend whether I liked it or not and I am still not sure I have caught everything there is to catch; That is how complex Monch is when it comes to lyrics. He is about 12 years deep in the rap game, but this is only his second solo album because he has been caught in label limbo for so many years, so is Monch still relevant? If this album is any indication, yes, very much so!


Free- Right off the bat we know what we are in store for as the beat hits hard and we hear the word "free" repeated over and over again. Monch is ready for war, airing out what he thinks about the label system in his first line on the song which is "The A&R is the house nigga and the label the plantation..." This song is pure heat and Monch is on his A game for the entire 3 and a half minutes. WOW! 5/5


Desire- The beat come son and sound like a 70's funk throwback and the guy singing on the hook emphasises that with a deep guttural sounding voice. Monch is still on fire here "Salve to a label but I own my masters." Not the first time this metaphor has been used by a rapper, but Monch attacks it so hard that I believe him fully. He tears through this track with metaphor after metaphor and simile after simile. "My mic is the gavel when I hold court" "Even if you were ashes you couldn't burn." Then he ends each verse with a 3 choppy word flow, emphasizing the word "desire." 5/5


Push- This song is a bit old and is probably a hold over from a leaked album. The horns on the beat are on the forefront because it features and samples Tower of Power. It is kind of a break from your usual 16/chorus/16/chorus/16/chorus format and it works very well for him. He kind of talks through a short first verse and doesn't really get going until towards the end but when he gets going he lets off this little political blast "in this era of G.W. Bush We must load mental ammunition and bust." The song is about pushing yourself forward and not backing down and another amazing track. 5/5


Welcome to the terrordome- In this updating of the classic anti- establishment Public Enemy track Monch is incredible. The first verses are fairly identical and then he just lets loose. The beat is crazy good and it samples the original Public Enemy track. Monch brings the same Chuck D. Energy and just drops knowledge on anyone willing to listen. 5/5


What it is- This is a dark sounding track, with a haunting beat and Monch compliments it very well as he references star wars, The Matrix and some other movies but with horror movie like style. The punchlines are hardcore and Monch is an angry man and this is the first track where he really switches his delivery and uses the cuts in the beat for effect to a perfect melding of voice and scratch. 4.5/5


When the gun draws- Monch takes the voice of a bullet in this song. Not the first time Monch has talked about guns and bullets and how bad they all are for people. The hook is a bit annoying for me, but the message of the song is loud and clear. This song is very much about how people with guns are the real problem though. The bullet makes its case that it is not his fault someone pulled the trigger. There is a political message here as well because he wouldn't be Monch without it. The beat wouldn't sound of place on a Dr. Dre CD because it has Dre like qualities which makes sense since the producer of it works for and with Dre. 4.5/5


Let-s go- This was the first single when the album was first going to be released a while back so it is not new but that doesn't mean it isn't awesome because it is. It is an uptempo track and Monch is all over it. His verses are crazy and again his references always work as he goes back to his comic book roots with "and you can't see me like Matt Murdoch." I have been listening to this song for over a year probably and I still catch new little things that make it even better each time. I just now caught the Terminator reference this last listen. 5/5


Body Baby- This is the lead single now as the album actually get released. The beat is a throwback beat again. Monch sings on the hook which doesn't totally work for me and if you see the video, it sucks, but his delivery right off the bat is crazy and his lyrical wordplay is top notch here. The hand claps towards the end invoke memories of bad Outkast songs but it doesn't derail the track for me because of his lyrical content. Monch gets a 5/5 but the overall feel of the song gets a 3.5/5


Bar tap- This is the first song I don't really like on the album, but I respect his originality on a familiar topic. He mixes his rapping and singing and he is talking to a girl and eventually I think has sex with her on the track. He is somewhat humorous here as he kind of makes fun of that Nelly "hurr" and "thurr" lingo, but overall it is still a very weak track for me. I liked the beat though. 3/5


Hold on- Pharoahe Monch the feminist here. It is an incredibly touching, deep track. He slows down his crazy flow and his voice is a lot softer here. Erykah Badu is the perfect voice for the hook here and the song is really a great song about the beauty of women and the senselessness of violence towards women. Monch is trying to tell the women of the world to keep fighting, to keep holding on. I really love this track a lot. 5/5


So Good- It is a sex track, but like a deep love making sex track. Monch wants his girl to give everything of hers to him. Her stress and her fears. The track wouldn't sound out of place in some spoken word venue as it is all metaphorical and allusion heavy. Monch is definitely getting his love on here. Nothing spectacular, but not a bad track. 3/5


Trilogy- In this 9 minute epic track perfectly produced by Mr. Porter and the hook perfectly sung by him as well, Monch has killed his wife and the man she was sleeping with. The story is told semi in reverse, or more like in a non linear fashion. The beat changes with all 3 acts, but the story remains the same and Mr. Porter handles the change effortlessly. Monch manages to keep his energy going even with the change in beats and the story remains interesting and his character always engrossing, especially in the second act where he sees who the guy is who was sleeping with his wife. This is a very adventurous track and is the perfect way to close out an incredible album. 5/5


This is by far the best thing i have heard all year and most of it has to be heard to truly understood and enjoyed. There are so many in and out rhymes, crazy metaphors and killer punchlines that Monch was definitely thinking when he wrote this album and I am glad to see someone still out there ripping it up not as concerned with that one massive hit.

T.I's "T.I vs. T.I.P" album review

I have never been a fan of T.I because well, it takes a lot for a southern rapper to catch my ear and save for 2 or 3 singles he just hasn't seemed worthy of my time or effort. When I found out this album was being billed as a concept album I was excited. I love concept albums whether they bomb (Diary of Kirk Jones) or turn out to be amazing (Disposable Arts). It turns out though that this album is not a concept album, really. I think of concept album in terms of telling one complete story, like The Who's Tommy. This album is basically cut into 3 parts- part 1 is T.I.P, part 2 is T.I and part 3 is them fighting each other essentially. The problem persists though that T.I does not create specific voices for his 2 personalities. Yes, T.I.P is supposed to be the more street or more wild and arrogant, but his T.I persona spits the same cocky lyrics as T.I.P so it fails in that aspect. So as a cohesive album it doesn't do what it is supposed to do, but is it a good album, well we shall see.


Act 1- This is supposed to introduce us to the wild T.I.P and it works as an album opening because it is a beat that wets the appetite of any listener because it is ripe for an emcee to tear up. T.I rocks it pretty well over the track and I feel like maybe this was a good purchase. His swagger is ever present and his flow works perfectly here. 3.5/5


Big Shit poppin- The lead single off the album with the big catchy hook and T.I.P proclaiming he has taken over T.I. The song is your typical braggadocios type track and it reminds me that rap is the only genre where they spend time talking about how their last album did. Not a bad song, but after 2 straight tracks of that cocky swagger I fear the rest of the album is just the same. 3.5/5


Raw- The first bad track so far. The beat is lazy and T.I follows suit with a lazy flow. Actually it is the same flow as he always uses, just doesn't have any energy behind it. More of the same "I'm rich and good and you aren't me" stuff and I begin to doubt everyone who tells me T.I is good. 1/5


You know what it is- This beat is funky enough to make up for Wyclef's obnoxious accent and the hook is another catchy hook. The beat is kind of an upbeat, stringy track and it makes T.I lighten up on his drawl just enough that you can actually understand what he is saying, but sadly the lyrics are still like this "I had the album of the year, Grammy or not." So far we are four songs in and one topic in. Not a good ratio! 3.5/5


Da Dopeman- Finally something different for the listeners, but in the concept of the T.I.P section it doesn't work, because it is an anti-drug dealing song and that works for T.I not T.I.P. The beat is haunting at first and then it gets bigger, in typical Atlanta rap fashion. I don't think the bigness of the beat really fits the subject of the song, but I like the verse progression. First verse is the beginning of drug dealing, second verse talks about how good it is and then the third verse tells the downfall of drugs dealing. 3.5/5


Watch what you say to me- Jay-z and T.I on the same track? It is going to be an all out swagger fest as the two with the most swagger on the mic team up. The track is about the haters and the beat rides nicely. Jay's verse may not be lyrically his best, but he is all over the track melding his flow with the baseline like they were birthed at the same time. 4/5


Hurt- This sounds like it is the most average track and beat ever, but when the beat gets going it proves to be perfect for the track. It is all over the place and proves to be about the only time T.I really gets up for the beat, but Busta Rhymes steals this track, as he has a habit of doing. While it is your typical gangster posturing, the way Busta's flow runs amok all over the track makes me remember just how dope he can be. 4/5


Act 2- T.I is taking over but it just doesn't make sense at all. The beat is the same as the opening and he is talking to someone over the phone, but I don't know who and it seems pointless. 1/5


Help is coming- When Is aw Just Blaze was producing this track I was excited, until the beat started and gone are the loud horn breaks, replaced by some cheesy organ type sound. The song is about T.I coming to save hip-hop which is laughable because because the only thing he is doing is bragging about how he sold more than anyone else last year. Something he has been doing all album long. 2/5


My swag- Now this should have been the lead single really. The hook is infectious and I hum it for an hour after I listen to it. The beat, while is has a corny 80's synth sound actually works with T.I low mumble and it is a good contrast to Wyclef's wannabe singing. The song is about his swagger and it works here because that is the topic of the actual song. I am not sure why I like this but I think it is my favorite song on the album. 5/5


We do this- Another bouncy beat and bouncy flow from T.I but at this point I am just tired of listening to him talk about how much stuff he can buy and how cool he is. His swagger just doesn't impress me at this point because it seems obvious it is all he has. 2/5, but the beat gets a 4/5


Show it to me- This starts off as a very slow piano beat but then quickly turns into a horn heavy stripper like anthem. Nelly shows up on the help out spitting possibly his best verse ever. Granted Nelly isn't a lyrical genius but considering he has been making crappy ballad like songs the last few years it is nice to hear him let loose on sexing up a girl. T.I does alright here as well and I am sure this will be the second or third single off the album. Nothing new or special here except Nelly's delivery is actually nice here. 3.5/5


Don't you wanna be high- Is this a weed anthem or an airplane song? Well it is both but the beat is lazy like a weed anthem and I was over this song very early. Pure filler track. 0/5


Touchdown- Eminem's production is always very spotty and here it works for me, but I understand if it doesn't work for everyone else. I do wish Eminem would stop rapping with this faux southern drawl. If Eminem would take things seriously he could get his mojo back but instead he sleeps his way through his verse, even if it is a funny take on the typical "car anthem." T.I rips his last verse and both ride over the beat nicely. In fact, Eminem seems to be more focused on riding beats these days because he usually does it well. T.I kills me with this line "So excuse me Oprah honey I'm sorry and I promise but niggas, bitches and hoes do exist."3/5


Act 3- like act two it isn't really worth reviewing


Tell em I said that- I am 100% positive this beat was jacked from Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a bottle." That being said, yes the song is really that corny. T.I tries his best to come hard on it and the producer tries his hardest to hide the corny melody by throwing all kinds of random ass stupid sounds on it. This is a song about how hard and true he is when every other rapper is a fake. 1/5


Respect the Hustle- Wow, this is about as bad as a song can be. The hook is spelled out in a way that would make Fergie jealous. T.I and T.I.P are both on this track but I dare you to tell where one ends and the other one starts. Yes, T.I/T.I.P are rapping about respecting their grind. big freaking deal. That is what the rest of the album is supposed to be doing anyway. 1/5


My type- After 16 tracks of ballin', T.I finally lets his guard down for a brief moment and he ruins it by talking over the track, with his cockiness, talking about how you'll never forget him because of how hot he is. The verses aren't half bad and his swagger is almost fully contained and he nearly sounds genuine, but it is too little too late here. 3/5


This could have been a good album, I think. If he lost the gimmick and trimmed the track listing down he could have had an album with pretty good replay value. As it is though, it is album with too many tracks I have to skip to be a good summer, riding in my car album and it becomes the first bad album I have actually spent money on in quite some time.

Sicko

How does one review a Michael Moore movie? Do you review it based solely on whether you are entertained or moved? Can you give an unbiased review if you either agree or disagree with the man and his methods? Do you just put who he is aside and look specifically at the issue at hand? I really don't know. What I do know is that Michael Moore is trying to raise the level of debate in this country. Sadly, he puts so many people off with his methods that only those who vehemently agree with him will probably even see the movie, so it negates the debating ability of the film. The man himself causes quite a stir in most circles of people. He is a rabble rouser, an overweight, smug, self satisfied man who goes out of his way to ruffle the feather of those on both sides. Is he genuine in his caring for the subjects about which he documents? Yes and no, if you ask me. I felt he really cared about gun control in Bowling For Columbine, but Fahrenheit 9/11 felt like it was only for the money. Of course, that could have been because it just came out too early. At the time of the release of Fahrenheit the country was still mostly solidified around 9/11 and the war on terror. If he had released it today with Bush's approval rating constantly dropping, it might have rung a bit more true, but that is neither here nor there for his new movie.


Sicko is not about those without health insurance as Moore tells us at the beginning. It is for those of us with health insurance. It is for those of us who belong to HMOs. It is for Americans in general. Now, when dealing with a Moore film you know what you are getting yourself into. He may round some numbers up or down to fit what he is doing, but he doesn't just pull things from thin air. He may show worst and best case scenarios to get his point across, but in the end it is almost always very effective and this movie is full of incredibly effective moments. Unlike Columbine and Fahrenheit, Moore is not the main character in this movie. Yes, we here his voice throughout but he lets his subjects get a majority of the screen time here. He travels all over our country, Canada, France, Britain and most famously, Cuba. We hear horror stories of the HMO system from patients, former HMO doctors, HMO call screeners and a few other inside people who are disgusted by what they used to do. Now, I am not sure entirely how I feel about the issue of health care in our country but this movie will make you disgusted by it. We watch a woman break down into a blubbering mess as she recalls her daughter dying in a hospital because it was not an Kaiser hospital and the insurance would not be paying for anything. Then we go to another country where a woman had a kid with the same condition but was able to get help without problem because she lived in France, the country with the best health care. In this movie it seems that some sort of socialized medicine is the best method, although the other side is always quick to point out that the care is usually less than stellar.


The thing in this movie that gets me in the final 35 minutes when Moore introduces us to 9/11 rescue workers and 9/11 volunteers who have health problems due to that horrendous day in our history. Now, one could say that Moore is merely playing on the emotions of the country, but I have to disagree. First of all, when you see Moore with these people you can see how much he cares about our 9/11 heroes. At times Moore comes off smug and pretentious but here is where you see the humane side of him in spades. He is attempting to show us that if our heroes (and make no doubt about it, those who helped in 9/11 are the pure definition of heroes) can't get appropriate care then we are screwed! Now in his glorious stunt at the end of the movie, Moore attempts to take 3 boatloads of people to Guantanamo Bay to get them medical care because the prisoners at that prison are given incredible amounts of health care. It doesn't work, so instead, Moore takes them to a Cuban hospital where the sick people get every test they need, all the medication they need and great service for very cheap. Now, who knows if that is how it usually goes, but considering Cuba is supposed to be the land of Satan, it was a very touching moment to see these 9/11 heroes finally getting the care they needed.


I still believe a debate needs to happen on this issue and I think more people should see this movie. It is quite funny with a great Star Wars bit in there and Moore knows how to effectively use music and sound bites for comic effect. He is a professional at this stuff and this is a very solid movie. I laughed and I teared up. I was outraged when I was supposed to be and I laughed at the audacity of our country when I was supposed to.

Transformers

My generation of children had 4 cartoons to watch- Transformers, Voltron, Thundercats and G.I Joes- usually you didn't watch all four but you watched some combination of those four shows. Transformers was my favorite cartoon. In 1986 when the animated movie came out, I knew I wanted a day when it could be a live action movie. Of course the effects hadn't really been available at that time, but I never gave up hope that some day I would see a live action Tranformers movie. When there were first rumblings that it would happen I tried to hide my giddy childhood dream but as it became more and more clear that it would happen, I just could not contain my excitement. Then, I heard it would be a Michael Bay movie and got even more excited. Bay, the most critically bashed director in Hollywood (well, maybe Bret Ratner is number 1), is known for big explosions and a hard core focus on effects, so he seemed perfect for Transformers. So, after 2 decades of wanting this, how does the movie measure up? Does Bay deliver another Bad Boys or is it more like Pearl Harbor?


Sam Witwicky (new Hollywood "it" boy Shia LaBeouf) has just bought a car but very quickly he realizes it is not just any car. It can drive by itself and eventually turns into a giant robot. See, Sam has something these giant robots want and his new car is his protector. The robots are looking for something called the "allspark.) It is a giant cube thing that brought life to the Transformers and it crash landed on Earth after the destruction of their home planet, Cybertron. The "harbinger of death" as Sam explains is named Megatron, leader of the decepticons and he came looking for the Allspark but crash landed on earth in the North pole and was frozen. he managed to implant a map of where the allspark was inside the glasses of Sam's grandfather and now Sam has those glasses. The Autobots want to keep it out of the hands of Megatron because the cube's power can turn every electronic thing into an evil robot and Megatron wants to rule every planet. That is the basic plot and we have a few sub plots involving a small military unit, Sam's romantic life and some low level government analysts.


In Sam, Shia has created a very likable and charming young man. He never seems off while acting with the giant robots and he helps almost humanize the Autobots, namely Bumblebee, his protector. Megan Fox, his possible girlfriend is not only incredibly hot, but she gives a performance that makes it seem natural that a girl with her hotness would fall for a somewhat nerdy Sam. She isn't that great of an actress, but to be fair, she gets most of the worst lines in the script. The rest of the cast performs their roles just fine but John Turturro is especially fun to watch. He is way over the top but it works in this setting and you just never can tell what the next thing out of his mouth will be. His role crackles with a bumbling over compensating like attitude and brings some great laughs.


But really, is this thing about the acting? The real movie is about the robots. And I am more than happy to relate that they look absolutely stunning! Bay really takes his time with each transformation at first. Optimus Prime (leader of the Autobots) gets this amazing reveal that left the crowd in cheers and claps. The pacing of the movie is incredibly quick but the first time we meet our heroes Bay really lets us soak it all in as each Autobot gets a nice reveal and a matching personality. Bumblebee gets the most personality as a bit of a prankster right off the bat. He uses the radio to communicate and the first scene he gets with Shia and Megan gives off some great laughs. And when Bumblebee gets hurt we feel for him because Shia has helped us believe they are friends. Megatron is a total bad ass and his reveal is awesome as he finally comes to life. The action sequences are beyond anything I have ever seen with one of the autobots in full on Bad Boys mode, rolling, jumping and diving around bullets as he fires his own cannons at a decepticon. The climatic battle is a 40 minute romp through downtown Los Angeles and never lets up as humans and Autobots team up to try and destroy the decepticons.


This movie is very funny (only a few jokes are too childish for my taste) and genuinely good. I mean it is a very solid movie. Easily the best Michael Bay movie and one of the best movies I have seen this year. It is a very fun thrilling ride from start to finish and it could easily be the next wave of CGI. Like The Matrix and Lord of the Rings before it, these effects are above and beyond anything before it. My only complaints in this movie are that some of the editing is a little too quick to get a full grasp of what is going on and I would have liked to see more of the decepticons, specifically StarScream, but the complaints are so minor that they did not at all deter me from enjoying this movie 100%. It may have been a 20 year wait but wow was it ever worth it. I could not have even imagined it being this good and when Peter Cullen (the only voice of Optimus Prime, ever) first started speaking in the voice over at the beginning I had goosebumps and transformed myself into the 8 year old who used to bubble over with joy when watching Transformers. Also, all of my favorite sayings were in the movie and the end had that moral moment Optimus is known for giving us. It may come off a bit cheesy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you Michael Bay for bringing a 20 year old dream to life and thank you for making it about as awesome as a movie can possibly be!